WHAT ARE SOME OF SWB’s AUTISTIC TRAITS? #autism #autismawareness #neurodivergent #adhd

Hey, hey, y'all spiritual whistleblower here with a video since this is April and April is autism awareness month and I am newly diagnosed with Asperger's. I'm on the spectrum. I am autistic. I'm going to do a quick video in response. A lot of people have asked me what are some of the traits some of the things that I battle with, you know, as a result of my autism. So I'll share some of those things in this video. some things, you know, I've been doing since childhood. Um, some things I've developed as a recently, but all in all, you know, I confirmed this with my psychologist, you know, when we were screening me, we sat for a couple hours. Not only did he, you know, my, my psychologist gave me a bunch of tests. Um, he also was analyzing my body, um, my body language and, and everything during the interview he was just analyzing everything how I sat how I you know I'll get into that in the video um before I talk about my autistic traits in honor of autism awareness month I want to let y'all know that I will be in Toronto Canada I'm having a workshop on narcissistic abuse recovery I would love to see all my Toronto people in the building the location is private once you purchase your ticket i will email you the address to give you an idea of where the private event will be it is downtown i guess old toronto it's in the proximity it's near the cn tower now i will tell you guys that just so you have an idea so purchase tickets by going to eventbrite um the link is down below for tickets i am also going to be doing a meet and greet in boston massachusetts on June Thursday June 5th and then I'm going to um Connecticut I forgot what part of Connecticut that's another thing with autism the brain just be scrambled y'all that my thoughts be scrambling and racing through my head so fast I can't just like stop and think and blurt out what I'm thinking because there's just so much going on up here I'll be in Connecticut on um Sunday June 8th tickets are pinned in the comment section it's the link tree click on link tree and you'll see the selection Toronto Boston and Stamford, Connecticut, there it goes oh my god I could not think of Stamford to save my life I will be in Stamford, Connecticut on Sunday June 8th tickets down below all right so let's get into autism what are some of the weird things that I do um that that make me autistic so I can say um since childhood I have been notorious for cracking my knuckles and um I mean seriously a very very bad habit I mean since early childhood and I do it every single I cannot get through a day without cracking my knuckles it's like one of the first things I do in the morning and if I don't do it I will not feel any relief so um you know doc told me that any any form of like cracking your knuckles you know messing with your fingers your fingernails which i do i have an obsession with just like um maybe that's too much information let's just say like i mess with my fingers and my nails okay but cracking my knuckles i've had family members both sides of family you know mom's side and dad's side family members tell me Chanel well they would call me shell my nickname is shell stop cracking your knuckles you're gonna have big hands big fingers big knuckles if you don't stop well i'm here to tell y'all that's a lie that's a myth I've been cracking my knuckles damn near all my life I will be 50 years old this year okay I'm 49 years old I crack my knuckles every damn day and my fingers are just as ladylike and I don't have big knuckles I have lady a thin very thin ladylike feminine fingers okay so that's a goddamn lie that my family you know will put in my head and at the time I guess they all did not realize that that's why you know I'm autistic that's a trait of autism when a child is constantly messing with their hands their fingers cracking knuckles also with their toes and their feet I have this thing where um you know I'm always moving my toes around you know um I don't know if that sounds right you guys why does it sound so weird anyway um another thing that I did and I also believe my brother's autistic I haven't talked to my brother in years but I, I honestly believe, you know, me and him grew up, we were close, you know, growing up together and I could see a lot of the things I did. He did. I think my baby brother is autistic as well, but me and him both will walk on our toes. And a lot of people would ask us, I remember we, when we went to high school together, I was one grade ahead of him in high school and there'd be kids, you know, and me and him be walking, me and my brother walked together, like in the hallways, like the kids would ask us, why do you and your brother walk on your tippy toes? and I'm like what are you talking about we don't walk on our toes they say yes y'all do y'all both walk on your tippy toes and I never paid it no mind but you know um come to find out that is a sign of autism children that walk on their tippy toes um autistic absolutely y'all just don't understand since I have learned my diagnosis everything from my childhood oh baby the dots are connecting all the weird ---- that I used to do is making sense now all the ---- that I got beat for my mother whooped my ass beat my beat my brother my brother would you know he would stare because I know autistic children you know sometimes would like to stare off into space my brother used to do that ---- we get beat for all types of ---- like that whole time kid kid is autistic that's what makes the ---- sad this is you know I've been going through highs and lows My emotions are all over the place because, you know, the things that I got beat for me and my brother, it's just like me being slow and talking slow and moving slow. Even my hygiene. I'm going to keep it real with you all. My hygiene as a little girl was not up to par. All that is directly connected to autism. I got beat. Hell ******* yes. so um walking on tippy toes me and my brother i hope my brother gets evaluated i i know i know he has autism my brother's autistic i pray he gets gets evaluated i don't give a **** about my sister she's such a piece of ---- a piece of trash because she she you know blindly follows behind my mother and and she doesn't realize you know she's just like my mother i don't respect my sister you know she doesn't have a brain of her own and she doesn't have her own identity outside of my mother so I **** her my baby brother on the other hand I feel he's 100 percent autistic and I hope he gets you know evaluated um what else are the things that I do I have a sensitivity to clothing fabrics I cannot stand tags in the back of my shirts and in my pants and that's been lifelong since I was a child I cut out the tags out of all my clothes I cannot stand anything rubbing my skin, like a tag or a zipper or a button, uh, a pebble in my shoe. Um, if I use the bathroom, if I go to use the toilet and this may be too much information, but what I'm noticing is that when I talk about these things, other people come forward and they say, Oh my God, I thought it was just me. Oh, I see. I'm not alone. So I'm gonna go ahead and share with y'all. Okay. Um, whenever I have to use the toilet, whether it be number one or number two, I have to strip out of my clothes. I have to be completely naked. I've been doing that since I was a little girl. I do it today and I did it 45, 50 years ago. I cannot stand the feel of clothing on my body while I'm using the toilet. And that is a sensory issue. And that is also connected to autism. and I did research on it and I found out I am not the only one that does this strips their clothes okay um also to like a lot of people ask me or say to me you know spiritual whistleblower you're so pretty but you know we love when you get dressed up you put on makeup you do your hair and stuff and you get all pretty and stuff yeah it's nice but what a lot of people don't realize is I hate it I I dress up and I go out to treat myself out you know I like to take myself to five-star dinners here in New York there's a million one places to eat in New York I'm always going out I love treating myself and occasionally I will put on makeup wig dress really pretty but what y'all don't know I hate it I I don't hate the experience of going out I hate how the clothes the wig and the makeup it makes me feel itchy I want to rip it off I don't like how the wig feels I hate how the makeup the lashes feel I want to I want to you know once I go out to eat I'm sitting there eating and the thing that's popping in my brain is I can't wait to go home and take my makeup off I can't wait to go home and take this wig off I can't wait to go home and take my clothes off I hate how everything feels on my body so I have sensory issues even if I go to get my nails done acrylic nails I might be able to wear those nails one or two days by the third or fourth day I'm peeling I'm picking the nails off yes a fresh set that I didn't pay 50 60 dollars for a gel set I will pick them off because I don't like how the acrylic feels on my nails absolutely disgusting that's my autism okay so things you know I'm super sensitive to things touching me um rubbing against me and I wear the same ******* clothes every day I love the bonnet I love my t-shirts and my sweats and my hoodies cotton I am I am pro cotton I love wearing my same I wear the same ******* clothes every goddamn day and you know autistic children people even adults we we do not like to break routine we follow routine strictly every ******* day and my routine is getting up and putting on my hoodie my sweats um my turban i don't want to be wearing makeup i don't feel like i gotta dress up for no ******* body i don't want to please a man i ain't trying to get a man I'm not trying to get male validation and I'm in these streets being me keeping it real and whenever I see you know my supporters like you guys if anybody runs up on me in the streets whether I'm in New York or I'm in Cali Las Vegas wherever you run up on me I'm gonna be the realest bitch ever you know dressed like this I'm gonna give you hugs and love on the spot I will never be bougie and funny acting I'm so down to earth and this is my comfort zone this was what makes me happy so this is my autism you know I've always you know felt weird about dressing up and dressing pretty you know I've even had people think that I was gay I'm not gay honey I've never slept with a woman let alone kissed a woman in the mouth I'm not gay you know I remember being in high school my mother flat out said are you a lesbian because i was wearing baggy jeans and a baggy back in the day in the 90s y'all remember cross colors and stuff we wore baggy clothes and stuff like that tlc and all the girl groups they dressed in baggy clothes and baggy jeans doesn't mean you're a ******* lesbian my god but i i realize now i'm pro i'm about comfort honey you know don't get it twisted i will dress up as you know my closet is full of beautiful clothes i have beautiful stilettos honey I can get dressed up and pop out but my preference is this but I do remember too I had an issue with my hygiene you know um in my preteens which I got beat for um not brushing my teeth which I found out is very common with autistic children um not brushing their teeth uh it's it's a habit a habitual thing of autistic children I remember I got abused for that my mother used to take my toothbrush and make me put my hands down by my side and she would scour my teeth till my gums but I'd be crying and she would hold my head still she'd just scour and I'd be screaming and crying and my mouth was full of blood she did that to torture me and I hope she feels like ---- today because you know um research it you guys if you think I'm lying autistic children do not brush their teeth that's one of their their their habits poor hygiene okay it's not that they deliberately want to go around stinking or whatever it's just you know we're we're slow to processing things we're slow to you know picking up social cues and and you know commands and stuff i was slow i can i i absolutely was slow absolutely 100 percent and i got ******* beat for it what are some other things um textures and food i have a habit of eating the same things i will try things occasionally but i am stuck on what i like and right now big on pasta i just like the way that pasta feels in my mouth versus the taste lasagna again it's the noodle i have an obsession with noodles okay um thai i love drunken noodle drunk man noodle if you if you're familiar with thai food i will not order anything else off the ******* menu except drunken noodle drunk man noodle the noodle is so thin and and it's so wavy and and i just love how it it's not even a taste y'all it's not it tastes good it's delicious i ordered a beef flavor i don't get any other flavor of a beef but for me it's something about the texture of the noodle and it's the same feeling that i get like dopamine when i'm eating lasagna or pasta. I love noodles. I have a fascination with how pasta feels on my tongue. That's my autism. Okay. Uh, what else do I do? That's ******* weird. Um, social anxiety. Um, you know, I know you guys see me in my dance videos. I go actually go to dance parties and because of my social anxiety, I cannot dance in a room full of people, but for so long, unless it's house music, let me take that back. House music is a bit different. If I go to an underground house party, soulful house music here in New York house parties, they can go on all night, 12 hours straight. So what I will do in a room full of people is I'll go to the nearest corner. I'll stand in front of a giant speaker and I'll dance. Like there's nobody in a room. Like I tune everybody out and I get into the music. Otherwise, you know, all the other parties I go to, I might go to a hustle party or if i go to dance brazilian zouk i go to a zouk party i can only stay but for so long because i can't handle it just feels like the whole room everybody is staring at me that's how bad my social anxiety is i cannot be around a group of large people a large groups of people but for so long i get tremendous anxiety and i have to leave it feels like i'm being analyzed if that makes sense um but that that's some of the things i'm trying to think some of the other things that i do um sensitivity to light um and thank god at my job my day job my nine to five i have such an amazing boss and i have my own office um so when i go into work and i unlock the door to my office um everything is dim my i have my office space uh set up like a zen. I have green plants everywhere. It's a very calm and relaxing atmosphere. And I have butterflies pinned around, you know, so it feels surreal, but I have a giant window in my office. So right across, you know, if you look out the window in my office, it's, it's, um, it's trees and woods. I might see deer, I might see geese and turkeys, but it's in ducks, you know, it's wildlife. So it's nothing but greenery and woods and grass. And it's just peaceful to look at, but I have a sensory for lights, everything in my office. I do not turn on the big light in my office. The bright light hurts my eyes. I have a very dim lamp on my desk, a very soft lamp, pink light bulb, very dim, calm. Um, when I turn on my computer, everything is set to dark mode. I cannot stand to read my emails with the white background everything is dark all my emails the color is black black background my cell phone is set to dark mode my TikTok dark mode my Instagram dark mode i cannot read stuff that's bright and white it drives me insane okay so i have a sensitivity to bright lights that's my autism um what else what else i'm trying to think guys um i'm going to enroll soon in speech therapy because I always thought it was just me but now that I know that I'm autistic I have a slight speech impediment and I believe this could have been fixed in childhood had my parents put me in speech therapy I immediately let me tell you something my daughter my daughter has ADHD and I first they saw it in her at two years old and I wasted no time I immediately whatever they you know suggested that I do for my daughter I had my daughter at two years old she was in speech therapy I had her in recreational therapy and I had her in occupational therapy I did not waste no time I wanted my baby to get help so she could talk and enunciate her words and stuff I realized now forty-nine years old I don't enunciate my words properly and and sometimes I'd be wanting to say things that pop up in my head the thoughts in my mind be racing so fast I can't get it out fast enough. And sometimes I stumble over my words. That's autism. Okay. Even though people think that I talk, you know, I sound like, you know, proper and stuff. I'm not, I can just tell you right now, my ---- is fucked up. I know it's fucked up and it drives me crazy in a sense. So I do weird stuff. I count telephone poles. Like I, that's since childhood. Like I can be sitting in the back seat or passenger side of the car and just stare out the window and I'm counting telephone poles I have an obsession with it that's since childhood I have an obsession with I compute numbers off of license plates I compute numbers everywhere you know I'm always adding you know numbers like if we are in the grocery store I'm looking at other people's totals when they're totaling up their groceries and I'm calculating and adding up the total of their groceries my mind is always doing little stuff like that. That's my autism. Um, rocking. I like to rock and I like to hum that is stimming. I, um, can replay their songs in my iTunes. I have this whole giant library of music, but every single day I just go to one song or two songs and I replay those two songs. I never mind that I have a giant library. I stay stuck on these two songs that is stimming playing some music the same song over and over again watching the same show over and over again saying you know you might have a tv show or a specific movie that you can watch 24 hours back to back you can watch it over and over again that is autistic stimming stimming repeating myself that's another autistic trait i could say something one time and not realize that i'm repeating it five more times down the line i do that a lot in my videos i repeat myself that's autism. So, um, I hope this video was a bit helpful for you guys. Um, shout out to those of you, all my moms that have children with autism. I want to tell you, you're doing an amazing job. Keep your baby in therapy. Stop listening to what people, you know, people's opinions. Don't let your family members talk you out of, you know, what's best for your child. You know, our parents failed us. We all should have been in therapy when we were young and our parents were too prideful to do it. So you, you know, you, you do what you got to do for you, for your babies. And I want to say to those of you that are late diagnosed, you're just now getting diagnosed, you know, in your late thirties and forties. I want to say, I love you. I'm proud of you for, you know, moving forward and getting the diagnosis and doing the work that your parents, your parents failed you, your parents failed you. Okay. And you were bullied, you know, for being different, but i'm here to tell you you're not different you're unique you are just the way that god designed you to be and if your family cannot value you and and love you for your unique qualities **** them **** your family keep going to therapy keep living your life on uh the way that you see fit and keep learning doing the research if you're autistic or adhd some of us got both they call it uh all adhd when a person has adhd and autism some people have both you know but but i'm proud of you because it takes a lot of courage to to do the work to become self-aware to learn yourself know what your diagnoses are know that you're not going crazy know that you you were done wrong you were bullied for being different do you honey and celebrate yourself today shout out to all my autistic folks my neurodivergence this has been a spiritual whistleblower the ticket information is down below i better see your ass Toronto Boston and Stamford Connecticut okay holla at your girl