Dating Is Hard When You're A Stripper | Amber Eve

And being a stripper and a comedian is great because I've been stripping for 10 years and when I started doing comedy like three years ago my parents weren't really that disappointed. No, it's great and it changes your perspective. They say to get over your fear of public speaking you just picture the audience in their underwear. Yeah, for me to feel more confident I picture myself in underwear. Yeah and looking around the room some of you are doing the same thing right now. Yep, okay, yeah. I get very different reactions from crowds when I tell them what I do for a living. Men usually start listening more intently, yeah. Because to be fair most of them didn't know we could talk. And I do think even though they know this is a comedy show they just don't lose hope, you know. They're like maybe her jokes won't work that well. Maybe she's gonna get a bit desperate. Maybe I get to see a boob even too. No, it costs more than a comedy ticket to see those, sorry. Yeah and then women react in two different ways. Like half of the women are a bit skeptical. They're like okay who's she, you know. And if they're here with their partner they start aggressively holding his hand. I'm like don't take him, don't steal my man. Don't worry ladies. After 10 years in the business I don't even like men anymore. Except of course for you guys. You're special. You're not all like all the other. Anyway, no because look working in the strip club has given me trust issues. Because I learned that men will promise me just about anything if they're horny. You know I've heard these big unrealistic empty promises over the years. Promises like sure I'm gonna come back from the ATM and pay you. I've been hurt so many times. Yeah it makes dating hard for me. Because yeah I have trust issues. But here's what I realized. I think it's also hard for a lot of men to date me. Here's what I noticed. Some of my past partners have been like almost scared or at least a bit intimidated by me. Especially when it came to sex. And I don't really know why. Like is it the tail or the talons? No I think it's because when they see me performing in my eight inch stripper heels and my big power pussy persona. You know it can be quite powerful. And I think they they feel like they have to somehow match that energy in bed. Yeah and that puts out so much pressure right. So I just picture them like giving themselves a pep talk. Because before they're about to sleep with me. Like in the bathroom in front of the mirror. You got this. Show her who's the man. You better bring a freaking A game. And then they like slap themselves in the face. Meanwhile I'm over here thinking hello wrong face dude. I'm right here. Give me a cheer if you're kinky. That joke was for you. And then like the other part of the the female audience reacts differently. They're like oh my god I want to be a stripper too. Sounds so fun. Yeah cheer if you recognize yourself. No I do love my job. And it is really fun. But it's not easy. Stripping sounds easy. Until you find yourself naked in a dimly lit room with a stranger. And you have to entertain them for an hour. Yeah that's why I started telling them jokes. No for real. I don't really know how my co-workers do it. But like I personally I can only grind on a lap for so long. Until I go knock knock. What's there? It's your boner. There's nothing I can do about that. Sorry. More jokes. And you know it gets dull sometimes. You just like find yourself grinding away. Looking down at their shoes. Wondering will he notice when I tie his shoelaces together. Like about 10 years still haven't done it. Very proud of myself. And stripping in Switzerland is an extra challenge. Because I think we asked this before. Like who here is Swiss? Give me a whoop. Yeah it's very hesitant. Like we love you guys. But it's very hard to get Swiss people to show emotions. It's very hard to get them to open up their wallets. Yeah I truly believe that part of the reason Swiss people have so much money is because they never make it rain on strippers. But the other night at work I gave a Swiss guy a lap dance. And he gave me a reaction that was like a 10 out of 10 on the Swiss enthusiasm scale. It was so cool. This really happened. I want to tell you guys what happened. So I was dancing for him. And you can just pretend to be him. No reaction. Perfect. And I thought he was having a good time. It was kind of hard to tell. So I was like okay I'll do a little more you know. So I took my panties off. And then I gracefully lowered myself down to the floor. And did a very sexy pose. Showing him a good view of my personality. And he looked at me. And I looked up to him. And he went like this. Tip top. Yeah. This really happened. And you know it feels so good. It feels so good to know you're making a difference in someone's life. Yeah. But it's not just the Swiss that can be a challenge. A different night I had a client. She was like very obnoxious. He was very full of himself. Kept talking a lot. First I thought he was on coke. But he was just American. And he got a lap dance with me. And he sat down. He was like listen honey. I've gotten all the lap dances before you know. I've seen everything. But you know go ahead surprise me. I want to be surprised. I was like okay. Not the most charming intro. But I like a good challenge. So I was like all right. So I danced for him. I did my normal stuff. Got naked. And then towards the end of the dance I was like are you ready for your surprise? And he's like yeah. So I was like okay watch me. And I took my finger. And I licked it. And then I very slowly stuck it all the way up my nose. Yeah. No he did not like that. But he was surprised. Yeah. What do we learn from that? Be careful what you wish for. I get weird conversations too sometimes. The other night someone asked me while I was working in the strip club. He was like why do you work here? Why don't you get like a real job and work at McDonald's like a normal girl? Yeah. Wow. Exactly. And I thought about it. And I think it's so stupid right? Why should I work at McDonald's and sell Happy Meals when I can be the Happy Meal? Sometimes there's even a toy inside. No but this whole idea that stripping isn't a real job. I think it's so dumb. Because especially since when I get booked to do a bachelor party or something. I get booked to come dressed up as someone who has a very respectable profession. Like they book me to come dressed up as a policewoman or a nurse or a cow. And I wondered why that is. And I think it's just that we as a society. It really turns us on. Like this idea that underneath the uniform there's just a real dirty slut with no morals. Yeah that's hot. And it really explains why I never get booked to come dressed up as a politician. So my dad follows me on Instagram. Which is awkward when I think about it for too long. Because that's where I advertise my OnlyFans. That's right strippers can do home office too. But like he's not very. Like he knows his place. He's never like doing anything inappropriate. Like he never comments on my pictures saying good job honey that thong looks great on you. Never does that. And he only likes the pictures where I'm wearing pants. So I get about two likes from him per year. And I think he just wants to be supportive. You know he just wants to show up for me. And I'm thinking dad it's really great that you're like showing me attention. But you're about 25 years too late. I already am a stripper. Yeah but it got me thinking what would happen if I ever met my dad at work. Yeah that's like the worst case scenario. Imagine like dancing up on the pole and in he walks. What do you do? And I figured it out. I think I would just walk up to him and be like hey listen hi I know you're my dad. But for five hundred dollars you could be my daddy.