Best of Henry Cho _ Parenting, Marriage, and Life

So I have three kids, my wife and I. We have two boys and a little girl. Buddy of mine had four boys. He finally had a girl. His first thought was hallelujah. So they named her Hallie. Isn't that sweet? So my daughter's name is Vasectomy. We call her Snippy. It's Snippy Cho if you're keeping score. I got stuck on that joke, man. When I wrote it, she was a little girl, you know. People used to, in public, they'd walk up and go, oh, you must be Vasectomy. She's this little girl, and she's like, I guess, I don't know. Now she's a teenager, man. Just the other day, she goes, thanks, Dad. That man over there just called me Vasectomy. Well, if it was going to pay for your car, I'd shut up. She's awesome, man. Clap if you have kids middle school or younger. Who has kids middle school or younger? Anybody have kids out here? How many kids do you have, man? Two. What are the ages? Nine and ten. Boys or girls? Boys. Oh, there you go. Two boys, back to back. That's what we did. Boys are easy to raise. Just kind of wake up and run around and break stuff. Then God gave me a daughter. It changed everything. I had to learn how to listen, pay attention, care. Boys do not understand the daddy-daughter thing. They don't get it. They're like, Dad, you spoil her rotten. I go, yeah, sure do. She gets the same things she wants. I go, yep, sure does. She wants a pony. You're going to get her a pony? I go, yeah, I'll get her a pony. They're like, can we get a new Xbox? I go, no, God's saving money for a pony. I'll stop eating my groceries. What are you doing? So my buddy Lenny's back there selling merch. So I've been doing this 37 years. I never sold anything after my shows till seven years ago. A buddy of mine lost his job and he said, Hey man, if I make some stuff, will you give me money? So it's worked out really well for him. Well, my wife and I decided we're not going to sell, keep the money we make selling merchandise. We donated to charity and it's not just charity. It's actually human being. There's a little boy in Honduras we've been taking care of for many, many years. His name is Anthony Jimenez and he's now 16 and he's about that tall. And man, can he play soccer? He's good. So we started taking care of Anthony when he was five and we'll continue to do that till he ages out at 18 or signs a pro soccer contract. Then I'll adopt him. I'm just saying I have dibs. I mean, what are you going to do? And he's one of 60 boys at this orphanage and he's doing very well. He's highly educated and we're actually going to take care of Anthony even after he graduates and hopefully he's going to get to come to college in the United States. But if you want to buy something great, if you don't, that's fine too. I'll just tell Anthony y'all didn't care. My wife is great. She is a very smart. She just got her law degree. So she's like a professional at arguing. I didn't know this in college. She had a minor in archeology, so she's good at digging up the past. She hates that joke. Just so you know, she doesn't like it. That's not really funny. Yeah, it's pretty funny. So I'm just glad I'm doing shows again. It's great to see y'all here. Because I was shut down for a year and a half and I've toured my entire marriage. For a year and a half. The last playing at her bank in Maine, right before that big blizzard, last playing out. Before that, I was the last playing out of New Orleans right before Katrina. More recently, I was the last playing out of Tampa right before Irma. So just so y'all know, I'm leaving here Sunday. The plants inside. People in Maine were freaking out about the snow. I'm like, you live in Maine, man. They have those goofy winter sports up there. The Winter Olympics has my favorite sport, that biathlon. You know that one where they cross-country ski and then shoot a rifle? That's the weasel in my book. Imagine you're in third place but you have two bullets left. You're a little slow with math, though.