Caitlin Peluffo _ Tiny Guys

I'm doing pretty good. I had a good year. Yeah, I have a boyfriend despite this outfit. Isn't that exciting? Yeah, I know. I look like I could build you a porch. I understand, okay? And that's fine because I built two porches, alright? I'm very practical, alright? That's my body type. That's me. It feels good. I like it. I never understood why men like tiny little women, you know? I mean, sure, they look great, but what are they going to do on moving day, okay? Oh, I got the throw pillows. No, you should want someone like me, yeah. Someone who can strap a fridge to her back, alright? Yeah, those girls get dick. I earn dick, okay? Yeah. It's just like a different vibe, you know? But I will say, my boyfriend, he's very small, okay? My boyfriend, he's a tiny man. I'm a little bit of a hypocrite, but I like him small. I've always liked tiny guys. I always have. Oh, my God. I think you ladies are crazy. Half of y'all are on the dating apps being like, I want a guy who's six feet and taller. That's bad ----. Don't do that. No. Get yourself a short guy. Get yourself a fight you can win. I know. Sorry to get a little dark, but we've all listened to a true crime podcast, haven't we, huh? Yeah, the call's coming from inside the house. My boyfriend's 5'5". If he wants to kill me, he has to use poison. He's not a planner. I'm gonna live, you know? He is small. This is actually fun. He actually just asked me to marry him. And I said, yes. Thank you. Yes, look at it. Look at this ring. Look at it. Yes, it's so small. It is. It's very small. But I get it. He had to get something he could carry. So, um... We got that. That's good. Apparently I'm supposed to call him my fiancé. I'm not gonna do that. I'm wearing camo. Fiancé. Also, I can't spell it. So, we're not gonna do that, alright? We live together, so I call him my partner. That's what I call him. He's my partner. And he hates it, okay? He hates it, because I'm this. I'm a tough-looking lady, alright? And he is a small, effeminate man. So, inevitably, someone just gets a little too woke, you know? And I'm like, over there, that's my partner Steve. And someone will be like, Oh, are they happy, huh? How are they doing? And I'm like, they're great. They're doing great, yeah. And he's just in the corner like, Tell him I'm a boy. And I'm like, eh, no, no. A true ally wouldn't care. Come on. Not gonna marry a bigot. Let's go. He's younger than me, too, which I love. I love a young guy. Yes. Give me a 21-year-old. They still think my drinking habit's fun, you know? Thank you. The alcoholic's over here. I see ya. I know. I love drinking. Honestly, I thought the pandemic was gonna be a party. I thought it was gonna be me and my young-ass boyfriend getting hammered every night. Yeah, but it turns out he's not a big drinker. I know. And I could tell early on when I saw him take NyQuil from the cap. So... I was like, we are different people, okay? I use a straw. Who measures their medicine? What a dork. He's sweet, though. He's in his 20s, and I just got to my 30s, which is great. Sexually speaking, as a woman, being in your 30s is the best, okay? Because you know your body, you know what you like in the bedroom, and you have the confidence to tell a man what you want in the bedroom. It's great. Because when we're in our 20s, ladies, we're very nice, right? We're like, ah, he made me laugh. Give him five more tries. Ah! Not me. No, no, no, no, no. I'm like, you better grab the vibrator and loosen up those elbows. Mama's coming. Yeah, she didn't get naked for nothing. Let's go, funny boy! All right? Because I'm not not coming anymore, okay? That's not my truth. It's not my journey. My vagina's making up for the wage gap. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. Absolutely. Oh, my God. Men don't realize how nice we are. We're very nice and patient to you people. Do you realize that? Do you realize when we sleep with you for the first time, most of us do not expect to finish? Yeah. We're f***ing you based on potential. We're laying there like a basketball coach at a tryout. We're like, sure, he's got the natural talent, but is he coachable? I need a team player who can take directions. Because that's what we do. We train a man, right? Yeah, we pick a nice boy, and then we train him to do everything we want in the bedroom. You guys don't even realize it's happening. We're just moaning in strategic places. Yeah, you guys are like, I'm crushing puss. You're taking notes, motherf***er. Yeah. This is a learning game. We have to train these boys. Of course we do. Half the men in this room still think this is where the clitoris is. It's not here, all right? Our eyes aren't rolling back in ecstasy. We're dying, okay? But honestly, I don't blame guys. I don't blame them, okay? Sex ed in America is very bad, all right? If you're lucky in sex ed, you're taught how to put a condom on a banana. It's like, great, how about you teach us how to convince a banana to wear a condom? That's the hardest part of the whole thing. Honestly, women, we don't get enough credit when it comes to sex, right? Society thinks we're just laying there getting f***ed. That's not what's happening. I think we're doing a lot more. I think we're doing stuff we don't even realize we're doing. I think we're learning and teaching each other new sex moves using the men that we train. We're networking. Yeah, because what do we do? We get a nice boy, we train him, give him all of our moves, all of our skills, and then if it doesn't work out, we just release him back into the ocean for another woman to catch. I got with my boyfriend right after he got out of a long-term relationship, so all of his sex moves were exactly what his ex taught him to do. So when he went down on me, I just learned a lot about Lisa. I was like, damn, Lisa, three fingers. F***, okay. Wow. Holy hell, you are a girthy bitch, Lisa. Goddamn. That is impressive, okay? Because I'm just two fingers only, right here. I know, I know. It's wild. I look like I can handle a fist, but no thank you, all right? Just right here, a little bit of scouts honor. That's me. All right, right there. Don't get it twisted. I may have this voice, but I still got a tight little pussy, all right? Yeah, that's right. I'm crushing coal into diamonds down here, bitches. You better believe it. I'm so tight, I made my own engagement ring. That's how good I am. Ha! I want a princess cut. Ha! Damn. Does that get you going, huh? Make you all hot and bothered, sir, huh? You like that? That's okay, honey. It's okay. Men, if you get attracted to me, that's all right. Don't feel shame. Masturbating to me is a true feminist end. You guys have been great. Thank you so much. Have a good night.