6 Ways Too Many Men Mess Up New Relationships (Don’t Let This Be You)

Hi everyone, welcome back to my channel. I'm Courtney Ryan and today we're diving into some ways that too many men mess up new relationships. And when I say new relationship, I'm really talking about those early stages when you first start talking to someone, maybe those first few dates, all the beginning stages of a relationship or talking stages. I'm here to hopefully help you avoid making these mistakes or at least be aware of some of these things moving forward or going into dating. So the first thing is the overthinking trap. The overthinking trap is a place I see so many men struggle to make decisions in dating scenarios due to overanalyzing every single detail. This can cause delays, missed opportunities, and put you in what is almost sort of a decision-making paralysis. Men often overthink when they try to meticulously plan or script every single detail of a first date or new relationship sort of encounter. For example, a guy might obsess over exactly what to say, trying to predict every single possible response from the other person instead of just allowing the conversation to flow naturally. He might overanalyze whether he's being funny enough, interesting enough, or saying the right thing. All that to say he's overthinking it. This overthinking can totally backfire because it makes him come across as stiff, inauthentic, or even nervous. It prevents genuine connections because he's more focused on executing his plan than actually engaging with the other person. He's more focused on what he's going to say next than actually listening to what that person is saying. Overthinking can also lead to second-guessing everything you do and self-doubt, creating unnecessary anxiety and tension in what should be a relaxed and enjoyable experience. Now of course there's information that is helpful to know about dating and relationships, and I think for a lot of you having a woman's perspective is beneficial too, but I also want you guys to remember that you are a human being. You are not perfect. You don't need to do everything right. That's made up anyway, and someone who expects you to is not someone that you should want to be with anyways. Someone who is demanding perfection out of you is someone that you're not going to be able to create a healthy, fulfilling relationship with. There will be a time when you do or say the wrong thing. There will be a time where you don't react the best that you could have, and it's okay. Don't let this debilitate you or cause you to overthink every little thing that you do. Learn to trust yourself and trust the dating process. The next thing is being too available or eager. Now while it's important to show interest, being too available or overly eager can make you come across desperate. This can create a sort of imbalance where the girl you're on a date with might feel pressured or like you don't have your own life outside of this relationship. Maybe for example you drop everything the second that she asks you to hang out, or you're always the one initiating plans. Now what to do instead would be maintain your own hobbies, your friends, and routines. It is healthy to have a balance where you're both excited to see each other, but also respect each other's independence and have your own life going on outside of this relationship. A little space can create attraction and intrigue. Now what I don't want you to do is play it cool or pretend that you're not interested. I will never ever promote playing any sort of games on this channel. However, I would recommend getting to the root of why you operate this way. Understanding the root cause in your attachment style will really help you in the dating process. There's a book that is called Attach that talks about different attachment styles, and it is just fantastic. I've read it myself and I found it to be really helpful. I think that it could help a lot of you so I have that link down in my description on my Amazon storefront if you guys want to check it out. Also, if you guys have a Spotify subscription, they have audiobooks on there and Attach is actually on Spotify so you get to listen for free if you have a Spotify subscription. Another thing that can be transformational is seeking professional help, which is why I'm so excited that this video is sponsored by BetterHelp. BetterHelp connects you with a licensed therapist who is trained to listen and give you helpful, unbiased advice. Navigating the complexities of dating can be challenging, and seeking support from professionals can provide valuable insights and guidance. First, you go to their site. You can use my link, betterhelp.com slash Courtney Ryan. You just answer a few questions and BetterHelp will match you to a professional who has experience helping people with struggles just like yours. You can do it all from your phone or computer via phone call, video chat, or messaging, however you feel the most comfortable. It is the easiest possible way to start talking to a therapist, and because finding a therapist is a little like dating, if you don't really fit with that therapist, which is a common thing with therapy, you can easily switch to a new therapist at no additional cost. So let BetterHelp connect you to a therapist who can support you all from the comfort of your own home. Visit betterhelp.com slash Courtney Ryan or choose Courtney Ryan during sign up and enjoy a special discount on your first month. Now the next way that too many men mess up new relationships is moving too fast. Going off my last point here, one of the biggest mistakes guys make early on is just moving too fast. I know it's super exciting when you start something new, but jumping in too quickly can scare her off or create unrealistic expectations. Maybe you've been on a few dates and suddenly you're texting her all day, every day, talking about future trips, even moving in together, talking about the future. It is too much too soon. Take things step by step. Let the relationship develop naturally. Give her space to miss you and grow her feelings at her own pace. It's about a balance here. Show your interest, but keep things casual in the beginning. There is no need to rush. Another aspect of this is being so obsessed with them right away that you put them on this pedestal and you get far too serious too early on. This can be a bad thing in the beginning because at this point you should just be getting to know them to figure out if you even like them yet, not trying to marry them tomorrow. You just met them. Take time to be thoughtful and see if you're truly compatible. There is no need to rush, I promise. The next thing on my list here is neglecting personal growth. I think so many men get focused on the relationship or this girl that they're talking to that they forget to keep working on themselves. This can lead to stagnation and even resentment if you rely too much on the relationship or this other person in your life to provide all of your happiness and fulfillment. And this might not show itself in the short term when you first start seeing someone, but this can develop over time. So an example here would be you stop pursuing your goals for hobbies or self improvement because you're spending all your time with this girl. Eventually this lack of drive can make the relationship feel stale or even cause her to lose attraction. What to do instead would be to continue growing as an individual, whether it's working on your career, maybe fitness, going to the gym, or your personal goals. Staying really focused on your goals and what you want for yourself would not only benefit you, but also help keep the relationship more exciting and dynamic and ultimately make you a better partner too in the long run. Now especially in these beginning stages you really need to make sure that you have your own life going on outside of this person that you're seeing. Next we have oversharing too soon. Opening up and being vulnerable is important, but oversharing in these early stages can be incredibly overwhelming. You don't need to lay out all of your emotional baggage or past relationship history on the first date. Maybe for example here you're on your first date and you start going deep into family drama or ex-girlfriend stories. Not great. This can make her feel like she's stepping into a therapist sort of role instead of being someone that you're trying to get to know. It can also just be incredibly awkward if it's not the right time or the right place. Instead I would recommend sharing things gradually as you build this trust. Early on you want to focus on fun light-hearted conversations that allow you to bond over mutual interests and just get to know each other. Save the deep stuff for when the relationship is progressing and is more established. Now sometimes deep topics come up naturally on the first few dates, but we don't want to dump all of our issues onto someone that we just met. I think an equal sharing approach can be really helpful here if you're someone who tends to overshare and you want to avoid this. Sort of follow their lead on sharing so when they share something with you, share something in return on the same level. If you're comfortable with it of course. I also want to note here that you are not a bad person for oversharing. Many people overshare because they lack close relationships in their life and do it as a way to feel closer to someone. Even someone that they just met. Many people overshare because they seek validation, connection, or relief from anxiety. Often without realizing that this might make others uncomfortable or disrupt boundaries. And once again most of the things that we do are for a reason. So I think getting to the root of the reasons will help you flourish in your personal life and in your relationships. And lastly we have being inconsistent. Now if you've taken advice from anyone who has told you to act hot and cold, to play games, to be inconsistent, the list goes on. This is flat out awful advice that doesn't work with great women who you would actually want to be with. It works with women who are addicted to chaos and drama in relationships. No thanks. Consistency is key with any healthy relationship but so many men mess this up by sending mixed signals. One day you're super into her and the next you're distant or hard to reach. This kind of behavior causes confusion and frustration. Stop playing the who can act like they care less game. You don't have to wait a specific amount of hours or plan out each little text to them on a set schedule. Just text them back when it's natural for you. If you're at work text them during lunch or when you get off. If you just went on a date and enjoyed spending time with and tell her that. I personally do not believe that leaving someone wondering where they stand with you and creating unnecessary ambiguity is healthy or leads to a great relationship. An example here would be you're texting, you're hanging out regularly, but then you all of a sudden go silent for a few days or cancel plans last minute without a good reason. She's going to start to wonder if you're really interested or just playing games with her. Instead you want to be consistent in your communication and your actions. If you are genuinely interested show it by being reliable and following through with your plans. It's going to build trust and show her that you're serious about the relationship. Be a man of your word. Again here just to reiterate I'm not telling you to be clingy, to text her 24-7, to be absolutely consumed and obsessed with this girl that you just met, but you also shouldn't be playing mind games or manipulating someone into liking you. And again that is going to attract a type of person that you probably do not want to be with long-term or at all. So guys that's all I have for six ways that too many men mess up new relationships. Again what I really want you guys to do is get to the root of why you do these things. There is always a reason and I think when you can get to the root cause and really understand yourself it will really help you in the dating process and just in life in general. So let me know what you think down in the comments. If you like this video or find it helpful be sure to give it a thumbs up and subscribe to my channel to be in the loop for when I release new content. If you haven't already be sure to follow me over on Instagram at Courtney Christine Ryan. I love connecting with all of you guys over on there as well. As always thank you all so much for watching and I will see you all next time.