Katherine Blanford - Should we freeze babies. - NEW FACES OF COMEDY

New faces! Give it up for me! I got 82 units of Botox for this! Oh, what a joy! Um, I hate to spoil this for you guys, but people always say I'm not very dirty for a female comic, and I know they mean that as a compliment, but I'm like, but I... I wanna be, you know? I'm just not good at it. I sent a nude to a guy recently, and he thought I was asking for medical advice. He called me immediately, I was like, ooh! And he called me, he's like, what is it? He was like, do I have it? I was like, what? I was like, you can get it! He was like, no! No, I don't want it! I don't want it! I'm trying, I'm trying to learn stuff. I'm in LA now, I don't think I'm a lesbian yet, but I just went on my first hike, so I think it might happen soon. I think that's it. I think that's how girls get gay. We just be out in nature, thinking. I saw an evergreen in the wintertime, and I was like, I shouldn't shave either. I should keep my needles for protection. The wilderness is hard, dude. It is. It's, dude, we're the weakest we've ever been as a human race, like all of us. Dude, I, I, so I was going up this mountain, right? And I peed twice without toilet paper, and sorry to give you what you want. I peed twice without toilet paper, and I got a UTI. It was in California, so they're legal there. We can still have them there, for now. We're having as many as we can, while we still can, so people are coming from Georgia to have them there, the UTIs. And I go, do you know what a UTI is, sir? You know, you don't, you're like, I don't, we don't play that team. Are they division two? I don't, we don't know. Go Utes. I couldn't believe I got a UTI from peeing twice without toilet paper. I was talking to my girl, I was like, come on, girl, sackage away. I'd never had toilet paper. My vagina was like, yeah, but we need our vitamin C wet wipes, you know? I was like, most people don't even use those, okay? We just get those sent to us for freaks. We got a lot of Instagram followers, you and I, mostly you. I, I'm, I'm single now. I went through a breakup. Um, I, we just, I was dating this guy, but we figured out we were different, you know, like I'm, I'm really outgoing and talented. And he, he was really quiet, but then I realized after a while it was because he had an addiction. I don't know if anyone's ever gone through this before, but he, uh, he liked to stay home because he was addicted to reading. Do you have glasses? You little sick freak. You know, both of you, ew, disgusting, separate, like, you know what I mean? Like I would come home from the road and I'd be like, do you want to have sex? And he'd be like, no, he'd rather be alone with another man's words, right? And I would try stuff. I'd be like, you know, like when we were having sex, I'd be like, turn me over. And he'd be like, okay. And he did that. It was so bad. I tried a vibrator. He was excited about a vibrator, but then he didn't make it past the owner's manual and he did, he ruined it. We can't even sell it now. It was so bad. One time I got home and he'd read everything, but he was still looking for more to read. You know how you get, you, you know, just his eyes were going crazy. Left, right, left, right. You know, he's grabbing menus and terms and conditions. And he was like, what else should I read? Ah, you know, he's like, maybe I should read your text messages. That's when I was like, no, no, you don't like graphic novels. My friends. Okay. So they're better at relationships. I'm always, I obviously, I suck. My friends are good at it. You know, they're all like married and they're so good at marriage. They're getting married again. And they're, oh, they're laughing me and they're having babies, these whores. And I will say I'm in my thirties now. It is kind of like, it's scary when you hit your thirties, like you have this pressure to have kids that you're not used to because culturally as a white woman, what happens is you're 19, right? And you blackout at an SAE frat house. I knew I recognize you. And then, and then you wake up and suddenly you're 31 at an Ann Taylor loft. And then people start going to go, you're young thirties. I go, this is the best time to have a baby. You know, if you want to have a good one. Right. And that's according to RFK Jr. He puts that as a warning label on our vodka bottles. Now I'm not, by the way, I'm just saying that's a message we get. Okay. I think you can have a baby later in life and the baby's totally fine. All right. But also, you know, you know, you have that one friend, you know, when you find out that his mom had him when she was 42, you're like, oh, okay. Yeah. Wow. That makes a lot of sense now. Wow. He's fine. You know, but he's dusty for 28. Okay. You trip on his dandruff. So just saying, if you want to have a moist one, the time is now. I just, I'm just saying some of us just aren't ready for the kids right now, you know? Cause maybe whatever reason, maybe we have booming careers and you know, we're just like really famous. You know, we're the third most famous white American behind Taylor Swift and Jesus Christ. Uh, whatever reason, maybe you do want to have kids, but no matter how much you squeeze, he still pulls out. That's not a journey. That's a Christian joke. Okay. My Catholic grandmother told me that she said, honey, when you find a good one, you hang on to him. And she, she was very good at it. She had 10 kids. She was an athlete. She stuck the landing. My whole point to say, I think it's cool. Now, you know, that you want to have healthy kids. You have the option. You could freeze your eggs now. That's so cool. We have the option now. I know people who've done it. I'm probably going to do it. Here's what I'm frustrated about. If you know anyone who's ever frozen their eggs, you know, it's a very taxing process. It's hard on your body. It's very expensive to the point that even if you get all the way to the end and everything goes right, you're not even a 10th of the way through the pregnancy, you know, ---- could go wrong after that. So I'm like, why have we stopped at freezing the eggs? Why don't we freeze the babies? Okay. Hear me out. JFL Christians. What a oxymoron that is. But hear me out. Listen, this is pro whatever the hell, shut up. Okay. Listen, the baby is safe. It's in your freezer. All right. Do you understand? It's like your favorite casserole. You're not going to let ---- happen to it. All right. You can open up your freezer. There's baby right there. Hey, you know, and you're like, not yet. Just getting a popsicle, but soon, right? It's fun. You know, and think about how fun that would be. Imagine that'll be real one day. Imagine that kind of bullying. None of us got to experience that. Imagine you're, you're in high school, you're in the hallways, everybody's changing classes and your best friend bumps into you and they're like, Hey, you see that kid with the glasses over there? And you're like, yeah. And they're like, that's a freezer baby. You're like, shut the **** up. And you sneak up to it. And you're like, you got two birthdays. You greedy son of a bitch. You got the first one. And then the you're a Leo and a Sagittarius. You're not even compatible with yourself. That's a Gen Z bar. That's a Gen Z freezer burn right there. Your middle name does your nose. All right.