Do I Need A Prenup?(My Net Worth Is Higher Than Hers)

Brought to you by the EveryDollar app. Start budgeting for free today. So I'm 26 and I'm looking to get engaged here soon, but my girlfriend and I, we have very different net worths and I was curious what or how you would look at setting up a prenup. What does very different net worth mean? So I was very blessed. My grandparents did very well. I have about $550,000 paid for a house, about $50,000 in a truck. I also have about $135,000 between my 401k and my various accounts. I also have $350,000 left over in a college fund. She is currently in PA school and she will be coming out of school with about $120,000 to $150,000 in debt. What do you make? I make about $120,000 to $150,000 a year. If I were in your shoes, I would get so comfortable with this lady in order to marry her that I don't need a prenup. You don't have enough net worth to fool with it. If you can't get $600,000 worth of comfortable with somebody, you don't need to marry them. If you had $60 million from your grandparents, we'll talk about a prenup. $600k, no. I wouldn't. Would you, Rachel? No. I mean, the only thing I could think of, if I'm in her shoes and the script was flipped and I'm marrying a guy, he's coming out and I had built a life for me and I bought my own home and I had done some big things. I could see the home, for instance, maybe, if something were to ever happen. The thing that's hard with prenups is the laws in every state with divorce are different. There's going to be something that is going to happen if that happens. Are you proactive about that on the front end? Up to you. People nowadays are getting more and more comfortable with it because people are getting married later with some established financial life versus two 21-year-olds who have nothing and they're getting married. More and more, we get this call. I had a pretty black and white take on it for years of like, nope, nope, nope, nope. Now, there's just a part of me that I'm like, maybe one part of this that you're like, yeah, if something were to happen, I have built a life. I know people that have their own businesses and that kind of thing. Again, if you've got a substantial net worth, and your grandparents blessed you, there's no question about that, but this is about 600 grand. How much money do you have to make where budgeting is just optional? If you chose C, watch this. I make about $170. I make about $115. Hold on. Did you go back after you paid off everything, borrow some more money? Oh, yeah. Oh, no, Carlos. We like to go here and there and we get this Mercedes and- Oh, no. You went full South Beach. It's not just about how much you make. It's about having a plan for what you've got. So, start budgeting with every dollar for free today. But this is about 600 grand. It's okay if you get one- It's more like a million. He has a $550,000 home, 135, 350, and everything together. It's probably more like a million. If you want to do it, it's okay. I just want you to be really, really sure that the problem is everybody throws this subject against the wall as if it solves something. And I don't want you to think it solves anything. All it solves for is if you divorce, it doesn't mean that you've actually sat down and got to know each other. It doesn't mean that you sat down and agreed, okay, here's how we're going to spend my grandparents' money that they gave me is going to pay off your student loans when we come home from the honeymoon. You've got to solve for that emotionally. And that's a blessing. By the way, I would do that. Yeah, 100%. I definitely would. You've got $350,000 in a college account. You can use it for your spouse, and I'd pay off that debt in about 20 seconds. And that kind of stuff. And you've got to- Emotionally, is this relation- Because the only chance you have in a culture that hates marriage for your marriage to last is you've got to be willing to die for them. You've got to be willing to take a bullet for them. It's all in. Ride or die, as Deloney says. We're in. And so the problem with a prenup is it's kind of got one foot in the boat, one on the dock. And it's like, eh. And I want you to go all in. And then, if you've emotionally, relationally, with some good marriage coaching, counseling, solve for the all-in part. And you're ready to write a check, pay off your student loans when you get back from the honeymoon. And then, if on top of that, you want to do a prenup, okay. I'm not going to yell at you for that, for a million dollars. But I really want you to think that through. Yeah, because I think what- And again, I'm saying this out loud as I'm processing it. Because I think the downside of people that do prenups, and that's probably a generalization, is that you're starting out emotionally saying, financially, this is mine. And this is you over here. And that can tend to then go into the marriage where that's financially. Well, we say, no, you're all in. So if you did do a prenup, and you're like, if the worst of the worst of the worst happens, and we do the divorce court or whatever, and this is how assets are divided, but inside the marriage from that point on, we are co-mingling finances. What's mine is yours. And net worth. Yes, and net worth. But everything then is together. And I don't know how that plays. I don't know. So that's my caution with it too. I don't like that emotional hurdle. But yet, again, I'm like, I can't help myself. But when we sit on this side of the desk, we have so many calls of people who have walked through divorce and all, you know what I mean? And someone that brings in something or had a business. I mean, I've had, you know, people in my own life, and that's happened too. And you're just like, man. What I always want to do is force people to set that aside and act like it's not there. Yeah. And get okay with that. Yes. And that level of commitment. And then, if you want to do it, fine. But what it does, it keeps people from going deep. It keeps them from going in all the way to ground floor. And you've got to do that for your marriage to have a chance in a culture where we're at war against marriage. I mean, it's like crazy. Well, it's just not a priority for some people. You know what I mean? Exactly. Well, you know, the other one that's interesting, Rachel, on that side of the thing. Of course, when I started a long time ago, I just said, never do a prenuptial. On the basis of what we've just been saying. Yes. But then I ran into weirdness where somebody's got two or three million dollars and the other one's broke. And it's not the person, usually. It's like, I find out that there's a weird brother-in-law or cousin in the mix. And it's like, it just cleans up the external family. Because what? The brother-in-law? The prenup, you're like, I can't touch it. It's not mine. Her crazy brother starts coming at the new husband. And it's like, fund this. I want to do this. It's handled. It's already handled. You can't get to it. So, there's crazy in every family. And if you think there's not, it's you. And so, that's what you're looking for. And then, Deloney and I were having this discussion. He's doing all this marriage research right now. And he had a guy come at him. And we had this great discussion the other day when we were traveling together. And that a guy made the point that a prenup is like a will. Because if you don't do a will, the state has a set of laws on how your assets will be divided. If you don't do a prenup, the state has a set of laws and of how you're going to be divided. And they said, but we tell everybody to do a will, to pre-plan. So, the state is not in charge. And so, if you want to be anti-government, Dave, Dave is about as anti-government as anybody you'll ever meet. Classic hillbilly, right? Don't like them revenuers. And so, that kind of stuff. And so, if you want to be real anti-government, Dave, you would do everybody a prenup so the government's not deciding. That's an interesting philosophical discussion. It didn't sway me, but it's worth talking about. But also, you're 100% going to die. So, you're 100% going to use your will. That's what I said too. That was part of my answer too. You half may use the prenup, half may not. That's a good point. But that's my thing too. And again, and honestly, the reality we live in today, people are getting married later. And they're coming in established with something. But that adds to the danger because you've got this independence. And in order to have a quality relationship, that has to go away. You have to become interdependent to have a quality relationship. Submit yourselves one to another, Ephesians says, right? There's a submission to each other, not an I'm over here and I'm established. And that's a spirit that's got to be broken. And again, I don't know the laws of this. We're going in circles here. No, I like it. Could the prenup be, right? If you started a business, and it's killing it, and you're the owner of it, but you get married, could the prenup say, in the middle of a divorce, you don't get to touch the business, it's mine. But in the marriage, what I bring home, it's everyone's. Does that make sense? You could do that. You could do the dividing line. I don't know how to say unified in the marriage, but also... But I would also add that from today forward, the marriage grows partially because of the marriage. The business grows partially because of the value of marriage adding to the business. I think that's fair. Create your free every dollar budget today. 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