Men Choose Their Dream Woman Based On A Feeling She Creates

What happens when a man's dating you and you can't really tell what he's thinking? He seems to like you. He seems to be into you. He says all the right things. But either it's not progressing fast enough, or maybe he expresses some doubts, and you're not sure. Because you have these good times that you think of, of, well, it seems like he's into me. It seems like he, my friends seem to think he's really, but then there's a pause, or it's not going as fast. How do you know when a man decides you're the one? How do you know? Does he simply say something? Does he say, I have hereby decided, or does he say I love you? Is that it? I want to share something with you today that's a little bit different than what you've heard. And this has to do with what's going on inside of him. Internally how he decides. Not necessarily the conscious or logical thing, but the internal battles or thoughts are going on. Because for him falling in love is actually a form of surrender. And the surrender is where hell, the independence he's gained, the power. When a woman comes into his life, his testosterone drops like a rock. That is scientifically valid. And so men have this inherent knowledge to understand when I'm falling in love, I'm actually going to be in a weaker state. So therefore I am cautious with who I fall in love with. It feels great. It feels wonderful to feel euphoric. But to go all in means to be at somewhat of a disadvantage. And I don't mean to make this out like it's awful. It's something men on a different level think about. And when he does this, one thing he's doing is he's basing it primarily off a feeling or feelings. Or it could be even the lack of feelings. Now how he accesses these feelings has a lot to do with you. Before I tell you this, if you don't know me, I'm Bob Grant. And I spend a lot of time talking with women, especially professional women, about men and relationships and dating. And I founded Relationship Headquarters because I really want women to have the relationship they've always wanted. And if you like this, be sure and click the like button below and subscribe and we'll do more of these. Because I want to tell you internally what men are going to have a hard time explaining to you. Within him, you're not going to see this displayed. The way he gets the point of, you're the one, is he has a process that goes back and forth. And it has to do with, one, his injury, and the second part, his ideal. So his injury is going to be what's happened in the past, whether it's mom or dad, past relationships, maybe even a history with you, could be siblings. And what that injury is, is when he got close to someone or they got close to him and they hurt him. Now, we all have some of that. It's not, does anyone have no injury? That's almost impossible. It's more the degree of it. So he has an injury, and that injury can get ignored and pretend it doesn't even happen until he gets in a relationship again. Because his injury is not noticed because he doesn't feel it. So I've said this to many women. Remember, for us men, we're not thinking all the time. We don't have these thoughts running around in our heads like you do. So most of the time, we're in a state of nothingness. I know, amazing. And when we're in this state, we don't feel anything. It's like a car being parked. Doesn't exert any energy. And then once we're thinking and involved and focusing on something, then we're more engaged with it. But even then, we're still not feeling a lot. So the feeling part comes when you enter the equation. And when you stir up our feelings, the problem or the benefit with that is that you tend to stir up all of our feelings. And all of those feelings include the last time I let someone get close or when I let someone get close years ago. And there's a part of my brain that says the last time you let a woman get close, she hurt you. She was insulting to you. She cheated on you, whatever the thing is. And yes, ladies, I know, in fairness to you, you have reason to be cautious too with men. And because of that, he's torn between, you know, do I want to play it safe? So that's the caution part. Or do I want to take a chance on this person? And the more deeper an injury is, and here's the paradox, the more of an ideal he or anyone builds up. So if I've gone through really bad trauma, one of the ways of coping with that is I imagine or picture one day. One day, I will meet a wonderful man. He will be kind, be gracious. He will be loving and forgiving. One day. Because he won't be like this awful person in the past. Or he won't be like my awful dad or awful mom. He won't be. One day. Because I get these glimpses up on a first date or a second date. The person was just perfect. Everything was excellent. They go on and they finish each other's sentences and he seems to care so much and he smiles. He's so kind. And see, I'm not making stuff up. I just have a limited bit of information that I'm pulling from. On one or two dates, anyone can be wonderful. And that ideal makes me say, if I get the ideal, then I don't have to worry about getting injured again. People don't consciously say this. I mean, some do. But most don't. But that's a reaction to trauma. Again, most all of us, most everyone's had some degree of trauma. Some have had abuse, which is worse. But the degree of trauma or abuse tends to correlate with how high of an ideal we have. But it's usually framed in terms of, all I want is someone that's safe. All I want is someone that is kind, sweet, nice. Again, good stuff. So for him and most any man, I'm thinking of one man that came to my office. Really attractive guy. Probably 27, 28. And he was a nice guy. I liked him. Made a lot of money. So he had the whole package. A lot of girls. He was a devout Christian. He went to this big church. So a lot of the girls there saw him and wanted to be the missus or at least wanted to date him. And he came in to see me because part of what he realized is that he would go out with these women and they were nice. They were, I mean, no obvious things. He wasn't picking someone that was just mean or awful. But he'd get two or three dates into it. And for some reason at the fourth date, fourth or fifth date, something would go wrong. And he was a smart enough guy to realize that even though it was different things, this person did that. One woman seemed like she was too clingy. The other woman seemed like she was too cold. Both extremes. Another woman, he just didn't feel it after four or five dates. And to his credit, he recognized that the only thing all these women and stuff have in common is me. What is it I'm doing? And so we go into this and we start talking about, tell me about your past. Tell me about past relationships. Tell me about, I don't know what I'm looking for, but it's there. Because that pattern is telling us that he hasn't dealt with his injury. Because he hasn't dealt with his injury, he's therefore focused on an ideal. And because he's focused on an ideal, he is almost unable to decide any one of these women are the one for him. A lot of them could have been the one. They'd have been good wives. So as we've talked about his past and injuries, and there was this unconscious promise he had made that no woman's ever going to take advantage of him again. He didn't wake up one day and say it, but just listen to him. That was the theme that was going on. But the only way to not let a woman not take advantage of you is don't let her get close. And that's what he was doing. He was finding stuff. As we get to know someone, any man gets to know you, he's going to notice things about him that are odd or quirky. We all do that. With friends, we notice things. We just kind of roll it onto the package and it's fine. And he was looking for those things as a way to warn him. Beware of these things that don't feel idealistic. They don't feel perfect. Because if it's not perfect, then something bad's going to happen. That's him. To his credit, he worked through it and he did well. Happily married now, last diary. But every man has to go through some of that. So when he goes through this, as he gets closer to you, he has to experience some of that injury. That's why not being yourself is not helpful to him. If you're someone that's more outgoing, be outgoing. I mean, keep an eye on it. Don't just totally take over. If you're more quiet and reserved, be quiet and reserved. If that's not his cup of tea, he's not a good fit for you. Because he needs to see that that's how he evaluates. Okay, this sounds awful, but in his mind, what he's evaluating is, is this as bad as it gets. Okay, she's really quiet. Or when she gets upset, she gets a little loud. And that helps him. This is as bad as it gets. I can do this. So he actually needs to experience that. And the authenticity of who you are. The good, the bad, the ugly. I mean, the nuances, the weirdness, the wonderful. All of that stuff. Maybe not in the first couple of dates, but just over time he does. And as he does that, he realizes, okay, you're safe. The worst she could do, the worst she's going to do, is whenever she talks really fast when she gets nervous. Or sometimes she interrupts me, you know, when she gets really excited. Or those things are when we disagree. I don't like it, but she's respectful. What you're doing is you're building a floor. And once he knows what the floor is with you, like as bad as it's going to get, then the ideal starts to fade off. He doesn't need an ideal anymore. He needs you. An ideal in his mind is there to prevent him from letting a woman get close. You don't want to be his ideal. That's not the purpose of it. You want to be you. And if there are things you need to work on, let's talk. But we still want your core personality to be there. In fact, that's one of the things I created in the report down below of what men find irresistible. You can get below. And it is about authenticity and how mesmerizing that is to men. And not being authentic has the opposite effect. So remember today, every man has an injury and he needs to see who you are authentically. As he sees that, that helps him realize good days and bad days. Okay, you're not going to suddenly change into someone different. You're not going to, once you get comfortable, start revealing this other part of you that you've hidden for months and months. Then when he experiences that, he can relax. He doesn't need an ideal anymore. He doesn't need you to be perfect or never complain. No, he sees you for who you are. And the irony is he'll fall more deeply in love with who you are as opposed to who you are trying to pretend to be. Stay tuned for the next video. See you next week.