"You Make 285,000 And Have Nothing To Show For It"

Brought to you by CHL, a budget-friendly, faith-based alternative to health insurance. chministries.org slash budget. My husband and I have very different spending habits. He is a more of an in-the-moment kind of person. Like, he sees something, he likes something, he buys it. And then what happens is Friday comes and I can't pay the babysitter. And I like to be more organized with money. And I respect that it's his way of living. But let's say yesterday we had a negative in our account. We're over $100,000 in debt. And he hired guys to, like, do construction to extend our house. And, you know, I respect his way of living, but I think you need to stop respecting his way of living. I don't. He's putting your entire family in jeopardy and in danger. Very stressful. Nothing about this demands respect. This isn't like, oh, he likes a shirt and he's going to go buy it. This is, this is bad. Like, you can't, you're not even, you're not able to pay for your actual needs in life of what you're needing to do. So what do I do? How long have you been married? Five years. Okay. It sounds like you're at the end of your rope. Like, you're like, I've talked to him, I've tried everything and nothing's worked. Is he combative? Is he defensive? What is he like when you approach him going, hey, we're $100,000 in debt and we can't pay for our bills? Are you not scared? Are you, do you not feel a sense of urgency about this? How does he respond? He's like, no, I'm, I'm going to get a deposit next week or in a month from now. I'll be fine. Everything's going to be fine. And sometimes he's right, but not always. No. Well, and so what, what, what's going to have to change within him is that he may be fine, but his wife is scared to death and his wife is stressed out. And so in order to love your wife well, you actually have to surrender some of the things that you want in order to take care of her. Right. And that's where, that's where this money stuff stops being money and it starts being marriage. It's, it's marriage issues that your husband does not listen to you and doesn't respect you, Olivia, in order to change his behavior in order to, and again, you're not, you're, you're, and what you're asking for is not crazy. Like this is pretty basic math here that he's just completely going against. What can I, is there anything I can do without changing him to like, I don't know, protect myself maybe just so that I don't stress about it all the time? Um, for the short term you can, but that's not a long term, long-term solution. Cause if anything, it just continues to divide your marriage. The goal would be that you guys as a married couple heal and, and find a path forward. And then the money habits and all of that follow. I don't want you to just avoid the issue by opening up your own accounts for the long-term. Now, for the short term, we can talk through some of that. If you really do feel like. You need enough money in your own account to pay the bills. You don't get. That's right. Foreclosed on. Yep. How much do you guys make a year? When you're in the baby steps, every expense deserves a second look. And healthcare is one of the biggest. That's why I recommend Christian Healthcare Ministries. CHM is a health cost-sharing ministry and their programs start at just $115 a month. A lot of families find CHM gives them more room in the budget. And it's why members say they're better with CHM. Right now, new members can get a 50% credit towards their first month. Go to chministries.org slash budget and use promo code Ramsey. How much do you guys make a year? It's luxury, but the last two years it was in the high 200. Okay. Are you both working? I work for him. You work for him. Okay. So how much do you bring home? Do you bring home a paycheck? I don't have a salary, no. I just work. So you work for him for this business? Yeah. And then all the money just flows into y'all's checking account? Correct. Okay. What kind of work do you do? He does construction and I do his books, ironically. So you tell us, what is the path forward for him to see this thing for what it is? You guys make $285,000 and you have nothing to show for it. You're going backwards every single month. I don't know. I guess I need to have a conversation with him, but how do I go about that conversation? Usually the most productive way is more concentrating on you, Olivia, because the sad thing is you can't change him. You can tell him and express to him exactly what you're feeling, what you're thinking, what your desires are. I mean, and at this point, Olivia, I mean, what your ultimatums are, right? Like you don't want to live like this for the rest of your life where you're scared you can't even pay your bills. And so, you know, an ultimatum that if he doesn't do X, Y, and Z, meaning like he doesn't spend over X amount without you both agreeing, he doesn't spend extra until X, Y, and Z is paid, you know, these kinds of things, that's a normal way to live. And if he refuses to do that, then yeah, then I mean, I would be taking a salary then from the company and paying myself and having my own account until you guys can get on the same page, right? And so there's some, and it's not like, I'm going to throw this in your face in a threatening way. It's more of a, I'm scared to death and I'm stressed. I'm losing sleep at night. I feel like I'm losing you as my husband. I don't feel like I'm being heard at all. I don't feel like we have equal value in this marriage. You know, this is how I'm feeling. And so in order for, yes, and in order for us to move forward, if you don't do X, Y, and Z, then these are the steps that I'm going to need to make this work for the short term. Yes, for the short term. Absolutely. Do you guys have kids? We have one kid, yeah. Okay. How old? How old the kid is, he's one. Okay. Did that change anything for you guys in the marriage? Yeah, it did because now when he spends on the kids, I can't say anything because it's for the kids. For the one-year-old. What does the one-year-old need other than formula and diapers? $300 worth of toys. Okay. But you can say something, Olivia. This is your money too. Just because the purchase was designated to another person, it's your money. This is your money that he's spending too. It's y'all's money. I mean, is what I'm trying to say. Like you have as much say in what is going on with this. And so, yeah, I mean, at that point, if you lay out your heart and again, we're being a little bit probably like hardcore because I want you to fight for you. But you can do this with a lot of calmness and humility and all of it, but yet be stern in what you're needing because that's survival is what you're talking about. And this is a solvable problem because if you're high income, you guys can be debt-free in 12 to 18 months. So this is not a lifetime of sacrifice if that's what he's thinking. Hey, we got to reset here. We don't have any financial foundation. We are at risk all over. We got payments up to our eyeballs while making almost $300,000. We should be doing better than we are. And if he can't see that, again, to Rachel's point, you're not going to change him. And at that point, you need to decide what you're going to do. But I would not just be putting up with this going, well, he's just a stubborn guy. He has a preference to make us broke forever. It's not like he prefers Thai and you like Mexican. This is far beyond that. Or he sells, you know. I try to be. I don't want to be the kind of wife that's like, oh, you can't do this. You can't do that. You can't send them that. Olivia, you're not. You're not. It's not like you guys have all this cash sitting around and he wants to go buy a ninja slushie on Amazon. And you're like, you can't buy that. That's stupid. Like this is this is paying bills. This is keeping you guys afloat. That you're not in the negative in your checking account. So to be at a 10. That is OK, Olivia. It calls for a 10. That is not you nagging. That's you having money. Yeah. The fact you guys make 300 grand and you're still going into debt every month. That's a problem. And Olivia, that it you guys may want to go see a marriage therapist, because the fact that that's even a thought within you, I needs to be probably worked out. And I'm not saying that to shame you. I'm just saying like what we're hearing, the language around your marriage and how he needs to be treated. It sounds like you're tiptoeing when he needs to. He needs to. He needs to get it, George, you know. Man up. Christian Health Care Ministries can save your family hundreds of dollars on health care every month. Learn more at chministries.org slash budget.