Postpartum Anxiety: The Closure - I Stopped Taking Meds

I wanted to film this last video about postpartum anxiety because as of today, I am officially at day 13 of no more medication. And I thought this would be a good video to kind of round out this experience because I know there are a lot of women, a lot of mothers who struggle with postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety that find it difficult to talk about because so much of motherhood is finding that joy and making sure you are savoring every single moment with that new baby and I also wanted to shed light that it is not all sunshine and rainbows with your baby. It can be very difficult mentally. If you haven't learned or you don't know what I'm talking about with my postpartum anxiety, I will link to the previous two videos that I have done on this subject. The very first video that I recorded was actually, it went live the day before I had a major breakdown. I've never had a panic attack before, but that was pretty damn near close to having one. And since then I learned, you know, three months postpartum at that point, I knew things weren't right. And so I have been taking a anti-anxiety medication called Zoloft for almost a year. It'll be actually, no, just kidding. Yeah, almost a year, 10 months and I am finally off of it. And I think being off of the medication now, this was kind of the final step to be like, is my old self going to come back? Am I going to feel those old anxious thoughts again? That was my biggest worry about getting off of the medication, even though I desperately wanted to was, am I going to feel like me again? Am I going to have those old anxious anxiety driven moments again? And the last 13 days being off has been interesting, but I have to say I am sleeping through the night. That was the biggest thing when I had PPA was that I would just constantly wake up in the middle of the night and then I wouldn't be able to go back to bed. And I had evening dread and anxiety so badly. Right around dinner time, I'd be like, oh no, we're going to have to go to bed and go to sleep. And how am I going to do that? And I don't have that, that thought anymore. So that's been really helpful. I've also just been accepting a lot of this where I'm at right now is just finding acceptance in my postpartum body and finding ways to be proud of that and love that and love where I'm at. Because your body goes through so many changes after you give birth and everything's kind of coming back together again. I want to show gratitude and appreciation for what my body has been able to do. So part of this reflection and closure of postpartum anxiety for me is not only letting go of the medication, but also coming back to a sense of gratitude for what I have been able to accomplish over the past year. For my body, I am so thankful that it was able to carry and sustain life. I have a perfect little girl and my body was able to grow that. My body was also able to nourish this baby. And I'm so thankful that I was able to build up a supply and even though breastfeeding didn't work out for us, I was able to pump for 12 weeks and give that to my baby, which I felt really proud of, especially during a pandemic and when viruses and things are going around. I was really proud of myself for sticking it out that long in order to pass on those antibodies to my daughter. And now I'm really proud that I stuck with getting back to nutrition and adding in healthy foods to my diet, really focusing on strength training and yoga and running again, being outside, ordering clothes that really felt like looked great on me and I wasn't trying to fit into smaller jeans or smaller shorts. In fact, I have been working with a fitness and nutrition coach. Her name is Kelly. She's amazing. I will link to her Instagram below for you to check out. She does virtual fitness and nutrition coaching. And one of the biggest things that helped me get down to my pre-pregnancy weight was drinking a ---- ton of water. And so I think the combination of focusing on my nutrition, focusing on fitness and self-care and really just reflecting on how my body has been able to just be resilient during that phase and during that time is like, this is really incredible. I'm really proud of myself for getting to this point. I wanted to document this too because if I go through another pregnancy that I can look back on this and say, okay, what exactly did happen? How can I stay on top of this and make sure that I don't suffer for as long as I did before? And I think there are ways and comment below if you're a mom who also had postpartum depression or anxiety with a second, did you start taking that medication up front, like right after birth and just was like, you know what? I know that's how I was, so I'm just going to go ahead and take this now. Or what did you do? Be very curious to know. I think there's always going to be a level of worry and anxiety when it comes to making sure your children are okay and that they're feeling supported and loved. And also I think there is a balance of not worrying, but being aware. And so having the awareness that maybe something is going on with your kid or maybe something's going on with you. It's not my job to worry. It's my job to be aware. That's something that my therapist told me. I feel like the reason why I've had this last 10 months really of trying to find myself again and why it's taken so long is that I needed that time to heal. I needed that time to just kind of settle into being a mom. And now we are at a point, I think I said this in my last video, and I was like, I love her so much. This is so amazing. And at the time she was 10 months old and now she's over a year old. She's 14 months. I don't like saying 14 months because then people are like, what is that? She's a year and two months old and it's just been so fun watching her learning how to figure out to walk, learning and saying new words and just being so much more communicative. And I just find that I'm really enjoying this phase of life and I'm excited to see what's going to happen next for us as a family of three. And you know, once you start, I feel like once you start that kid journey, you're like, okay, first question, am I going to do this again? If yes, when am I going to do this again? And so it's, it's kind of like that where you just kind of figure out where, where you're going to go next. And I think for sure for Kyle and I, we definitely see ourselves with another, I just don't know when that is going to be, but let me tell you, it's not going to be anytime this year because I am really enjoying just having complete and total ownership of my body and being able to find that old, like pre-pregnant Justine, like who she was, but also like factoring in this mother role. And now it's like just a new version of myself, but those old pieces are coming back. So I'm really thankful for that. Another thing that I wanted to mention as I'm experiencing just completely weaning off of the Zoloft is that I've had a couple of days of dizziness where I felt like, Oh, kind of had to get my bearings a little bit. I could still walk fine and everything like that. It was just a little like lightheadedness almost. So that seems to be a symptom of coming off of the Zoloft and maybe a little bit of nausea. But honestly, I was more nauseous on the medication than I have been off of it. So I'm hoping that completely dies down and that'll be a hundred percent. Otherwise, sleep has been fantastic, anxiety and worry and stress and all of that is just like normal stuff that I'm able to deal with. And I don't have that quick reaction or those like tailspinning thoughts that like I go down a rabbit hole and I can't seem to get back out of. So all of that is just non-existent, which is amazing. I hope you found me just sharing this helpful for you. If you are currently experiencing or think you might have something going on that just doesn't feel right after having your baby and it's been several weeks since the baby's been born, I would definitely reach out to your doctor or a professional and talk to them about what's going on. And always as an additional resource, please DM me on Instagram at Debt Free Millennials. And I am happy to chat with you about anything that you might be going through with postpartum anxiety or depression because it can be so, so scary and feel so isolating when you don't have others to talk to, or maybe you're just afraid to talk about that with your own friends and family. So that's why you have the awesome internet to help you out and a judgment-free zone to help lift and support you as you navigate this journey through motherhood. I love you. Thank you so much for being here and just stopping by. This is not part of my normal video repertoire. I do all personal finance videos, but I think for me personally, this was something I wanted to document on the channel because I know a lot of other millennial mamas are going through this or millennial guys, their partners are going through this and they're like, what is going on with her? This could be it. And I want to show you that there is totally a light at the end of the tunnel and things definitely get better when you have the right tools and resources in your tool belt. And I'm hoping that these videos are part of that.