Episode 9_ Moments Learning to Change.

Hello my beautiful people, I am so so so beyond excited to record this episode. It is 1am, actually it's 12.43am and it's a Tuesday night and I'm sitting in the van and I normally don't record until Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday for the following week's episode. But all day today, I've been feeling so inspired and I think it's because I had therapy yesterday and I hadn't gone to therapy for like 3 weeks just because there's so much going on in life. And the conversation that I had with my therapist just spoke to me in a way that I feel has never affected me like this. I don't know how to explain it, I've gone to therapy a bunch of times, I've had a lot of really meaningful, motivational, inspiring conversations in my life, but for some reason, this one just stuck. And then all day today, all I could think about was what I talked about with my therapist and then I just wanted to start doing my own research on why I was feeling this way and what was going on and just figuring out why this happens. Why are we so afraid of change? And then once we finally do make the change, why do we resort back to that past version of ourselves in some scenarios? So, today's episode, I think it's episode 9, is... I actually haven't figured out the title yet. It's going to be something like Moments Accepting Change, Moments Accepting Self-Development, Moments In Change, Moments Figuring... You guys get the idea. I don't know what it's going to be, but I just... I'm really excited, that's all I have to say. I started the outline and I was like, you know what, I'm going to watch some YouTube videos figuring this out. I watched this YouTube video, guys, it literally blew my mind. The things that I gained from this, I'm going to send... I'll post a link on my Instagram story, but I'm also going to talk about some of the most important things that it said. But I feel like I just learned more in the past 13 minutes of watching that video than I've learned in the past three months of trying to figure myself out. You know those things where you're just like, what? What just happened? Why did that just happen in my mind and why didn't it happen sooner? That's kind of what I want this episode to give, and I'm going to do the best I can to try to figure out how to do that in the same way that that video did it for me, but that video had motivational background music, so it's not going to be the same, but hopefully I can get the points across to you. This is my favorite quote. You can't be who you used to be and who you're going to be at the same time. So I wanted the episode to more so be about once you finally change, why do you resort back to old habits in certain environments? But while I started that outline is when I realized that change is actually really hard, and so many of us have not figured out how to change, no matter how badly we want to change. So I decided that I want to kind of make this into two parts. Not two parts, they'll lead into each other, but starting with how to change and why it was so hard for us to figure out how to change. It feels impossible, and I've never understood why. I never understood why I couldn't just be like, okay, tomorrow I'm going to wake up early, and then just do it. It doesn't work like that, is what I learned today. There are reasons that it doesn't work like that, and I'm going to tell you why, but for so long, I just kept trying to tell myself I was going to do things, but then I just wouldn't do them, and it got so frustrating, and it's still happening. But I feel like these past couple days, I've started to notice that I'm making the difference, which has been a really cool feeling, and I think it's giving me this momentum that I've been looking for. The reason it's so hard for us to change is because we're constantly doing the same things every single day, with the same people, the same times, the same schedule, and it becomes a program. And what the YouTube video taught me was that by the age of 35, 95% of our mind just processes subconsciously. It does the same things that it's conditioned to do every single day. Not just doing the same things, but feeling the exact same emotions, 95% of it. We really are in control of 5% of our mind, because that is our conscious mind. So we can sit there and say, oh, I'm going to eat healthy, I'm going to take care of myself, but your body is on a whole different program. It is literally just running on its own schedule, because it's conditioned to be in control. This video talked about how this kind of happened at the age of 35, but honestly, I think this starts happening at the age that we all are, listening to this. In your teens, in your 20s, in your 30s. I don't really know how many people are out there listening, but I think this relates to all of us. We get literally just consistent to the same things and the same feelings, and it makes it feel literally impossible to make a real change, especially when the people in our lives are also not making a change, or the environment isn't changing. You feel secluded, you feel like you're the only person who is trying to do something new, and it makes it very uncomfortable. We also sometimes just wait for something to happen in our lives to make the change. Something extreme, something out of our control, like a tragedy. We wait for pain and suffering, we wait until we're basically forced to change, and then it's just so dreadful. But what we need to do, and what would feel so much better, is if we worked on that change while we felt joy, and while we felt inspiration, and not when it felt forced. Forced change can still be good, but I have a feeling that it's a lot more enjoyable when you're inspired and you are motivating yourself to make the change, and to become the person that you want to be. To be the person that you're dreaming of, and the person that you would look up to. You can be that person. It's not going to be easy, but as humans, we are literally conditioned. Guys, if you could even understand the way that this YouTube video just mind-boggled me, I don't even know. I actually did watch it twice, because it takes me a couple times to process things, but it mentioned how we would rather feel guilt, and shame, and sadness, because it's what's predictable for us. Our body likes to stay in its comfort zone, our mind likes to stay in its comfort zone. So it would rather stay there, experiencing the emotions that we're used to, even if it's anxiety, it's depression, it's so many different things. We would rather feel that because we're used to it, than experiencing the unknown, because the unknown is uncertain, and it makes people uneasy. I don't even mean to do that, but I liked it. The unknown is uncertain, and it makes us uneasy. But we need to stop living as victims, and by that I mean saying, oh, I feel this way because of this. For example, I'm late to everything because my dad's late to everything, or I'm unhappy because my job sucks, or I'm unhappy because I have a lot of homework. You're living as a victim. You want to take control of your life, and you want to be the driver, not the passenger. The first time I ever went to therapy, that was something that she told me, be the driver in your life, and not the passenger. And it's something that I think about every single day. And it helps, but sometimes, I don't know, it's not enough to actually encourage me to make the change, again, because our bodies are literally wired to stick with habits, stick with what's comfortable, stick to what it's used to, because it's just been trained. If you start sleeping in until 10 a.m., okay, it happens once that week. That's fine. Oh, the next week, it happens twice, and then it happens three times, and then four, and then five, and then all of a sudden, you're sleeping in every single day of the week, or you're procrastinating your homework every single day of the week, and then eventually, you're just not doing your homework. It always becomes a cycle if we allow it to become a cycle. Me and you, all of us, are going to break that cycle by figuring out how to get in touch with that 5% of our mind that is conscious, that we are in control of. From what I've learned, and what I've gathered, and what I've experienced, the best way to do that is simply meditation. It doesn't have to be, oh, let me Google some meditation. It can simply be sitting with yourself, forcing yourself to sit down, turn your phone off, turn off everything else besides your mind, turning off the need to check TikTok, to scroll through TikTok, because we all know that you start with one TikTok, oh, I'm just going on here for three minutes, and then suddenly an hour has gone by, or the need to text people back, the need to rely on the outside environment. Another quote that I also found in this YouTube video that I really, really liked, I don't know if it was a quote or more so a fact or a realization, but it was, our emotions are the products of past experiences. Therefore, everything that has happened in the past is what has led you to feel this way right now, which also means you're going to keep feeling these things unless you take control by doing things like meditation, turning off the outside world. I also saw TikTok like two hours ago talking about how the app is literally 100% taking control of all of us. It was super deep, and it had a lot of facts and details that I can't explain the correct way, but basically, I'm just learning that the outside world is not the outside world. Social media, all of these apps, all of these platforms can be really toxic if we don't take control of the media that we're allowing ourselves to consume. By that, I mean following people who actually help you gain something versus following people who are just taking you right down this trap of wasted time and just becoming someone that you don't want to be. I'll get into the TikTok at another time, but back to meditation. Forcing yourself to sit down for five minutes. If you can, if you're in a situation that you can right now, pause this podcast for five minutes. Wherever you are, turn your phone off, close your eyes, and just be with yourself. You're going to notice it's hard. It is really not easy to do, and your mind is going to wander, but eventually, it's going to start listening to you, and you're going to feel like you're in more control of your life, like you're the driver. It's really just a form of training your mind. I just think it's really cool, and I think it doesn't hurt to try it. Go ahead, pause the video. I believe that you can do it. Come back when you're done. Okay, if you were able to do that, that's incredible and amazing, and if you weren't able to pause it right now, that's also fine. We're back now. We're rolling. We're going to keep going. The next thing I want to talk about is that when you want to see a change and you want to make a change, you have to constantly rehearse the action of what you want. Envision yourself doing the thing that you want to do. As an example, if I'm going to bed and I say to myself, tomorrow, I'm going to go to my workout class at 8 a.m., if I just say that, it won't happen, but what has helped me make that happen is to not only just say that that's what I'm going to do, but envision the feeling of going and working out and finishing that workout and how empowered and rewarded I would feel afterwards. That's what inspires me to go. Not the idea of waking up early to go workout, but the idea and the feeling of what it's going to feel like after. That's what's going to give you the motivation. That's what's going to empower you. When you do that, it literally installs the neurological hardware in your brain that starts to make your mind willing to accept change, willing to move into the unknown. It no longer keeps a record of the past, but it more so starts to map your future. That's what we want to do. We want to stop constantly feeling the past and feeling the same emotions from the past. But we can't do that unless we start pushing ourselves. We have to physically make a change in what we do if we want to feel a change. So often, we just think that something's going to happen. Eventually, something's going to happen in the outside world that it's going to make my life change. But if you want to change now, that's not how it's going to happen. You have to believe in yourself, and you have to know that you're capable of doing it no matter what is going on in your outside world. Your outside world is going to have effect on you still. Don't get me wrong. There's no way that it doesn't because it attaches to our emotions in the way of seeing the same people may bring the same emotions on or going to the same job or going to the same school, going to bring on the same negative emotions sometimes. However, you're still in control when you choose to be in control. So start being in control more often than you're allowing the outside world to take control of you. Again, going back to being the driver and not the passenger. Believe in yourself. I think I feel so strongly about this episode and just change in general because I've had such a hard time doing it, and there's still so much change that I want to make in my life. There's so much better of a version of myself out there, and I can see her. I can visualize her. But I don't think that I'm putting in the work to find her right now, and I think I've just been waiting for something to happen that's going to empower me. But the thing is with that, we can't wait for success to feel empowered. We can't wait for a perfect relationship to feel loved. We can't wait for something incredible to happen to feel happiness. By they, I mean we. We wait for the effect and then make the change. But we need to cause the effect. We have to work for that. You have to start changing your every thought because your thoughts are going to become your choices, which are going to become your behavior, which is going to become your experience, which ultimately leads to your emotion. And it's a vicious cycle if you keep thinking negative thoughts, if you don't start shifting the way that you think. If you keep thinking like a Debbie Downer all the time, you're always going to feel like a Debbie Downer. It's a proven fact. Scientifically, if we think negative, we're going to get a negative outcome. That's the energy that we release by thinking those things and acting on them. It starts with shifting that mindset. That's where all of the change really happens. Becoming aware of what you're thinking and what you're consuming. Stop consuming such negative media. Easier said than done. Because like I talked about before, TikTok can be a black hole. And it's not just TikTok. It's the news. It's Facebook. It's Twitter. It's everything that you're on. Once it goes in, it's a lot harder to get out. And the same thing goes when you consume positive media. Once it's in, it's not really going to leave. So watch people that inspire you, that motivate you. Listen to things that inspire you and motivate you. Honestly, take this with a grain of salt. It's probably an unpopular opinion. I don't like sad music. Sad music makes me feel sadness. And I really know that this is super controversial because people love sad music. And I had a point of loving sad music when I was sad. And I wondered why I felt sad. But I was literally listening to depressing music. Don't get me wrong. A breakup song here and there. Taylor Swift. All Too Well. Ten Minute Version. I listen to it every day. But I only do it when it's not affecting me. I don't know how to make that make sense. It was just an example. If you want to listen to sad music and you don't think it makes you sad, that's incredible. And I applaud you. Keep doing it. But from my personal experience, it's something I've struggled with. If you're trying to plant a garden, you have to get rid of the weeds. I can't act like I made that up. They said it in the YouTube video. But I literally love it. And it's one of my new favorite things. And I'm probably going to say it a lot. And getting rid of the weeds can sometimes mean distancing yourself from certain friends that you aren't gaining something from. Or stop watching shows that are negatively impacting your thought process and your mental health. Stop doing things that aren't making you happy. Again, I know it's a lot easier said than done. But sometimes, if we want to see real change, we have to do hard things. We have to make sacrifices. When I was in college, I told you guys this story, I think in a couple different episodes. I got super depressed. And I got super anxious. And I couldn't understand why. Because I was always around great friends. I was working four different jobs. I was going out every night. And in the moment, it seemed like I was having fun. But then I realized I was constantly forcing myself to stay busy so that I didn't have to sit alone with my thoughts or my feelings. Because whenever I did, they were constantly negative. Like, very, very negative. And eventually, I started picking the weeds. I started realizing that there were certain things in that college environment that were absolutely not for me. Drinking every night was really just weeding me down a very, very dark path. It just made me really sad. And I didn't want to accept that I had to change my environment to feel better. And it was really difficult to do. I was in a year-long lease at my college apartment, and I didn't want to go back. It wasn't the place for me to be. I eventually realized that if I wanted to feel okay and I wanted to feel happy again, I had to make the sacrifice and I had to figure out how I was going to do it. I couldn't keep making excuses. I couldn't say, oh, but I can't do this because of this. I can't go home because I have a lease. I can't go home because it'll make my friends sad. Sometimes, you got to put yourself first. And don't get me wrong. I've always been someone who is people-pleasing. I always kind of do things if it makes other people happy, even if it doesn't make me happy. But every once in a while, I have a wake-up call. And back in college was one of those wake-up calls for me. And leaving that environment was getting rid of the weeds. I'm sure there were other ways I could have gotten rid of the weeds for myself in that specific college environment, but it's what worked best for me. And we're all going to have different ways of figuring out how to change and what steps we need to take towards being the best version of ourselves. We can't compare each other. We can't think to ourselves, oh, but this person did it this way, so that'll work for me. We are all built different with a different set of DNA from different ancestors with different emotions. We have completely different mindsets. And that's okay. That's good. That's normal. We don't want to be like everyone else. Sometimes, you have to just figure things out based on who you are, not based on what you think everyone else is feeling and what should be right and what should be wrong. Stop using the word should. My therapist taught me that, too. And it's been a game-changer, big time. That's another one that I say all the time is just releasing the word should and shifting it into a different state. Hold on to that one. And if you're listening and if you can go in the notes of your phone and type or in a journal or wherever you want to write it, write down what you think your weeds are. What is holding you back from becoming the best version of yourself? Write them down. Some of them might be really, really big weeds that you're going to need like a machine to pull out of the ground. Some of them are simple. And you can make the change right now because it's simple enough to do it, and it's going to feel really good. And eventually, picking that small weed, oh, look at that. It's connected to a different weed, so you just pulled out two weeds and then three and then four. And slowly, you're making progress, and your garden is ready to be planted. You're ready to plant the seeds for your future self. But you can't do that if you don't pick the weeds. If we're continuously doing the same thing, our personality is not going to be affecting our personal reality. But instead, our personal reality is going to be affecting our personality. It's not going to make you into the person that you want to be. But if you start switching things up, if you start accepting change, everything changes. For a lot of us right now, we're at a point where our body and our mind are not connected. Because our body is on a specific schedule that runs the same 95% of the time. But once you get a hold of that 5% of your mind that you can really, really get in touch with, that's when you're going to see a difference. And it means starting small. It means starting with every day when you wake up, sitting there for two minutes before you go on your phone, before you check anything, before you even write down what you're grateful for if you journal in the morning. Before you even get to that, sitting by yourself and just envisioning, rehearsing the person that you want to be. Who are you going to be that day? Setting an intention, setting a goal for that day. And eventually, your mind will be in control instead of your body. And this is something that I haven't done in a while. I can't sit here and say, oh yeah, every day when I wake up, I meditate for 15 minutes before I do anything. That is so far from false. I mean, so far from true. It's completely false. I wake up, my alarm goes off, first I snooze it a couple times, and then I open TikTok, I open Instagram, I check my emails, I check my texts, and I just immediately connect to the outside world. When in reality, I should not be doing that. None of us should be doing that. And a lot of people will say, oh, but I have school, so I only have like 10 minutes in the morning to get ready and everything's so busy. Wake up 10 minutes earlier. At night before you go to bed, say, tomorrow, I'm waking up 10 minutes earlier. And then rehearse it. Think about it in your mind and how it will feel if you do accomplish it. And then work towards doing it. Maybe it's not 10 minutes at first. Maybe you start with just two minutes. Whatever change you can make, no matter how small it is, is going to give you momentum. It's going to empower you. It's going to push you to keep working towards it. And I know that you're capable of it. I know that I'm capable of it. We just have to do it. We have to stop waiting around. And eventually, we do find change. And eventually, we do become a better version of ourselves. Maybe not the best version. I personally think that we're always evolving. And I don't think there ever is a best version of yourself because I always feel like there's more I could do for myself. And I don't see that in a negative way. I don't see it as something that's unattainable. But more so something that's everlasting. I don't know if that's the right word. It just sounded fancy and I liked it. But it's something that would keep me driven. Just knowing that there's always a better version of myself out there. And I'm always going to want to keep working towards her. Not moving against her. Not moving backwards. Which is going to kind of lead me into the second thing that I want to talk about. Which is once you find change in certain things, in small things, and you're put back into a past environment, why do we constantly feel the need to go back to the past version of ourselves? This goes back to the quote that I said in the beginning. You can't be who you used to be and who you're going to be at the same time. And I really dealt with this and felt this personally these past couple weeks. And I'll talk more about that in a second. But once I realized it was something that I'm struggling with, it also made me realize that there's probably people out there struggling with the same thing. Especially around the holidays and this time of year. Because around this time of year, a lot of us are immediately put back into our old environments. Going back home from school. If you're in college, seeing all your old high school friends. Being back in your same small town. Things like that. Many of us have gone away to college or separated from old friends. We've all gone on our own paths. So you've gone on a different path than your old friend. For example, you both have changed, but in different ways. And you're put back in the same environment. What happens? Oftentimes, since we're creatures of habit, since we're so used to being in our comfort zone, we go back to the past version of ourselves. The person that we used to be. Rather than the person that we're going to be. And that's where it gets messy. That's where our mental health comes into play. Our emotions. So many things. We also are put in situations where we're back with old friends who know you for certain things. And sometimes that's not what you're known for now. But they don't know that, and maybe you don't want them to. Or maybe it's a lot of work to explain who you've become and what has changed. So we don't. We just go back to our old ways. And then it's even harder the second time around to escape them again. I'm going to give you a more personal example just to make this make more sense. Because I don't know if the way that I'm explaining it makes sense. But a lot of my friends from high school are all home from college for Thanksgiving break. They just worked this past week. And I was so excited to see them. I'm so glad that I did see them. We had so much fun. We made really, really great memories. But it was hard for me. Mentally. Because high school me and beginning of college me went out all the time and loved it. I was like the life of the party. And I would make everyone drink with me. I would drink so much. Not in like an unhealthy way. But like I think you guys, you get what I mean. I had a lot of fun when I went out. And a lot of people knew me as being the fun one. But I don't see that version of myself anymore. And it's not in a negative way. And it's not in a, oh, I'm too cool to do that now. At all. I love that past version of me. I am so glad that I had her around because she taught me so much. And she has some of the best memories in the world from being that girl. But what I've learned over the past few years after going through the same cycle over and over again is that drinking and going out multiple times a week literally makes me depressed. Not to be harsh. But it makes me the saddest and most anxious version of myself ever. And I think that's because alcohol is a depressant. And it doesn't affect everyone the same way. Like most of my friends wake up the next day. Everything is fine. Ready to go again. Ready to get on with their lives. But for me the next day feels impossible. Not because I'm hungover or I feel sick. But mentally I'm drained. And mentally I feel sick. And it lasts for like three days. Because it takes alcohol three days to fully leave your system. At least. And it took me a really long time to learn that. And I've learned it multiple times before, yet I go back to the same cycle when I'm put back in the same environment. That's what is kind of leading me to do this podcast, this episode. Because I'm still navigating how to make the change. And I will say I think that YouTube video might have inspired me a lot. It's also just hard because I have so much fun. I really do have so much fun. Until it's over. And then I'm like, oh great. Here we go again. Here come these emotions that I'm going to feel for the next three days. And I'm not going to be able to accomplish anything. Because that's just what I feel like happens to me. And I don't know if anyone else relates to that. That might just be me. And it's okay if it is just me. But I'm ready to find that balance of still being that better version of myself. That self-developed version of myself when I'm put back into an environment that my past self lived in. And I think the key to doing that. And I also think that that specific example might not resonate with you or relate to you. But there's probably other things in your life that do. Somehow, someway, I'm sure they can connect. And when you are immersed in that situation and you are put into that situation, you have to stay strong with knowing who you've become. And being aware that you've changed. And focusing on the present and the future. Because we can't change the past. Oh my gosh, I just had an epiphany. I just had an epiphany. Another reason that we go back to old versions of ourselves is because there's good memories attached to it. But what I'm realizing right now is sometimes those activities that created those good memories are not going to create the same memories this time around because we've changed. Because we've grown. Because we've learned more about ourselves and we've become more aware and more in touch with our feelings. Whoa. Did anyone else, did that make sense? I really hope that that made sense because in my head it just made a lot of things click. We have the power to figure out what is going to create good memories for us now. If you keep living with the version of yourself that was 16 when you're 20, you're not going to have the same outcome. Four years have gone by. A lot has changed. You've grown for four years. And the same things that you did four years ago may not make you happy now. And that's okay. Be excited to figure out what makes you happy now. What gets you inspired, empowered, what makes you have the best time. It's in your control now. And new things can be scary, but I think in every episode I remind you guys to try new things. You never know when you're going to find your new passion or your new hobby. Not only is it hard to finally make the change, but then it's hard when you do make the change. It almost feels like there's never really a sweet spot. But there is. That 5% of the mind that you can eventually allow to control your every thought, your every move. That's what's going to help you find the sweet spot. And that's what I've learned, not just from that YouTube video, but I think from recording this episode. I just had a lot of realizations. I was talking to my therapist about my whole situation and she was like, Well, what if you just go out and don't drink? And then I talked to her about how I feel anxious if I'm not drinking and everyone else is. And I get really bad social anxiety in that setting. But that's because that's my habit. That is how I used to be. And my body is conditioned to still feel that way. But I don't have to feel that way. I don't. None of us have to feel the things that we don't want to feel. If we stop letting our past control us. Mic drop. Boom. Now, it's not going to be easy. It's not going to be easy for me. But I do hope that this gave you a little bit of encouragement. A little bit of motivation. I hope that you took away one thing from this that is going to push you through these next few days, these next few weeks, these next few months, these next few years to become the best version of yourself. The better version of yourself. Who do you want to be? What do you want to do? If you're finding yourself doing things every single day that you don't want to do, stop doing them. Or the cycle will continue. And you'll be stuck doing them over and over and over again. Until you break. When you don't want to break. Make the change when you feel inspired. When you can do it in the right way. Not when it's forced. Change is good. It's powerful. It's exciting. And you should be very proud of the growth that you've made. If you've changed and the people around you aren't in support of that change, aren't in support of you figuring yourself out, who you want to be, what you want to do, then those aren't your real friends. And I think that that should definitely be noted. Because I think you're incredible. And I am so proud of you. And I know that you're going to do such amazing things. And I believe in you. And I love you. And if you're still listening, I think I'm going to end on that note. I love you guys so freaking much. I am so grateful every single day that I was able to start this podcast. And that you guys are here and you support me. And I hope that I'm inspiring. I really do. It's what I've always dreamed of. I'm not exaggerating. Literally since I was 13. But thank you for every little thing. Everything. I'm so grateful. Okay. That's enough, Lexi. If you guys haven't already, please follow the podcast on Spotify. Leave a rating on Apple Podcasts. Download all the episodes on Spotify. And just keep being yourself. Keep living life. Life is beautiful. Look around for it, okay? I can't wait to talk to you guys next week. And I hope you're smiling. Love you.