🌷healthy autistic behaviors🌷

[Music] welcome to things that autistic people do that are actually healthy behaviors and I've had so many people say I do this thing I'm trying to figure out if I might be autistic among many other things is this okay and is it quote unquote normal and while there is no such thing as normal for anyone and certainly for those on the spectrum because the the saying is if you've met one person with autism you've met one person with autism I think that's true for a lot of things and so I wanted to share from this book which I really do highly recommend called unmasking autism by Dr Devin Price if you are looking at the high masking end of autism and going yeah I don't know like could this be me this is one of the books I began on my deep dive it's one of many alongside research and watching other creators and and like I said lots of books and websites the first thing though is that for autistic people intensely having a Passion or a study of interest is something that makes us feel alive we can lose ourselves in it and this can be true for many of those who are neurodivergent but there's something about the special interest in these deep Dives when you for example look back at things that you've understood or had a passion about they're often like really truly deep Dives it's not like oh that was a passing thing though it could be these special interests for many people with the original studied populations might look like extreme things but when we look at high masking populations especially in the literature around female autistics we find that many of our special interests may be around psychology I think there a lot of therapists now who are coming out as autistic who have realized that our special interest was understanding human behavior for me it really started with watching Oprah I've talked about it like watching the guests the celebrities were great which I'm sure I enjoy but I loved all of the stuff that was about family and Trauma and mental health and and all kinds of things but it could also be about you know girly things music clothing makeup it's not true that just because you don't care about those things you can't be autistic I would argue there are other things that go with it like your sensory issues of course and repetitive behaviors and routines all of that is going to go with it but it might sort of mask and make it look like that that's you know not what's happening really your special interest is truly a special interest and and finding a new topic can just take us out of the loop for several days at a time or weeks or months or even years so that can be very healthy and renewing to who we are it replenishes us it's not just wasting time learning about something that you might not think really matters number two not noticing sounds or signals when focusing on an engrossing task so almost like hyper tuning out things can be the case for us and that's a kind of common thing that we are using to narrow our focus and deep dive into something that at the core I would I believe and I keep saying I'm still learning so much but allows us to regulate our nervous systems allows us to feel connection to ourselves and to the world some way number three needing to know exactly what to expect before entering an unfamiliar situation this is not about being controlling and having to know everything but knowing things like what's on the menu what can I order things like what kind of environment is it what kind of party is it what lectur is it going to be like what do I wear what's the temperature like all of these things aren't about trying to like oh why can't you just relax the more we know the more we can relax and so for many autistic people having as much preparation and knowledge as possible is really helpful so you'd want to support them in that and not pathologize that the next one is sticking to a very rigid schedule and rejecting deviations to the schedule as I've gone deeper in this dive I've realized how much that that is a part of the autistic piece now the research is actually showing more and more that if you have autism there's a very good chance you can have ADHD it's very very likely and so you can have the ADHD part kind of sabotage the autistic part so the autistic part needs routine it needs things to go a certain way to have a process and an order and if you have if you have the um ADHD piece it can be like hey but let's do something new because novelty is great for my brain so that can can be a little confusing as we talk about odd ADHD or OD audhd I think people say it um which we'll talk more about and I've been learning more and more about the point is that that schedule is also very grounding and regulating to our nervous systems and sense of self when we know what to expect like I just mentioned the next one is spending hours or days alone sleeping or recharging after a socially demanding event or stressful project this goes back to over stimulation to masking to taking in everything all at once for the autistic brain and though while we can do that we might need a lot of recovery time very common to need several days after things that are taxing for our our brains and bodies I guess the next one is needing all the information before coming to a decision so weighing out the pros and cons what matters here what matters there if you have the ADHD part there can be that impulsivity but generally speaking if we're talking about more of a purely autistic brain it's like I want to know all of the possible outcomes and what this will lead to and that will give me more comfort and confidence in making a decision the next one is needing a rule or instruction to make sense before they can follow it I would say that many autistic people will do things but they want to know the why or the how or why does this matter first and it and if you have a kid like this it could be really important that you don't see it as them just like challenging you that they need the information they're curious It's how their brain works and that they might do something once it makes sense they might or might not but for really all ages of those on the Spectrum there's this really important like like I need the logical pieces the rules and the order reduced my feelings of rejection of trauma of my nervous system like over time they often build these rules in because it gives them kind of a manual for knowing what to do when to do and why and if they should do something what the outcomes might be and lastly not putting energy toward expectations that seem unfair or arbitrary such as wearing makeup or elaborate grooming now that goes against what I said depending upon how you fit in and what you do I've talked a lot about me being able to on the outside like I always for years I don't really care at all like I used to but if I had like one trendy piece of clothing in the shoes and one thing there that completed my outfit that made me feel like I was doing what I was supposed to do and I thought it was oh an inherent love of fashion which maybe a little bit but not really it was more about fitting in in a way that gave me confidence to sort of like blend and so you might I love makeup but I also hate the way it feels of my skin sometimes I've talked about me touching my face a lot that it itches me that could be a stemming Behavior as well while I'm talking but the point is you might find that someone really puts the effort in on the high end on one end not the high end meaning functioning but just on one end of the spectrum and on the other they might actually not care about those things at all especially because no matter where we are even if we're trying so hard to mask because of things like the texture the feeling the smell the taste of so many things that overstimulate us it can just make it unbearable to even tolerate things that are triggering you like the tag on your clothing or itchy clothing or lace or whatever and so I I know that comfortable clothing has been a priority most of my life and it has gotten as I've gotten older the number one thing and working from home as I am wearing sweatpants today it's pretty easy to do anyway those are things I think that are important to know about yourself and your loved ones to not pathologize and think like what's wrong with me why do I have to know everything that these things can actually strengthen our ability to show up in the world for ourselves and others and they are important parts of helping an autistic brain kind of access its best self so hope that was helpful thank you so much for being here I'm doing a series on I think Instagram and Tik Tok on the trauma and autism overlap things that we tend to do that are really often connected to hypervigilance and other parts that and other parts that overlap there so I hope you'll join me and please don't forget to check out my new course on the trauma personality that's really shaped around hypervigilance often from eggshell parents and I'll keep saying it but I think many of us who have autistic qualities did have parents who were also eggshell and we do struggle with hypervigilance which is very common with autism I know I'm speaking fast today I have a lot to do and a a huge project deadline and also as usual I'm fitting in too many things at once so thank you for being here have a beautiful day and I will see you soon bye [Music]