Eddie Griffin Talks About Tiger Woods _ Stand Up Comedy

I'll tell you somebody who needs Jesus right around now. Tiger Woods. Do you remember when Tiger Woods kept talking that ----? Now they're like, are you a black? No, no, no, no, no. I am a complication. Oh, it's complicated now, huh? Oh, he's a black now for sure. They handed that ************ his black card. Accept it. Know well. And you know what white people really mad at? When they love Tiger, that black was at they house, at the mansions, and they thinking back. You know, the ************ be like, Tiger, stay here with my wife. I'm gonna go to the store and get us some more wine. That white man sitting there now, he probably fucked my wife. Because Tiger was slangin' dick. What I like about Tiger, he kept it golf. He had 18 holes. One for every hole he'd go. 750 million dollars he had to pay his ex-wife. Ladies, y'all need to chill the **** out. Since when did pussy become higher case value than dick? It all begins with dick. Fuckin' don't begin till a dick get hard. When a dick goes off, fuckin's over. Now here's where Tiger messed up. Now, fellas, I want y'all to look at the woman sitting next to you that you brought here. Look at her right now. Now you see how fine she is? Don't ever **** nothin' uglier than her. You don't **** down, you **** up. You **** a woman uglier than your woman, she gonna be mad in the ************. Nigga, I know I look better than that bitch. Nigga, what's wrong with me? What's wrong with me? That's when they go crazy. What the **** is wrong with me? Better than that bitch. What's wrong with me? You **** a bitch that's finer than your woman, she gonna act like she mad. But she can't get mad. She gonna look at him like, ----, I didn't know that nigga could catch that. I'm gonna have to step my game up. Rich black man and white woman don't go together. As OJ, Colbert, Tiger Woods, it ain't no good. Because white women will set your ass smooth to **** up. Oh, nigga, they better learn their history. See, they say black women are the strongest women on Earth, in a way. But at least a sister gonna let you know up front. Nigga, I will **** you up. You know what you're dealing with. White women sneaky. Really? It's like that, Tom. Them bitches grabbed the phone. Hello? Officer? He raped me. White women play victim quicker than a ************. But that white man got a line for you white women. See, when that white man get mad, he get mad. You know, brothers, we get mad. We march. We shall overcome. You know, we get a good march in, misspelled signs. We gone. That white man get mad, nigga, he snap. You know, white women like, I ain't taking the kids. I ain't taking the house. We're gone. We're out of here, you asshole. That white man be like this. I came from a long line of Brookshires. You're not gonna take my seed from me, Guinevere. Now here's the one sentence that white man got for this. Over my dead body. And that ************ mean that ----. Over my dead body. I'll kill you. Then I'll kill the kids. I'll burn the ******* house to the ground. Then I'll do myself. Brother can't even try that ----. African sister be like, nigga, I'm leaving. I'ma kill you. You killing who? Let the kill him again, ************. I'm with you, girl. You know I'm joking with you. Bought to burn the house down, the kids. Everybody's after the white woman. You look at the movies. King Kong after the bitch. Y'all know damn well this is a nigga's story. You know, the big old gorilla. He had all them fine African sisters seen one white woman and lost his mind. That's why they call it jungle fever. That ************ Kong got that white bitch, nigga. He picked her up, just blowing on the hoe. White bitch, I got a white bitch. He took his white bitch. That ************ swam to New York. They took the bitch up on the building. Where's my white bitch? Dracula after the bitch. Where the white bitch? You ain't never seen Dracula bite a sister. Sister be like, you better put them motherfucking fangs up. Don't be coming around my neck with that bullshit. I ain't freaking like that. Now you can eat my pussy, nigga. I'm on my period. You want some blood? Dracula bite fresh bitches. Bitch on her period. All the blood you want, ************. You know what I mean? You can pull the tampon out, suck on it like a lollipop. Use the string like dental floss.