What Men Don't Realize About Relationships - Orion Taraban

You can provide value first and foremost as a guy by being willing to wife her up and have kids with her because a lot of the most attractive men aren't gonna be willing to do that. And that's what actually allows less attractive men to compete for the same women against more attractive men because they're willing to give something that the woman values, but the more attractive man can't or won't. They're gonna resonate with that. They can create difficulties in the relationship. Again, I think this is a Chris Rock thing where a lot of the problems that men have with their wives is fundamentally based on the fact that he's not her first choice. And the woman on some level doesn't accept she couldn't win the more attractive man. She thinks that she's settling with the man that she got, but if she could do better, she would have. And there's like this memory of being with other types of men or a fantasy that will never be fulfilled that causes some measure of resentment that if the woman is uninsightful, she can use that against her own husband or her own boyfriend as if he were responsible for catering to her fantasies and expectations. That is something that is unfortunate because a lot of guys don't realize that they're in that scenario, or they may not understand that attraction works in that way. And they wonder what's wrong. I have an episode that just came out. It's called The Feast of Crumbs. And in that episode, I try to explain why so many men end up in unsatisfying relationships. And the fact of the matter is, is again, most men are unattractive, just by definition, because most people are unattractive, right? Attractiveness is more or less a normal distribution, and we can't all be on the right tail, right? So the vast majority of men are gonna be unattractive. And combine that, when you're in your 20s, you typically don't have emotional maturity, you don't have money, you don't have stability, you don't have status, you don't have the ability to travel around the world or have these varied, interesting experiences. You're not really useful to women. The young men who can win the dating game in their 20s are the attractive men. They're the good-looking men, they're the tall men, they're the guys who just hit the genetic lottery and are still kind of coasting on their success from high school or college, right? And this is why some of the darker aspects of the internet with respect to intersexual relationships have so many disenfranchised angry men, is that they're young, because it's very easy to feel angry and disenfranchised as a young man, because other guys don't want you, because you don't have any skills or experience, you're not useful as a team member, you're kind of a liability. It's like every cop movie. It's like, don't stick me with the rookie, man. ****, no, not with the rookie. You're with the rookie, **** you, chief. You know, it's like, no one wants to be with the rookie. And women don't want them, especially if they're not cute. It's like, you can't take them out. You probably might still be getting high and playing video games. You don't really have your ---- together. You're useless to men, and you have nothing to offer to women. It can be very difficult and lonely to be a young man. The issue is that that changes. Like, attractiveness in men has something to do with physical attractiveness, but it's definitely not the whole story. Women are not as monomaniacally focused on physical attractiveness as men are, for better or for worse. It's becoming more important to be physically attractive as a man, but it's still not the most important thing at some level. So what that means is that there's other entries for a man to enter into that top 15% of eligibility as a sexual partner or a relationship partner. You can work your ass off and make some money. You can start a social media account and get some fame. You can work really hard on your fitness and your fashion and present a more attractive, interesting, exciting possibility, right? Like, a lot of women would love to be able to touch the muscles and the abs, and it's exciting, just like a lot of men would like to be with women of certain dimensions, right? So there's other ways that men can enter into the top 15%, which more or less rotates. Like, the men in the top 15% today weren't in the top 15% 10 years ago, certainly not 30 years ago. Like, I had no idea I would be where I am today at 42 when I was 18 years old. Like, I didn't think I'd be alive at 40, you know what I'm saying? That's just kind of how my immature mind worked. So it's not over when you're 22 and lonely and struggling as a guy, but you might have to work for 10 years to make something happen and to notice that things start to change. And generally, things start to change around 30 because if a guy doesn't **** up and he works hard and he plays his cards right, in that decade, he might actually succeed in being useful to other men and having something of value that he can give to women.