What Men Wish Women Knew About Falling in Love

If you want a man to fall in love with you, you have to be completely okay with disappointing him. And I know that that sounds backwards because most of what you've been taught about dating and relationships is actually the opposite. But let me explain. The ability to disappoint a man is a skill and it's a skill that most women never develop because from the moment that you started dating, you were taught that being agreeable, available and always accommodating was the only way to keep him interested. So you say yes when you want to say no, and you stay quiet when something bothers you because you don't want to seem difficult. And you tell yourself that this is what a good woman does, but what you're actually doing is teaching him that your standards are negotiable. And here's what I need you to understand from a man's perspective. The more a man likes you, the more he's going to want from you. He's going to want more of your attention and more of your energy. But the part that most of you never grasp is that he's not looking for you to give him everything that he asked for. He is testing usually unconsciously to see where the line is because the woman who has no line is the woman that he stops respecting. So when you disappoint him, when you say, listen, I can't tonight without explaining yourself. When you say, Hey, that doesn't work for me without softening it. You're not pushing him away. You're showing him that you have a center into a man that is not rejection. That is attraction. My name is Ismael Gomez and I help women stop wasting time with the wrong men and build a relationship that actually works. And in this video, I'm going to give you three more insights about how men fall in love that nobody else is telling you. Okay, so let's begin. We don't guess if you're the one we accumulate evidence. A man thinking that you're the one right away is usually a bad sign because most of the time that is not love that is dopamine and lust. And I know that movies have taught you otherwise with love at first sight and all of these romantic stories. But most men don't decide that you're the one in a moment. They convince themselves slowly based on how much they invest in you. And I want you to think about it like this. Let's say that he goes on a date with you and it's good. Okay. And then he decides to put in more effort to see you again and you, you show up in a way that is easy to be around. And every time that he invests, something starts happening inside his mind. And this is not happening consciously. Okay. Remember that a lot of the things that we discuss here is not happening consciously. He's not sitting there analyzing it, but internally he's thinking, why do I keep doing all these things for this woman? Why do I want to see her again? And the answer that he gives himself, what do you think it is? He starts thinking, maybe she's different. Maybe she's the one. So pay attention to what I'm saying, ladies, because what I'm saying is that that belief does not come from when you give him. It comes from what he gives you. And the more he gives you, the more he thinks that, you know, I'm a smart investor, right? I'm a smart man. So if I'm giving her all of this, it must be because she's worthy of it. Now, the last thing that I want to say about this is that if you keep meeting men who are really intense at the beginning and then they kind of fade away or they disappear, this is the exact dynamic that I'm describing right here. If they invested fast and they got everything from you really fast, their brain did not give them enough time to build a slow conviction that comes from sustained investment. So when the dopamine faded, the relationship also faded because there was no foundation underneath it. The mistake that kills a man's effort. Most women don't lose a man's effort because he doesn't care. They lose it because of how they ask for things. I learned this in my own relationship. And once you notice it, you can't unsee it. And I'm going to give you an analogy. So imagine that you're building a house together and all you really want is for him to open the windows every morning. That's it. But instead of just asking for that one thing, many of you bring everything at once, baby, you never opened the windows in the morning. Also, did you notice that the plants are dying and look at the floor is dirty. And do you remember that lamp that you got on Amazon? Okay. That cheap lamp that I told you not to get. So you got it and now it's broken and I need you to fix it. And I'm not talking about a house. Okay. I hope that you're getting the analogy. And that is that when you're telling him all of these things, everything that you want to work on, all his brain is doing is completely shutting down. Not because he doesn't care, but because his brain processes one problem at a time and you just gave him five. And then you walk away thinking he's not listening to me. He's ignoring me, but all you did was really overwhelm him. So instead of trying to fix everything at once, just pick one thing, ladies. Okay. Just one, baby, I need you to open the windows every morning. Keep that as the priority until he starts doing it naturally. And then you move on to the next thing. Furthermore, it's not only when you ask for, it's also when you ask because a lot of you bring things up when you are already frustrated, you know, in the middle of an argument, you know, after he forgot the third time to do that thing. And when the emotions are really high, because in that moment, your nervous system and his are both in defensive mode. So he's not hearing you. Okay. He's protecting himself, which means that nothing that you say actually lands. But when you bring up the same issue during a calm moment over breakfast in the car, when things are really good between you, you're usually going to get a complete different response because the message can only land when his system is open. And the last piece, okay. And this is where you can miss it completely is reinforcement. When he opens the window, the way that you want it, notice it and acknowledge it. Let him feel that his effort actually mattered because when you're only pointing out what's missing, what he's doing wrong, all you're doing is training him to stop trying. So when you notice what's working and you reinforce it, you're going to get more of it. It's really that simple, ladies. When he misses you, he falls for you. A man often realizes how much he cares about you in the moments that you're not around. Okay. Not when you are. And once you understand this, your entire approach to love changes. When you're sitting across from him at dinner, his attention is fully on you. He's enjoying the moment and is wonderful, but the attachment deepens when he is apart from you. Those moments when he's at work and your name suddenly pops into his head and now he sends you a quick text or sometimes when he's driving home and he starts thinking about you and he begins to smile and those are the moments that his mind is going to start building. The story of this woman is becoming part of my life. So the math is that if he's falling for you, he's also missing you and missing only happens in space. Meaning that if you're always available, always reachable, there's no space for him to really miss you. You become a constant and constants don't trigger longing. They get taken for granted, not because he's a bad man, but because his brain does not have the contrast that he needs to build attachments. The longing he feels when you're not there is what makes him excited to see you when you are. So stop thinking that the goal is always to be with him as much as possible because being missed is just as important. All right, ladies, now that you understand a lot more about how men actually fall in love. Okay. The disappointment, the slow investment, the one problem at a time, the missing you when you're not there. These are the things that I feel many coaches and therapists miss when they speak about relationships. That being said, understanding men is only half of the equation. The other half is understanding yourself because most of you have certain blind spots and patterns that you keep repeating, no matter who the man is. So creating the awareness to notice these things in you is part of the work as well. And that's exactly what I break down in the next video. It's going to play after this one. I'm also going to leave the link somewhere up here and it's titled the dangerous pattern that women repeat with men. It's going to show you many things that have been invisible to you your whole life. All right? So thank you for subscribing to my channel and remember that for your relationships to change, you need to change. Okay. Have a beautiful day.