Matt Rife _ She Admitted To Cheating... With Her Husband Sitting Right There! _ Stand-up Comedy 2025

You event plan for swingers? That is way too many adjectives. It's basically a big ol' orgy. People bring their wives, husbands, and everybody just does whatever they want. Clothing optional, participate or not. Can people come and just watch? Where is it? Where? It's right up the street? Why are we in here? The fuckin' nerds. There's an orgy happening right next door? I'm mad you guys wasted my time. This is unbelievable. I just can't imagine going to something like that. You'd have to be the most confident man in the world. I'm way too insecure, dude. Walk my girl in there. You can go with that guy for sure. Have you ever attended one of the events? Yeah. Oh, you host it. I thought you just planned it. I didn't know you were like, welcome. Do you bring your other? No way. What up, dude? The security guard? What's the security bar? You guys break it up. Alright. Pick on the little guy. What does security do at an event like this? Make sure the single men don't go in the couple's room. Oh. So there's different rooms. There's a single's area. There's a couple's room. And he makes sure the single guys don't go in the couple's room. Damn, that's pretty funny. Can't go in. Why? Because you're lonely. That's why. You smell desperate. Are there any other rooms in there? There's singles and there's married. There's a dungeon. Are people wearing masks? Some people. It would be funny to recognize people in something like that. No, it's not. What's up, Ron? No, work was killing me this week. I need to let off some steam. Okay, dungeon. Anything else? A female only room. Walk in, everybody's just suction cupped together. Are there bathrooms in the thing? Taking a bathroom break in the middle of an orgy has got to be one of the most disgusting things I've ever heard in my entire life. You've got to come back in the room. That's ******* gross, man. There's got to be bidets. You can't just wash your hands. Everything's got to go. Is it expensive? How much does it cost for a single guy? If a single guy, call him six foot, visiting town, how much would it be? It's not what I said. Can I get a walkthrough? Like it's a new gym membership? Over here's the guys only room. Over there. This is the couples. How much would it be for a single guy? Four thousand euros. For just the night? It's two weeks on a private island in Croatia. You're flying people to Croatia? This is sex trafficking, man. This isn't a club. This is a scandal. Oh boy. Did your boss recently hang himself? You guys said it was down the street. There is one down the street though. You got to work local. You got to work on your marketing a little bit. First class? No? Man. That's a very funny middle seat conversation. I'm on my way to watch other people ****. Do I want Ativan? Yes. But not now. Be a good drug dealer. You're on disability. For what? Was it an accident? You were hit by a truck driver. A drunk driver. ****. There's going to be dozens of those tonight. I know how you ******* party. How long ago was this? You pointed over here. Where? You look like you sell your mom, Ativan. Jesus Christ. Anybody see that ******* dude? The one with the beanie? Yeah, that dude. Sit down. Jesus Christ, man. You look like you get your dicks up to zoomies. That's your son? Who? 26? Where's Papa? Passed away a year ago. Why the **** did I even ask? Sorry to hear that. Can I ask how? Surgery complications? Shut the **** up. I'm sorry. Please don't cry. I'm going to have to make this funny. Please don't do this. You want me to make fun of your ******* faggots again? Please don't cry. I'll come. Please don't. Oh my goodness. Okay. 26. You're not in school anymore. What are you doing? You work in retail stores. Zoomies? The grocery store. That's not retail at all, is it? You with this girl right here? Girlfriend? Nice. Wife? 26? You ******* idiot. How could you do that? There's so many other grocery stores. ------- cute dog. Is that a Doberman? What was his name? Herbie? That deaf person up there? Who the **** said his name is Herbie? He's a service dog. What's... Can I ask for these services? You can also say... I don't want to say. I'll pass. Mobility issues? Trouble getting around? If he falls, he'll say, go get mommy. Man, what a good dog. If I ******* fell down and I was like, go get mommy, my dog would be like *******... Get off of me. Your dog's so funny. Putting ******* everything into it. That's the funniest part. That was... The energy you came into this with is premeditated for sure. How long ago was this? During Black History Month? Was it with a black guy? That's even worse! I'm kidding. He was your boss? You had a Mexican boss? You were already over the marriage. You guys came from the darkness? You think you can make this moment better? Is it from this side of the room we heard, no you're not, bro. That would be the only thing that would tie this whole room together. Wow. Did you have him deported? How? Is this really the husband right here? Man, you are so strong. You are the strongest person I've ever met in my entire life. Props to you. Ladies, if you ever cheat on your husband, just tell him that the guy you cheated with had a tiny little wiener. We'll be like, for real? Like it wasn't good at all? It's all you have to do to get out of it, by the way. I'm not Dr. Phil, so I don't really know how to get out of this. Where do you work now? You work from home? Very smart. He's like, you're not ******* going anywhere. You sit at home and ******* build these Etsy projects. Take care of the three kids. How old is the oldest? Two year old daughter, one year old twins. The twins, are they identical? Identical boys. Man, it'd be pretty funny if one of them was white and one of them was Mexican. That'd be so funny. Alright, well, that couldn't have went worse. Remember when things were positive and happy and we were just making fun of people and then it got real ******* dark. I don't even know how you talk to anybody who had a miscarriage on Christmas. Wait, for real? No way! Oh my God! I can't toss anything out to you guys. This is the darkest show ever. I also got a gift delivered to me at work from candles and tickets to an air supply show Are these two different stories? One of them was tickets to an air supply concert and one of them was a miscarriage. The same Christmas year? No, different Christmases. Okay, let's cover miscarriage first and then we'll get to air supply. Which your kid didn't have enough of. I'm gonna go ahead and say there's not gonna be a better joke than that the rest of the night. We've for sure peaked. You ******* alley-ooped that and I'm sorry for your loss. But thank you. You have kids now? You do? How many? Three boys, girls? Two boys, one girl. You have a favorite? You can be honest. The baby? The youngest? Okay, you said the baby. I'm not the only one who thought it. That was a very confusing answer. It was a very confusing answer. I'm celebrating my divorce. Who was supposed to meet me here? The owner. The owner of the club? I don't think he wanted you to tell people that. Well, staff, you all just got an extra week's worth of vacation whenever you want it. Feel free to cash in. Next time you see Rick, say, Hey, remember that woman's marriage you ruined? She told everybody. Do I want to know something? Well, we're ******* in it now, aren't we? I didn't 30 seconds ago do my own thing, but now lay it on me. True story? How long is this story? Can you tweet it? 20 seconds? It's a long time, right, fellas? Who ended up in the hospital? You ended up in the hospital. What got you through your depression? My videos? I may have ruined your marriage. I'm glad you're doing better. You saw me in Calgary last year. You didn't. You were in the hospital. So you're not really a fan. You should have been in there on an IV. Oh, you wouldn't have told her not to talk anymore? Where were you 45 seconds ago before I heard an entire story? I'm in it. Now I'm invested. Can you what? At least have your autograph? Can you have my autograph? I can do that for you. You're not going to use it in court, are you? Alibi or something. There you go. That's for you. That's a sharp piece of paper. Don't slit your wrist with it. This is a historical building. Just because it's old doesn't mean it's historical. It's like calling your pussy historical. Wheelchair? What up, man? You look behind you like there was anybody else in a wheelchair. What's your name, dude? What is it? Ben? Ben. No? Are you here with anybody? They're gone? They went to the bathroom. You just left them here? You put his parking brake on and just left? Unbelievable. Brandon. Nice to meet you. Good to see you, dog. They were watching? No, they weren't. I started the whole conversation. I said, what's your name? And he said something in cursive. I said, Ben? And that whole row went, **** him. Brandon, how old are you? 19. You're a stay-at-home mom? What's the baby's name? What is it? Henderson? Is he 77 years old? That baby's gonna have a hard time. That baby's gonna get bullied by Brandon. What's up, retard? Be nice, Brandon. Gypsy Rose Blanchard saved my life. Do you know her personally? Your mom has munch houses. Oh, that's when you try to keep somebody sick so that you can take care of them. Okay, well, you're no longer the worst mom of the show. Just kidding, I'm kidding. We'd be pretty fucked up if we found out she has munch houses syndrome. And I'm like, hey, Brandon, just come here for a second. And he's like, what the ****? What? I'm kidding, you're a dope mom. Brandon, careful. What? Jesus, my ******* man. Nice to meet you, brother. You little faker. No way. Were tickets sold out? What a badass. Mom, nice to meet you, by the way. What is your name? Sonya, nice to meet you. Security, fire, by the way. He rushed the stage in slow motion. So fired. What a badass, man. Oh, shout out Brandon. I'm not 100% sure we didn't witness a miracle tonight, ladies and gentlemen. Laughter is the best medicine, and it might have healed some souls. That was ******* crazy. As soon as I saw him start to, I was like, no. The insurance claim is gonna be so expensive. And this ******* guy was like, unbelievable. There's no jokes I've written that's gonna be crazier than that, by the way. Oh, my God. Asshole. You're gonna follow that? Is that another wheelchair right there? No ******* way. Why aren't your seats as good? What is your name? Cindy. Nice to meet you, Cindy. Brandon. Cindy's awfully cute. I'm not forcing a situation, but if you guys wanted to get into a little fender bender later, I don't think anybody would blame you. Nobody would point any fingers.