I CHEATED!

Did you guys know that I'll fight someone if they touch my nose? And then my wife continues to touch it and poke it and poke it and touch it and pick it and slick it and flick it. Will that hurt? I can tell by now. It won't hurt. I got a cool little stick that holds my camera in place and there's a child in my seat. Get in your seat and get your seat belt off. Hey, this is America. We have rules and stuff. Get in the back before I get you. You've got two seconds. One, two. See, I don't even count to three. You know daddy don't count to three. No, not on mom. Get in the back. I love you. My kids do not follow rules apparently. Apparently, they just do whatever they want. You believe that? Well, we're going to go pick up my niece Megan because Ashley and I have been dieting really hard and we deserve a cheat meal. Oh, bummer. Precious water. Here comes the Fiat. Megan! Oh, my mom. I know. I'm going to adopt her. We're adopting May-May. Tell you what, I could fit a whole quarter up there, maybe a V and a sausage. Do you guys know that I'll fight someone if they touch my nose and then my wife continues to touch it and poke it and poke it and touch it and pick it and slick it and flick it? Will that hurt? I could tell by now. I have been craving this food for three weeks now. And I have not eaten it one time. So we're here. I'm going to cheat. And I'm going to love every minute of it. I've been like thinking about it all day. The one and only In-N-Out. And I cannot wait. Here we go. In-N-Out. Have I said this like 40 times? We're going In-N-Out and I couldn't be more excited. I just cooked while I'm baking a calzone, like a keto-friendly one. So I'm going to hopefully this thing tastes good because I'm so sick and tired of bacon and eggs. I could kick myself in the leg. But here's all the ingredients I used. So I bought a ham, very high in fat. I used my cheese, I used my coconut flour, my almond flour, and I used some Italian seasoning, some mozzarella cheese, and I also used a few pepperonis because these bad boys are very high in fat. So I'm hoping that this turns out really well. Look who's over here cuddling with my little prince. Hi. He could just like lay here forever. Sleepy time. Did you hear his little coos? Babe, could you get your feet off my furniture? Oh my goodness. Just kidding. Pickle. America. It's worse than my feet. Well my friends, what do you think? Does that look good? That is a keto-friendly, my own custom-made flour. Well, it's coconut flour mixed with mozzarella cheese and almond flour. Respect the almond flour. Yeah, I can't disrespect the almond flour, right babe? No disrespecting the almond flour. Merit of my world-liens. Is that what I call it? My global friend. Alright, my global friends. This is the moment of truth. Cross your fingers, dot your T's, scrape your I's. Dot your T's? Yeah, did I do that wrong? Dot your I's, not when you cross your T's. I just like the method here. Why does this thing suck so bad? Because it's not tall enough? Alright. My fellow world-liens? Is that what you call them? Global. Global friends. Here we go. It's not good, is it? It's like a malapitini, you know? Is it good? It's so good. It's probably a 15. Wait, I need to taste it. I'm sorry. I have to taste it. I'm sorry, no. I promise not. I promise not, you can't have any. It's way too important to me. I'm not lying. I need to taste it, just like a crumb, a crumb. Friends, you guys remember when I did, I think I did, maybe I did it on my Instagram story. If you guys follow me on Instagram, you saw this. I wanted to buy to Ashley's Protein Bar. But Thomas, this is something I've never had before. Buy to Ashley's Protein Bar. And you know what she said to me? It's too important to me. It's too important. You can just go get one in the fridge. No. Oh my gosh. No. Don't throw this out the window. Give it to me. I'm planning to do it on my own. Oh my gosh. If you want the recipe, write me on Instagram. I'll send it to you. Oh man. Hold on. Take a bite. Tell me what you think. Okay. Well, if you made that for breakfast, lunch and dinner, I'd eat it. Tell me. Is that good? Is it good? It's so good. I was willing to wake up Ezra. Oh my gosh. That is so good. Oh man. Look at that. How could you, if you're in keto and you like, This is 100% healthy, you guys. This is not a cheat meal. Okay, babe. Seriously. I'm not joking now. I'm shutting this off because I'm about to get mad. Here. Okay. Thank you guys for watching. Yeah. Well, you have to tell them. Tell them. Say, Thank you for watching. Thank you guys for watching. We'll see you manana. Say manana. Manana. Say manana, Simon. Manana. Will you tell them how you spell dad? D. That's a D. That's a A. D. That's another D. That spells Dad. Good job. Way to blow out the candles. Okay. Bye.