Are You Open to Being Hit On? w/ Charlotte McKinney • Help Me, I'm Single Episode 3

Are you, are you, are you like saying I love you on the third date? No, I used to for sure. Yeah. Like my art, my ideal of like a second date is like, let's go to U-Haul. Okay. And like, what does that mean? Like moving together? Yeah. Welcome to help me. I am single. I am a dating coach and matchmaker Blaine Anderson, and we're here to help brave and occasionally incompetent singles figure out their dating lives. Joining us today is Blake, who has an anxious attachment style, a tendency to spiral caught his wife cheating in the craziest way and has the best pickup line I've heard on the show and here to help us audit his dating life is comedian, actor, and model Charlotte McKinney. Let's get into it. Okay. Well, excited to dive right in. Let's get into it. Let's do it. Start with telling us, you know, introduce yourself, name, age, where you're from. I'm Blake. I'm from Phoenix, Arizona. I'm 30 years old. Um, a little bit about me, uh, born and raised in Phoenix, played college golf at Washington state university and athlete and recently single for the first time in a long time, like six or seven months ago. Oh wow. Okay. How long was your previous relationship? I married my high school sweetheart. Oh, divorce. Divorce. Yes. Okay. And how, so you've been together since high school. Is she your only person you've ever been with? Pretty much. That's like, I think the straight question. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. No. Um, but more than one person. Yeah. I've been with more than one person cause we were together in high school and then I went away for college and then we came back. Okay. So you had the college experience. Yeah. So you dated in college. Yeah. But we like did long distance, but we didn't, but we did. And then you got married and then what happened? Why? What ended up? I mean, there's a lot of different things. Like I think the thing that I will say just from my perspective is I, um, had a lot of unhealed trauma from being a child and was very codependent and very needy and very anxious. Um, and then I think that led to obviously a lot of problems. And that was only six months ago that you got divorced. I got divorced in 2023. Okay. Yeah. Okay. So a couple of years ago and then you've just started dating six months ago and that's why, so a little background on Blake is he's been working with a dating coach on my team. Oh wow. Kayla. Kayla. He was saying before this, he's like, Oh, if you caught me three months ago, I was way worse. And I'm like, Oh no. Terrified question. So you've never really like dated. No. Oh my God. So you came to us and you were like, yeah, I was like, I've been an athlete. I've been, uh, played golf at a very high level and it's like, I've always just tried to find it. Well, no, no, no, no, no. But like I was obsessed with golf and like, that was my life. But also like why I came to coaching is like, I'm a big believer in like you just find someone that is really good at what you want to be good at and then learn. I love that. That's absolutely right. Everyone listen to Blake. One of the things is like, well, like coaching is like, everybody needs coaching. Everyone needs, everyone kind of does. Like if you think about it, like Scotty Scheffler, we'll make it golf related is the best golfer in the world by a lot. And he still has a coach for dating. No, for golf. No, he's happy and married and very cute. But maybe because he had a dating coach. No, I mean, I'm just saying that women do have dating coaches too. It's actually a bigger business than men dating coaching because women are more likely to ask so much help. This is true. Guys need more help than women. Way more, way more help. But women are more likely to just raise their hand and be like, Hey, I need help. I want to talk about my feelings. I like need like advice on this. And guys like don't do that as well. Yeah. And I think the big thing too is that I'm very grateful that I did do a lot of therapy and I did a lot of that stuff beforehand. Yeah. Because I think if you don't kind of address those things, like you just take it to the max. Yeah. And the reason that kind of pushed me to like do that is like I got, I dated someone right after I got divorced and like the list of complaints that my ex-wife had and this person had were the same. So it's like at the end of the day and the breakups are you doing an exit survey? No, no, no. Just, but like, just what, I'm very self-aware. I like that. That's good. What were the key? Needy, codependent, spirals, has a hard time regulating his emotions. Give us some examples. Like what would you spiral about? Like if, like if either of those people ask like, Hey, I need space. Like, give me a second. Like you would have thought that like they were asking me to chop my leg off and like the world was ending. Yeah. Freak out. Be like, no, let's figure it out. Like what do you need space for? Okay. Yeah. Okay. No, not that crazy, but close. Okay. Like stand in the doorway at least. Do you have like abandonment issues? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Did your mom leave you or something? Um, I mean we can get super down into it. Yeah. I'm an open, I'm an open book. I had a podcast for two years about like this topic and going through healing and ACAA and all this stuff. But yes. Um, my mom is an out, is an alcoholic. She's in recovery now. Um, but yeah, it was definitely like very emotionally unavailable and caretaking and all that stuff. So I'm sorry about, no, you don't have to apologize for it. I sound like I'm your mother. Through that, like figuring out what makes Blake happy and like figuring out how to love Blake for the first time. Yeah. I'm learning that too. You're going to be more prepared to make it work in your next relationship. Cause then it's like when people like reject me or whatever, it's like not, doesn't really hurt. Like at a really like core level like it used to where like if a girl didn't text me and I thought she liked me, you'd lose your ----. I'd be like, I'm not talking to anyone for a month. Yeah. What were the, what were these spirals? Yeah. What did that look like? Like a spiral would be like, I would like lay in my bed and like doom scroll tick tock and like not talk to anyone. And, or the other thing would be like I, and a spiral, like I will substitute something else. Like it used to be drugs and alcohol to like change the way I feel. But like I've used food, I've used gambling, I've used a porn porn. Yeah, for sure. I've used work. Like that was probably the last one that was like really hard to like, like I would just be kind of workable. Yeah. Just like change the way I'm feeling right. Like, you know? Okay. So I love that you're working through all of that. Can we just take a moment? Yeah. Yeah. And the cool thing that I've realized like even in the last, probably like three weeks. Cause like if we go back to where I was when I started with Kayla. Yeah. Kayla's the dating coach. Kayla's the dating coach. Yeah. Okay. That Blaine has taught everything she knows or whatever. Yes. Kayla's a coach on my team. Yeah. Amazing. I've taught her everything I know and now she's teaching it. And like to the example of like, I had no idea. Like I was like, it was like, I thought I was playing basketball, but I was playing croquet like just so beyond like, cause I'm a very intellectual guy. Um, and I like to think I'm smart. So I want to like figure out the why of everything and like shoot the, some of the stuff that she was having to do early on. What were you doing? Like where, take us back to a few months ago before you started working with Kayla. What was like, I was like I thought we were going to start and like we were going to build this amazing hinge profile and it was going to be off to the races. And then like, I'd have all this inbound and I have all these dates and like, this is going to be so easy. Yeah. But in all actuality, she's like, no, like I need you to go do hobbies. And I was like, what do you mean hobbies? Like what does that have to do with anything? Kayla? Like, like, I'm like, I don't get it. Like what to meet girls. Like, no, not to meet girls, like to do stuff that you enjoy and you like, and so like, so you have things to talk about on dates. You have things to put in your hands. No, no, no, no. But I think it, I think it's D I think like from looking back on it, I'm like, I think it's like, it really helps build self-confidence because it's like, you're doing no, like you're doing good at things. Well, not even doing things, but like putting something on a schedule and then going and doing it and like showing up and like, even if you didn't want to, right. Like one of the things that I've done a lot is I've done, I started doing Matt Pilates and um, I've really enjoyed that. And, but it was like, really like, it broke the only guy in class. Yeah. Like the instructor will be like, all right, ladies and Blake. I love that. And like, and it wasn't to like meet girls or like be weird. Cause it's like, it's very like, you don't want to be hitting on girls. No, I honestly haven't hit on a single girl at Pilates. Um, but like, it's just good. Cause it helped me get over this fear of like women, right? Like I can go, I can go share space with these women. I can be cool. I can be normal. Smile. Like I can just be like myself. And it like, kind of like helped a lot. Oh, that's good. That's yeah. What are some of the other hobbies that you've picked up? Pickleball. Great. Um, still a big golfer. Um, do that a lot. And then I joined a run club. Okay. Wow. And I'm like the classic, like I'm like really, really horrible, really horrible at running. Pickleball run club and Pilates. Those are like, that's like the trifecta of like where to meet girls and get in shape. But I haven't met any, but see, the thing is is like I haven't met any girls directly from those activities. But that's the whole like thing that like there was a switch in my head because it's like, I'm not doing this to meet girls. That's essential. But like going in and feeling that way, building confidence and getting good at it and meeting more people generally will eventually have the ripple effect of meeting more people. Because then it carried on into like when I started like flirting, right. And you have opportunity to practice flirting. But like it, but I had to walk, crawl, run. Like I don't think you really realize like how bad and helpless I was. Like where I just like, Kayla would be like, all right, Blake, like you're just going to go old Blake here, right? Yeah. We're going to go talk to a girl and we're just like, not going to want anything from her, but we're just going to like go up and like be like, Hey, I'm Blake. Like I've seen you here before. Like I want to introduce myself. And like, that was it. Like that was, so let's say you saw a hobby. Now I do it. Now I have a really foolproof way. I don't, I don't know if I really want a bunch of people to know. But like Pilates is like, it's more like I'm at the grocery store. Okay. Fair. Maybe grocery store or a tea shop. I'm at a tea shop. Like, no. What about coffee? Coffee. Okay. So like I would come up, role play, role play. Yeah. So enjoy it. So like where let's set the scene. I'll set the scene, set the scene. Charlotte's enjoying her tea. Is she sitting down and she's standing down, waiting in line. Let me tell you, give me a second, Blake. She's sitting. She's enjoying her tea in her seat, has her phone out, no headphones in and, uh, looks relatively approachable. And you see her, you think she's beautiful. You caught eyes and then you got in line, and you got your tea. Now you're looking for a seat and you are you going to use this as your opportunity? What do you do? So I would walk. So I'd walk up to you. And I would say, Hey, are you open to being hit on? Oh, wow. That's, that's strong. I guess I would say, you'd either say yes or no. Yeah. So I'd be like, okay, well, I really think whoever does your eyelashes is killing it. Thank you. That's a good compliment or whatever it might be. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Whatever is authentic, whatever's authentic. Okay. I actually like, like, are you open to being hit on as nice? Because I've never heard me neither. And if she's, if you're single and you like how he looks, you're going to be like, laugh and say yes. And if you have a boyfriend, it's a really like, Oh no, you know, I'm married. It takes all the pressure away. Cause it's like, I'm going to start using, cause it's like, it's like, there's no like, can I hit on you? Yeah. There's no like, for me, why it's works is like, cause like so many guys and like me included, like there's all these questions that were running through our head of is she single? Does she like me? I mean, like I literally listened to her podcast and Rick Glassman does this whole thing about all the things that he thinks about before going up. Like, is she going to like me? Does she like me? Does she not like me? Could she like me? Is she just pretending to be nice, but she doesn't actually like you're never going to find out. It's just like, just being like, Hey, like asking someone in the wild is hard. Like if I see a Hawkeye, but it works, it works amazingly well because nobody does it. Nobody approaches anymore. And like so many girls. Yeah. But like in, but they like do weird things, right? Yeah. Or then like, like I feel like mostly lately when I'm approached, it's like in a group of people that I know. Okay. I'm noticing like when I'm out, if I see a smoke show, I don't know what to say. I'm just like, but imagine a guy's love to be approached. I know. I want to start doing it. I mean, I liked Blake's line or just walking in and saying, Hey, we haven't met yet. I wanted to introduce myself. Yeah. And then let him take the conversation. If he can't hold the conversation, then he's kind of like, okay, well, bye. Yeah. I do like, it's easier to hit on you. Yeah. That's strong. No. Are you open to being hit on? Are you, are you open to being hit on? Yeah. And then, but then what's your follow-up? Usually it's a compliment or something. Oh man, you look fresh. Thank you. Yeah. You come around this coffee shop a lot? All the time. All the time. I'm surprised I haven't seen you here. I know this is so weird. Anyways. What's your go-to coffee order? Uh, I did a little green tea today. Green tea. Yeah. Not a matcha girl. I am, but that's what I got today. Blake, you're doing well. Yeah. You're doing better than me. That coaching's paid off. Really good. So how often are you approaching women? It's kind of like, I hate to say, but it's kind of like a fun, it's just fun. Right. Like I, and like, I, cause like flirting, whatever, like it's, there was like a shift maybe a couple of weeks ago where it's like, I'm just being myself. Like, and I'm just not like, like sometimes I'll just talk to the old lady in the coffee shop and like, and the thing that I've really realized from like doing it is like how it makes, like if I, if I come up to you, cause you said you've not, you don't get approached or hit on or whatever. And like I hit on you and like, we have a little bit of conversation. Like it kind of makes that person's day. Not to say like, I'm like a egomaniac, but like everyone's in this world. If you're polite and very lonely and it's like, I'm not being like, Hey, you're so sexy. Like, you know, it's like, it's kind. And it's like you're using hit on in like your approach, like asking, Hey, are you open to being hit on and like an endearing kind of funny way. But I find when guys are actually hitting on women, like trying to use a pickup line, it comes off very salesy. It's like you want something from them. But if like you just said, you're just approaching to understand if you might want to get to know that each other more, you just want to see if there's a vibe at all and you're not getting anything from them that like can really help. Yeah. And the way that Kayla had me do it, like, cause it was definitely like, Hey, we're going to do this. And then like, Hey, we're going to do like, if you, even if you want to ask them for their phone number, like you're not going to do that. And then it's like, you'd see like, cause then you can tell like this girl was like, she was gearing up. Or she was like disappointed that I didn't ask, you know? And then now it's like, when do you know it's right to ask for the digits? I don't know. Like if a lot of times, like, if it's like I would want to talk to this person again, or like we had some sort of good, a good, a good banter. Yeah. That's what so many guys get wrong is they approach with the intention of getting the phone number, not the intention of understanding. If there's a connection and so then you're always thinking one step ahead of like, okay, how do I ask for the number? Which like this is the main like for me, like if I like go up to you with the intention of getting your phone number, like psychologically, like I am not listening. Yeah. Because I've already decided what I want. And instead of like me listening to you talk about, talk about your tea or, you know, talk about, you know, whatever. Got it. So no, that's great. So you're approaching a lot of women, which is amazing. You have your new hobbies that will I believe have a ripple effect to building community and eventually meeting more people. Are you on the dating apps right now? Okay. So do you want to be, what's your plan there? No. Um, I like got, uh, my hand slapped recently cause I got professional pictures done. And yes, Kayla actually did tell me about those. And I like was like, but I got too excited. I got too excited. And I went rogue and I launched a, a hinge profile and then without her knowing. And she told me not to the coach. And then she literally, and she's literally, she's literally like Blake, this is horrible. Like delete it right now and send me a screenshot that you deleted it. And I'm like, she wanted proof. She didn't trust. So you got these professional photos just for hinge. Yes. Yes. Which I, I insist all of our clients must. Cause have you seen the photos that these guys come with? No. Like I, I uploaded 50 pictures that I thought were good. And Kayla said not one of those we can use. Cause like guys don't know. They take such bad photos. So the idea isn't that you go take a photo shoot and then you have six pro photos. But the idea is you get one or two from the shoot that you can sprinkle. He ripped 50 professional photos. That was before though. That was before. Like, she was like, we don't have a single picture here. We can use. So then he went and got his shoot done. And then unbeknownst to coach Kayla, I was like, I'm good now. Let's throw up four professional photos that he looks the exact same in all four, a photo of him and a dog and a photo golfing and launched his profile. Yeah, we can see it. It's a screenshot. So you can zoom. You actually look amazing in those photos, but you should be using one of them. Yeah. Well, I learned, you know, your Kayla loves to do tough love. So it's good. That's what you need. That's what we're here for. I mean, I see where you were going. You still mixed in a few other things, but it's a strong move. Yeah. But here's the thing that like I I've learned from listening to Kayla, like it's such a dog eat dog world on hinge that like, if you're not, no, but like, this is how she explains it. And it makes a lot of sense to me is that like, if you're not like absolutely dialed in, like you better, you're better off just not even doing it. Oh, as a dude, for like, as a dude, it's the opposite for women. You have a profile and you could put up yourself in like a photo of a tree and you'll get matches for like guys. No, but I think the worst part, like in a trash bag and a Halloween, like, you know, yeah, no, and you're just throwing up your Carl's jr. Everywhere. The worst part of Blake's profile though, here is his, uh, prompts, chat GBT. Let me down. Oh, I need it here. Yeah. Together we could convince your friends. I'm not a red flag. Oof. Okay. Do you agree? No, hilarious. See, this is why I have no idea. Do you agree or disagree that we'll tell everyone we met at whole foods? Those are just lame. They don't tell us anything about you. Yeah. You're just, yeah. Okay. So we're going to, but I think also psychologically, like I think that the prompts and this is where the disconnect is for guys. It's like guys, we don't even look at the prom. You know what I mean? So it's like, it doesn't matter. We're like, you guys probably are looking at the prompts. Women are looking at way more than, and that they're looking at photos and prompts because they have to narrow it down from thousands of matches. No, at all. Ever. No, I, my friends put me on Raya when I got single and I deleted it immediately. It just, cause it's like, I feel like for me, I was getting the wrong kind of guys. Yeah. It's based off your pictures. It is, you know, so you like a funny guy. Yeah. Yeah. Who do you, who do you want to date? Someone funny. I like funny. I feel like funny and like, I don't know, but I have really bad taste. I pick like really bad guys. Oh no. Like a bad track record. I just like, it's like really horrible guys is my type. So we should do some coaching. Yeah. Maybe we should talk after this. Or start with therapy. Yeah. I'm doing that. I'm putting in my time. That's important as we've learned from Blake, but it's, it's, it's hard. I mean, or you think you like someone, then you find something out about, like, it's like, it's, it's so hard, especially here in LA. Like LA is a tough scene today. It's so rough. I don't know. So how are you meeting people then? Just from going out? Yeah. All my hobbies. I think you need to take up some of Blake's hobbies. No, but I honestly, I am, I'm trying to like do more like hobbies and like say yes to stuff. I normally wouldn't say yes to. Yeah. Like what? Just like if people invite me to things or parties that I normally am like, eh, I don't want to, I just kind of like push myself to go to stuff more. But yeah, no apps for me. It's always just been the wrong kind of guys. Yeah. Is that where you've met your exes? No, I've never, I've met one person on an app that I've deleted it and it didn't work. Yeah. But yeah, I meet out in the wild. I like that though. Yeah. You and Blake both out there. I'm the opposite of you though. I'm the like avoidant, like, don't really want to like be in a nightmare together. We'd actually be perfect together if we were both chasing you and like throwing himself in front of the door and you'd be trying to escape like an overly obsessed guy, but I'm just not. Okay. Opposites attract in that way. Yeah. Sometimes for sure. And Blake's working on his lack of obsession. No obsession. Are you, are you like saying I love you on the third date? No, I used to for sure. Yeah. Like my art, my ideal of like a second date is like, let's go to U-Haul. Okay. And like, what does that mean? Like move in together? Yeah. Might as well. Cause you're like, this is getting, this is it. Yeah, like might as well. Just let's try. Rip the bandaid off. Yeah. Let's just go to U-Haul. You can move in. How many people have you suggested like living together with? I mean, I did that with my ex-wife and then my most like recent ex, but other than that. And they both said yes. Of course. Of course. Oh wow. Cause they're fully in it too. But now you realize that's not the way. No. Okay. So what are your goals right now? What are, what do you want? I think I just want to, do you want kids and marriage and all that? Yeah, for sure. I definitely want kids. Um, I think I want to get to a place where I have, I'm dating from a place of options because I don't really know what I want. And the only way that I can figure out what I want is from experiencing it through. And I'm not saying like, I'm going to sleep with like the goal is to sleep with a bunch of women and whatever, but it's like, just get to know what I really want and value because I've never dated from a place of, I've always dated from like scarcity instead of abundance. And then you're like, let's move in together. I think you should go around and sleep around. Cause it sounds like you've just been with your high school girl. I think he was just trying to sound nice. You know, check it all out. Enjoy the sea. What's out there. Something Kayla and I talk a lot about, like if you don't think that you and this girl are the same level, then you're like, you, you, you have no there. Yeah. You should definitely not go talk to her. What do you mean? Level? That's a good thing. You feel like she's out of your league. Yeah. Like before I would assume like a lot of girls were out of my league and now that I have a lot more self confidence, like there pretty much isn't anybody that I won't go up to and talk to. Yeah. But I was at a, I was at a party in San Diego and I went up to these girls and I started, I started talking to them and just like whatever. And you know, just riffing and bantering and they're like Vogue supermodels. Right. And they're like, do you know, do you know realize like how many times like we just stand here and no one comes and talks to us. And I'm like, really? She's like, yeah. And like, we're friends, but it's just like, it's like a different mindset. When you approach at a group like that at a party, are you using the hair you open to being hit on or just like, yeah. What did you throw in? Like a lot of times like if it's a bit, if it's a big group of girls and like Sam with a friend, like I'll go up and I'll be like, Hey, can you guys settle a bet for me? And they'll be like, what's the bet? And like, we're betting like my, I think you guys are here for a bachelorette party, but my buddy thinks you're here celebrating a birthday. Which one of us is right? That's a good one. That's interesting. Yeah. It gets them talking. Yeah. They know it's just cause you want to talk to them. But then they'll ask me like, Hey, what did you guys really have a bet? And I was like, no, I just looking for a reason to come talk to you guys. Yeah. That's nice. And it's endearing cause you're honest. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So right now your goal is to just meet more people for sure. Go on more dates, understand like who you want to meet a little birdie. It said your texting game is a little off. Super bad. That's the next thing we're going to work on. A lot of stuff. I have some examples. You probably have the early on. Let's talk. Let's talk about some of Blake's actual bad texts. Yeah. I want to hear that. Okay. So he has a woman in his phone, Olivia dog park, which I'm going to, I'm going to go ahead and assume we can assume Blake met her at the dog park. Okay. Just texted her. He just texted her Blake. That's it. Just that's it. Just said Blake. She hearted it. And she said, thanks for being so kind today. Glad we got to connect the next day. He says, same here. You've got good energy. Let's continue it off dog park turf. I know a spot that with way better people watching you free tonight. And then she just said, I am sadly, I am not sadly. That was at the very beginning. That's beginning Blake. Like there's some other examples of like texts. So, you know, what would you say now if you met a woman at the dog park? But like now I wouldn't even have texted her. Why? Because like, I wouldn't have like, I was at that stage where I was just like so excited. If I got a girl to give me her number and then wanted to get to the date very quickly. Yeah. Or now it's like, I think for you, you just got to slow it down. Right. I like to go fast. It'll come when it comes. No, yeah, it's fine. You know? And then this girl, let's see. Which one? Uh, I don't want to like, I was turning her name. Her name is Sarah. She didn't, you wouldn't even text her. She said thanks for the Ralph hang and the recommendations. And then six hours later she said, we're doing dinner at the rooftop at global ambassador at seven 15. If you want to hang. And then you never answered. What happened? Why happened? Because I was not interested. Oh, so you just ghosted. Okay. I think actually I responded. See ghosting. So I see like, you don't have any of the good ones. Okay. Pull up some good ones. Cause the one you shared wasn't good. The one was just like, you gotta explain. You gotta be like, I'm not, I can't. You just totally don't respond. This one. She said hi. And you said Blake. And she said Missy Blake. And you said, Hey Missy, I'm glad I'd love, or no, Hey Missy, I'm glad to take you to glide bond. You free Sunday. Awesome. Tie spot. Okay. Is that one bad? I guess we don't have any context there, but it's, it is a little like, like, where'd you meet her? Cause that's, that's straight from like, that's what Kayla told me to send. Yeah. It's straight to the point. But like, where did you meet this woman out? Okay. So you already had, you'd already like asked her on a date. You got her phone number. Yeah. I won't ask for a girl's phone number unless like, I'm going to either like go to coffee or like try to do something. Cause it's like, why? I don't need a pen pal. What are you doing? No. Like if, if I, if we were out, like, and I'm going to ask you your phone number, it's going to, because like we talked about like how we want to, or like how you want to, you told me how you want to learn how to golf and how much fun that would be to go to the driving range. And I'd be like, Oh, well here, give me, you know, take my number and we can set up a time to go hit some golf balls. I see. You make the plan in person and then you just follow up with the logistics. No, that's great. That's what you teach to do. That's absolutely what I teach to do. Yeah. It seems like you've made some drastic improvements. What was old Blake doing there? He was just like, Hey, I got your number. I booked the rule. Spot spiraling just thinking about all the things that I should not send. The U-Haul is confirmed for tomorrow. I'll be over around three. Yeah. Yeah. Like we're getting married, right? Okay. So you like Heidi as an, as a name for a kid, right? Like how many like big children have you named or future children? Have you named just to, but with my ex, like we were together a long time and yeah, that's understandable. Those things come up. Yeah. Those things come up. Do you miss her? No, no. I haven't talked to her in like two and a half years. And yeah, that's the one you were married to. Yeah. Yeah. It was very, the way that it ended was like a scene out of Grey's Anatomy. Tell us, give us the scene. She was a nurse and I was bringing something to her work. Okay. And I went up to her unit and stop. Yeah. No. Out of the, whatever the room, the day day rooms. Wait, no. She was hooking up with a doctor. Wait, break it down. Break it down. Wait, no. You walk in. I walk up to the thing and I am there with her charge nurse. I'm like, Hey, where's my ex? You know, we won't put her on blast. And I was, she was, he was like, Oh my God, like you probably should get out of here. And I'm like, no. Wait, they knew he knew a hundred percent. Cause he tried to tip you off. Yeah. Cause he had sent me messages from a burner Instagram account. And that's kind of like why I was a worker. Had tipped you off from a burner Instagram account. Cause he was like, he knew what your ex wife was doing. And he's like, this guy, she needs to know. Are you, do you have this? Cause I knew you weren't going to believe me. That's wild. Wait. Okay. So then what happened? Then I confronted her later. Like you walk into the office, like the room and they're in there. Yeah. And then they like come out of the room. And you knew what, how'd you, but like, they're okay. There's two coworkers. But like, not like, but it wasn't like a, it's like the, where the doctors like sleep. It's like one of the sleep rooms. They coming out of the bunk bed area. Yeah, exactly. Like a something out of Grey's Anatomy. And then, and what did you say? Did you confront her right then? And no, I didn't. I was like, Hey, like, we'll talk about this later. And then when she got home, I confronted her. And you left. Yeah. Yes. Or did you want to work through it? I was trying to work through it, but she said she wanted a divorce. Oh wow. So here it is. This message regards your wife blank and bro code. She's getting involved with a doctor at her hospital. They're messaging inside and outside of work. I've been in your shoes. She either currently is or will be cheating on you soon. They're waiting for an opportunity. You don't know me and I don't know you, but this info is from a 100% reliable source. Do with it as you please. And then blank said, do you know the doctor's name? Did they answer? I don't know. Let's see. Oh, wait, wait. I think I hear. Yeah. Oh, then you called them a bunch of times. Yeah. A bunch of times. And then you, which you would have, which you would have done. Right. I mean, I don't know if I would have, is there more, and you called them multiple times and then you said, is there more information you can give me? Then you did a few video calls cause if they didn't answer an audio call, maybe they'd answer a video call. Yeah. Spiraling first. This is a definite spiral, like a reason to spiral. You got it. When you find out someone's cheating, you just become a different person. Yeah. I've been there. That's all. And then the secret love letter man says, that's all I have. Sorry, man. I would warn you to not let her play this off though. The information originally came from her reliable grapevine. We'll say good luck. If we love a good grapevine, a reliable grapevine. Wow. Um, wait, was this you like on your way? And then you documented, is this you on your way to the hospital to confront her? That was after I left the hospital. There's probably a crazy video. You don't look so hot. And you're wearing socks with your Birkenstocks. What's that? How you showed up at the hospital? I don't know. No, no, that was on an airplane. Oh, even more concern. Yeah. So you chose to wear socks with your Birkenstocks. You don't wear socks. You were what? I'm just, I'm joking. I have questions about your sock and shoe choice. I would have been more understanding if you were distraught, headed to the hospital and just didn't know what you were putting on your feet. I was distraught getting on an airplane to go to Cabo. To recover. Yeah. You had like a breakup bender? No, I was sober at that time. Cause I've been sober nine years. Wow. Congrats. Um, but I just, I think one of my good friends was like, Hey, we're getting out of here. We're going to Cabo. And we like disappeared for a little while. Okay. Fair enough. Okay. But I need to know more. So did you find out it was her coworker who had tipped you off? So did you ever like talk to him after like, Hey man? And then he was like, yeah, that was me. Yeah. That's like a lot to make a fake Instagram account. But I've heard of this happening before of people getting tipped off by, by cheaters this way. I mean, I found out I was getting cheated on. She just DM me on Instagram cause she had found out you existed and he had been lying to her too. Yeah. She had like known the whole time. Oh, she knew the whole time. Yeah. And then what? Her conscious. Yeah. She was having an affair doing that is like, that's not like, yeah, she was having an affair for like four years when she knew I was there the whole time. And then like, she like, wait, you'd been with your boyfriend for four years, seven. And they had four of the years they'd been having an affair. Yeah. Yeah. Which four, the bad ones, the first four, the latter four. I'm joking. That's supposed to be the last. You're doing great. Uh, the last four. Oh my God. That's terrible. Yeah. I've never. So I guess she want to break you up so she could be with him. Yeah. But that didn't work. And was she in a relationship too? She was married and the guy left her. And so she wanted payback. Did he leave her first? And then she was like, well, I'm single. So now I got to break them up so I can have this guy. Evil, weird stuff. Was this all in LA? Yeah. Oh my God. But I've never been in a relationship where I haven't been cheated on. So I just don't really do. I have a hard time with it all. I just don't really trust picking bad guy. I've been ******* really bad guys. Yeah. But they're not all bad. You need a nice guy. That's the thing is I'm not turned on by nice guys. Yeah. You need to work on that. I have to have that edge in that like darkness. To have like the sexual attraction. Yeah. That's my problem. But you said you're working on that too. I'm working on it. Therapy. Therapy. Yeah. Because I feel like so many of the men I work with and coaching fall in like Blake has a ton going for him. We love Blake. He's going to be a really good partner to the right person. Uh, we don't, once you get your spirals in check and you, I don't know, I won't speak for you, but have you ever cheated on somebody? No, you would never play, but never. We need more like the nice guy energy and to be attracted to that. Yeah. I need that. Yeah. It's hard. There's nice guys in LA. They exist. They do. I just can't seem to find them. Nice guys out there listening Charlotte single and nice girls out there. We've got nice women looking for a nice guy. We've got Blake here. Yeah. Yeah. I think the thing that once like for me, because I would pick women that like cheat, right. Like is like a lot of it, not to say that it's your fault. Right. Like, but my therapist was like, Blake, this is a hundred percent your fault. Getting cheated on. Yeah. Really? Wow. Yeah. And like not your fault because you picked that person. No, because like you're willing to like, well, you wanted to work it out with there's like, there's a piece of you that like you haven't healed yet. That is like things that that kind of subset is okay. Right. And like people in general, like our mirrors for you and like, we'll show you very clearly where you haven't healed yet. Yeah. And like, that was the whole, like this lady's amazing, but did you want to work it out with your ex when you found out he'd yeah. I was psychotic. You wanted to make it work. We can fix this. And he didn't mean to. Right. Yeah. And he was the one who was like, no, we have to end. Yeah. He was over him. Yeah. It was, it put me in check. It was definitely a humbling experience. How long ago was that? That was like almost two years now. Wow. Yeah. So it messed me up a bit, but like, I don't know. We weren't on the same level. I don't know. I feel like we just, you and the ex. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah. It doesn't sound like he was like ready to be committed. Yeah. No. Um, but that sounds like a lot of work dating two women at the same time. Yeah. I mean also being married and then like having an affair with your coworker in both of those situations sound like a lot of work and like a lot of mental gymnastics of like, who, where am I saying I am? Like for years though, that's a real betrayal. Yeah. It was tough. And like it was more of the like emotional affair of it was harder for me. Like totally. It's like banks one, one night and it happens. But like to continue like an emotional affair beyond me, but you know, all the best. I wonder if someone like that or like your ex wife, that is clearly something they crave. Like they want that drama. They, they're getting off on the thrill of the lie and the, of the sneaking around. And I wonder if you can like truly get over that. I mean, I think with a lot of therapy, I'm sure, you know, because that feels even harder to shake. And you know, that's not just something you like decide you don't want one day. For, I don't know your ex, but like just in general, this would be like, they don't like, they honestly don't think that there's like anything wrong with them. Yeah. And that's, and that's the problem. Those are the people who need therapy that aren't in therapy, you know? Yeah. But they, you have to, obviously, you know, what you're doing is wrong because you're hiding it from the person you're with. They aren't okay with it. So you can't, you know, you're lying. No, I know. But I'm just saying like, they're probably like, what? I could stop if I wanted. Yeah. Like you're being so sensitive. Like what's what's going on. Yeah. It doesn't mean anything, you know, whatever. Yeah. And do you want a long, do you want a serious relationship? Like, do you want, I think lately, I mean, I don't think I want kids and I don't really like marriage and kids isn't like top of my priority. But I think like the other day I was like, Oh ----, it'd be kind of cool to have a partner. Yeah. That's kind of fun. Yeah. Someone to just like, you know, shoot the ---- where I'll take out the trash. Once in a blue moon, you know, like, um, but I just need simple, I just need the toilet. I just need like a handyman is more of the thing. I don't need to hire those actually. I need a handyman. Um, but no, yeah, I think I have really bad intimacy issues and have trouble with it. And, um, but I'm working through it. Are you dating anyone right now? I'm hooking up with someone. Okay. Yeah. Not going on a date. Kind of. I don't know. But yeah. Is he a bad boy? I'm trying to, I'm figuring that. I'm slowly learning. Do you have a motorcycle? No. Tattoos? No. My, my ex was a tattoo artist, like covered in tattoos. Oh wow. Um, but this, no, this guy's nice. It's fine. It's fine. I just, I'd like to just low pressure, see what happens. I feel like I like to like learn the bad stuff at the start so I can just like, you know, so the more you kind of figure out, you're like, Oh, okay, this is not going to work or this is going to work. But then my problem is I stay with it when I have all these signs that it's not like the bad signs and you're like, okay, I can try harder and enjoy it. Yeah. The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. Say that again. The best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. So if someone has cheated in the past or someone has not put in the effort or someone has treated you badly, there's a good chance that that's going to be their future behavior too. Unless there's a real reason to believe that something has changed. If they've done the meaningful work, if they've gone to therapy. Okay. Figured out how to communicate. And I feel like a lot of guys, like once you're a certain way past, like I guess the dating age I'm around is like 35 to 40 ish. And like, I feel like once you hit that, like you're not changing. If your patterns right now are that I'm not, and that's so much of LA. I do feel like LA has so many Peter pans and guys who are like 40 to 45 because they'll meet younger girls settle down. I'm like, are you? Yeah. They'll meet younger girls who will put up with it and like, don't know any better. Yeah. They're like, yeah, they haven't been around through the gamut of like seeing this play out six times. Yeah. I feel like I constantly hear from every city, no matter where a guy lives. They're like, well, I live in this city and it's like really bad for dating. And it's like, typically my response is listening. If you live in a city with half a million people, it can't be that bad for day or more. Like it can't be that bad for dating. But LA truly has its own. It's a beast of its own. Yeah. Cause I also feel like it's also like what circles, like if you like, like if we are going out in Austin and we go out here and we go out in Scottsdale, like we're going to find a lot of the same subset of people. What do you mean? Just meaning like in the nightlife or in that kind of world, like there's definitely demographics. Yeah. I don't disagree, but I think dating specifically in LA, you have a lot of people who work in entertainment and which is a very transactional industry. You have people who are like looking for something, like everyone wants something from some, yeah, they're all climbing this. What have you done for me lately? It's so focused. And then add like the geography element of just being like, Oh, we both live in LA, but I gave could might as well be a long distance relationship. It's like one person's in downtown LA and the other is like in Pasadena. Like forget it. It's very tricky. And yeah, you can find a new girl who will put up with your bullshit in two seconds. So why put energy into one person? Unless you truly, yeah. Like one to find that. But yeah, I agree that that's hard. The other city that I actually is hard for dating from, I do matchmaking from a matchmaking perspective is Seattle, but for totally different reasons, all the tech engineers, which is like all dudes. And they're just like, aren't that many cute girls in Seattle? I mean, there's some, I'm sure for the Seattle chicks. Should I went out to Seattle? Yeah. Honestly, I go to Seattle and you'll have your pick of the litter, really smart nerdy tech guys, but they aren't your type. That's not my type. Yeah. But maybe they need to be your time. I need to date the nerdy guys. You need to find like the nerdy bad boy. I need it. Yeah. The nerdy guy with the little bit of edge who can like kind of put you in your place. Yeah. Yeah. You just need to find like, you just need, this is going to sound really crazy, but you need to find like the reformed drug addict. That's what I did. You know what? Oh yeah. Yeah. And I'm in the process of getting sober and that's been a nightmare. But it's hard. And then dating sober. Dating sober is really hard. Yeah. I've tried it. Cause you're going to parties and bars and meeting. Yeah. I'm meeting guys who are, you know, going out, doing drugs and stuff. Okay. Yeah. We got to find you a nice guy, Charlotte. See who are the nice guys out there with edge with a bit of edge. What else do you want? Charlotte? Tell us. Funny has to have like my humor has to be like kind physically. What are you like? Basically we're getting you a boyfriend out of this episode. Every day I feel like it changes. I like, like, I like, like, like thin but tall. Okay. Then like fit. Who's this? I don't like, that's, that's who I would set her up. I don't like buff guys. He's not buff. He's like yoga. What's going on under this guy's hat. If he wears hat on the out, he's got good hair. Like a bald cap. He's got hair. Yeah. How do you feel about bald guys? Just out of curiosity guys. No, it's not happening. I need a, I need a good head of hair to hold on to. Okay. That's a, that's like a whole nother segment, but women and their preferences for hair used to be a Michelin star chef. He traveled around like Kelly Slater. He traveled around Europe from like 18 to 28. How tall is this guy? He's six three. You're a tall girl. He's like as tall as I am. How tall are you? I'm five seven. I don't really care about higher than that. No, the last guy I dated wasn't that tall. And then he, and then he flew Apache helicopters. Should we show her in his photo? Yeah. He has a house and he has a house in city. He has a house in Phoenix. He has a house out here. He looks too normal. I'll see. You don't want a boyfriend. Sober 18 years. That's great. He sounds like a cat. He sounds great. Absolutely not. Well, we know why Charlotte's single. We do. We all know. At least I know. Dating sober is like, I keep relapsing because I can't go on dates sober. So here's, you want to have a drink on the, but here's my thing is I just tell people they're like, Hey, why aren't you drinking? And I'm like, I'm nine years sober. I, yeah, well you need to date sober people. I know, but I'll still go out. And like, and once you do it enough, like no one notices and no one cares. Yeah. Like everyone, like I remember early on, like people just like, would you be like, everyone knows I'm not drinking. Everyone's staring at me because, and they know that this thing is a drink. Or is it more just like you want to drink to tolerate this stranger across from you? Kind of that. I think for me to like, like open up with someone, I have to, I get nervous. I need a little buzz to like open up and like feel comfortable, but I'm trying. So we'll see. You can do it. I'm proud of you. Yeah. We're getting there. Three days sober. Three days. Yeah. I had 50 and then I fell and then I'm getting back on the horse. Is your goal complete sobriety? Just for right now. Yeah. While I'm working through some stuff. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. And Blake tell, let's tell the listeners who you're looking for and get you a girlfriend out of this too. Yeah. I mean, I think I'm into like very athletic, um, very like nice, like has a career, um, wants kids. Does she need to be in the Phoenix Scottsdale area or are you open? I'm open. I, uh, I travel a lot for work, so I can get on airplanes and I'm gone a lot. So yeah. What's the age range you're looking within? Probably like 25 to 30. Okay. Yeah. Single ladies out there. Get in touch with Blake. How can they find you? They can find me on Instagram. Yeah. If you want to shout it out, you want them to DM you? Um, sure. Instagram is B L A K E T O O L A N. Okay. If you want to go on a date with Blake, hit him up. You're going to be a great partner to somebody. You are. And I, I, again, I really admire that you're working through your stuff. A lot of, a lot of men don't even take any accountability nor see a therapist. I love it. Respect. And Charlotte, where can people find you? Not for dating, but to enjoy your comedy or maybe for dating? I don't know. Behind a dumpster. Um, you can find me just on my Instagram. Charlotte McKinney. Amazing. Well, thank you so much for being here. Thanks for letting us pick apart your dating life. We believe in you. Thank you so much for having me. Woo. Yay. Thanks guys. So much fun.