Update: Male Dance Instructor Confronts SWB After She Establishes Boundaries #narcissist

Good morning, y'all. Spiritual Whistleblower here. Don't mind that noise in the background. That's just construction workers outside of my window. But hey, y'all, I got to give y'all the tea, the update on my white male dance instructor. If you've been following my story, I posted a couple of videos about it. You know, I feel that he's racist and misogynistic and I stopped attending his classes back in January. Oh, he confronted me finally over the weekend and I want to tell y'all about it okay uh first things first episode two of my podcast my family can kiss my ass the second episode will be posted this friday uh august 15th okay stay tuned for that i want to shout out my ladies i passed through uh dc and philly over the weekend and i got some great stories so like i said i will upload some of those stories this friday in episode two now let's get to the story now, just to give y'all a little bit of context. I don't want to go through the whole history. You can go watch the videos. I explained, I started to take on a new dance as a hobby and I had a white male instructor, you know, he's from another country, a Latin, you know, Portuguese, I'll say that. And, um, he was cool at first when I was taking his, his workshops, his group classes. And then over a period of time, I noticed his behavior started to switch towards me um you know making me feel unwelcome standoffish in different situations um an example like um after taking one of his classes he invited his whole class to go to a party so that we could practice dancing what we learned in his class right all the students didn't go it was just me and another white guy and what ended up happening all three of us went to the party it's like 10 o'clock at night him and the white guy were having this conversation so I kind of had to walk behind them just out of respect for their private conversation but at some point we approached a busy intersection the light was changing red and they both ran across the street to beat the light I did not do that I decided to wait so the light turned red they crossed the street I decided to stay by the time the light turned green they kept on walking which means they didn't escort me across the street they didn't wait for me nor did they they just didn't care and I thought it was very rude you know as a black woman but I'm a woman it's 10 o'clock at night you're my my male instructor I look up to you do you not care about my safety where are your manners where are your etiquette would you do this to your white students or your Asian students and by the way he has a fetish for Asian women at these parties he you'll never see him dancing with black women he loves dancing with Asian women and in this scene where i'm at in New York City it is heavily um it's pro-Asian you're you're barely gonna see black people there maybe one or two couples if we're lucky two couples two black couples dancing if we're lucky so it's white Brazilian and heavily Asian at these parties and him being a white male instructor Portuguese um his fetish is for Asian women and i that's cool he can have his preference that if that's what he's into that's cool but as a professional dance instructor and he's the leader of the community and a DJ um he should be setting examples they preach that they have these community guidelines that they include they don't tolerate racism in the community uh they have other rules about you know like um sexual you know men are to behave um don't overstep boundaries no sexual misconduct they have you know racism inclusion and all that okay so if y'all are about you know um inclusiveness as your community guidelines state why isn't the leader you know constantly pushing that onto the community in other words why is he dancing with just one specific race at his at well he dances with white and I think he dances with Hispanic but I never see no black women okay and it's also in salsa it's in other dance genres the black woman is the last one standing on the wall nobody wants to dance with the black woman okay I'm just gonna keep it real anyway um then I noticed a pattern of him you know I tried booking private sessions with him because I I took his classes for like five months straight week after week I was very you know he saw I was passionate I saw black women pop in and pop out but they didn't stay consistent like me he saw I was serious and so by the end of 2024 I tried to book private sessions with him so that I everything that I was learning in his classes I wanted to reinforce it privately in private sessions with him he was dodging me I mean I was blowing up his Facebook messages he was ignoring them then when I would see him in person at you know the workshops I tapped him on the shoulder I said hey did you see my message on Facebook I'm trying to book private he would shrug me off he blew me off but then I would see him open up his schedule to a male in my class one of my male classmates asked him for private he said okay this is when I'm available I saw this with my own eyes so I said what the **** is this dude's problem with me then I started noticing a pattern at all the parties. He was avoiding dancing with black women. Then I saw there's an Asian girl in my class and I said, why is he always dancing with her at the parties? You invite your students to these parties. Okay. We here now we're going to practice everything that you taught us in your classes. Your students are here at these parties. Why are you specifically dancing with your Asian students, but you skip over your black student. I saw a pattern of this behavior multiple times so finally I got fed up this was January I got fed up and I you know not only that when he was avoiding me trying to book private sessions with him I got fed up so I posted a public notice we have a community board on Facebook okay all the dancers are in one community space like a chat group and I posted to the group I said I'm looking for an instructor because I don't know anybody. I'm new to this community. I am willing to pay for private lessons. Please private message me if you're interested. Who do y'all recommend? And then people, you know, people started asking me, well, what are you looking for? I said, well, I'm autistic. I have a developmental disability. I need an instructor that's patient, someone that's kind. I don't want a narcissist, an asshole. I started listing the things that I'm looking for. All of a sudden, he private this is the dance instructor that's giving me a hard time all these weeks he's ignoring my Facebook messages all of a sudden when he sees that I post publicly to the community chat board he gets in the Facebook messages all of a sudden he can read all of a sudden he can get in touch with me he gives me his private phone number here Chanel here's here here's my phone number I said this is weird I didn't I don't want your phone number just answer the ******* Facebook message so we can set up these private messages. Why are you putting me through all this? When I take your class week after week, several months in a row, you know I'm trying to learn this stuff. You as my instructor have been avoiding me for private sessions. I shouldn't have to go through all this. Now he caught himself helping me by offering me his phone number. No, he was scared that I was going to expose him in that community chat. I know that now. Finally, I utilize his phone number. I text him directly and I said, I'm tired of going to these parties and I feel isolated and alienated as a black woman. Nobody hardly dances with me. There's like a problem with race. I said, where are all the black people at? I asked him this and I told him, I said, I watched, I said for several months, I said, you even waited to dance with me in December. I've been taking his classes since the summer and summer all the way up to, to December. I watched him ignore dancing with me and black women at all these parties for several months and I watched him dance with Asians and the Asian students in my class so I told him directly in a text message I said you even avoided dance with me and I said do you know how that made me feel I said it made me feel unwelcomed so since he calls himself offering his phone number and saying you know I can talk to him about anything and he's trying to extend himself I took advantage I text him directly and told him how I felt there's a race issue in this community you sir even avoided dancing with me for several months crickets he ignored the text i said that's the last time january uh um the first week of january would be my last time taking his class i started taking private sessions with his female he has a dance partner that he tours you know and they book gigs and um they book stuff all over the world i guess you know teaching classes together so i booked with her she came highly recommended by you know when I post on the community board everybody said go go with her but come to find out she's protecting him because while I'm taking private sessions with her she's encouraging me to go back to the dance parties and I said him and her must have had a conversation about me while he's ignoring me he's telling her to suck me back into the party I said no let's address the ******* issue so I would not give her any information once I saw that she was defending and protecting him She didn't want to even hear my side of the story. They working together. You understand me? Fast forward to May, five months pass. I see him again in person at a dance convention in Canada. He comes right up to me and hugs me three different occasions. I see him in person. He makes no mention of the race issue, ignores the text message, doesn't invite me to come back. You know, Chanel, we miss you. You can always come back. He mentions nothing. I said, OK, I see what's going on. here so I decided to put them on blast on my Facebook I didn't mention his name but I posted a bit very public I said there is a race issue going on here I'm tired of this and that I brought the issue up to a instructor he ignored me and dismissed dismissed me once I went public with it now everybody's trying to reach out to me everybody wants to do damage control he's sending his people in my inbox no you shouldn't have ******* ignored me to begin with so y'all here we go over the weekend i saw him in washington dc i ignored the **** out of him i did not take any of his classes he he did teach a class or two in dc i i took all the other instructors classes i ignored his class um there was a dance party in dc and in the nighttime i'm sitting there you know enjoying watching people dance you know i i got a lot of dances dc was lit i'm gonna tell you i got a lot of dances in the whole different community whole different vibe I'm sitting you know taking a break on the side he jumps in my face and says hey you want to dance you know you can always talk to me you know I don't feel comfortable talking to you right now with you feeling this way but you know I'm here to talk anytime you want to I was boiling okay because at that moment I wanted to cuss him the **** out because this passive-aggressive stuff I don't play don't do the passive-aggressive with me. You can't. So the back of my mind, I said, he, this is, this is his way of trying to extract narcissistic supply out of me. Don't give him an emotional reaction. I looked him dead in the face and I said, shook my head. No, I didn't say nothing. I just, I did not want to give him an emotional reaction. He said, okay. Then he walked off. Mind y'all. I wrote him up. I wrote a very detailed complaint to his supervisor about everything everything I'm telling y'all I wrote I wrote and documented it and I sent it to his people over him the people that pay his bills and book him to DJ and teach I've sent it to them and I specified I document I said I don't I said I feel he's a racist and a misogynist I don't want to talk to him I'm not taking any more of classes. And I said, please let him know he is to stay away from me. Not just in New York. If I travel anywhere and I see him, tell him to stay away from me. Don't talk to me. And I won't talk to him. Why is he violating boundaries? He's already he y'all y'all. They just disregarded my wishes. He's in my face. I said, this is not even about squashing anything. This is about them doing damage control. So that's how I handled it. I stayed silent and I just shook my head. No, you got to stand on business with your boundaries. You cannot tell them you're cutting them off. You just have to do it internally, internally, cut them off and distance yourself and then stand on business with your actions. They still don't take me serious. It's about them doing damage control. It's cool though. I know how I'm going to handle this. I'm just going to be tight-lipped and I'm going to move move in silence and I'm gonna be strategic because now why do you want to talk now when I wanted to talk back in January and it was a very serious matter as my instructor someone I look up to and respect you should have said you know what Chanel I really wish we we had more black people you're right I wish there was a way that you know if you could help us and give us suggestions you know we we want to make this community better you know we value you we want you to keep coming back don't give up he should have said something in that moment he had opportunity he's the leader of the community but he blew me the **** off now they want to talk now they want to talk yeah because i went public and i put them on blast y'all let me know what y'all think in the comments please watch for episode two this friday of my family can kiss my ass podcast i love you guys take care