I've Been Financially In The Dark For 46 Years

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. Is there some ways I can on my own prepare things financially to avoid as many complications should my husband pass away ahead of me? Because he's pretty much kept me in the dark about a number of things including financial specifics our whole married life. Okay so I'm sorry how long have you been married? 46 years. Oh my goodness. And he's kept you in the dark purposefully because you've asked to see things and he won't let you see it or he's just you don't ask and he just takes care of it and that's how it's always been in your marriage? It started out because we're family it was a family business with farm and so with his parents you know and so I just I'm not from I'm from the city and I you know let them do their thing right and so I was never put on anything like signing checks or anything from the beginning and throughout these years I just trusted him because I am not a financial that's not I have other I have better things that I do better than this and so I just trusted him to do that well we've lost a lot of friends lately our daughter is going through this right now and I'm just like well and then he said something to somebody and it's like it just clicked and when I asked him about it crickets he wouldn't tell me anything and so it's like I started looking into things and it's like oh boy I yeah and he won't tell me he'll just not say anything or he'll tell me things that really aren't significant does that make sense so it's like okay what can I do because like I don't want to go through like probate I'm sorry if I'm going to lose it here but I don't want to go through you know what can I do to make it simple because I've had friends who had it all done they went through nothing you know the end is just like nothing ever happened and it's like okay I'm finding out that this is not and I don't like not fun and I like surprises okay so if you're looking for a way around dealing with your husband there's not one okay the only answer to your question is is that he completely puts all the cards on the table face up and sits down and explains to you exactly where you are and then you'll know where you are and he's and then you guys lay out a plan if something happens to me honey this is what I want you to do here it's what I want you to do here and you'll be taken care of and you'll be fine here and um uh and if he won't do that uh you're gonna have to hit him on top of the head with a two before well that's been in the works I've been thinking about that um it's just yeah I you know I have tried and he just won't you know and and I'm finding out that even like names on accounts things that I didn't even know yeah um for example he changed accounts bank accounts to a new bank but had good interest rates and a couple years and it's like I found out my name was not it went to put my name on it well he has to prove it today just getting kind of prepared for this I went he still hasn't done it and that was over a year ago so I have nothing I have nothing I don't know what to do bottom line is is you don't know what's going on and you don't like what you do know and so um it's time that the two of you get this stuff straightened out because you're going to be in a world of hurt if he um gets hit by the milk truck tomorrow you know and um and it's you know and so you've been married 46 years you do know how to get this man to do things you just hadn't got him to do this thing well but yeah no you hadn't got him to do this thing and I've been married 43 years and my wife manages to make it her idea my idea before I knew it was my idea and so um apparently he's getting ready to come up with a brand new idea that he hadn't thought about yet and so and it's going to be that he he owes his wife of 46 years um clarity um he doesn't have to relinquish control of this stuff because he's probably doing an okay job but she needs to know what the flip's going on and uh there's there's a tremendous uh the air will change in your house when he does this and it'll peace so versus electricity I'm curious when you say you know nothing do you know any information about any type of debt you all have how much is in savings how much you have in retirement and do you have any concept of anything well so um he used to go away for a couple of a couple weeks a number of years back and he said if anything happens go to this person this person this person okay that's fine but I'm finding out now that my name isn't on anything and I can't like if I call the bank you can't have any information because your name isn't on it we are debt free we have no debts as far as I'm aware of and I don't think we do and and so as far as that goes and you know I found one thing that did have my name on it so you know I'm like I'll be totally destitute and one of the things because I always have to ask him for money like every month okay you need to stop it you decide what your ask is you know you just went off again on your name being not being on things I don't know if your name needs to be on them or not probably does but your main ask is not that at all it's I need to know exactly in detail what the plan is and I need to say but also having a say is having your name on your checking account and that involves and then okay if you die then it looks like to me the second thing is once you know what's going on and every detail then you second thing is I need to add my name to these things so if you die I'm not penniless yeah and we're going to take a Saturday and hit each bank and we're both going to go down together with the correct documents and we're going to we're going to do this and we're going to change it today we're getting in the truck and we're driving down there and you're not leaving until you do this and the third thing Chris is that you now don't have the excuse anymore of I'm just not good at this money thing this that that changes today that you're going to have to not only learn and it's basic stuff I think you are very capable of learning but you have as much say into your money in your household as he does he doesn't need to be giving you money every month like right I mean you guys need a budget together you need your own line item and you have as much say in what goes on in the finances in your household as he does now I these are big changes to make almost 50 years that's step three that's step three but you know and and so um you know you the first thing is we're going to get clarity on exactly what you want to have happen honey if you die Friday because if we don't do the second step you may die Friday I might take you out with a two by four so we really need to get this clear and and Chris you guys it sounds like because you dropped this in the middle of everything was something that we're losing friends and our daughter's going through this there sounds there seems to be a lot of chaos happening around you death around you and um yeah and so you just bring that raising to the top and and part of that fear and he needs to hear that from you people are dropping dead around us and it's making me scared that I don't know what the flip is going on what she meant losing friends oh I thought I thought okay no they're not losing they're losing friends because they're sorry they've been married 46 years these are I was thinking like friendships I was like oh no that's how I lose friends now I don't lose friends because they're mad at me I lose them because they go to heaven that era no they're not they're not mad they just went to Jesus fair very fair yeah use that and just say honey that scares me and I'm not okay with this I'm not okay I'm not okay with the situation and we're going to change it and um you're not going to sleep until we change it because I'm going to keep you up create your free every dollar budget today the simplest way to budget for your life