How To Keep My Family Happy

We've asked you and you've responded. What's your biggest challenge as a parent? And some of you have said, how to keep my family happy? We've got 5 specific things that you can try. So, how do I keep my family happy? You said you've got 5 steps or tips. Yes. And the first one is a little tricky. But kind of a tricky one. There's a lot of paradoxes in psychology and this is one of them. And paradoxes in parenting as well. Here's the paradox. It's not in your control to make your family happy. No, it's not. Sorry. You don't have that kind of power. In fact, when you understand emotional maturity, every person on this planet is responsible for their own happiness. It is after all a choice. We got some other videos about that if you want to check it out. The paradox, because you love your family, the only thing that you want for them is to be happy. That's outside of your control. As you let go of your need to make everybody happy, it's actually more likely that you're going to succeed. That's true. That's why it's so paradoxical. You have to kind of let go of the need to make them happy in order for them to kind of create their way and find their way to the happiness. Yeah. It's kind of like when you go to the bank and you need a loan but you can't get the loan because you need the loan so badly. If you can prove you don't need the money, they'll give you the loan all day long. And it's a paradox. So, we let go of our need to make everyone happy. And it lightens up our own approach to it in a way that makes us more likely to have that kind of an influence on the family. So, that's number 1. Realize that it's outside of your control. Give up your need to make everyone happy. And we've still got 4 steps for you. Okay. So, you still want to kind of help your family find happiness, right? So, I'm kind of changing the words instead of make my family be happy. I'm going to... Right. We'll just acknowledge that for the rest of the video. So, step 2 is be positive. Is that a big shocker? Oh, I'm glad you said it. Because I'm the positivity guy. Positivity is not what a lot of people think it is. Some people think, oh, it's just being happy and cheerful all the time. No. In fact, that's kind of annoying and it just irritates people. But... Right? So, positivity has to do with choosing your position. Check it out. You don't know what's going to happen, do you? You know, we talked about pessimists and optimists. And the optimist thinks that great things is going to happen and the pessimist thinks terrible things is going to happen. Well, do you know? No, not yet. You don't know. So, you're choosing a position. And when you really embrace the principles of positivity, you can see that the way things are right now is actually really good. Even if you're in a painful or a difficult circumstance, there are so many things about your life that are rich and abundant and blessed. Focusing on that changes your energy. So, as you practice positivity yourself, you bring that culture of positivity into your home which makes it easier for those in your home to find happiness. So, number 3 is something that you have done so beautifully in our own family. It has to do with gathering and and having intersection with our kids. Talk about that a little bit. So, you know, you remember when we first got married, I was raised in a family of 6 kids and I have a sister who's just older me that is an amazing cook. She's been a good cook as long as I can remember. So, I really didn't even try. When we got married, I couldn't cook. And I still don't even consider myself a good cook. The one thing I will say though is that it was just really a passion of mine to make sure we had family dinners. Family meals. Yeah. So, I just really believed even if it was a very simple meal which is what most of them are. I wanted to have food on the table that we could sit around and check in with each other. Just have a time to be together. There's so many people that aren't even sitting together. Right. And so, finding a way to be together. And I found for me personally, meals was a good time for that. Well, the research backs you up on this, Vicki. Because there are studies that are coming out that saying that families who at least one meal together on a regular basis. And we're talking daily, okay? Because you got to eat every day, right? So, this is a great example or a great excuse maybe to gather your family together. And it's not about the food. You don't have to be a good cook. Although, she is. She has learned. I'm consistent but not always. I remember some of the early mishaps. But I just feel like that time... I'm finding that more and more... Of course you know, I'm a communication specialist. And so to me, that's one of the advantages of having a family meal. Is it gives you time to communicate with each other. To get a little eye contact as you sit in a circle. And to communicate. And that gives you a chance to really check in with one another. When you feel like you've been heard, then it's easier to be happy. We have this culture of acceptance and love and support. Which is going to bring about that happy family you're longing for. Let's talk about some other forms of gathering too. Because the meal, the family meal probably the most powerful one. And the research would back that up. But there's also family game night, family home evening, family vacation. Storytime. Storytime. I think storytime is a great way to do it. Especially with your young children, you know? You just have that little time that you get to do your little family story and a bit of a routine. Here's another example that we have experienced recently because we just came back from a family trip for some of our grown children joined us in the car. And there are little activities you can do in the car that bring families together too. It might be storytelling, it might be... We like to play improv games in the car. Like the world's greatest expert where someone's designated as the world's greatest expert in whatever we choose that they're the expert in. And then everybody gets to ask them questions and they just have to answer on the fly. Now, this is just... It's silly maybe but it's an example of gathering the family and having positive experiences together. So, another step that really supports happy families for a lot of good reasons is service. We've had some fun experiences together as a family. I remember one Christmas, one holiday season when we chose to do a service project for the local police department. Do you remember that? And we engaged our kids in this project too where we put together a little care packages for all of the police officers in our local community here. And took it down to them on Christmas Eve because we are so grateful that they are doing their job and pretty much sacrificing time with their family in order to ensure the safety of our family. And so, we just wanted to give our children a chance to look outside of themselves and serve. Now, the importance of this is... Yeah, it's teaching them to look outside of themselves. A lot of the time, when you're really unhappy or depressed, you're very self-focused. It's all about how... And not in a grandiose way but in really where that's all you can think about is what you are going through. Well, for example, I don't like my life. Nothing's going well for me. But people don't like me. Or what if it's very self-focused. And you're right. Not in a grandiose sort of a way but in a in a way that gets us stuck in depression and anxiety. Service is such a powerful psychological tool to get outside of yourself and focus on other people. And doing that together as a family, powerful way to increase happiness. And to develop stronger relationships which will also increase happiness. Right. As we wrap this up, Vicki, I'm a big fan of being very intentional. On purpose. Right. About values and reasons for doing things. And one of the things that I think really helps families to establish this culture that supports happiness is to post your values. In whatever way you're going to do that. We've got them up as vinyl letters on the wall. But we also developed it into a chair. Do you remember the one I'm talking about? Joy in the journey. Force for good. Bless a life today. And then as a chair, we'd usually add the... After it. And it's just fun when the kids were little because it gets... It gets them thinking about what we're all about as a family. And you can steal ours if you want. But you can come up with your own values. But I love this because you're going to want to take a moment. You know, a lot of you are probably thinking, post our values. Oh, do we even have values as a family? So, this gives you a chance to take a little time and be intentional about your family. That's going to help support a happy family. So, if you're wondering, yeah, I don't know if do we have family values? That's a good question to be asking. Get some answers to that. Be intentional about it. And this starts to program some young minds to accept and internalize the values that are important to you. And create this happy family culture. Happy families are not only possible, they're all around us. Connect with each other in those comments down below. Share what's working for you to create that happy family culture. And if you haven't done it yet... Go check out the Parenting Power-Up product. There's a link over here and one down in the comments. We really hope to help you create a happy family.