Jet: The World's Greatest Olympian #creators in Rio

Hello and welcome to the 2016... That's not... that's not the music. Next track! Next track! Welcome to the 2016 Games! Games! Games! Games! There's no picture. Hello and wel... To the 2016 Games! I am your host, Deborah Lasname. And may I say that I am very excited and very prideful to be the first Canadian woman to host the Olympic Games. As we gather together as nations united below the four great Olympic rings we... Oh, sorry. One second. Got it. Below the four great Olympic rings, we recognize our greatest athletes and how non-athletic we feel while watching them. And speaking of the great, today we follow the incredible story of the world's first all-around Olympian, making him a champion in every sport and deemed to take gold in every event this year. His name? Jet Pekskinski III. It will be Jet's very first Games at the young, ripe age of 20. Over his 25 years of training, he has cleaned over four participant ribbons and two Perfect Attendance Awards. He was also named National Champion of 2016 Hair Bowling. And may I say, I have never seen an Olympian warm up in such an extensive amount of clothing. His fame has made him a YouTube phenomenon, with his views racking over 36, and his Twitter with over 4 million tweets and 13 followers. He is famous in every sense of the word. Now, I am not sure what country Jet represents. No, I don't believe we have any idea. But oh, oh, look here. We have his mother supporting him in the stands. Oh, isn't she just adorable? Now, we may be able to tell what nationality Jet is by listening in to their dialogue. Let's see. That is definitely foreign. Jet is still walking and still warming up for us. And it appears right now he is making very intense eye contact with us. And he is still walking. We have to keep talking about him while he walks, right? Is he even going to the track right now? Oh boy, cute. Cut to commercial. Commercial. Are you finding yourself to smell absolutely awful? Are you always running to the bathroom? Are you constantly having pillow fights with your TV remote? That sucks. We can't help you. But we can help you keep the mosquitoes away while the athletes play with On Spray. Our not-so-secret ingredient is sugar water, which is used to attract mosquitoes to bite your skin, increasing your immunity. Check out On Spray versus our other leading competitors. Do not use On if you are pregnant nursing or a pregnant nurse. Side effects of On may include headache, rash, nausea, diarrhea, runny boobs, hallucinations, infection, pregnancy, severe anal bleeding, food cravings, puppy kicking, inability to identify Coke versus Pepsi, heart attack, stroke, and death. While using On, do not operate machinery unless you know how to. Then go ahead. This is taking way too long. He is taking a dump. Okay, oh. And we are back with Jet, who is making his way down to the runner's track in what appears to be his team uniform, the United States. Oh, wait, no. What's this? Oh. Okay. All right. Ahem. Well, representing team in the 100-meter dash is Jet Paksinski. Welcome to the 100-meter Olympic dash. Runners, please warm up and take your positions. On your mark. Get set. And would you look at that form. Now on to his swimming meet. And back to the track for the Olympic hurdles. Welcome back, runners, to the Olympic hurdles. Please take your marks. Okay. Cutting back over to the ring for Jet's boxing match. And doesn't he look spectacular in a leotard? Warming up on the mat is Jet getting ready for gymnastics. Jet also excelled in the following events. Golf. Tennis. Archery. Diving. Gymnastics. Now the 2016 games are going absolutely great. Oh, I'm sorry. One second. Hey, Jet's coming in for an interview. Got it. Oh, cool. I have just heard word that Jet is coming in for a live interview right now. Jet Paksinski III. Thank you for taking the time today, Jet. Please take a seat. Now today we just have a couple of questions for you. First one being, is your real name Jet or is it short for Jedidiah or something? Short. Oh, for what exactly? Brad. Oh, I see. Makes sense. So why do they call you Jet? Because it's faster than an airplane? No. Faster than car. Oh, well, yes. That too, I suppose. So, Jet, what makes you so different from the other athletes? I have 11 toes. Oh, so you have one extra. On one foot. Oh, wow. So is that why you think you're going to win gold? I don't think. I... Okay, Jet, so when do you find the time to... Better go now. Oh, wait. Does he have a cup? Okay. Well, would you look at that. An interview in records time, huh? What a champ. And with that is our coverage of the 2016 Olympics today. Make sure to tune in next week for hopefully a more relatable topic. But I hope you enjoyed this coverage, and if you did, please make sure to give it a big thumbs up because I don't see Anderson Cooper doing this. Anywho, signing off, I'm Debra Lasname, and goodnight. Why did you guys tell me to laugh afterwards? And why are we still on air and showing this part? That part of the news has always confused me. Oh, my. Hey, guys. So this video was something a little different than what I normally do. I just thought I would give it a whirl. And this whole video has actually been filmed in Brazil where I am watching the Olympics live on TV because it is way too hot outside. But it's been awesome being here, and I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm Brazilian and I'm growing a big booty now. But thank you so much for watching, and I'll see you guys next Wednesday with Liza. Little brown girl is out. I'm going to climb across the table now. Bye!