What is Your Attachment Style in Relationships?

Hello, welcome to my channel. My name is Julia and today we are talking about the three types of attachment styles and how to recognize them. Attachment theory identifies three major attachment styles or ways in which people perceive and respond to closeness in romantic relationships. They are quite similar to those found in children but we're not gonna get into that today. The attachment styles are the secure, the anxious and the avoidant. Everyone in our culture whether they've just started dating or they have been married for many years, they fit into one of these categories. Attachment style is no different than any other human trait. Although we all have a basic need to build connections with people, the manner in which we do so varies. The attachment theory does not categorize behaviors as beneficial or unhealthy. None of the attachment styles are considered pathological in and of themselves. The first step in applying attachment theory to your life is to become familiar with yourself and others around you from an attachment standpoint. Knowing your attachment style will assist you in better understanding yourself and guiding you in your interactions with others. This should, in theory, can lead you to more happiness in your relationships. If you want to know which one is your attachment style, pause this video and go do this five minute quiz right here in the info box you can find it or I'm gonna leave a link in the description box below and then come back to the video to interpret the results and to learn more about your attachment style. I'm gonna start with the anxious attachment style. If you crave intimacy and closeness but you're very insecure about where the relationship is going, then you probably have this attachment style. You enjoy being close to your romantic partners and you have a high level of intimacy. You frequently worry though that your partner does not want to be as close to you as you would like them to be. Relationships tend to occupy a significant amount of your emotional energy. You are very sensitive to little changes in your partner's moods and you take your partner's actions way too personally. You may have a lot of negative emotions in the relationship and you can become easily upset, jealous or irritated. You have a tendency to be emotionally, verbally or even physically aggressive at times and say things that you later regret. However, if the other person provides a lot of reassurance, you may let go a lot of your worries and you may actually be happy in your relationship. The secure attachment. If you feel comfortable with intimacy with your romantic partner and you don't obsess much about the relationship or about your partner's ability to love you back, then most likely you have this attachment. If you have this style of attachment, it is easy for you to be a loving partner in the relationship, to open up and to allow yourself to receive love. You appreciate intimacy and you are rarely concerned when it comes to your relationships or if there are problems that arise in the relationship. You successfully communicate with your partner about your needs, your feelings and you are good at reading and responding to your partner's emotional signals. You are able to be there for them when they need you the most and you do that quite successfully. The avoidant attachment style. If you feel uncomfortable when things become too close and intimate and you value your independence and freedom more than the actual relationship, you're probably avoidant. When you have this attachment, maintaining your independence and self-sufficiency is very important to you. You often prefer independence to close relationships or connections. You like your space, you enjoy being single. Even if you desire to be close to people, too much proximity makes you very uncomfortable. So you keep your partner at a distance. Actually, people with this attachment style may prefer long-distance relationships. You don't spend much time thinking about your love relationships or the possibility of rejection. You're not quite afraid of that. Your partners may even tell you that you are emotionally detached, reserved or cold because you don't open out to them. When you're in a relationship, you're constantly on the lookout for signals of control or intrusion on your territory by your partner. Identifying other people's attachment styles is a bit more difficult than identifying your own but most people give up practically all of the information you need to define their attachment style in their day-to-day actions and statements without even realizing it. For example, someone who is secure or anxious has a desire for closeness. Someone who is avoidant lacks this desire. Even if they do need love as well, they also tend to feel suffocated when things get too close, too fast and they may even push you away or become distant. According to research, avoidants rarely date one another. They just lack that gel that holds them together. So just be an observer within your relationship to figure out your partner's attachment style and on the first dates try to ask them questions about their previous relationships because there's a lot of useful information there. Finally, your attachment is neither good nor bad and your needs should be met. Yes, it would be beneficial to be aware of your attachment style and ideally to shift towards the secure one but you shouldn't feel bad if you have the anxious or the avoidant attachment style. It's all about the awareness. From an attachment standpoint, a relationship should help you feel more self-confident and provide you peace of mind and if it doesn't, well, that's a signal, that's an alarm and you just know what to do. As always, trust your intuition. Now, my darling friends, thank you so much for watching the video. Please let me know in the comment section below what is your attachment style. Please subscribe. If you like this video, give it a thumbs up. That would make me very happy. I will see you next week. Thank you. Bye for now.