The Mariners Officially FAILED And They Admitted It

There's no better reality TV show than Major League Baseball. Paul Skeens, man. It's just not common for anybody to come right up and not only live up to expectations, but to seemingly steamroll past them. He really can't be any better than he has been, and it's gotten to a point where hitters simply getting a hit off of him is a shock. Seriously. It's ridiculous. It was a video game for him in college, it was a video game for him in the minor leagues, and somehow it's still a video game in the big leagues. The highest level you can possibly go, just making it look easy. Now, it's not like the Reds are some top tier offense or anything, but he just made it look easy yet again, racking up another nine strikeouts in six innings and giving up just two hits. Two. Dos. I would say two in some other language, but they all sound the same for that number. The Brewers went from an out away from winning the series in St. Louis to blowing it, then losing the series, scoring a whopping zero runs in the final game. That was Italian, by the way. Cardinals put up a three spot in the seventh, and the Brew crew gets just three hits the entire game. Christian Yelich being out for the season really hurts most in moments like these, obviously. In today's edition of Saying Something Nice About the Rockies, Brendan Doyle has completely turned things around this year for himself. Just his second year in the big leagues, last year's OPS was 593, like legit unplayable, and this year, over 800, and he's more than doubled his home run count. Good for him. I can already envision it. Hitting bombs in the postseason, winning games for his team, not for the Rockies, for some other team, but good for him. Nationals whoop Colorado's ass is clean. Every single hitter in DC's lineup had at least one hit, as George Washington's favorite team puts up eight runs. Okay, it's actually time to call Aaron Judge the best hitter baseball's had since Barry Bonds, the right-handed version of Barry Bonds, or whatever you feel comfortable calling it. The bottom line is there's really no other way to acknowledge how legendary he's been. He currently has an OPS just below 1,200, and just to give context on how rare that is today, if you look at the list of players with a single-season OPS of at least 1,200, most of the seasons will be during the years the Ku Klux Klan was at the peak of its influence in America. And no, I'm not gonna make some joke about that being recent. Players used to hit this well back in the 20s and 30s, but it's unheard of to have an OPS this high, especially as the game's only gotten harder. Barry Bonds is the only guy who's done this, basically. And now Judge, who had a historical season a couple years ago, thought to be unable to be topped, is topping it by a significant margin this year. He has 48 home runs on the year now. Juan Soto surprisingly didn't get any hits, but the Yankees, with the help of Judge's 48th homer and Giancarlo Stanton's 21st, put up six runs while Gary Cole shuts down Cleveland. Although it was a very, very weird start for him and game for the Guardians' offense overall, Cole did give up just one hit, the literal first hitter of the damn game, the only hit Cleveland ended up having all day, but Cole also struck out two hitters and walked five. He Cleveland couldn't do anything with it. Just weird all around, but oh well, it worked for the Yankees as they won the series. The Angels are in Toronto and this game was kind of weird too. The Blue Jays scored five runs in the third inning and the Angels scored three runs in the ninth. That was the only two innings for the scoring for the entire game. Ernie Clement hit a ball higher than Snoop Dogg literally at any moment of any day. I mean, seriously, look at this. I had to keep rewatching this just to see how high this ball was and somehow Clement was able to barrel it up and out for a home run. My Lord. Speaking of Canada, which is where Joey Votto is from and who he was with this year in the minor leagues, he sadly called it a career recently and will of course go down as a career long red. As if this wasn't depressing enough on its own, on his way to the stadium to have his press conference, the Uber driver asked Votto if he was a player and he said no. I'll be interested to see what this man does in retirement, but I along with many other people will miss him as a player and as a TikToker. The Mets went into San Diego and took care of that. Francisco Lindor continues to make me look like a bigger asshole than Ellen. Is it a bad take to say that I don't feel this? Not a day goes by without me thinking about Bartolo Cologne other than today because of this. Am I wrong for that? To each their own, I guess. New York drops eight as Luis Severino keeps his strong season going. Unfortunately for the Mets, though, they couldn't gain a game on Atlanta as the Braves also won, beating the Phillies and winning their series against them. In a year where the Phillies are 21 games above .500 and in first place while the Braves have been struggling along with being the most injured team in baseball, the Braves are now six and three against Philly this year and baseball continues to make no sense. Spencer Schwellenbach strikes out none Philly hitters. That was German, by the way. I get it because... Yeah, and the Braves keep the Phillies offense from doing anything crazy. Raizel Iglesias, by the way, has not gotten enough love this year. His ERA is 1.45 and he's allowed next to nobody on base this year. He's been incredible and seemingly nobody sees it. I didn't until recently. The Houston Astros are back. And I feel like this would have been a badass line if it was said by anyone other than Spencer Spaghetti, who has an ERA near five this year. Like, damn, now it's hard to look at it with the same badassery. Although Spaghetti did grow up an Astros fan, went to their 2017 parade as a fan, so I can't really hate that. Either way, the Astros are kind of back showing they're one of the best teams in baseball, shutting out Baltimore in Baltimore with the help of Spaghetti. He had a good game. Ben Gamal, for whatever reason, decided to go off and drive in two runs as Corbin Burns had another lousy start. His second in a row, giving up five runs on eight hits and only striking out two. Spaghetti in the bullpen keep the Orioles bats quiet. Now let's get to the comments of the day. First has to be this one. One of the highest praises a man can get, getting another man's woman turned on. Next up is this one. So I remember not liking your videos about two years ago because I'm an Astros fan, and now you're funny? Maturity hits like a mofo. Sure does. We all grow sooner or later. So glad to hear you did, Nicholas, you fine gentleman. And last, but certainly not least, Lego Ninjago was, in fact, good. I haven't thought about that show for a long time, but it definitely meant a lot to 11-year-old Italk. Okay, back to baseball. The relationship between me and the Seattle Mariners this year is basically Michael Scott and Toby. I've been brutal on them this year, except they deserve it. Come on. Their offense has been as good as literally every performance in the Tommy Wiseau TV show, The Neighbors. I dare you to look that show up after this video. You'll know exactly why I compared the performances in that show to the Mariners' offense. Anyway, this offense has gotten so bad and so beyond saving to the point that the entire team is beyond saving. And with things looking as bleak as they have in years, the Mariners have said goodbye to their longtime manager, Scott Service. And they couldn't even do that right. Apparently, Service found out he was fired from a breaking news notification on social media two hours before he was scheduled to have a team meeting with Mariners' general manager, Jerry DiPoto. Maybe I'm dumb. Well, I am dumb. But how does that even happen? When the decision is made for Service to be fired, how is he not one of, if not the first person to know? And what's crazy is if he never saw that breaking news thing, he wouldn't have found out for another two hours. Really strange. And in his goodbye statement, Service mentioned and thanked basically everybody but DiPoto. They also fired their hitting coach, which makes more sense. But to fire the manager, I mean, I'm not going to act like I'm some Scott Service Mariners expert, but I'm going to go on a limb and say their offense being as dreadful as the idea of breakdancing in the Olympics being the reason that this team sucked. And firing your manager isn't going to suddenly fix that. If there's anyone who should be on the hot seat, shouldn't it be DiPoto? I mean, he's behind this offensive disaster. The pitching has been awesome, so credit to him for that. But my God, it seems like they're firing Service just to fire somebody to show that they acknowledge that they suck without any actual reason to fire that person. The Cubs won in front of a bunch of happy Cubs fans, which always seems to be the case. I can't really think of any other fan base that's always happy, whether they're the best team in the league or just straight up irrelevant like they've been this year. Like, yeah, sure, Cubs fans prefer their team to be good. They never seem depressed or anything. As long as baseball's being played, you're going to have a good time at Wrigley Field while having a lesser chance of getting shot or robbed than down South. I mean, I get it. What's there not to love? By the way, if you're ever going through a hard time or think your life sucks, just remember it can get a lot worse. Like dancing with broccolis in each hand and the bleachers in the middle of an Oakland A's game worse. And with that, I end today's video. Love you all. Thank you for watching. See you soon.