I NEED TO APOLOGISE... | Suzie Bonaldi

[Music] a few moments later wo good morning everybody oh wow that's how long it's been since I've vlogged I'm actually literally croaky I am coming at you from the worst angle for myself today because this room that I get ready in is still filled with crap because have I finished my wardrobe clear out no no I have not I feel like I will just be clearing out for life really at this point won't I anyway it's been a while I will explain my absence later on but that is not for now because we actually don't have that much time this morning I am taking my mom out for lunch today it's Mother's Day and I'm taking my mom to Brighton Beach house she loves it she always feels so snazzed when we go in there I may not be the most organized child but I am the child with the beach house membership so I own myself points back for that I say that I have been organized I'm I'm putting myself down as her but she has flowers flower box flowers on Route the best the best best best flowers I have a little gift for her I have a card complete with the cheesiest poem known to man because she loves that stuff and I've written the card already I wrote the card yesterday which is actually very much in advance compared to my usual writing it literally seconds before I leave the house so actually this year I have not done too badly I mean i o 1010 make a wish make a wish guys make a wish I'm sure it counts still 10 10 on the 10th of March that's got to count for extra wishes right great I hope you all wished it still counts does it I'm I'm I'm saying it counts anyway my Skin's looking pretty good today I feel like we've we've hit a turning point it was it was not good for a little while but it's looking better very happy by that I did my red light mask this morning which I think is help pink my forehead looks really good and there's normally quite a bit of texture at the moment on it like I should really be getting my Botox topped up in April so next month we have a little bit of movement but actually I I feel like it's it's just a little bit it's just a bit less textured here it's looking a bit more plump so loving that I still have my code my code is just like on going if anyone is interested in the red light mask also I'd like to thank everybody who cheered me on when I mentioned on Instagram that I can actually get the contacts out with long nails I really appreciated the support on that I'm just if you're screamish and don't like people touching their eye Look Away Now o also does anyone else have this thing I swear and I feel like I'm crazy when I say this cuz other contact swearers are like oh really but I swear having contact in makes my eyes look bigger does anyone else have this like this is really bad for my eyes it's making me go a bit funny cuz I've only got one in but I swear this eye looks bigger am I going mad is that a thing would it magnify I really feel like it does I had photos taken the other day and I thought my eyes looked bigger is it in oh yeah there it is okay all that concealer was definitely for nothing okay we do not have that long to get ready so I'm going to speed through the makeup which has not changed in the 2 weeks that I have been gone from vlogging so nothing to see [Music] here okay you guys the this is try important one thing we need to remember to do today is go and get me a new mascara because the situation is bad like I have been using brown mascara or worst case purple mascara and then using a coat of this over the top to give the color but still get the length of like a full working mascara so things are not great right now the swed lashes is sold out on space and K which I'm very sad about but I hope everyone that's trying it is enjoying it because it is the best remind me to go to boots okay I don't know how you're all meant to be doing that but remind me actually do you know what I'm really missing a trick this is how I should make sure I will remember hi happy Mother's Day uh side note please can you remind me to go to boots after we go to lunch because I need things love you bye job done my mother has never forgotten to do anything a day in her life so can anyone else tell me why all your eyelashes just fall out at once like it's actually kind of concerning me I've never seen it this bad I look like when someone with blonde hair has very dark lash extensions and has like five left that's what I look like okay i' I think I've managed to save this not me being over dramatic shocking Charlotte Tilbury icon baby this is my current favorite lip liner and then I'm just going with a bit of Summer Friday's Pink Sugar lip balm keeping it light today because I am also going out for dinner as well as lunch we have a full day for the moms today okay not bad all right what are we wearing today I got the skims top and shorts by the way how cute are these can you hear that there are seagull fighting on my roof if you can hear something rolling around it's not ghosts they're literally the girliest thing that I own but I am so obsessed with them I just love the little like button collor detail the sleeves are so nice and long I got the playsuit a month or so back but the long sleeve is very necessary because it's still winter I was tempted to get the leggings instead of the shorts but they're just so long on me and like the waist it the waistband doesn't sit right it's just it has a bit too much material around the crotch it's too long on the leg so I just went for the shorts as long as I've got the long sleeves I'm fine so this is the outfit that I've gone for I want it to be comfy and really cozy because it's not very warm outside but I also wanted to look smart on first appearances when we sit down that will obviously not be the case I will be comfy and cozy so I've gone for my mango Coke CU it kind of gives that appearance of a smart outfit but underneath we've got my favorite gray cashmere jumper which is super old now sadly you can't get it anymore but the co ones are kind of similar I then have a brown and gold belt from mango Co white jeans my platform ugs so yeah we're very we're very comfy and cozy underneath but the coat with it structured shoulders is kind of giving a little bit of like smart and then the bag is my Chanel 22 just to tie in the gray jumper and it just adds to the slouchy oversized everything look that we've got going on oh and then I have these Seline sunnies on they're quite large and they give more of a polished feel which I think contrasts like a very like casual outfit really nicely apologies for my broken speaking my my coffee has not kicked in today apparently anyway let's go popping the things in it there we go you can hold the basket here you go mom's assisting me we're doing a boots haul bronzer and powder foundation that's all that goes on your face bless you I've got my own blush let's get you a brush G on my mom just told me that she puts on her powder foundation with her finger so we need to sort this are you ready yes this one could be good I've used that one before my favorites are the little ones that come in this whole set which is kind of annoying face Bas set I don't feel like you I feel like that's a bit much for you like a light hand with your powder product so we want to go for something that's a little bit more like this but almost fluffier what about one of those H it's hard to tell when you're just looking at a photo versus the brush Mickey you're not having Mickey Mas so what do you think you don't you're not keen on the one with the brow thingy well I wouldn't use it what's that thing for how you feel in your eyebrows do that any well you can see I don't what would I fill them in with powder and I look cross so no to this one you'd rather go with this one what sort of powder would I use if I was using that brow powder I've never seen one of those okay no to no to no to the eyebrow on well maybe I should be we could use that or you said you don't like it when you get powder where you don't want powder so I think this one see I'm thinking that's probably a better size but my face is quite small that's big KN well now you're talking about it for the bits that I want cuz I don't want to go overboard with it do I cuz I use this under my eye area okay and that's this area here is the with yeah I think this is the best okay back okay we like this section don't we like this one of the few things that doesn't make my mom's face flare up I know it's cuz people rck it okay I need SE blast one of these red one of these does red stuff use your words you know that you know you have to have those zaps though nothing really okay so that's why that stuff didn't work yeah no we both need to go and have our veins zap where is SE plast guys this is a desperate situation I'm all out of zika blaz uh oh no they only have the hand green it's not looking good and also no lip balm so basically none of the stuff that I wanted so I may just become a shrivel prune soon RP to my face hair stuff no no car stuff in here one more stop why does every counter have nothing on it I need a mascara where is the mascara oh no what has happened where is everything and we are back I have had enough of the outside you guys the weather right now is it's so depressing I need to book some flights very very soon dinner one of two of the day my mom was like I have no idea how you're planning on doing a second dinner today this one is an all you can eat buffet an all you can eat a stunning or you can eat Chinese buffet anyway I thought I'd show you a boots po a little mini boots hole brighten boots honestly someone from quality control needs to get down there cuz it gets worse every time I go in there I had five things on my list I came out with one of the things that I wanted two substitutes and two things I just couldn't get my hands on so start with the thing I wanted I very rarely buy myself new fragrances but this is one that I have been really wanting every time I smell it I smell it on people and I'm like that smells amazing and I've had it before and I just really it was quite a few years back maybe like 5 years back when it launched was it 5 years ago four years ago I really didn't love it then but my scent preferences are starting to change oh my God this is so small I went for the small bottle because I just don't go through fragrances quickly enough to Warrant a huge bottle also this is just very easy to travel with and I just thought it would be really cute my scent preferences are starting to change which is incredibly worrying to me cuz I have always been a ride or Dye like sweet sweet kind of girl and I'm starting to enjoy more floral fragrances and some fruity as well I mean I've always liked a bit of a fruity mix with a vanilla but this is very different to what I would normally go for oh my God it's so nice like Fruity floral completely different to what I would normally go for a little bit of something vanilla thrown in there but it is beautiful this is a really good arounder for like a night out day scent like there's something very daytime about it but at the same time I could easily wear this out for like a dinner it actually might have a bit of like a black currentness to it which is probably the thing that I like I actually don't know the notes of this so I could be completely wrong but there is something black currenty about it it's almost like a younger version of Armani C sorry I'm just adjusting you so yeah this has been on my list for so long now so I thought I'd go and pick that up and then I also got a new mascara I really wanted to try the YSL lash Clash because I have it in brown and I really wanted to try it in Black did they have it no they they had no YSL mascaras they had actually the YSL counter was Barren derel non-existent extinct that that was the vibe so the Kylie makeup counter was a little bit Fuller not a lot it had a single mascara on it and I have heard good things about this mascara so I thought I would give it a go Al I wait for my beloved Cloud what's it called Swede cloud es to come back I like the packaging of this like I like a nice matte pink I find this very pleasing so I thought I'd give that a go I also really wanted to try her lip balms they didn't have them in stock at all I don't know if they're like an online exclusive but I saw this and I was like oo this is very much up my street so this is the lip oil in watermelon oh my god oh it smells good oh my God yeah sunning o oh this feels really nice this is like it's giving the Dior lip oil but maybe nicer it feels more like wet and cold which I really like there's something about that I think is really nice not like zero stickiness zero that's so nice damn well done Miss Kylie that's so nice this might be my favorite lip oil that I've ever tried also the color like shade of it is really nice just like a barely their pink love okay an unexpected discovery that I am not mad about okay great I need to get ready for dinner I am not ready for round two I was out for longer than I expected I did not expect under an hour's turnaround before another dinner you know when it's raining and you just don't want to go back outside so outfit of the evening this has been a bit of a rush job because we actually had to be ready earlier than we originally anticipated but I've gone for my Jane and Tash black leather jacket with a black body on underneath just super simple a really old pair of blue jeans these are like meant to be a straight leg but I find them to be quite a baggy straight leg on me and then a pair of sambers my dual saddle bag and then my jewelry is Etsy earrings Aurelia necklace I'm obsessed with this necklace it's the best everyday necklace but also looks really good like when you're dressing up for a night out as well the best allrounder necklace ever and then my jewelry is just my usual none of it is available anymore sadly I need to get I need to get some new Rings feel like I'm really letting the team down with the Rings but anyway this is my outfit the evening let's go fill ourselves with Chinese food I actually haven't been to this place in ages I have been scared to go back because every time I go in there I cannot stop myself and they actually have this rule where they will charge you if you don't eat everything so I come out and I genuinely look like I'm about to give birth so it's going to be a fun evening let's [Music] go round three this is me to thank you everything is ready for you and is so cool because you think like oh my God it really works it really does because yeah it works as a magnet so it removes all like the impurities from the skin and you will see like you might try it again one week time and it it will not tingle as much so that means the more Gunk is in your face yes exactly this is the girl that hasn't had a facial in like four years yeah but they're so satisfying to know to feel that it is and I'll go outside let you get ready do I get to see the gum yes oh my God so that's come out of my face and on the bottom that's so gross can you see it's quite cloudy yeah it's very satisfying all of that was in my face it's my favorite part of the I think it might be my favorite part too but so gross back for my facial you guys look at my skin I don't think my skin looked this good when I was born I have no Gunk on my nose like I always have blackheads on my nose the texture of it is like I am speechless that was also the nicest experience like the massaging like it was it wasn't just Hydro facial with the sucking machine and they put all the good lovely things into your skin it was that with an Oma on ritka facial so they then used all of their facial techniques in between so it was like Hydro facial on ritka hydro facial on ritka and it was honestly unreal and they did like whole chest shoulder hand massage and I felt like today was actually a good test for whether I would do this in the runup to my wedding because I had a few dilemas about the wedding so I was feeling a bit stressed and when she was like massaging my shoulders I was just like oh this is exactly what I need I feel really relaxed super Zen I'm obsessed so I feel like that would be such a nice experience to have in the runup to my wedding so fingers crossed my skin carries on just like looking this good cuz sometimes my skin can just be like nah I did not enjoy that but hopefully it stays amazing because I would love to go back for many many of those treatments that was Unreal my skin has literally never looked this good in addition to the OM Rika stuff they used red light and blue light therapy on my skin as well so it's just looking so juicy it was so good I have an eyelash I need to sorry don't mind me I can see it in the corner of my eye when I'm talking to you and it's driving me wild so that is my thoughts on the facial so far the glow the glow is insane I'm very happy with it so I will keep you updated in case any of you were thinking about trying Hydro facial I have always wanted to go and I've never really been brave enough to try it and I was just like you know what now in the run up to my wedding now is this is my moment so I thought I'd start trying it quite far in advance just to make sure that the skin is happy and if it is then I can go back for more so I will keep you updated but that is my update of the day I'm going to go and make some Mexican food and I will speak to you guys later please ignore the sweet sweet sounds of my dishwasher got to get those dishes washed you know I having in my daily gummy moment because my hair struggling a little bit at the moment and I really want to keep it nice for my wedding I feel like we've done so well with it but it is starting to get a little bit dry I think I need to switch my blow dry method like I need to go back to a regular hair dryer because I don't think the attachment on the Dyson air wrap that I've been using for blow drying I just used the Big Brush and it's got like thick plastic bristles I don't think my hair likes it it's quite it's fine on the underneath that the underneath is very strong but on the drier top fits I feel like it's just snapping you know when you like look at your hair and you're like is that a layer or is that is that broken and I can't really tell because we stupidly did put some layers through my hair it's why I like keeping a blunt cut cuz you can see immediately if there is any damage to your hair it's really easy to spot whereas now it's harder especially now it's so long and I'm like is that new breakage is it old but it's growing out not sure so basically I need my hair to grow at an extreme rate to compensate for a little bit of breakage not that it really matters with the wedding to be honest because I think I'm going to have an updo but you know when you just want your options and I just want it to look nice so I just wear by hair gummies and I have throughout the entire like growing out my bul process I swear it's the only reason I have any hair left on my head at this rate what are you doing come here say good morning oh sorry guys she is the picture of Health again now after having randomly started throwing up blood a random fluke a very scary random fluke you are you going to sit she's she's [Music] trying no I can't sit like this though cuz it's not this is not my best angle so at the moment I'm taking the my vitamins Hair Skin and Nails gummies and also take these giant ones you just take one of these you take two of the hair and nails this I love it basically is like a Haribo sweet I'm obsessed with it to be honest they both are they're both vegan as well and I love that they actually like are nice to chew and they're vegan because as you will know I was using the sorry my nose is really itchy I was using the hair burst and I would and lots of you allerted me to the fact that I wasn't taking the vegan hair burst and I was like don't care but in the end once I finished all of those cuz I got sent like four jars tubs whatever you want four containers worth of those I switched over to the vegan hair bus and they are just so eh like they're fine they're fine but then I got sent these and I started trying these and I was like these are 100 times better so I switched over to my vitamins a while ago they do so many different types of vitamins as well like Ryan has seos Ash One Ash Ash one wonder I don't even know what that does Ryan has some weird stuff whereas I am your classic basic human being with my apples side of vinegar gummies and my hair are nails gummies anyway that's what I'm up to this morning that is how I'm keeping I keep getting loads of questions on how I grew my hair everyone's like it's looking really thick I'm like is it catting your hair into a bul and then taking hair gummies for 4 years that will do it if you want to pick any of these up by the way I actually have a code at the moment it is suszie I'll put it on screen I I Can't Remember full disclaimer I love them so much that I am working with them on what is it called Instagram stories oh my God my brain today I have had the most awful migraine this morning do bear with me I am not quite there with the words anyway should probably go get dressed and get on with the day you guys I'm so annoyed we worked so hard yesterday to get the podcast ready for this morning and at the last hdle I I forgot to press save and schedule I could cry so there was not a podcast this morning and this is I haven't missed one in and we've been down to the wire like every single week we have been down to the wire we've not missed a 700 a.m. upload yet and honestly I don't know what is wrong with me at the moment I cannot keep my brain on any one thought for longer than like 3 seconds I feel so frustrated and this also brings me on to the fact that I obviously missed two weeks of uploads two weeks and I I have to apologize I just feel so constantly frustrated with myself at the moment I feel like I can't do anything well I just feel like I am doing so many things I'm doing nothing well that's like yeah that's it I feel I am doing nothing well and I know this is why I stopped doing the podcast last season and we're literally at the same almost I think one off the same number of episodes as last season and it this is when it started to get hard last time was like episode 10 and I feel so frustrated cuz I genuinely am enjoying it so much I feel as though I've got more episodes in me I mean I've got so many notes for so many more episodes like fully fledged thoughts not even just like random half concept ideas for episodes like fully fledged episodes that I feel so ready to do but I am just struggling so much right now to do two videos a week of podcast meetings wedding planning be also then you factor in like your general things like Mother's Day that you need to be prepped for and organized for and make sure the flowers and the bookings and these are all not big things these are all not problems I am the problem I am struggling so much to keep up with everything on top of then having a tidy home and then don't even I'm not even trying to factor in a social life anymore I actually can't there's no room at the end right now for a social life right now I will take any advice on managing my life no mean advice I don't want to hear you don't have problems this is not what I'm saying what I'm saying is I'm trying to be better so level with me here how can I do everything please someone help me I feel really sad but I think it is potentially going to have to be the podcast that goes here but I don't I don't want to stop it but I can't do this anymore like I can't keep we are working down to the wire it's not fair on my team like I I can't do this anymore I just feel like I'm not doing anything well like I don't like not being on my best form for you guys when I'm Vlogging I don't like I don't like doing things like this like I don't like having chats like this with you where I'm sad and frustrated because I'm not delivering my best for you like we I've taken two weeks off that I should be Mac and ready to get to it and I'm not I am not I actually I'm really not okay feel like I'm about to cry 24/7 I can't I I genuinely am at a point where something needs to go and I would love to know from you are you going to be heartbroken if the podcast goes because really I just I just don't feel like it's feasible to be doing every everything in Hales like YouTube is my happy place and I like to I don't want to feel anxious about filming and right now I just feel like I have this like mental block because my brain is also like it's split now into so many different parts I'm trying to think of episodes and what do I need to do for the podcast and what do I need to do for YouTube and are we doing too much of this and too much of that and who has the podcast and who has the Vlogs and what about that meeting tomorrow and what about that meeting and then I have people constantly sending me things about my wedding and I ah I feel like I need more hours in the day and I'm really really struggling so if anyone has any advice I would I would love to hear it because I don't really understand how I'm meant to be doing every is there something wrong with me I mean there's many things wrong with me I just feel chronically overwhelmed I just want to cry all the time and I feel sad and then I feel crap because I'm not showing up well for anyone and today I feel like I really let everyone down because everyone worked really hard to get this podcast ready for this morning and I I feel useless and now my headache is back so yeah if anyone could help me I would love that we're not going to have a great 2024 if I carry on like this so yeah I would love to know if anyone could help me any advice I will take it but please don't be mean I will be blocking the words if you had a real job because I actually I do you think I am not telling myself this which actually I really enjoyed my real job so leave let's leave that out I didn't feel this overwhelmed when I had a real job but also I would have been made redundant with my real job several times over at this point so is it real because it wouldn't exist who knows sorry to put a down on this Vlog that is where I am at right now despite the fact that the weather is disgusting outside it might be time for me to take myself on a good old hotg Girl Walk get outside this is the thing the weather's been awful as well so the hot girl walks are not happening it's basically traffic jams all the way to the gym at the moment so it's not time efficient for me to go so I haven't been going so I'm going to go on a hot go walk yeah let's try and get me out of this funk hot girl walk outfit of the day we've got my mango puffer jacket me hat I'm obsessed with this hat I bought it so long ago and everyone was like this is going to be a trend heart that you will never wear again I'm obsessed with it I love it and then I'm wearing a four out adola black set underneath adanola gray socks my train is a muddy so they are not coming in this room let's go I don't know if you can hear me because it's quite windy sometimes I wonder like this is the pro of having filmed your life every year and I always find I tend to have a bit of a breakdown around this time of year in March like last year you go back I'm crying like every every day and then I wonder and I couldn't help but wonder if actually maybe I have some kind of Seasonal effective disorder that just kicks in I'm eating my hair that kicks in a little bit later than others it does seem to be every March I seem to really mentally struggle and I just feel really sad and I end up in this like bad mental spiral and I'm being really mean to myself being really hard on myself and I wonder do I need to do something about that I don't know just thoughts anyway I'll go walking I'm back I'm about to jump on a call but I'm quickly about to bag up a load of stuff because all of these things so we have Nadem marabi dresses self-portrait dresses Zimmerman dresses House of CB dresses all of these dresses are being sent to BU rotation so if you have ever wanted to wear any of these dresses I will pop a load of photos of some of them on screen now these are going to be available on my buy rotation account very very soon which I'm really excited about and I will absolutely be adding to it as I go along as well and I also have just sent off a load of stuff to Rel liked which is like a platform where you can buy clothing from influencers so that's where I currently list all of my clothing versus on depop sorry I have got something stuck to my eyelash and it's really tickling me so yeah at the moment I use that instead of deot just because I have so much stuff that I don't have the time to manage it all myself myself although there will be some stuff coming up on my own Depot soon I have a pile over there which I really need to sort out I just have no time but yeah stuff coming up on bar rotation and there is already stuff on [Music] relight [Music] hello I forgot to Vlog my dinner I do this a lot at the moment which is really annoying because I know you guys love seeing what I eat for dinner we had like stuffed peppers with like a barbecuey Mexican filling what was it mushrooms mango which I know some people are not going to like the sound of but mango and like barbq Mexican in my brain it's just like you know cheese on the top what else was there like there was something else and I'm completely forgetting what it was but it was really good I completely forgot to Vlog it though and then I spent literally hours cleaning my house because we have a shoot here tomorrow so I and it's not like a me shoot like a company is coming in to shoot my house so I need to have a clean house so it's way past my bedtime and I have to be up really early so this is where I am going to leave this Vlog but I will be back on form in the next one I promise I hope you have all enjoyed hanging out with me though and I'll see you guys again very very soon love you bye