My Ex Is Teaching Our Daughter Bad Financial Habits

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. As much as I'm invested into the Ramsey plan and being in control of my finances, my ex-wife is not. And her behaviors towards money concern me when it comes to our daughter. In what way? Is your daughter going to be hungry? Well, no, but a lot of frivolous spending, the idea of it costs what it costs, things like that, you know, racking up debt, a lot of debt, borrowing against 401Ks, clearing out 401Ks. How old is your daughter? She's 13. Well, here's the thing. You cannot, I mean, you could ask the same question and say, how do I teach my child to do their homework and get good grades if my ex-wife won't? How do I teach my child to have good manners and be a pleasant, kind person if my ex-wife won't? I'm sorry? Those are also things that kind of... So what the answer to the question is, is you can't control what happens over there. That's why we call them the ex. So we don't get to control that anymore. The only thing you can control is what you can control. And it's as for me and my house, this is what we do. So here's what I do, honey. You're 13. And when I had 13 year olds, the thing I always heard is, I just want to be treated like an adult. You ever heard that? Yeah. To which my answer always was, when you're acting like an adult, I will treat you like an adult. When you're acting like you're four, I will treat you like you're four. And within every 13 year old's body is a four year old and a 34 year old. And so I have to ask this multiple personality human, which one I'm speaking to at the time. If I'm speaking to the adult version of you, I'm going to talk to you like I would my best friend and say, honey, here's what I'm doing and why that makes sense. I'm going to always be generous. I'm going to always live on a plan. I'm going to always be living on less than I make. I'm going to always be investing. I'm going to avoid debt. And I'm going to enjoy some of my money that I pay cash for things only I do not take on debt. You will not find chaos and anxiety at our house over here because that's the way I live. And that's how I would love for you to live because I think it's going to cause you to be the best person ever. If you're four, I'm just going to tell you no. And I don't have to explain it because you're freaking four. And just too, there's part of this that's going to, uh, it's going to have a delayed effect because at 13, she's not going to necessarily see how things end up, but there's going to be a day where she's 23 and she's going to think back and go, oh gosh, my dad, you know, these are the things he taught. And I can see the results of that and how he's living today and how, what his demeanor is, how our relationship is. And then she's also going to see the results of, uh, what your ex is doing, which is she probably is going to end up with more debt. There's going to be more stress, more strain on the relationship. So let it take its course, let the learning and what she's learning take its course. You're not going to see the result of it today or even next year or, you know, so honestly, if I can, I'll ask them, am I speaking to the adult version of you? If I am, then let's talk this through and I will use persuasion and my tone of voice and use logic and explanation and data and spiritual guidance and those kinds of things like I would with an adult. But if I'm talking with a four-year-old that's having a hissy fit on the cereal aisle, then the answer is just no. And I'm not negotiating with a rational human being at this point. I just have to pick them up and leave the store. Right. Yeah. I recognize with this, Jade, like you said, it's the long game. It is the long game. And the persuasion when you say it to a 13-year-old about anything, you know, premarital sex, studying, brushing your teeth, how to talk to pet boys, where to put your, what position to put yourself in, all these kinds, the 13-year-old is going to listen some and some they're not going to listen. And then you're going to get some hard lessons that'll come with that. And so, um, but you, the only thing you can control, I wouldn't, I wouldn't put an ounce of my brain calories on what happens over at the X's. And if she brings that up, you just go, you know, your mom's a great lady and she can do whatever she wants to do over there. And what we do over here is this. I usually, I'm sorry, Dave. That's okay. Go ahead. You're fine. No, I was just going to say, you know, I, I, I try to, um, you know, keep, um, you know, emotionally or any kind of thought or feeling towards whatever's going on over there, you know, not my monkeys, not my circus kind of exactly. Um, and that's typically what I do. Um, with that stuff, it's just where certain instances come up, something like, you know, that happened today where it's like, it hits in my brain where it's, you know, what, what is my daughter really learning, you know, or from, from that influence. And I don't want things. That's what she's learning. You know, things that are not going to be helpful to her. That's what she's learning. And the only thing, the only chance you've got to offset that is by pouring good, clean water into the glass so that it displaces the other stuff out of the glass. And that, that vessel being one precious 13 year old. And Rachel says, what Jade said is more is caught than taught. I'll send you a copy of the book. Rachel and I did together. It was her first number one. It's called smart money, smart kids, how to teach kids, how to handle money. It's a parenting manual on that, and it'll help you. It's you'll love reading it and it'll help you. You want to teach them to work. You want to teach them to save. You want to teach them to give, you want to teach them to spend wisely and you want to teach them to, uh, give, save, spend and work. That's it. Give, save, spend, work, give, save, spend, work. And that's what adults should learn. By the way, most people can't do all five of those things either. Give, save, spend, work, give, save, spend, work, work, give, spend, work. Yeah. I mean, that's it. That's how, that's it. It's over and over, right? Yep. That's right. It's stuck. It gets stuck in that. Yeah. I mean, the other great question, by the way, it's a good question. And then, you know, so frustrating. I don't have kids 13, but I've been 13. And so I feel like that's my perspective on this. And at the end of the day, when you become an adult, you learn just as much, uh, from what your parents taught so much of what to do and from the mistakes that they made. You learn from both of them. Yep. So it's not, um, oh my gosh, everything I taught my kid wasn't exactly right. They're going to learn either way. They're going to learn from the mistakes. They're going to learn. We were talking about that. You and I, the other day on, on giving at church. Yes. In the old days, you would put a check into the giving and the offering plate and the child would see the parent doing that week after week after week on their day of worship and every single, and you don't have to say a thing. It's just drilled in. And, um, you know, that, but yeah, the more is caught than taught. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.