I almost waited too long

come here often no if not do do you want to I think it'd be cool if we hung out hello there my beautiful lovely internet friends let's doodle let's draw and talk about overcoming medical gaslighting bear with me I'll explain it's going to be a good time I also tape my microphone to my water bottle and I don't know how well that's going to work we'll find out together so I had a stroke with some pretty severe symptoms and I did not go to the ER a because I wasn't thinking straight but B because of really awful experiences with doctors and medical professionals over the years that taught me to think I was crazy I was a burden I was a problem and I don't use this term lightly there was a good deal of medical gaslighting that has occurred if you're specifically a woman in our health care System you might know what I'm talking about but yeah I I almost died because I didn't want another doctor to make me feel crazy and I also didn't want to be an inconvenience so let's talk a little bit about that and some recommendations and change of attitude that I've had in the aftermath also we're going to we're going to color in a little d I just realized that the camera that I set up to film me doodling while we're talking was not on the entire time so if you like that idea for a format of a video let me know I'll get it set up and actually hit record the next time if you new to my Channel or you don't know me I'm missing a leg see proof it's gone and in addition to that I have spent so many years of my life in medical offices due to neurological issues chronic migraine kidney problems along with a sprinkling of a few other things I've had 20 odd surgery I am quite familiar with doctor's offices and ER rooms and hospital beds and for a while there I thought I was handling it well right like it's not fun stuff to go through but I started out at like age 13 on this medical Journey having a deep respect for doctors and nurses they are people in positions of authority they save lives for the record I do still have a lot of respect but that did get shaken for a little while because the older that I got and the more experiences that I had in our medical system I think I became somewhat traumatized I don't like using that word often but by some of the experiences that I had and the ways that I was dismissed and made to feel like a problem and made to feel like I was crazy medical gaslighting is a term that we're hearing a little bit more often and I'm going to put a recommendation for a book down below that my friend Alana wrote all about it but especially as a woman it can be rather difficult to get care that you deserve I find it really hard to talk about medical gaslighting because it is so nuanced so I want to talk about why the effects of the words and actions of doctors who were trying to help me did actually almost kill me twice I think a good example of medical gaslighting would be when I was in the hospital I had my leg cut off for the second time and there was a drain in my leg and other complications and I was told the day before when my then husband was present they were going to do a quick procedure to get it out it was going to be very painful they would make sure that I was medicated ahead of time don't worry about it we got you covered and then I was woken up at like 6:30 or 7:00 by two doctors being like all right we're doing this and I was very confused because I had told that there would be help because it' be very painful they told me they didn't have time for it it was very painful and when I expressed that I was upset about this because I had been told something very different the Doctor Who had told me the day before the plan told me no I I never said that I mean you're like you're on a lot of drugs right now so just completely told me that I never heard what I heard because they did not have time to properly implement the medical plan and tried to make me feel like I was just unstable Checkmate buddy uh someone else was in the room both times and called them out pretty hard on it there have also been quite a few situations where I have had to go to the ER for various kinds of pain and very much been treated like I was drug seeking for recreational or addiction kind of purposes which if you look at my chart made no sense because I had so much access to opioids right at home if I wanted those I had them there was another situation and this was like the worst cuz I was in such a fragile mental state and in so much pain and sick where I had a kidney infection I had not gone in for it I like I waited way too long because I didn't want to deal with doctors treating me like garbage in the ER treating me like just like a crazy woman like oh abdominal pain okay well guess you're on your period don't need to be here so I didn't go in and I was almost septic it was a very bad kidney infection doctors and nurses alike berid me for waiting so long and then made made it very clear if this gets worse you need to come back so it got worse I came back and I remember it was a different doctor walked into the room like heavy sigh I think he took my temperature and no other vitals and was like you've already had a CT scan if I give you another you're going to get cancer I don't know what you want me to do for you I promise you I am not exaggerating that interaction and I don't like to cry in front of doctors but I did in that situation because I was scared I was in pain I had been told what I was dealing with was serious and I was so dismissed and those are just like small examples of some of the many experiences that I have had so let's talk about the big one having a stroke when the stroke occurred on the Jiu-Jitsu mats and if you want to know more about what happened I made a video I will link it up above or down below I was violently not okay like really really have never felt that way in my life very scary someone should have called an ambulance for me but they did not and I I just went home to wait it out because I thought it must just be I don't know my body I'm crazy right like I'm sure I'm fine and that is also a byproduct of having so many health issues for so many years many of which haven't had explanations for a very long time and I waited at home for I actually don't remember how long it was it was at least a day I think it was more than that so deeply not okay so dizzy I couldn't pick things up forming words was really difficult I was so out of it I was in so much pain but the idea of going into an ER and having doctors like shrug me off again cuz I was certain that that is what was going to happen because I've had so many experiences of that the idea of that was so awful to me that I sat at home with holes in my brain less okay than I've ever like neurologically been in my life and vehemently did not want to go in eventually I scheduled a virtual urgent care cuz I just wanted them to tell me like yeah it's probably a migraine you're fine go take a nap and the doctor that I spoke with was really great and was like Hey I'm uh I'm going to need you to off this call do not drive yourself and get immediately to an emergency room so I agreed knowing that I was just going to be an inconvenience to the doctors there because everything's fine and long story short turns out I had a stroke to the back of my brain and was immediately put in the ICU it was quite an experience now since that has occurred there have been a few other times where I have chosen to go into the ER because symptoms shifted violently and I did not know if it was just like leftovers from the stroke if it was just a rough day and things were aggra ated or if I was having a brain bleed or another stroke and what really shifted for me and the perspective that I wanted to share with you today is that it's okay to inconvenience people who are doing their job I so didn't want to be a problem to doctors I so so didn't want them to make me feel like I was a crazy person but it became clear to me that saving my life was more important than those needs and also that I wasn't doing a good job of like loving myself and advocating for myself myself also I thought I would have more of this doodle done but I think I get to talking and I slow at drawing anyways treating patients like they are an inconvenience and like they are crazy because you don't immediately know the answer has lifelong effects and the combined number of doctors that have treated me that way over the years really created a mental block in my brain where first with the kidney infection years ago and then with the stroke now I was in very dangerous situations that I told myself I was just crazy for thinking we're even issue I think that patient doctor communication desperately needs to improve and I am well aware of the fact that the system is to blame for so much of this I have a lot of good friends now who are medical professionals whether they're nurses doctors or PAs and it has been very eye openening to hear about things from their perspective like what they deal with in the fraking system but to those of us who are not medical professionals I just wanted to urge you to be an inconvenience that the idea of being an inconvenience or even having someone make you feel like you're not right in the head or you're crazy or you're overreacting or you're hysterical or you're just on your period that stuff feels awful it creates complexes and bits of trauma at least in my brain but it is absolutely worth it to still go in if you think there could be an issue and it's okay to advocate for yourself in those situations and state your needs whatever your reason is for waiting if you think your life could be in danger please don't if I had gone in sooner the deficits that it left me with wouldn't have been as severe and sitting at home alone for days having had a stroke and a lot going on neurologically was not the right choice I wasn't thinking straight anyways right hospitals are there for a reason treatment needs to change across the board our system needs to get better and I will happily fight for that because man oh man all of that to say if you think that something is going on with your body please as you are able to I know there's a lot of factors but don't wait don't wait because you think you're an inconvenience don't wait if you just think you're crazy and overreact ing if something could actually be going on I believe it is always better to get that confirmed one way or another and as time has gone on I've really lost the shame that I had about going into an ER when I think something could actually be wrong because guess what it's my body I am paying for that medical care and it is better to be safe than sorry when you are talking about your life on the line hope that made sense we did not get a lot of drawing done I expected to like complete the whole page I'm going to go rest I'm going to take the puppies out for a little bit and then probably nap again if we're being honest we're snow in today which is kind of cozy I hope you're doing well out there huge thank you to all of my supporters on patreon again so much couldn't have done the last few months without you I really appreciate it and to you lovely friend watching this video could be anywhere else in the world doing anything else and you chose to hang out with me for a few minutes here today which is really cool I thank you let me know what you think of this video format it's kind of just laidback and chatty yeah I'm definitely going to go lay down love you guys I'm thinking about you and I will see you in the next video