Dating Her Feels Like A Reality Show 😂 | Max Amini

Nick where are you? You mixed back home yeah? Just white? Is that what your mom told you? She said German, Cuban. She never told you you got some Cuban in you did you? Just a little bit? It's nice you come out with your mom I like that. Mom you're single or you're dating anybody or you're with someone? Married. Married? Not to his dad though. His dad? You didn't know your dad is Cuban? You got a white family you guys don't talk with each other? White people don't give a ----. He just found out he's Cuban. You have a girlfriend? Yeah you have a girlfriend too? Shit. Mom goes like this. Why? Why did you go like that? It's a lot? She's fat? What about her is a lot? She's adorable? They're in his room a lot. Mom get it off of your chest I'm gonna help you tonight. You bring her home to your parents home? You take her to your room and you do a lot? Where's she from? They don't even know. They have such white guilt he's scared to even ask. It's okay you can ask her what's your culture? What's your background? Mom knows he doesn't know. What is she? She's Latino. You didn't know? Now you know? Nick come on bro. I mean you gotta ask her so you learn about her culture. You can do things that she likes yeah. You learn a couple of Spanish words. Amor. Amor. Buenas noches. You say a couple of Spanish words she's like oh my god. Mom doesn't like that. No buenas noches. No amor. No amor. You just say goodbye get the f**k out yeah. How cool is that white kids can bring their girlfriends to their home and go to the room and do things. Look at the faces of all these brown people. You know this s**t never happens. You understand? There are people here in their 40s. Yeah. They can't tell their parents they got married. What are you doing with the wife? Nothing. Nothing. She has her own room. I have my own room. You live in the same house? No. No. I mean she has her own apartment. I have my own apartment. We just wave at each other. You're very lucky that you can just bring your girlfriend home. You know these Arab guys here. The Persians and the Indians. None of us can do that s**t. You think me growing up I could just call my girlfriend like come over and then when she comes over hi. Come let's go to my room. My father is where are you going? What are you doing in the bedroom? No. No. No. No. I come inside too. My father will say that okay you touch. Please touch. Tell her about your Iranian heritage. Who's your mother? Who's your father? My father will be interrogating the girl till she leaves the house. You're so lucky man. That's so good. I'm very proud of your family first of all. Listen this is how cool this family is. The mom obviously doesn't like the idea but they're so respectful to their kids choices. Even Nick at age 20 brings this girl goes to the room. Well you know what happens in this room. The mom and dad sit outside respectfully listen to this s**t. And then when she leaves mom goes Nick what were you guys doing? Nothing we're playing video games. Okay that was a video game. Good. Yeah this is how incredible these people are. And then you ask yourselves why they grow up to be more outspoken and more confident. And our people we have to hide everything. Respect your kids. Give them love. Try to change their choices by talking to them. By making friends. Coming to a comedy show. Allowing the comedian to say Nick get the f**k out of this situation. She's Latina. You understand what happens? She's going to get pregnant in two months. You're going to have five kids. Look at the moms. Thank you for saying this. Mom I know if it happened you're going to have to babysit. I get it. Nick just just ******* pull out. Would you? I didn't know this show is going to turn into a science class. Yeah. You know you have to wear protections. Yeah. And it doesn't matter what race the person is. That was just a joke. But in reality Latinos can get pregnant by blowjobs. Did you know that? It's the only race in the world that could get pregnant by sometimes whispering in their ears. Like amor. I love you. And she's like oh my god. Oh my god. It's a twin. It's over bro. I want you to be a happy man. And I want you to get somebody pregnant by choice. By marriage. By something appropriate. Because even her life is going to be a jeopardy. Yeah. You're a young man. You're going to wrap the s**t up. Yeah. We have to help the community one person at a time. Give Nick a big round of applause. This kid is awesome. Nick do you know about Ramadan? No you don't. Don't lie to me. I'm going to quiz you and you're like uh you don't know where Cuba is. You know about Ramadan? Really? A little bit? No. I'll tell you the whole thing. Ramadan it's a holy month where Muslims they don't eat from sunrise to sunset. They're not allowed to have sex. They don't have sex. Can you imagine you like can you imagine? Your mom wants you to convert to Islam tonight. It's going to save the whole family a few babies you know. Are you circumcised? Because when you convert you got to cut that d**k. Mom's like yes cut his d**k. Cut the whole thing off. Are you are you Christian? Catholic? What are you? He doesn't even know you're so cute. It's like mom what are we uh was it Jesus or was it Moses? I keep forgetting mom. Which one are you? Catholic. Okay so for example. Ex-Catholic. Okay ex-Catholic. And let me tell you why. Because it also has to do with halal and haram. You know what halal and haram is? No? Okay I'll tell you I want you to come to my show and have fun laugh and learn something and go okay what a crazy night that was yeah. See back in Catholic church the priest that's very like appropriate with the boys he's a halal priest. The priest that goes Nick come here sit here. Let me baptize you. Oh you're so cute. That's a haram priest. See I'm teaching him well yeah. What do you do? Gynecologist? I couldn't ask for a better. Listen thank you. Thank you so much. Listen he's looking for an excuse to leave. Did you see he was looking for an excuse to leave call his patients. I left the show what are you doing? How is your vagina doing? Buddy that's a beautiful thing. You're a doctor and you just decided at some point in your life you really want to help vaginas. Like I'm always curious like he had all the options right. They're like oh you want to be a heart surgeon. Do you want to be a plastic surgeon? Oh you want to be a but but he goes no I like vagina. Like I wonder how it could have been many scenarios yeah. In my head like if I became if I became a gynecologist let me tell you it would have been two scenarios two scenarios only okay. Max what do you do when you grow up? Anything to do with vagina. That's number one. Scenario number two is like the first time like poor guy was like losing his virginity. He's like oh this is terrible situation. You must have had a really bad experience. Like you open the legs and it smelled like Gorma Sabzi. It looked like Fez and June and your bottom June turned into Lubia. You're like I don't know I don't like this and then you go I'll be right back and you go outside. I'm gonna save all the vaginas. I don't want any man to ever go through what I went through ever. I'm gonna be the hero of What a hard job you have. I wonder what's the code when he gets home. Honey how was your day? Oh I had a long day. Okay well then no not tonight. Where is your office? You work for Kaiser? You didn't study enough? Kaiser? He ruined every fantasy all of us had in the theater. You know the kind of JJ that he sees? They came from Baghdad. There's an explosion. Oh I'm sorry to hear that bro. Kaiser vaginas are not good bro. That's the worst quality vaginas you could ever get. Bro update man. You're VIP. You ever leave his office? I send you the crew. So doc does the size matter? Huh? In my case maybe. To be honest in my case it's not about the size. It's about the quality. Doodle towel baby. Quality over quantity my man. I play with you all day doc. I like you a lot. You know like everybody here is local. She just found out what's a gynecologist. Take his card too if you're Kaiser Permanente. Are you single? You're clapping for yourself? Are you guys together? No? Well you're happy she's sitting next to you. What's your name? Helen? Well you very like it's just like the thing is going to stay here all night. The jacket's going to stay all night. Helen if you don't want anybody to see the boobs you could wear a shirt a little higher. Yeah I can see your belly button from over here. Yeah well you just like make up your mind. You want to take this. It's very distracting and not for me the gynecologist is concerned. She's very concerned about the situation. Helen make up your mind Helen. Like how does it work? When you were dressing up you're like I know I'm gonna wear this. It shows a lot but I'm gonna put the jacket here and the jacket is gonna kind of cover but not really. So they say oh she's very conservative but she's got nice teeth. That's the one. Am I right? Damn. So you gotta be single. So LA is hard to date isn't it? It's like everybody's complaining it's hard to date. Helen like how do you meet guys? Do you like guys? I don't know. I don't want to see anything wrong nowadays. You can talk to me baby it's okay. Let me just tell you something. The more you're like I'm not gonna move on. If you think I gotta figure this ---- out. Listen when I pick on somebody I gotta get my money's worth too. You look fabulous really. I think tonight I can find you a boyfriend. Do you want a boyfriend? You don't want a boyfriend? You want to just be you because you are perfect and nobody can match you and then why would I have a man I take care of myself and I'm independent and nobody would appreciate me. All these guys are dirty anyways. Yeah is that kind of true? Yes. Have you ever had a boyfriend non-virgin? Doctor said it's impossible. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. What an asshole. What a judgmental. Just because you can see her nipple it doesn't mean she's not virgin. What is wrong with you? Only doctors from Kaisers are this judgmental. I'm just saying. Have you ever done online dating? Very shortly. Oh so you went on you're like there's nobody in this town for me. You know maybe you should try something else. You know what kind of man do you like? What's your type? Oh big dick. Oh that's interesting. I'm gonna try my best. I'm not shy but I don't touch. Okay but we have professionals they can check it out. Oh you can't. That's not your department. Sorry. Helen you're very straightforward. I like that. So okay so it has to be very like well and done. Nice. Well thanks for sharing. Yeah.