Stuck in Unforgiveness | Is Unforgiveness Holding Back Your Faith?

Hey everyone, welcome to today's podcast. I'm your host Dawn Boyer. And I'm Melinda Boyer, and we've got a show for you today on forgiveness. Hey, let me ask you a question. Have you ever got angry at somebody and then got stuck? Well, that's the question, and that is a subject that we're going to deep dive on today's podcast. Hang on, we'll be right back. The Bible says to anger and to sin not. He said, don't let the sun go down on your wrath. The problem becomes is when we get offended, sometimes we get stuck in anger, and we get stuck in unforgiveness. Yeah, you know, I've seen that so many times, and then the anger turns into bitterness, and then the bitterness turns into strife, and then the strife turns into, I can't stand you. Wow. I didn't know it got that bad, but okay. Well, you know, I always hear this about women, you know. Women have a tendency to not sit on things, but we stir the pot so much until it overflows and boils, right? And I think men have the more tendency to forgive and just forget about it. But my mom used to tell me, I'll forgive you, but I'll never forget what you did. Yeah, I think that goes back to the old school of generations back, right? What good is it to forgive me if you don't forget about it? Yeah. Every time something happens, you remind me of it. Yeah, and not only that, you know, every time I used to think about what my mom used to tell me, you know, I'll forgive you, but I won't forget it, is that every time something would come up to that something maybe I did that she didn't really forgive me or forget about it, then I knew that I was in big trouble, right? And not only that, I think the people that you don't forgive always feel like you haven't forgot, right? Right, yeah. And then not only that, is if something comes up, they're throwing it in your face without realizing that they, even though they've told you they forgive you for it, and that situation might come up again or something close to that, it's thrown up in your face again, you know, and then that bitterness all starts to happen all over again. And I think it keeps you in such a depressed mode. It keeps you in, not just depressed, but lonely, unhappy. All the negatives. All of the negatives, yeah, you know. And not only that, I think that's why so many people have heart attacks, you know, because I think there's so much in that non-forgiveness mode of maybe not even forgetting that they hold on to it and it's really affecting their body. Well, you know, many believers, even non-believers, but a lot of believers, they get stuck there because they don't know how to forgive. And then all of a sudden, devil and his crew comes in and starts putting guilt and shame and all these other things and saying, you know, you're supposed to forgive. But we live in denial many times. We say we forgive, but we know down deep in our heart we haven't really, truly forgiven that individual, and the devil lets us know it. So what happens is we get stuck there. And although it's a humorous subject at times, it's a really, really serious issue because we have not been properly New Testament taught of how forgiveness works, how it operates. And that's where I want to deep dive into this. But I want to read a scripture here that everyone out there that has read the New Testament, read the Bible, know this scripture backwards and forwards. But it's in Mark 11, 23, and 24. It says, Therefore I say unto you, what things soever you desire when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you shall have them. Now, we stop there and we get excited. The crowd goes wild because it sounds like a free ticket to heaven, right? Just whatsoever things you desire when you pray, believe that you receive them, and you'll have them. But then Jesus said, and his disciples got excited about that, and then he said, but hold on. There's always a hold on to things, right? Then he said right after that, and when you stand praying, forgive if you have ought against any, that your father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses. Now that, why did he have to go and say that for? That blew the whole party right there! Yeah, you know, I thought about that before, you know. It's kind of a double-edged sword, you know. As long as you forgive, I'll forgive you. And I think that keeps a lot of people in strife sometimes. Well, it is. What keeps them in strife is we really don't know how to forgive, because the fact of the matter, people say things to us, people do things to us, people betray us, and it's a really, really painful experience to go through. And as human beings, we now go after trying to forgive them based on these scriptures with our emotions, and our mind, and our feeling, and our humanistic effort. And that's where we get stuck, because it is not within the human psyche. It's not within our soul to have the ability to forgive. So as long as we try to forgive somebody within our own selves, we'll never forgive them. So we have to understand that forgiveness is not mental, it's not emotional, it's not physical, it's spiritual. Yeah, well, you know, you've told me plenty of times, you can never control what people say, or do, or whatever. But you know, the hardest thing, I think, for me is that I have a tendency to get really close to people, right? And then I believe everything that they tell me. Like, oh, you know, I love you. That includes ads on Facebook, too. We have Amazon coming to our house almost every day. This is true. But you know, I believe that, you know, I believe it with my true heart, you know. And this is another topic that I think we're going to talk about in our next show, you know, of how I dealt with a lot of women, you know, because I believe that they're my true friends. And then they turn around, and they backstab you, or they talk about you, or they never call you, and they tell you, oh, I'll always be here for you. But at the same time, you know, what happens to the individual person who believes that, trueheartedly? You know, how do you go back and then forgive them for them talking behind your back? You know, you can never trust them again. Yeah, and that's why forgiveness has to be a spiritual element. But look at it this way. The Bible says that the God is within us. Yes. Jesus is inside of us. And Jesus is the ultimate forgiver. Yeah. He knows how, and he has forgiven everything. So when somebody offends us, and we're trying to forgive them on our own, it's not going to happen. But when we go in and say, Jesus, you're the great forgiver. Amen, yes. I'm just going to let your forgiveness flow through my heart, because I can't do it. So I'm going to allow you, that's living inside of me, to forgive this situation, and use your forgiveness. So I don't have to try to use mine, because I don't have any. So I'm going to use yours, and just let it flow through me towards the situation. You know, and I think one of the things that we... Wasn't that good? That was good. But you know, one of the things I think we have to remind ourselves too, is the enemy is with us all the time. So he's putting things in our head all the time. Well, you know, exactly. Right? And that was a good point that you brought, because I think we need to know that we are our own temple of God. Right? Yeah, it says that our bodies is the temple of the Holy Spirit, or where the Spirit of God dwells in. In, right? So we have the authority to let the enemy know that he doesn't belong there. Exactly. Right? And I think that's one of the things that we forget, is stop having that enemy come against us, and stop him from doing that. You know, and I think we allow our minds to wander so much sometimes, that we forget that we have the ability to do that. Yeah, and what's nice is when we depend and use the forgiveness of Jesus towards that person, or that situation. It's a really good thing, because when the devil shows up and says, you haven't really forgiven that person. Of course I haven't forgiven that person. They're an idiot. But Jesus forgave them. You had to go there. Jesus forgave them, and that's good enough. And you know what happens when you do that? Before you know it, you realize that you authentically have forgiven that individual. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, because it heals our heart. Yeah, you know, and I think the healing of the heart is so important. And we have to remember, we have to ask the Lord to heal our heart every single day. I know I do every day, because it will drive you to have a heart attack. Yeah, and you know, we offend people, and people offend us without them even knowing it, or us knowing it. I had an individual, this was 20 plus years ago, said, you know, I finally forgive you. I said, well, I'm glad. I didn't know you were mad at me. I said, for all these years, I was really mad at you, and angry at you. I couldn't sleep. I had an upset stomach. I got an ulcer. I said, man, that's a big price to pay, and I didn't even know you were mad. But do you see what that does to people? I mean, that really hurts individuals. If you're carrying, you know, any kind of unforgiveness, or strife against that person, it affects your body. Yeah, it causes disease in the body. There are some individuals that don't have the mechanism to get over things. In other words, if you ever offend some people, one time, they're done. In other words, they don't have the ability to go within, and draw on God's ability to let forgiveness flow, and it severs the relationship completely. And again, that's not the life that God called us. So rather than denying that we have resentments towards a situation, or an individual, rather than denying, and living in self-denial, and say we forgive them when we know we haven't, we acknowledge that I can't forgive you on my own humanistic plane of my soul. But I can allow Jesus' forgiveness to flow through me, and I'll use his forgiveness. Let me ask you this. Do you think that it's easier, I mean, when you're carrying that kind of strife against somebody, and you're constantly thinking about him, do you think it's better just to talk it through? Although some people won't want to talk it through. No. You know, we laugh because we go to a certain restaurant, and for whatever reason, right, for whatever reason. I, you know, I know the reason. Well, I know the reason, too. Because, you know, when I order my food, I know exactly what I want. I don't have to guess. I tell the waitress or the waiter exactly what I want. No mayo, well done. Yeah, right. I mean, just everything, right? So they, the waitresses get really annoyed with this, right? Well, they get freaked out. They get a little nervous there, right? And so, you know, sometimes I can see them melting. You know, they're troubling, trying to take my order. But it's really simple, because I know what I want. Yeah, but at the same time, if they get it wrong, and they bring it back to you, you don't, you don't just, like, say it's okay. You will make them take it back. So no wonder they don't care for you. Well, but I do it nicely. I just said this was not, this, you know, I ordered it to be, please, no pink. So, like, bring me back my steak with pink. I'm just going to ask you to go back and bring me another one, or redo the whole thing. Yeah, you know, so yes, we do have issues with some restaurants we go to. Well, exactly. So we go to the one restaurant. But they tolerate it. Yeah, you know, I think these people hate our guts. So why are we still doing business here? Because we like the food. Well, exactly. But again, the fact of the matter is, we cannot get people to forgive. Yeah, we can, we can apologize, we can authentically say, I'm sorry, can I do any, is there anything that I can do to amend this thing and make it right? I think it's so important. It's not about the other person. It's about us. It's always 100% us. Yeah. And when we go back down to it, it's not even just about us. It's not about the other person. It's about the spiritual warfare, because the Bible says we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities against spiritual powers and wickedness in high places. That's where the issue is. And we are out of time on this podcast. So this is good. Yeah. So we want to thank you for joining us. Make sure you hit the like button, subscribe, tell your friends about it. This is the Ramus scene. And don't forget, forgive, but always forget. We'll see you on our next podcast.