Characteristics of Narcissism: The Relentless Need for Validation

Hello I'm Darren Magee and the topic for today is continuing on in the series looking at some of the common characteristics and traits associated with narcissism. Today I'm going to be looking at their constant need for validation and admiration. I'm also going to look at some of the reasons why they can struggle to validate others. So if you find this video interesting please consider subscribing to my channel. Now first of all all of us need to feel validated on some level. We all need some kind of acknowledgement, some kind of understanding from other people, sometimes even if it's just for the sake of feeling sane. But with people with very deeply ingrained narcissistic traits this is a whole different level. Their need for validation, praise, admiration is constant and it's never enough. Now depending on the person, depending on the situation, sometimes I think it's more about collusion. I think narcissistic people want others to collude with their version of reality, their fantasy version of themselves. They want others to see them the way they believe they deserve to be seen. They want their flying monkeys to collude with their version of events. They want others to collude with their smear campaigns against their victims. This mindset, this behavior can hinder their ability to learn from mistakes and to improve themselves, which I think is one of the reasons why we often just see repeated patterns of behavior. Their unhealthy craving to be seen a certain way, to have things a certain way, will be a driving force behind many of their behaviors and their interactions with others, which just like many other kinds of narcissistic behaviors, can often lead to negative consequences for both themselves and other people. Now when it comes to validation, narcissistic people aren't so good with criticism. I've talked about that previously in this series if you want to watch that. But any kind of negative feedback, even if it's constructive and genuinely helpful, it's coming from a good place, can be perceived as an attack. They feel invalidated because they see themselves as perfect and flawless. They also have a huge sense of entitlement. So if someone were to say something like, sorry you didn't get that job you applied for, better luck next time. Well they may feel invalidated because they believe they deserve that job, they were entitled to it. What they might want to hear is, well you were the best person for the role, you were clearly cheated out of it. But despite an outward display of arrogance, many narcissistic people suffer from a fragile sense of self-esteem and often engage in behaviors to bolster up their sense of self. An example could be constantly posting self-indulgent or on social media just to gain likes, comments and shares. Or telling everybody at work what an amazing life they have outside of work. How the senior management always come to them for help and advice. These kinds of behaviors are really means to help them feel important and relevant. Because beneath their facade of grandiosity, they often harbor deep feelings of insecurity and inadequacy which they work tirelessly to conceal. The external validation reassures them against their insecurities. It boosts their self-worth, shields them from the fear of being exposed as less than perfect, but only momentarily. Next, narcissistic people often feel uncomfortable with any sense of vulnerability. They also lack humility, it contradicts their self-image. So seeking constant validation acts as a shield between their perceptions and reality. The admiration reinforces the belief that they're special beyond reproach, preventing them from having to confront their own limitations. It also helps them to maintain an inflated self-image that they can't maintain themselves. Any lack of admiration can cause them to feel threatened, leading to defensive or aggressive behavior. For instance, they might brag about their achievements, whether real or imagined. But if they don't receive the expected admiration, they might go into a depression or lash out aggressively. They might claim others are envious. They might even blame others for any perceived failures. Next, because they are so dependent on the positive opinions of others, they can struggle to develop an authentic sense of self-worth. They rely heavily on others to define their value. They might feel empty or lost without constant attention, leading to an emotional void within. So other people are their primary measure of self-worth. It's why you often hear exaggerated stories of bravado, how they overcame adversity, how hard they work, how unfairly they were treated, and how kind they are. Again though, the praise and admiration they receive from others only alleviates their inner emptiness for a moment. It gives them a fleeting sense of value, which is why the cycles of behavior continue. They can also be quite manipulative in order to get their attention. They can exploit other people's emotions to their advantage, seek to be the center of attention at social situations. They can even ingratiate themselves into other people's social support network to try and gain a new network of admirers to boost their self-esteem. However, their relentless quest for validation tends to just lead to superficial connections. They prioritize their own needs above others, and this can create difficult, toxic relationships, leaves others feeling used, neglected, or emotionally drained. And yet they press on on their relentless quest for validation. Because without continuous praise and admiration, their self-image can crumble, forcing them maybe to confront the underlying feelings of inadequacy. So why do they struggle to validate others? Well, there can be different reasons for this. We often see defensive, sometimes offensive behaviors such as denial, blame-shifting, gaslighting, rage, elusiveness whenever they're confronted or challenged. And all of these kind of reactions are invalidating to others. The common characteristic of narcissism is a lack of empathy. They also lack insight, so they might not necessarily understand what something means to someone else, or they might just not care. It's what they think, what they feel, what they want, is much more important. Also, narcissistic people tend to avoid emotional pain at all costs. Their fragile ego, it's almost like it's constantly waiting to be criticized and diminished. So they hide behind this facade of perfection because deep down, they feel extremely empty and insecure. They actively select situations and people that align with their worldview and their self-concept. They tend to reject, criticize, or discard those who don't. Lastly, just my personal thoughts. But to validate someone else, especially regarding their own behavior, might feel as if they are invalidating themselves, and that might lead to a narcissistic collapse. And I've discussed that previously in another video, if you want to watch that. So in conclusion, narcissistic people's unyielding need for validation and admiration is rooted in fragile self-esteem, the need to fill an emotional void, maintain their false sense of self-worth, and avoid emotional pain. The validation from others reinforces their belief in their superiority and their entitlement. In some cases, even if a narcissistic person does do something with good intentions for someone else, due to their lack of insight and ability to self-validate, it's like they have to tell them about it over and over again, really press the issue until they get the level of appreciation and gratitude they feel they deserve. And if they don't get the level that they feel they deserve, they might feel shortchanged and react bad. And when it comes to their self-perception, sometimes it can be difficult to discern if they're delusional or just in denial of anything that doesn't suit their narrative. But either way, it could be said they just fear facing reality. They believe they are amazing, virtuous, intelligent, noble, special, and so on. But they need others to collude with them. Otherwise, there is emptiness. So that's a brief outline of narcissistic people and their constant need for validation, admiration, and attention. Now, there are other things I could have added. Please feel free to use the comment section below. As always, there are some interesting conversations start from these videos. But if you found this video interesting, please consider subscribing to my channel. And until next time, thanks for watching.