Top 8 FIFA Countries | Max Amini | Stand-Up Comedy

I'm hearing so much about this country, Cabo Verde. And they're like the underdog. And they just put the team together right before the FIFA game starts. They hired their defender on LinkedIn. That guy was working at the bank. He gets a LinkedIn message, Would you like to be our defender in the World Cup? And he goes, Let me deposit this check, I'll be right there. Their goalie is 40 years old. And against Spain, he caught 7 absolute goals. He caught 7 goals that were 100% should have been a goal. He caught them. He was a cab driver. Really? F**k, I made that up. He was a cab driver and an electrician. He was such a great goalie, Because he electrocuted himself. He went for it. Amazing it feels. And I'm going to take a second and tell you, As humans, We should definitely take this to heart. That if you show up to the world stage, And you bring passion, Against technology, Opportunity, Here's a practice. You bring passion. You can defeat anything in the world. Passion. Heart. Balls. Bring and defeat anything in front of you, man. That's why we watch the World Cup. I like Moroccans, man. They speak so many languages, you guys. How many more do you speak? I speak around 8 languages. He speaks 8 languages. Every Moroccan I meet, They're just like, Hello. What do you speak? I speak. What's your name? Osama. Osama? Why? It's a comedy show. You need to scare the ---- out of everybody? I mean, your parents, They didn't know back then, you know? He's born. What are we going to name him? I don't know. Inshallah. Osama. Shit. Well, you still have a chance. You're young. You're good looking. Change your name. Ossie. Right? Sounds friendly, And it's close to Osama. Yeah. For public, Ossie in the bedroom, Osama. Sounds dangerous. Honey, I'm coming. Osama is coming home to kill you. Where are you? Osama's here. The lady next to you, She's with you? Actually, they're my Belgian parents. Oh, hi parents. They adopted you. The guy is 30 years old. How lucky you are. Belgian parents, What's your name? Anna-Mie. Anna-Mie and? Paul. Very nice to meet you. Thank you so much for adopting this hairy asshole. What is your Christmas gift? Oh, the show? I thought your Christmas gift is moving out. Paul is like, Thank God, somebody told him. How many more years is he going to live with us? Do they have any other kids? Three? Three dogs, And Hassan. Paul, Out of the four kids you have, Which one is your favorite? He can't choose. Start behaving better than the dogs, So he can choose you, Hassan. That is so beautiful. You have such a big heart, That you have three dogs, And you have... Oh, daughters. How do you say dogs? Oh, you have three daughters. No wonder Hassan is not moving out. My God. Paul, Please adopt me. What other European people here? Where? Why do you like... Why do you do that to your husband? He doesn't want to participate. Why would you do that to him? She grabs his arm. Say it. French. What did he do to you? He married you. You're helping him? You're not helping him, You're harassing him. What's your name? Emmanuel. One of the most beautiful accents. Your accents are beautiful. I am Emmanuel. I am here. Hello. It's so nice to have you. On behalf of the Persian community, We apologize. For you to be stuck with this lady at home. She probably forced food in your mouth. He's clapping. Don't clap. Lady, you're abusive. Don't clap. He's your friend, And you're harassing this poor guy like this. I know. But you're trying to help me? You were trying to help me? Don't help me, okay? If you acted right, He wouldn't be your friend. He would've been your boyfriend already. You're so cute. You know we're playing, yeah? It's all... Huh? Oh, God. I love you. You know the people I pick on, I love. You think, I love this kid sitting here. This kid is laughing, Having a great time, With a boner. I love this kid. What's that? Oh, was it? Thank you, Nabiya. Too bad Emmanuel wasn't here. Emmanuel, sorry, As soon as you left, I had to make out with her. You know, I wanted to see what's happening. I wanted to see why She's so good That you don't leave her. In what... Let me see. Fridge. I can't... I can't read. Dude, open the goddamn thing So I can read it. I sell fridges. Okay, show it to everybody. So you were prepared for this ----. I got you four years ago? How? What do you really do? What's your thing? You work in? Selfridges, London. Self what? Selfridges. Selfridges? I don't understand you. Selfridges. This accent is crazy. It was nice talking to you. Selfridges. Thanks for the announcement. Selfridges. You sell perfume? I mean, you got a very edgy look. The last thing I thought, You'd be in the mall, Smells amazing. Would you like to smell this mall scent? You're so freaking sensitive. You're such a wuss. Four years later, You buy front row tickets. Buy a T-shirt, I sell fridges. You are the epitome of a Dudeltaler. What's your name? Aspen. Aspen? She said, Not Aspen. I want to get your name right. Say it one more time. Elsbeth. Els? Beth. Elsbeth. Okay, I did good. Elsbeth. Yeah? Okay. Let's get to know a few more Norwegians. Sir, what's your name? Andreas. Very easy. Even easier than Elsbeth. Buddy, what's your name? Stig. Stig? Are you sure? Why did it end? Stig. There's no ending to the name? They just left it halfway. Stig. Ask your parents. They might have forgotten to finish it on paper. Stig. It should be an ending to it, no? Okay, fine. And this young lady here, is she also... Are you Norwegian? Persian. You're Persian. Well, you have a very good hairstylist. She went and she goes, Make me blonder than the actual Norwegian. Okay? I want Stig to look at me and go, Oh, Norwegian. Look at this. Even you thought she's your people, yeah? You're also Mormon, right? Yes, sir. What's your name? Flavio. Flavio? You're Italian? Wow! There are Mormons in Argentina? You guys went from Salt Lake City to Argentina? Converted this f***er and brought him to Utah? Damn! You guys are badass! And who are you here with? With two of your wives. Okay, nice. That's your daughter? My God! Are you Mormon? No? Listen. You have to convert tonight. Listen. Flavio called me. He said, Max, I'm bringing this f***er. He's dating my daughter and we're going to circumcise you tonight. On stage, bro. He's going to chop that d*** up Mormon style. Hallelujah. Welcome to the family. I hope you have enough to offer. What's your name, buddy? Andreas. Andreas? Andreas, where are you from? Switzerland. You're very arrogant. You know why I'm saying that, right? Andreas, I walked on stage the crowd, everybody was cheering and I looked and I smiled and I go, oh, fine. And I could feel the balcony. I just, I literally was like making love to everybody up there. And then I looked down and this was Andreas. Do you know what Andreas means in Farsi? An dariost. Your name means Andreas. Your name means a sea of s***. You're welcome. Next time, don't act so arrogant at my show. Be a little friendly, I won't give you s***. I give you s***, you give me a sea of s***.