4-5-1 寫作批改

作文批改解說 Types of Hotels 在寫作之前 我通常會請學生畫下概念圖 概念圖可以幫助他們組織心中的想法 發展出一個架構 進而完成一篇有條理的文章 這篇寫的是飯店旅館的種類 學生把它分為五類 有Hostel Motel B&B Bed & Breakfast Resort Hotel 以及Business Hotel 這篇是學生寫的作文 我們來看看如何修改 I classify hotels into 5 types Hostels Motels B&B Resort Hotels Business Hotels 這裡classify用現在式即可 飯店旅館可分為五類 Hostels 青年旅社 Motels 汽車旅館 B&B 民宿 Resort Hotels 度假飯店 Business Hotels 商務飯店 這一句也可以寫成 Hotels can be classified into 5 types Hostels Motels B&B Resort Hotels Business Hotels Hostels are becoming more and more popular these years They are good choice for youth and backpackers Because they are cheaper than other types of hotels 我們在前面加上first 說明是第一類旅館 Hostel 指的是青年旅社 Youth 是年輕人 Backpackers 揹包客 這裡年輕人也可以寫 The youth or the young 然後 They are cheaper than the other types of hotels 這裡要加上the 因為 The other types of hotels 為特定範圍的複數 意思是這類旅館比其他四類的旅館便宜 如果沒有加the 只寫 Other types of hotels 這樣為限定範圍 這個寫法就不對 However If you want to stay these kinds of rooms You need to share rooms with others Usually bunk beds with other strangers 這句要怎麼改呢 我們先把stay these kinds of rooms 改成 Stay in a hostel You may need to 加上may 可能需要 Share rooms with others 改成 Share a room with strangers 因為是分享一個房間 而睡上下鋪的牀是 Sleep in a bunk bed 所以整句是 However If you want to stay in a hostel You may need to share a room with strangers And sleep in a bunk bed The second type is motel Motel 要加s 因為motel 是可屬名詞 英文和中文不一樣的地方是 名詞要表現出單複數 所以這裡寫motels 另一個寫法是 Motels are the second type of hotels The characteristic of motel is exclusive parking space They often connect with rooms which provide long tree driver a place to stay Characteristics 加s 後面的b動詞用r 因為有the connected rooms 和exclusive parking space Motel 前面要加r 我們剛才講過 Motel 是可屬名詞 所以這裡加上r 另外一個寫法是 The characteristics of a motel are the connected rooms with our parking area that is free and exclusive for the travelers 有旅客專屬的免費停車場 後面 which provides long tree driver a place to stay 改成 A motel provides long tree drivers a place to stay driver 是可屬的 所以加上s The third type is B&B It is called bed and breakfast 這兩句的寫法是正確的 也可以合併寫成 The third type is B&B which is called bed and breakfast which is 可省略 也等於 The third type is B&B which offers bed and breakfast to travelers B&B often family-run operations B&B 用複數 加s 然後加上b動詞 r B&B are often family-run operations 下一句 In order to attract people to live there are different styles of appearance there are small amounts of rooms due to the reason that B&B is personal management 我們先修改後面這一句 可以這樣改 They offer only a small amount of rooms due to 等於 because of the self-employed business 為什麼要先寫這句呢 因為這裡 self-employed business 是自營事業 寫在上面那句的後面 family-run operations 寫在這句後面纔有連貫性 再來 In order to attract people to live there are different styles of appearance 改成 They also provide different styles and appearance of rooms in order to attract people to come and stay 類 指的是 B&Bs 提供不同風格和外觀的房間 吸引人們前來住宿 雖然中文是說 吸引人們前來住宿 但英文不寫live 而是要這樣寫 to attract people to come and stay 這纔是正確的寫法 The fourth type is resort hotels serving people who are going for a vacation or relaxation Fourth 拼字錯誤 要改成forth 後面 serving people who are going for a vacation or relaxation 改成 serving people who go for a relaxing vacation 下一句 The quality of resort hotel or swimming pool gym or even entertainment device Quality 改成 facilities 設備的意思 前面說過 可屬名詞要加s hotels swimming pools gyms 所以整句是 我們這樣改 The fifth type is business hotels serving people who go on a business trip business hotels generally have meeting rooms and the prices are generally higher go on a business trip 是出差的意思 business hotels generally have meeting rooms and the prices are generally higher 這裡也是單複數的問題 我就不再多講了 Among these five types of hotels hostels and B&B attract wider travelers because they are cheaper 這一句要這樣改 Among these five types of hotels hostels and B&B attract wider travelers because they are more affordable affordable 是不貴的 住得起的意思 這是修改後的文章 they are cheaper than the other types of hotels however if you want to stay in a hostel you may need to share a room with strangers and sleep in a bunk bed the second type is motels the characteristics of a motel are the connected rooms with exclusive parking space a motel provides long trip drivers a place to stay the third type is B&B which is called bed and breakfast B&Bs are often family-run operations they offer only a small amount of rooms because of the self-employed business they also provide different styles and appearance of rooms in order to attract people to come and stay the fourth type is resort hotels serving people who go for a relaxing vacation the facilities of resort hotels include swimming pools, gyms or even entertainment devices the fifth type is business hotels serving people who go on a business trip business hotels generally have meeting rooms and the prices are generally higher among these five types of hotels hostels and B&Bs attract a wider range of travelers because they are more affordable 文章內容不錯 但要注意的是定貫詞和單複數的用法 這是文章的架構 topic sentence I classify hotels into five types hostels, motels, B&Bs, resort hotels and business hotels the first type hostels are for use and backpackers and they are cheaper the second type motels have connected rooms with parking space the third type B&Bs offer bed and breakfast and they are usually family room operations the fourth type resort hotels serve people who go for a relaxing vacation the fifth type business hotels serve people who go on a business trip concluding sentence among these five types of hotels hostels and B&Bs attract a wider range of travelers because they are more affordable