Did Transformers Go Too Far？ ｜ Justo ｜ Stand Up Comedy)

What's your name, man? Maka. Maka. Okay, what did you get arrested for? Uh, felony rioting. I fucks with Maka. Maka starts some ----. He wasn't missing me in the rioting, it was felony rioting. What did you do? Nothing. Smart answer. I can do crimes with Maka, yeah. That was some suck. So, this is the thing. So, I've been arrested, like, two, three, fourteen times. And every time I've been arrested, like, the people that you meet that process you in jail are so nice, and they make you think jail ain't that bad, and it is. Like, every time I've gotten processed, like, the fingerprint lady has always been like this nice, older, black lady that's like, give me your thumb, sugar. Like, she's so nice. Got me thinking about sweet potato pie, she's so nice. And she'll talk you up if you're having a bad day, Maka, cause, you know, you in jail. So, she'll talk you up if you're having a bad day, like, uh-uh, don't have your head down in here, baby. You pick your head up. You pick your head up when you in here, baby, cause I need to take your mug shot. Now, turn to the left. And turn to the right. Or the right of your good side, baby, don't let them see your good side in there. Is that where we tense up? Is that the part? I don't know. You know, one of the motivations probably behind doing it, like, you know, just having money for just, like, you know, nicer clothes. Like, when I was younger, yeah, I had nice clothes. Like, my moms would do this thing where she would take me to this store called Payless. Y'all heard of this fucked up place? You know the fucked up thing about it is she would take me to Payless and act like she's not taking me where she's taking me. She'll be like, it's just like Foot Locker. I'm like, no the **** it's not. Foot Locker got Jordans. They got shacks here. I didn't even know shack made sneakers. And then go out of nerve to take me past the shacks. I'm like, what the **** is past the shacks? I'll tell you what's past the shacks. She got me a pair of sneakers called Sega Sports. Now, I don't know if y'all know much about Sega, but they not in the sneaker business like that. That's fucked up to send your kid with a pair of sneakers called Sega Sports. I'm walking down the hallways, kids sticking their head out the door going Sega. It was a bad day. Grabbing my laces from both ends like, look we playing Sonic. It was a bad day. Because this is the thing, when you younger and you grow up in a certain neighborhood, if you don't got nice clothes, you can't even have an opinion. You know what I mean? You can't even come around stating facts. Nobody want to hear it. You can come around your friends like, listen y'all, two plus two is four. And they're going to be like, shut the **** up. You got on K-Swisses. I'm not listening to nothing you got to say. Look, the nigga with too many stripes on his sneakers going to tell us about numbers. You want to hear a math problem, nigga? One plus one K-Swisses equal no bitches. Now get out my face. The reason why my moms wouldn't give me nice clothes is she would use excuses and say ---- like, I would give you those sneakers if you was bringing home straight A's. But we all know that's a lie. The real reason is, it's a sad fact, is that she can't afford to get me those sneakers. Which is unfair to me. Because you making it seem like you can't afford the sneakers because I'm not bringing home straight A's. You can't afford the sneakers because you wasn't bringing home straight A's. And now you trying to put that on me, that's not fair. Your sneakers only $60. Then I had me thinking, if my kid was bringing home straight A's, I would let him get away with a lot of ----. If you was bringing home straight A's, I'd let my kid sell drugs. Weed, not crack. I would let him sell weed. If you bringing home A's in economics, why would I not let you use those skills so you can help around the bills in here? I would still be a good father, no drug dealing after 10. I put curfews on ----. I'd be going up to the other drug dealers in the neighborhood, like, y'all can't sell weed over here, this is my son block now. And you go home, you got a D in math, you ain't even supposed to be out here. I would give my kid advice, like if he would come to me and be like, dad, I'm not having, it's been a slow week. I ain't been making that much money selling weed. And I was like, what? You ain't making that much money? Let me tell you something. Go in the closet, grab a knife and an orange, and I'll teach you this trick I used to do when I was in college. Clap if you don't like your job. I thought there'd be more claps. What, the rest of y'all drug dealers is going on? Yeah, I understand people now. Now, clap if you do like your job. I don't like people who like their job. But this is the thing, I'm not talking about your career. You know, I want you to like and love your career. I don't want to walk past a hospital and see a surgeon outside smoking a cigarette. You know, and he pacing up and down like, **** this job. **** this hospital, **** these patients. It's like, tighten up, man, I got surgery today. But if you like your job, I think you're a little bit of a weirdo. That's like people who work at the supermarket who be trying to stop me from stealing. Yeah, her name's Doris. It's the same lady. She be in different giants like, why are you following me? Every time she see me, eh, eh, eh, eh, I see ya. I see ya, that's how she sound, like she eat Newport sandwiches. Eh, eh, eh, eh. Can't stand Doris. But most of the jobs that I used to work before comedy, I used to work as a server, as a waiter. Clap if you ever worked as a waiter or waitress before. What's your name? Sarah. Sarah, what would you say was the worst part about being a waitress? Really bad regulars, you couldn't kick out. That was very specific. Okay, alright, who else clapped? Horrible manager. Horrible manager? Well, what was his name? John. John? **** John. Give me John's email, I'll email that bitch ass. I'll send him two emails, I'll be like, per my last email. And CC everybody in the room. BCC. So, before the pandemic, I actually used to work at this fine dining restaurant, right? And I was actually the only black employee in the whole restaurant. And I was surrounded by all these white people, and they were so nice, and it made me nervous. It did. But it's a thing. I'm in my 30s, I'm old enough to know that not all white people are racist. I know that. Not all white people are racist. Just all your grandfathers in that one. But I know not all white people are racist, but y'all will do things out of nervousness that'll just make the situation awkward. I'll give you an example. At the restaurant, the host, her name was Sarah, she would often greet me differently than my white co-workers. So my white co-workers would come in, she'd be like, hey, what's going on, Bob? Hey, what's going on, Sam? Hey, what's going on, Jeff? And then see me come in and be like, Joseph! Like, stop dancing, bitch! I don't speak blazing hip-hop and R&B, you can speak to me regular. Because what if I did that to Mark? What if Mark was in a room full of black people, which would be weird. And I greeted him differently than the black people. The black people come in, I'm like, what's going on, bro? Hey, what's going on, bro? What's up, man? And then Mark come in, I'm like, Mark! What's up, dude? Wrangler jeans, mayonnaise, Badge Pro Shops. I'm just saying white ----. Casserole, Joe Rogan. I'm just saying white ----. That I think you identify with. I like doing that joke. Just so I can see white people in the audience go, hmm, alright, okay. We'll not do that when I go to work tomorrow. But yeah, certain things like that I find condescending. I've been noticing it in movies because I be on drugs. Clap if you ever seen any of the Transformers, especially the early ones. Most of y'all, right? So I don't know if y'all know this, but in the first couple of Transformers, like the first and the second one, they got two robots on there that speak black. Yeah, I call them niggerbots. They got two niggerbots and Transformers. One of them got a gold tooth. They in there talking like, nah, man. Why don't you go on with your bitch ass? Why is robots talking like this? Why they sound like they smoke black in my house? I don't like nothing about it. And you know what's frustrating is y'all got two robots on there that speak black and they don't transform into cars that black people drive. That is very frustrating. Why you got these two niggerbots transforming into two Ford Fiestas? I've never seen niggers drive a Ford Fiesta. Yeah, it's very weird. Why y'all just got niggerbots on there? Very weird. You know what I mean? Y'all just trying to get more black people to watch Transformers? It's a weird way to go about it. And how come y'all just choosing to just do it with black people? How come I don't see a Mitsubishi on there transforming into a Japanese dude? How come I don't see that? Y'all like that? I've been working on that. Oh, damn, is this where you get up? I was like, oh, damn. She was like, I've had enough. The niggerbots part was funny though, right? Don't like it when it's on you. Nah, she'll be back. She just got to take a birth control. She'll be back.