Introduce how to maintain the happiness of your family at all times.

Welcome. Jane and I are truly delighted to be here to the Seven Habits of Successful Families. We're going to have a wonderful time today. We're going to be talking about seven habits, wonderful principles. We're going to hear from you. We hope we want you to freely participate and we're going to do some activities. I think we'll have a good time together. Every summer John and I go to Montana. We have an old cabin up there. It's about 80 years old and it's been there forever and generation after generation has been up there to use this old cabin. It's full of mice but we love it and it's on a strip of beach surrounded by a huge forest, Gallatin National Forest, and a lovely lake. And there are other old cabins that have been there almost a hundred years spotting down that beach too. And every summer we go up there and our children go generation after generation and we know our neighbors. We know who they are and their grandmothers and who is there. Last summer was a beautiful July day and our neighbor Bob Pembroke called and said, Jane there's a grizzly bear in the footpath at the front of your cabin. I said okay thanks Bob and I called the forest ranger and he said well I'm in Bozeman. I'm an hour and a half away but would you do me a favor. Would you go and warn the campground which isn't very far from us and tell them because that grizzly will walk through the campground. So we talked about it as a family. Now grizzly bears are dangerous. They are very dangerous and we didn't dare go outside. We had little children and teenagers and we didn't want to just stay in the house on this beautiful day. So we talked about it. We said let's pack up, get in our cars and drive far away on the other side of the lake away from the grizzly bear. So we did and when we got there there was a strip of beach and our other neighbors had done the same thing and there were people laughing and somebody had set up a volleyball net and some of the other neighbors were pulling in and people were there and it was crowded and there was a sort of sense of excitement that we had escaped the danger of the grizzly. And as I surveyed this thing I stood back for a minute and I thought wouldn't this be great if this is how it was in our culture. If families knew where the dangers were and they knew where to go to be safe, to be away from the dangers, not only did they know where the grizzly bears were and the danger but they warned their neighbors and we all pulled together and helped each other and we knew where to go for safety. But families don't know today. Families don't know where the grizzly bears are and if they do know where the dangers are in the culture they don't know what to do about them. I believe that parents today are trying harder than their parents try. I think they're trying much harder than their grandparents try but they don't know where the dangers are and what to do. You can have a beautiful 17 year old girl sitting in a pink and white bedroom beaming a grizzly bear into her bedroom every night via the internet and she doesn't know it's a danger. You could have a boy who has been starting to get involved with a game and the parents know it and they're worried about it and they know this is a danger but they're not sure what to do or how to prevent it. Or another daughter that started to experiment with drugs and they're frightened this is a grizzly bear that she's entertaining and how do I tell her that she's in danger? Or another beautiful daughter who's decided that she's going to pick up with what the culture says about her and even though she's attractive and she looks wonderful she decided she's not possibly thin enough because of what she's looking at and reading and she's now endangering her health because of what she's just picking up in the culture. Or a young couple who get married and they love each other and they want to be happy and they decide to watch porno at night. They don't know pornography is a grizzly bear and someday it may destroy their marriage. I think parents are trying harder than they ever have and they're watching beautiful children being destroyed and they don't know where to go or what to do. Now the seven habits isn't the answer to everything but it's a very good place for parents to start and we hope you'll begin that journey with us today. So we live in kind of a toxic culture in terms of the family. So let me ask you this. What is required? What are basics to make a successful family? This is where you talk. What is what's essential? Just yes. A strong support system. Communication within the family. Respect. Love. Love. Yes. Health. I mean aren't there just a thousand things so we could go on all day. So let's use an analogy. If I were to ask you what are the essentials to play basketball? What are the three essentials? The basics? You gotta have a ball. Gotta have a ball. What else? Well a hoop. You gotta have a hoop and a person. Those are the three essentials. Okay. So what are the three essentials of families? The three essentials of families. Will you please turn to your participant guide? Keep on going. You've got a checkered thing. The next one over. What page is that? Page two. So the basics. Three basics. One is you've got to have values. You've got to know your values. You've got to know what you value. The second is you've got to know your views and your habits. Three fundamentals to having a successful family. Let's talk about values for just a minute. First of all what are values? What are they? Carlos? Perfect Carlos. Okay. Our values are the things that are important to us. Okay. Makes sense. Now can you think of any reason why it might be a good idea for a family to know what it is they value? Whether it's to grow a family and these things are important to us. Can you think of any benefit why any reason why it might be a good idea for a family to know that? Yes, Erica. Okay. For goal setting. Good. Now I want to share a little personal story with you. Just recently I heard a colleague professor giving a talk about stories in a culture. The value of stories in a culture. What she was saying was in cultures where there is not a written history but there is an oral history, they tell stories. The grandfather tells his children, his sons and daughters stories about courage and faith and strength and values that he has and that their family has. He tells those stories to his children. They tell those stories to their children and the children know this is who we are. These are our stories. This is what we value. Courage, faith, hard work, education, whatever it is. Those stories come down. In a culture where there are no stories passed on, where parents don't pass their stories on, then the children take their stories from the culture. So my story isn't grandfather's story. My story is whoever is the popular movie star of the culture. That becomes my story. So what we're trying to do is to help you think about your family and this is who we are and this is what we value. Now it's different for every family. We don't teach values. We just want you to be aware of what yours are and how helpful it will be for your family to know this is who we are and this is what we value. On page two, would you write for me five things that are important to you, your values. Just the first five that come to your mind. These are important to me. Would you take just a minute and write those down? We're going to be referring to these values throughout the whole day. So now you've written some down and we'll talk about them later. I'm going to use a symbol, a compass. So as you were kind of saying, values give you direction. It's the direction you're heading. It's what you want, where you want to go, what you believe in. Okay, views. What are views? Just what are some words for views? Your opinion, your perspective, the way you see things, your paradigm. It's like your set of glasses. Everybody has a different set of glasses, the way they see the world and so I'm just going to put this down as a set of glasses. This is your worldview. Some people think that everybody sees the world the way they do. They all think that they all, everybody sees the way, but the fact of the matter is we all see things differently. I'd like to, how you see yourself and your family is your point of view, your paradigm, your perspective. Will you take a look at the next page? That's page three and let's just test it and will you just do the first five questions? It's RSF, rarely, sometimes, frequently. Will you just fill in that and this is a reflection of what you value in answering those questions. When you've done five, stop and look back and see if there are any rarelies or sometimes. Our experience kind of worldwide is that on say habit number three, do you see yourself as a good parent? A lot of times people don't see themselves as a good parent and I say, well, why is that? Well, we fight. Duh. You mean you fight in your family and you don't think you're a good parent? Here you are at this class, you're doing the best you can. The impact of a limited view, a limited view down to the bottom is seeing only what is wrong with yourself and that's a very significant thing. For an example, let's say that I see myself as being not very good, not very worthy, not a very good person. Will that have an impact on my life, all the rest of my life? Who's going to get a date? Oh, I don't. Who's going to? No, it won't. So it has a tremendous impact how you view yourself. I'd like you to look at this. What do you see here? Just speak it right out. A face. What is it of? A lady. It's what? A man playing a saxophone. Do you believe that? Can you see them both? Okay. Everybody can see. So it's two different views, two different ways of acting. Let me give you a personal story of my brother Stephen when he was on a subway in a large metropolitan city. Look at the impact of his views and how it changed. I was on a subway, a very, very large metropolitan city. Sunday morning, quiet. Today, a bunch of young kids running the subway. Father follows. He sits near me. The kids just go crazy on that subway, running up and down, turning people's papers aside, just raucous and rude. I'm sitting there. There's nothing. I look at my attitude. Attitude, body control. But look what I could see. After a few minutes, attitude went into behavior. Sir, do you think you could control your children a little? They're very upset. Oh, yeah. He blinks his head as if to come to an awareness of what is happening. I guess I should. I just left the hospital. My mother died just about an hour ago. I guess they don't know how to take it, but frankly, I don't either. Imagine the paradigm shift that took place there. Imagine now what the attitude and behavior would be based upon that paradigm. Do you see why paradigms are deeper than attitude and behavior? And you know, even though we're talking here in personal and interpersonal ways, the same thing takes place throughout our whole society. If you turn over to page four and look at this diagram in the upper right-hand corner, what we're basically saying here, this is the basic idea, and that is that what you see, your paradigm determines your behavior and your attitude. So what happened to Stephen? They came in, they were ruckus, and his judgmental. Then what happened? What happened? I saw you physically Monday reacting. What a tragedy. He just lost his wife. Did it change his attitude and behavior? So can you see the power of your views and how you see things and how you need to explore your views in order to be able to really make an effective family? Now, a habit. What's a habit? Like what? Brush your teeth, exercise, something like that. Will everybody please put their fingers together? Okay. Now, will you just shift fingers? How does that feel? Awkward? Is it bad? It's just different, isn't it? Do we have habits of the mind? Tremendous habits of the mind. So what this course is all about are effective habits. The unsuccessful families, take a look on page four. Unsuccessful families on the left-hand column, I can't do it. You don't know what's important in your life. You don't know what your values are. You don't know what you stand for. Spend time doing things that are not good for you. If you think someone wins, somebody else has got to lose a competitive mindset. You talk first, listen second. You're always talking, but mom, you never listen to me. You do what doesn't work with others and you don't take care of yourself and your family. Those are habits of unsuccessful family. If there's any one habit that just kind of bounced at you, just put that number in that box. The habit my family has that I'd like to change is, just put a number there. Now, you don't have to put anything. I'm just simply saying, listen to what's going on inside you because you are the best barometer about your family. Now, let me just share this thought with you. Families are very much like the flight of an airplane. Take a look at that airplane. It has three critical elements. One is a destination. The second is a flight plan that's been submitted. And then the third is the pilot up there with a compass. And we flew from Salt Lake City here to Los Angeles. We were off 90% of the time. The weather wasn't good. But did it matter? Absolutely not. We had a clear destination. We had a flight plan. We knew exactly where to go. And we had a compass. We just kept getting back on track. Now, listen carefully. Families are like that. The best families are off 90% of the time. All you got to do is have those three things, a clear destination, a flight plan that you trust and believe in, and then just keep getting back on track. You've got hope. Will you turn the inside back cover of your participant guide, please? The chart looks like that. And here's your flight plan. There's a place to put your name. Will you put your name, the Segura family or the Covey family? This is your personal flight plan. Put your name on that. And as we go through these various habits and various views and values, then we're going to, and then you are going to decide what you want to put down on your own flight plan to have confidence in that. Now, notice I start at the bottom with these seven habits because that's what we're going to be doing, the successful family habits. You say, I can do it, and so on. That's what this course is all about. Any questions so far? What are the three basics? Okay, so then let's move on then to the first habit. You ready? Okay.