I had a stroke - minutes after I hit 1 million subscribers

about a month ago I hit this like major Milestone on YouTube of a million subscribers which was like cool and I called my friends and family and was like hey guys this is awesome and I'm so grateful to my audience and um was trying to plan to do something with you guys to celebrate and then the next day I had a stroke that still feels feels so weird to say and when I like try to sit with that reality it still feels weird um I'm alive which is super cool uh it did affect a number of different parts of my body um long story short I it happened in Jiu-Jitsu it was like a super freak accident um that apparently I like tore vessels and arteries in my neck and that caused a stroke at the back of my skull so it didn't affect like one side of my body like you normally think of when you hear a stroke it affected like uh balance and coordination um Vision definitely Clarity of like thinking speaking um I have a hard time using my hand it's just like a bunch of weird stuff like I'll stutter a lot um just a it's a lot of different little things and there's still a risk until the vessels heal in a couple months that it could reoccur so I am not allowed to do anything um I'm allowed to go for short supervised walks where I can like I mean I'm talking like 5 minutes and I'm done um like the world is spinning this was a really terrifying thing to go through and I think that that is still setting in I actually need help um I've made videos in the past being like you know asking for help is hard and like it is right but now I am at a place where I can't exist really without the help of other people um and I'm working on like just embracing that and letting people take care of me and love me and like bring me food and take me outside like a toddler I've got a lot of physical therapy and speech therapy and occupational therapy this is hard to to go through um but I know I will come out the other side don't wait um Strokes are really scary and uh when I had it I didn't know what was happening the people around me had no idea so no one called an ambulance or brought me to the hospital or anything I just went home um I I thought I'm being over dramatic you know nothing like that was a crazy awful experience and I feel all wrong but I'm I'm probably it's probably just a migraine you know maybe it was just a panic attack uh even though didn't feel like that I have this habit of feeling like maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing all of the time and so I waited and that was a bad thing I waited way longer than I should have if you think something is happening please love yourself enough to go to the hospital and not wait on a lighter note a big part of healing from Strokes is learning new things and like I said like keeping your uh my hands got impacted and so learning to do things with my hands like helps rebuild those neural Pathways um so I wanted to show you guys something I made CU as I've been able to like throughout the day I've got a little spot over here on the couch that I've set up where I will sit and um my friend sent me things to learn to knit because I've never knit before and I've been crocheting a ton because I never learned to follow patterns and so I made this check it out guys it's like a whole it's a whole sweater or cardigan and I made it took a very long time but I'm very proud of it um so I've been keeping myself busy keeping my hands busy at least listening to audio books things like that I also wanted to ask for your help for anyone who feels inclined um it's a very weird thing to see say to a camera I set aside savings a long time ago for medical emergencies when I was able to because I knew my life and I knew that you know something might happen I mean I'm so grateful that I was able to do that but the last year between my leg surgery and my neck surgery um that took a hit and now with the medical bills of being in the the hospital and ICU for days and then not being able to really work um things are very financially difficult and are going to be difficult I put the link to my patreon in my description I can't promise any extra content or behind the scenes or any additional benefits like I normally would because I'm not physically capable of that right now um but if you would like to and have the means to um that is there I don't know when I will be back to YouTube or making videos and honestly I don't know what that will look like there's a lot of question marks about the future I'm really grateful to have survived this I am being very diligent to follow all of my doctor's orders to not do anything to not lift anything over like five lbs um to be supervised if I'm walking like all of that I'm very committed to this going through this recovery the best that I can and focusing my energy on that and with that being said I'm gonna go L down with my puppy dog um thank you so much for listening I hope to to give you more updates soon I imagine the easiest place for me to put any kind of update is going to be the community tab here um my patreon page and my Instagram uh so if you want to follow along any of those that's probably where future short-term updates will be and hey who knows maybe magically my recovery will accelerate far beyond anyone's wildest dreams and I'll be able to be back in front of a a camera and making content and working soon but we'll see uh thank you again for listening I love you guys I'm thinking about you so grateful to be here and I will see you guys in the next video whenever that is please take care of yourselves until then bye kids