The Untucked Shirt Is The Male Wonder Bra _ Jim Gaffigan

It's good to be here. This is what I look like. It's mostly my fault. Well, it's all my fault. I wish I had an excuse, you know? Like, I had to gain all this weight for a movie. There's no movie. If you saw me eat, you would think there were multiple movies. Are they doing a live action Shrek? This guy's gonna be perfect. I'm wearing my shirt untucked. The untucked shirt. The fat man's last raw. Next stop, Momo. You might see a guy with his shirt untucked and think, Oh, was he in a hurry? Is he going casual? But you should know, someone very close to that man saw him with his shirt tucked in and said, Don't do that. That's visually unpleasing. You look better not fully dressed. The untucked shirt, it's like the male Wonderbra. There's a surprise underneath and you're not gonna like it. This is not an untucket. Untucket, which is a brand of shirt. I do love those untucket commercials. They present it like some revolutionary technology. It's a shirt that can be worn untucked. Wow! Magic shirt! That's right. Can't other shirts do that? No, this is a special shirt. It goes with our unzipped pants. And our unbuckled belt. And combined with your uncombed hair, you can look unemployed. And be unwelcome in restaurants. That's unbelievable! This shirt is actually a 2XL. That's right, I did it. Mission accomplished. There should be a moving up ceremony for when you hit 2XL. It is with great pride and slight disgust that we present this garment, roughly the size of a circus tent, to this slob who actually struggles to put on his own socks. He may now burp for no reason at all. I am new to the 2XL community. They've been very welcoming. Did some research. You know what the size after 2XL is? Kill yourself. No, it's 3X! Triple X! That's pornographic! It's so fat, it's obscene! Triple X does sound like some fat-on-fat action. Oh, yeah. And I'm heading there, hopefully by the end of the show. I don't know what happened. All I did was eat abusively for 40 years. And suddenly I'm fat? That doesn't seem fair. I am now at the size, when I go in clothing stores, salespeople look at me like, we got nothing for you. And you can't use our bathroom. When I go out to eat, if I order a salad, the waiter's always like, awww! You try! I'm always afraid he's gonna gather the whole staff, the fat pig is trying! The fat pig is trying! I've always talked about my weight and my stand-up, but in the past, after shows, if I ran into audience members, they'd be like, Jim, you're not that fat. You're not that fat. But now after shows, people are like, good show. I don't care. I like to eat! I like to eat. You know, when you like to eat. What's weird is, people assume you enjoy cooking. You must know your way around the kitchen. I know where the food is. You must love to cook. Look, I like to sleep. It doesn't mean I want to build a bed. The truth is, I don't like to do anything. Like, when I order delivery, I'm kind of annoyed they don't know what I want already. What, do I have to do everything? I did lose some weight last summer. Thank you. I did. I did. Well, I have my appendix removed. So it still counts. I didn't know what the appendix was, and since I'm an idiot, I just pretended like I did. The doctor was like, we have to remove your appendix. And I was like, both of them? Luckily, he thought I was kidding. He was like, ah. I'm so grateful he didn't call me out. I don't know what it would have said. There's only one appendix. Oh, appendix. I thought you said lungs. To me, they sound similar, because I'm dumb. I didn't know what the appendix was, but I don't feel that bad. The doctor told me, science isn't even sure what the appendix does exactly. Science isn't even sure why the appendix exists. And I heard that, and I was like, oh my gosh. The appendix is like a Kardashian. It's a mystery to everyone. But for some of us, causes excruciating pain. And needs to be removed with a knife. Obviously, I'm not promoting violence against any of the Kardashians. Just the mother. There's always one person that gets too into that joke. Yes, kill the mother. Kill her and smear her blood on my face. I think it's strange. Science doesn't know what the appendix does. That means nobody knows. You ever hear, science doesn't know, but Earl has a theory. Earl, when you were cleaning the toilet, you mumbled something. How is that an acceptable answer from the entire scientific community? Yeah, we don't know. Well, back to cloning everything. And they just remove the appendix. That's the solution. Take it out. We don't know what it does. And it's fine. But you know the first time they did it, we removed your appendix. Let's see what happens. I had my appendix removed in Alaska. That's not why I went there. I was on vacation with my family and I had this sharp pain in my abdomen. And since I'm a genius, my first thought was, oh, I pulled a muscle in my stomach. That's what I sincerely thought. See all these muscles? I thought I pulled one. Doing nothing. And the pain was overwhelming. I couldn't move. My wife was like, I'm gonna go for help. But we're in a remote area of Alaska, so she just ran to nearby cabins. Eventually she came back, all out of breath. She's like, I found a guy. I found a guy. I was like, oh, good. Is he a doctor? And she goes, no. I go, is he a nurse? And she goes, he's a lawyer. I guess he can do my will.