8 easily missed autistic traits in women

it has been the most incredible journey in learning about myself when I began my deep dive on trying to understand High masking autism and whether or not that could explain so much of what I've struggled with and I absolutely do believe that it does and it has and it has been just I don't know it's been so validating and so I wanted to share some of these concepts with you in terms of often easily missed autistic traits in women now here's the quick caveat to that I'm talking about what we are traditionally see in women and girls and also talking about what's often called the female phenotype of autism but this really is just a type that anyone can have but it turns out that this phenotype because of the ways that girls and women are socialized and expected to beave or engage in the world it also tends to be a very common presentation especially for those girls and women that do not look like the more the male version of the DSM criteria what do I mean I mean that because of the way the DSM criteria for autism looks right now because it's been normed on a very narrow population of white males and even a certain socioeconomic status of white males that if a girl or or woman fits the more uh typical presentation of autism ieo you don't have empathy which is not true you don't make eye contact you're less verbal if there is a also research shows any kind of intellectual disability or challenge they are also more likely to be identified as girls on the Spectrum but if there is no intellectual challenge there and if there are these typical things that are so far part of the female phenotype and your autistic stick you may have been missed so this is the first thing we're going to go through eight common Dynamics there are so many more and I just want to say that that uh mom on the Spectrum who I love her content she has some great charts also and so these are there's so many more than these and there's a great video she's done on on all of those but I'm trying to I want to pull apart eight of the big ones I think that might be a place for you to say oh if I relate to these I'm going to like lift up the hood and do some more research on autism especially on what it might look like in women and girls but remember we are still very very very far behind in the research so it really isn't just a research-based thing you're going to want to read books look at research follow autistic creators go to websites like Embrace autism.com go to autism.org for expert webinars these are webinars led by researchers in the field of autism on a range of topics all very helpful all right number one extremely picky and high maintenance in other words you've been perceived as a diva as you can't handle anything you're just so sensitive to everything and everyone everything has to be a certain way now the caveat also here is that for most of us who have had to mask and have been masking so long we don't even know what life looks like without masking we don't necessarily recognize that it's that we're perceived as being so picky so demanding so a certain way but high maintenance right essentially that quote from Harry Met Sally you're the worst kind you're you're high you're high maintenance but you think you're a low maintenance which I have never related to something more back in the day when that came out but in other words like the way this plays out is your pickiness around your environment uh smells people food textures clothing sight sight uh lighting sound like you name it it's like everything kind of looks like that so that's an important thing to look at number two stemming and so I've talked about using the satin part of the blanket with your fingers it could be hair twirling it could be repeating phrases lyrics shows re-watching shows music songs over and over and over again it can be internal and external stemming whether it's rocking hand flapping whatever it is like I'm saying most of us are are not going to Flap our hands but give us a pen cap to pop or you know our hair to twirl back and forth things like that uh I noticed I do this a lot right my daughter and I were laughing how often I rock back and forth and so the point is check out stemming everyone stems just because you stem doesn't make you autistic but there's a pattern and a responsiveness to stemming and stimming can also not just help regulate us but also be enjoyable it's not just a crisis kind of response people might think of it as like oh you're so triggered you know you're flapping your hands which obviously can be the case but it can also be enjoyable for many people in different ways number three and this connects to all of it but sensory issues and so though the pickiness might look like it you know you're not really sure what that's about number three is really about like I'm saying is that if you look at your life and we're talking about going back to Childhood and this is where we start to try to differentiate although it's very difficult to differentiate trauma for autistic people for so many reasons because we're more likely to experience trauma because the little tea traumas are often more impactful but not recognized the bottom line though is you are you have and it might be more than one category than the other but like everything has to be a certain way when it comes to like I was saying smells or food or lighting or sound like I get up my entire morning there's not one light that comes on I light a candle light the fireplace I make my coffee and essentially the refrigerator light I will sit there CU I wake up at like 4:00 or 5 in the morning thank you menopause until the lights out now at 6:00 or 7 depending on the time change the point is you have had raging sensory issues it's not just the fact that your socks have to have a certain like lining in them which can definitely be it but you will find that across the board more or less though like I'm saying in some categories than others but still a pretty good depth of sensory issues number four selective mutism now this is a thing where obviously in childhood we're learning more and more if your child is selectively mute there can be more likely markers heading towards autism but often this looks like a shutting down and an avoidance and I've shared that I you know when my kids get when I get really triggered with them when they were younger like teenagers not like when they were little but more as adult triggers that when they would be pushing back or you know challenging boundaries in my mind the first thing I would want to do is all the things my mom had said to me or my dad would come to mind but I would never want to say those things and because anger was dangerous and I think in my nervous system it's also showing that many autistic people struggle with conflict that I think often gets written up as oh you're just avoidant there can be this shutting down where we literally cannot get the words out and I thought it was because I didn't want to say what she says or he said which it was but I also realize that I literally get to where I cannot get the words out and that can be perceived as oh now you're not going to say anything like you're punishing me like silent treatment but I will say if you notice that it's important to look at number five anxiety anxiety anxiety anxiety at this point I have yet to meet anybody personally which is a small group let me be clear though that doesn't have a good amount of anxiety in their life who are also autistic in one way or the other is could be social anxiety it could be interpersonal anxiety it could just be anxiety for no reason whatsoever at all all of the time I was just thinking that I I think this is a probably more trauma response but also autistic response like I'll be so excited to get somewhere and as soon as I get there I can't wait for it to be over and to go home often it's hard to be present but also this idea that I feel like I'm always trying to get through everything as fast as possible to get to the next thing like no matter what it is the time frame uh these years this stage of life it's like really difficult to like live in the moment and be present so anxiety is extremely common both anxiety and depression for autistic people and based on the limited nature for example of PTSD symptoms and the lack of cptsd diagnosing criteria opportunities in the US most autistic people are more likely to identify as be uh to be struggling with anxiety and depression also very common number six being rigid in your routine so rigid around how you do things the order in which you do things the way things are organized the way things play out how you eat your food whether your food touches itself like whatever touches its other pieces of food rigidity period often lacking flexibility there's a system there's a routine uh repetition can be part of this although some research shows that autistic women and girls are less likely to engage in the repetitive behaviors we see in the more classic diagnostic criteria but the idea is rigidity and often repetition number seven a strong sense of Injustice now this does not mean every autistic person is a good person or has you know doesn't violate their belief system but I will I think you'll notice for a lot of very autistic people who are high masking this idea of not being able to understand like right or wrong good or bad black or white like it's clear why don't you get it having a hard time seeing the gray area can be common of course like I'm saying in and of itself none of these are autism and even these alone even if you relate even if you relate to all of them do not make you autistic but it is definitely worth looking into if you do and lastly just a sensitivity to medications to the environment could be uh the way that you know your body responds with an overabundance of autoimmune responses whatever it is we know that the combin comination of adverse childhood events and Trauma and something like autism we're still learning about in terms of the adverse experiences of trauma for autistic people can all make you sensitive to everything so I will say though that medication seems to be a very common one just like easily triggered by medications or reactive and really quickly just in another study that was looking at adverse childhood events for autistic people they found that in addition and I know I shared this in a video but in addition to the other Adverse Events that we all experience feeling trapped very common for autistic people can be traumatic traumatic in congruities where things don't match up the way they're supposed to which are essentially experiences that stem from inhospitable environments including sensory experiences overwhelming Transitions and changes and the chronic stress of needing to predict and decipher social situations and lastly social exclusion so once again feeling trapped due to emotional or physical restraints in therapeutic environments or schools the loss of autonomy and decision-making and loss of opportunity and self-determination which can be put upon autistic people social exclusion which is really about bullying social isolation stigma alienation discrimination and betrayal by those people in an autistic person's life and like I said the traumatic in congruities of being in inhospitable environments having sensory issues and things like that so the bottom line is that all of these if you relate to these things especially most of these in this video I would highly encourage you to do more research like I'm talking about on the places I mentioned earlier because the freedom and understanding not so much a diagnosis and frankly you should also research whether or not a diagnosis makes sense for you if you have high masking autism you're not going to find a lot of resources there aren't resources to get even for you know wherever you are I believe on the Spectrum uh so it's not like you're taking money from someone else but what helps is to understand and validate yourself to have compassion to create accommodations for yourself around your triggers what brings out the best in you and as I've talked about I'm going to keep talking about it which is there's a fine line between honoring that being alone is a healthy self-regulating day of just taking care of myself for example and quetting my nervous system versus being in depression and really pushing people away and so there can be something about that which I do believe that many autistic people who have even therapists for example that don't understand autism are going to chalk up a lot of these to only trauma to avoid an attachment and things like that which may be the case but it's also really empowering to understand that like certain things are triggering and my nervous system needs needs a certain way for my environment to be and I don't want to feel bad about it anymore I don't need to say yes to things I need to protect myself more because of my nervous system because of how my brain works and to stop feeling bad about it whether that's who you hang out with in your life what the environments look like whatever it is I think these are important things to understand and so that is why I wanted to share them with you so I will link down below too if you want to check out the bigger chart on these Dynamics in terms of a couple resources I like to refer to but remember that we're still in the very early stage of data collection in terms of understanding really the female phenotype and any other phenotype that doesn't look like the DSM and remember that something like hyperempathy can be part of autism so it doesn't necessarily mean according to old stigmatized models that oh you lack empathy so you're autistic you might be autistic and lack empathy and you might be hyper empathic or somewhere in between so all these are important to look at that's it once again thanks for being here have a beautiful day and please take good care and I'll see you tomorrow bye