Hilarious Dating Apps _ Max Amini _ Stand-up Comedy

Hold on, let me talk to mom. Mom you're single? I love how you extra single you're like, yes Let me ask you. Where do you go to find dates? How do how do you do that? Okay, so there is a Muslim app you're on a Muslim app Moose wait a minute. There is a Muslim app called Moose. I Go like this Muhammad Muhammad Muhammad Muhammad Muhammad Muhammad Muhammad Muhammad Muhammad Muhammad Mahmood Muhammad Muhammad Muhammad Muhammad Muhammad Muhammad Muhammad Ali Find you an amazing husband tonight, okay You're not in the rush. You're enjoying your freedom. Habibi, that's haram But I love you I want to make sure we're on the same page How much freedom how many times You don't do anything just waste the time I'm gonna teach you how to do it the halal way What kind of men do you like You have a checklist that's the problem right there Take it easy on the list, okay Yeah real men no trans sounds like you got tricked a couple of times Sounds like you look there's a my name is Rahim and then he showed up. He's like I am Rihanna Okay, okay, so if you get tired you can sit but you can also stand I know you're in Canada and and there's so many different people here. So first of all, do you like Canadians white men? You're like white Canadians Can I see him really can you stand up sir? Okay. He's a trans sit down Is it a model of a car I don't know Can I tell you I swore to you you're gonna find an Incredible person because you're such a fun person you have a amazing soul What a joy you are Any man that's looking for a woman that's full of life. That's right here right here the right one Everybody make sure you go up to her and ask for her phone number and make sure you're circumcised How old were you when your parents got divorced 14. Oh, that's interesting age. Now. How did you feel? Were you happy or sad? Confused but more on the sad side or a happy side So 14 years old parents got divorced you were sad whose fault was it mom or dad? I'm the comedian Next time you have a funny idea text me and then I'll say it Say that again whose fault was that This guy is so nice. He goes both But he is never both people's faults In your situation. I know whose fault it was. I don't even know you but I know it was dad's fault So you said you said both so who cheated on who Dad cheated on mom. You're saying it's both of their fault How what did mom do? Be honest be open I Really like you. I don't know who you are. You're a special dude, man You know what? He said he said when you're younger, you don't know But when you get older you understand the complexity of relationships and you understand why these women Force us to cheat on them I would love to help you but not with that haircut, bro What is this color on top of your head why did you do this to your head? Okay, you guys are fun, how old are you 20 and you And what do you do? You're a barber. Oh, so you fucked up his head It's like bro, I need you man, I gotta learn how to do highlights, you know Man, my parents are gonna like this ----. I'm just gonna do a little bit. Okay Next year you're walking around like a gay Justin Bieber the Colombian version Go shave your head. Come back. I got you The 20 you're so young. Do you think you can handle a girl maybe older than you? You're Latino, what does that mean to you when I say you can handle what are you thinking? Be honest You're only thinking one thing in one thing, oh All right. Let's see what I can do for you But can you tell me something like this very important question, you're not a premature ejaculator, are you? You don't even know what okay if you don't know what that means we're in trouble Think about it decide what the time limit is on that What an amazing I wish I could Are you also a premature ejaculator I'm gonna explain it to you