She Named All 10 Kids Terry ｜ Kevin Hart ｜ Just Nesh ｜ The Next Level ｜ LOL! Stand-Up)

In a world of stand-up comedy the half-hour special creates opportunities that a comic has long dreamed about It's the gateway to the next level Sitting here with Miss Tanisha Rice aka what's the nickname? Just Niche. Just Niche. Yes Chicago native Yes, what would the Chicago people say about Just Niche? Very honest. Okay, that we start off with that. I'm very real Okay, semi-alcoholic Like one of the top five drunkest comedians Okay, well congratulations What was it that happened you said you know what this is what I'm going to do with my life Oh my career. This is what I want I think the feeling that I got when I finally started doing it I never even planned on being a comedian. Did you poop? I probably burped a little bit. You know I was drunk. That's how I got on stage. Thank you Grey Goose for my start. But no Yeah, I never planned on being a comedian. My friend made me go up one night because everybody was bombing She was like you could do that. I'm like oh yeah I could bomb better. What? I'm a bomb better. I'm a bomb better. And I got up there and I just loved it. It was amazing. It was an amazing feeling. Making people laugh. I don't think anything that I've ever done in my life compares to it. And I just kept going back and then there's like crack. It's like I gotta, I gotta go make somebody laugh. I gotta make somebody laugh. And that's how I knew. I was addicted to it. None of you have ever taken crack. This is as close as you'll get to it. So get on stage and feed that drug into your system. You just saw the reaction. It's amazing. You'll love it. Just Niche, are we ready for the next level? We are so ready. Just Niche. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Get up and go. Ladies and gentlemen, the next level presents Just Niche. I feel so good. They got me out here feeling like a real star. I love it. They had me coming up them stairs. I'm so sore. Oh my God. I don't know if you've ever been so sore. If your body ever hurt so bad. I went to the gym. I went to the gym yesterday morning y'all. To cancel my membership. I'm not using that ----. I ain't never went. LA Fitness cut me off. I don't know what program this is. I don't want it. I'm not giving y'all no more money. I'm sore because I fell down the stairs drunk last night. That's why I'm sore. Jeez. I get real. I get real real. I didn't just quit the gym. I knew I had some Los Angeles stuff coming up. I did lose 7 pounds. Thank you. I'm excited. Long as the scale move down. I'm excited. 7 pounds down. Thank you food poisoning. Okay what? Damn. I lost that ---- in one day. Forget the gym. I don't need no gym. I'm only 3 food poisonings away. From my weight loss goal. Turn up. 4 food poisonings. Body on fleek. Killing these hoes. Yes. That's the word. And it's free too ladies. You're welcome. You don't need no gym membership. You don't need nothing. Just let that chicken sit out a little longer. Yes. You're going to be beach body ready. What? Tomorrow. I go to the restaurant. I send my food back. They try to give me a plate. Nah I want the salmonella steak. Thank you. I got a cruise in 2 weeks. I'm fat. Real talk. Trying to get down though. I am trying to get down. I'm serious about that. I'm tired of catfishing people. Now that's fun right? Yeah. Guys so stupid. They don't care. Bitch I look like Beyonce. They come pick you up. They so disappointed. What do you mean? It's still me. So what? Check your dates. It's still me. And it's crazy because I do online stuff. Because I'm single now. I'm back on the market. Thank you. Let me find out. I'm going to tell you this too. Because this is real talk. If you do have a relationship. And y'all happy y'all vibing. Keep that ---- off Facebook. Not because I'm hating. But people will mess your relationship up. You want to tell everybody everything. You don't have to tell everybody everything. Because people are going to come in your world. And mess your stuff up. Me and bae out tonight. Orpheum theater. Hashtag comedy central. Hashtag power couple. Shut the **** up. You ain't cooking Lucious. Hush. Be happy. Enjoy the night. You ain't got to tell Facebook. It happened to me. I was out posting. Me and my guy. My guy. His wife. Inboxed the hell out of me. Didn't I block you? Get off your niece page. It started off on some text messages. She was sending these long ass text messages. You know somebody send you a text message. So long. It break up into 32 baby messages. The ---- come in out of order. You got to piece it together. 1 out of 4. 9 out of 4. 32 out of 4. 3 out of 4. Email me. What? How about you beat his ass. What did I do? I'm an innocent bystander. Yeah made me mad. Talking crazy. You causing him not to be a good father to his kids. Girl your kids older than me. Shut the hell up talking to me. Your kids are 40 ma'am. Should have been got them kids a new daddy. You not going to blame that on me. I just got here. Real thug. Some more dumb ----. If y'all just going to keep messing around. You could have him. Y'all could just be together. Girl I don't want him. He's a cheater. No thank you. Nah. I'll find my own loser. I don't need your good will ass husband. Thank you. So now I'm out here. I got to find my own man. I'm online. Online dating. Turn up. That's where it's at. Look at y'all line. Y'all online. Y'all can admit it. Don't be shy. If you're single in 2017. You don't have to be. You're just lazy. It's too many dating sites. Come on y'all. It's too many. eHarmony. Cupid. Match.com. Black People Meet. Hour Time. Y'all never heard of that? That's for old people. Hour Time. It's for 60 and up. HourTime.com. I'm thinking. Your time is up. You should have been meeting people online. You can't get chlamydia in your old ass immune system. You will die tonight. You can't handle gout and gonorrhea. Bitch, you gone in three hours. Your old ass immune system can't take no STD. What do you mean? You need old diseases. Parkinson's. Alzheimer's. That's your body. Polio. I don't know. You cannot get the crabs. You gone. Hour Time. There's more sites. OkCupid. Farmers Only. What the hell is that? Farmers... What the hell? Who... Who is giving these people internet? Like, I'm... When is Comcast going out to barns hooking up wifi? They got a whole commercial. And this is dope too. It's catchy. You don't have to be lonely at FarmersOnly.com, right? It sound good. You've been singing that word. You don't have to be lonely at FarmersOnly.com. What? Bitch, where the remix? That is hot. You don't have to be lonely. I'm thinking, uh, yes you do. Nigga, you a farmer, ok? You chose that life, alright? You know how many bitches live in the city? Move! What are you doing? Who's coming to your barn, sir? Who got gas? Ok, it's a tornado warning. Who coming to your barn? It's a funnel cloud. Who coming? Who? Who? Who coming? Damn. So I went. Oh! Yes! And it was amazing. Hello? There are some good farmers out here, ladies. Do not type gas. Oh my God, yes. I was drunk one night. That commercial came on. I'm like, ----. I don't have to be. I put it right in my GPS. I'll be an hour and 48 minutes, Bob. I am on my way. Woo! Stay up. Stay up, nigga. I'm coming. Go to sleep. Yeah. But it's crazy. The crazy thing about like when you go on to smash a farmer, uh, if you miss your exit, you gotta go 42 miles out your way, you hear me? But you can see the damn barn from the side of the highway. How do I get over there? I throw straight through them crops. **** this. Look, I'm here. Forget these potatoes. Forget this cow. Forget this chicken. I'm here, Bob. I'm thinking about these crops. I made it, nigga. I made it. Oh, and it was so worth it. Not only was he good. He's a good, good lover. Very romantic. But I get so much food. What? What? So much milk. Are you kidding me? You don't have to be hungry at FarmersOnly.com. What? Come on, y'all. I got beans, greens, potato, tomato, chicken, chicken, chicken, chicken. What? That ---- look like a food pantry. What? Come on, Bob. Get you one. FarmersOnly, where is that? I love it. I love it. If y'all wanna look me up on FarmersOnly, my profile page is, um, Milk These Nipples 32. Yes. So much farmer action. Killing this FarmersOnly. Yeah, it get real. It gets real real. I love it, though. I love it. This is amazing. I love L.A. I'm trying to move out here. It's a beautiful city. You guys are some beautiful people. Give it up for yourself. Oh, my God. Yes. L.A. treats you good. Y'all beautiful. Y'all nice. Y'all let me rent a car with no license? Come on, somebody. What? Oh, my God. Yes, y'all don't give a damn. I'm not supposed to be on these streets, okay? They gave me a nice car, okay? This is wonderful. Oh, my God. I can't be the only one suspended. Somebody. Who feel me? Somebody feel me. I know I ain't the only. I feel a suspended spirit right over here. It's a suspended spirit right over here. I'm not the only one. Yes. Oh, my God. I have license envy. If you're valid, oh, I hate you. People with valid license think they're better than you. You're not, and I'm so mad. I've been trying to get my license back for three years. Three years, they will not get my license back, and it's not even my fault. It's not even my fault that my license suspended, okay? Like, no. Suspended license run in my family, okay? Like, this... I don't have nothing to do with this, okay? I was predisposed, you know what I mean? This is in my DNA. They passed this down. Everybody's suspended. My daddy was suspended. My grandma, she's suspended. I went to Ancestry.com. I swear to God, the whole family tree. Suspended, suspended, suspended. My ancestors suspended papers. Everybody suspended. They never... I think they gave me my license suspended. That was hereditary. Yeah. And then I'm so mad because they ask you that stupid question. When you go get your license, they always say, oh, you want to be an organ donor. I'm like, hell yeah. Put me down. I want to be a hero. But guess what? Whoever gets this liver, they ---- going to be suspended too, I swear to God. Soon as you get out of surgery, ma'am, you're going to jail, alright? That's not a valid liver, okay? That's a DUI liver, ma'am. That's a DUI liver. You're welcome, alright? And you might have a warrant, alright? I quit my job to do this. I quit my job three years ago. Yes. Thank you. Hell yeah. I was a social worker. I haven't been there in three years. I still have one client. I got one client. She calls me every other day. I don't know how this lady got my cell phone number, alright? But she calls me every other day. She had ten kids. Yeah. I helped her out a lot, okay? And I'm not tripping. You got ten kids? What? Uh, YOLO, bitch. I don't know. What? Uh, have ten more. You know? But that ain't the crazy part. The crazy part was she named all her kids Terry. Yes. All ten of them. It was three boys, six girls. One, we didn't even know what the hell it was. Just walked around with leopard leggings and a football helmet on. What the hell is that, ma'am? But it was a Terry, you know? And I'm like, I'm not trying to be in your business, but why the hell did you name all these kids Terry? She said, because it's easier for me. I get up in the morning. I call one name. Terry! Breakfast ready, right? And they all come running out for breakfast. Terry, go clean up. They all clean up. Terry, go to bed. They all go to bed. I'm like, damn. That is pretty ratchet genius, ma'am. But what if you just want one of them? Like, oh girl, that ain't nothing. I just call them by their last names. Washington, Jones, Jenkins, Williams, Smith, Phipps, Rice, Jones, Trump. I'm like, what? You got a Trump? So you let him grab you by the... Please don't get me started on him. Please don't let me get started. But no, so that was my job. Pray for the Terrys. They still need a lot of help, you know? When I first quit my job, or got fired, whatever the hell happened, I am not there anymore, okay? When I first stopped working, I had to get me a roommate. Yes, oh, I didn't want to do it. I hate roommates. I had to get me a roommate. And I got me a male roommate. Yes, I thought it would be awkward. I thought it would be weird, because all during college, I always had female roommates, you know? My whole 13 years of college, I always had a bitch. But it's not even awkward. He's a very respectable dude. Very cool, very fun. He's eight. He's my son. Yes! We share a room at my mama crib right now. And I don't care about sharing a room with my son. I don't. I just have to make sure our toys don't get mixed up, okay? Because that oh, oh, oh, oh, man, stay out of my toy box, okay? Yes. I'm going to have to put a lock on it. Jesus, they so nosy. Yeah, it gets real real, yeah. You come home from work, see your bullet on the Hot Wheel track. What the hell are you doing, son? You're killing my batteries. What are you doing? I just got those batteries. He's racing them, too. Oh, mommy, yours keep winning. I don't know what speed is. It keeps winning. Oh, come on. Stay out of my toy box. I don't know if I washed it off. Yeah, right. Oh, y'all wash yours off after? That is so stupid. It's nap time. Hello. What are you doing? If you wash anything off after you masturbate, you are a terrible masturbator. I think that is my time. I've had a phenomenal time with you guys. Thank you so much for watching.