My Husband's Infidelity Put Us Into Debt (What Now?)

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. My husband, we've been together for 15, married just over 10. We have two boys that he's been cheating on me. For at least two years physically online, who knows how long, but we again, we have two boys and all of our assets are combined. We had, we have no debt except for our house. Well, so I thought because another layer to it is he has been hiding a significant amount of credit card debt. Yeah, I bet having this relationship is costing him. Yeah, yeah. And it Yeah. And so I'm trying to figure out how to move forward with not only that credit card debt, it doesn't have my name on it, but we're married. So I'm responsible for it too. And then. Well, you may not be. I think if I'm the judge, I'm going to go, well, you're an innocent spouse and he's taken on this credit card debt as part of the, you know, judgment. What are you going to do next? I don't know. Have you spoken to an attorney yet, Tawny? Not yet. Not yet. I think that might be my first order of business day by day. Yeah. I would see what, you know, in every state has different laws, but I just want to make sure that there's no rash decisions here out of fear or anger that could hurt you later on. And so I think talking to an attorney going, Hey, what can I do? And should I do legally to protect myself during this, this awful season that you're going to find yourself in cleaning up this mess? Have you guys talked to each other? How did you find out about all this? Well, I had lost my phone basically, and he was sleeping. And so I grabbed his phone and I saw Snapchat, a suspicious looking Snapchat. And I kind of led me to snooping in his phone. First time I've ever done that in 15 years. Wow. Yeah. How old are you guys? Wow. I'm sorry, this is happening. This is devastating. I mean, I can't imagine waking up in your shoes. So just the fact that you're trying to keep it together, you know, good on you. How old are the boys? They are 10 and 6. I'm so sorry. Do they know about this? They don't know the details. They just know mom and dad are going through some things and dad moved out. Okay. But we're, we're trying to keep it as civil as possible. I think I have all the reason to be the crazy one, but I don't, that's just gonna make things worse. It's not gonna help. You know those free samples at the store that are up for grabs for anyone? Well, that's basically what's happening with your personal information online. Data broker sites collect stuff like your address, phone number, email, even your family's information, and just post it online for anyone to grab. And that's why I use Delete Me. They remove your personal info from hundreds of data broker websites and keep it gone. So stop letting random websites treat your data like it's free samples. Get 20% off your annual plan at joindeleteme.com slash Ramsey. I think my first order of business would be, like I said, I find an attorney. I'd ask in my circle of friends and who do we know who, you know, who did Jeff use for his divorce? You know, asking your circle of friends and find somebody recommended, uh, an attorney that you can speak with. And then the next thing is I'd be looking for a counselor, uh, and I'd be speaking with a counselor. And I'd also ask, what do you think about the kids? What's the best way for me to approach this with the children? Just to make sure everything's being handled with as much care. I think you're probably doing a fantastic job, but just to make sure everything's being handled with, uh, the most intentionality that we can muster up. Um, and then from there, it's about letting the, you know, your attorney kind of guide these proceedings and guide, okay, how, how do we bring up divorce? What's the best. Cause I think that if you, and it's not to say that anything has to get muddy or ugly, but I think if you're going to try it, cause I see on my screen, you're asking, how do I sell my house? The answer is right now you're not, you know, I wouldn't try to do anything with moving money, selling assets. I just wouldn't do that until speaking to an attorney. Okay. Are you paying the mortgage yourself right now? Or is he helping what's going on there? Yeah, he's helping. Like, um, he basically just started his own account and then he's just splitting his paycheck 50, 50 to go into the joint account for bills and stuff. Okay. Okay, good. So he's, he's got a mind that he wants to keep taking care of the kids. He's not completely just, he's not going to like drain the account and flee the state. No, no, I know. I think he, he knows he's the one that really screwed up here and he's not going to do anything to make it any worse for himself. Well, that's good. And both of your names are on the deed of the house. Yes. Okay. And is he down to sell this house? Would he be cooperative in that to sign the paperwork? I think so, but we have so much renovating to do with the house before we could really make a good gain on it. Okay. How much equity do you have right now? Um, we have about a hundred equity in it now. Okay. And do you work outside the home? Yes. Okay. What do you make? I make about 85. Fantastic. So what I would be doing, Tawny, is just trying to forecast what the future might look like with this new chapter for you and these boys going, Hey, if I am on my own six months from now, what is life going to look like financially? And I would start to craft a budget around that and start seeing, Hey, what would rent be if we sold the house and I rented somewhere? Uh, what kind of place would I need? How much would that cost? Can I afford all of this without needing any income from him? Now, maybe there's going to be child support, alimony, I don't know the full story, but I would sort of try to create this, this independent island in case this thing doesn't go well. Yeah. But there's, there's no easy way to deal with the situation other than taking it one step at a time. So I would make a list of all the things I need to do to get it out of your head. Cause right now, everything is swirling. Everything is emotional. You're going to have moments where you just need to lay down. So don't feel like you need to do this alone. And don't feel like you need to figure it all out day one. That's what I've been trying to do first day. I'm like, we're screwed. We're not going to make it through this. I'm going to be homeless. Well, I like George's idea because it is going to help out. And just to put even a little bit more on that, what I would do tonight, and we can help you walk through a little of this. I would just list out all the assets, list everything out and just split it in half for now and say, okay, if there's this much debt, I'm going to assume that I'm on the hook for half of that, half the assets, and then kind of do the, that net worth equation and decide, okay, what's left. And then from there, that'll kind of give you, because I've heard Dave say this and I believe it's true. When there's no knowledge, your brain just kind of makes things up and fills in the gaps and you start freaking out and wigging out. So as much as we can pull some hard numbers and hard facts, that's going to help give you some peace, even if it's not pretty, it's still going to give you peace because you actually know the answer. So I would do that tonight. And then along with that budget, what are you bringing home? 5,700 a month? Is that about right? Well, I pay all the health insurance and. So that comes directly out of your check. So whatever, whatever your take-home amount is, plug that into every dollar. We're going to give you that for free. And at least for the next year, just to help you see and start planning out, go online and go, well, how much does a two bedroom apartment cost? And just start to answer some of these questions that are floating around in your head. I promise it's not going to be fun, but it will give you peace. Yeah. We always say that divorce turns a marriage into a business transaction. And so now it's just, how do we do this as cleanly as possible without affecting the kids and not dragging them into this mess that was created? I'm so sorry, Tony, we are rooting for you to get through this. Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your life.