The Science Behind Modern Dating

How many swipes does it take for a regular guy to get a date? Well, for the last 5 years, a guy named Hayden swiped right 2 million times, but only got one date. This becomes scary when you think that more than half of modern relationships start online. Yet, when you look at the data, these spectacularly bad results become pretty logical. Somehow, on dating apps, only 1 in 3 users are women. On the other hand, women tend to only like 14% of the profiles they see, while men like 46%. So, are modern relationships f***ed? No, they're curable with the right science. The first problem? Number 1, the paradox of choice. Basically, it's easy to choose between these two snacks. Some people will choose this one, while others will choose this one. But what if I ask you to choose between 10 snacks? Most people will go for the best-looking ones, leaving some snacks untouched. But the paradox is that having more options makes you less satisfied. Because of this, part of you will always wonder if you made the best choice. That's why couples who meet online report being less happy than couples who meet in person. And this doesn't only apply to dating apps, but social media as a whole. The solution? Well, you need to be the snack that everybody chooses. Who would you choose out of these two guys? Probably this one. Instead of posting static photos like everybody else, take photos while you are in motion. This makes you seem more authentic, because you don't try to look good. You're just having fun. Also, the blur from the motion can hide some imperfections. Number 2, rushing things up. In 2014, researchers discovered that couples who initiate sex early in the relationship declare a much lower satisfaction than the ones who wait longer. And keep in mind that 60-80% of college students have experienced a form of sexual hookup. Why are they less satisfied? Well, the answer lies in the phenomenon called deciding versus sliding. Here's the deal. 50 years ago, two people would meet, get to know each other, meet each other's parents, get married, move together, and then have sex and live happily ever after. Each step led to another. This would give them time to get to know each other better and actively decide if they want to continue the relationship or not. Nowadays, you meet someone mostly online, get through one or two dates, have sex, slide into the relationship, and then get to know each other better. Instead of deciding if you want the relationship, you slide into it. Why is this so bad? Because of the one fallacy. Because of modern movies and today's media, we tend to believe that we must find our soulmate. Now when we quickly slide into relationships, we tend to go through an emotional rush, which makes the other person seem perfect. But then flaws start to appear, and we see the contrast between the person we believe they were and the they actually are. According to Professor Tom Sherman, this is what creates ics. These ics lead to lower satisfaction, breakup, or even cheating. The solution? Fall in love slowly. Now I really wanted to find some cool scientific piece of advice here, but from my experience, the best thing you can do is to find something better to do with your time. Right now, I'm editing this video, so I don't have time to think about her. Number 3 – Lack of Communication In 2014, two researchers instructed some participants to engage in brief conversations with strangers during train rides and waiting rooms. The rules were simple – the participants had to act as interested as possible, regardless of what the other person was talking about. When the interaction was over, the researcher would ask the uninstructed participant, how was the experience? Thrilling. All of them happened to meet a charming stranger. But then would come the question, so what's this stranger's name? Silence. This is one of those many studies that show that we love people who are actively listening to us. But because of modern technofarence, aka the use of technology during real-life interactions, we lost our ability to actively listen to others. And this leads to a significant drop in relationship satisfaction. The solution is pretty self-explanatory. Start to listen actively, not only with your ears, but also with your body language. In her book, Vanessa Van Edwards explains what certain cues actually mean and how to use them. Also, you can mirror the last words that the other person said to encourage them to reveal more. Number 4 – Individualism In the book, How to Not Die Alone, Logan represents two types of people, maximizers and satisficers. Maximizers seek to find the best partner possible. Satisficers look for an okay partner, then work to improve their relationship. In our times, most people are maximizers. We switch up on our current relationship for a better choice. But in reality, we only trade one set of problems for another. The solution? Learn to work things out. Here's when the best love psychologist, Dr. John Gottman, comes into the scene. In his career, he identified the four horsemen, aka the four big reasons that lead to breakup. A. Criticism – Attacking your partner instead of highlighting the problem. B. Contempt – Mocking your partner or acting superior. C. Defensiveness – Always making excuses for your behavior. D. Stonewalling – Shutting down and withdrawing from the interaction. But the best way to find and create true love is to actually understand the way women and men fall in love. Fortunately for you, I've got the perfect video.