We Have No House, No Retirement, And $50,000 In Debt

Xander shops all the top term insurance companies to save you money. Get started at xander.com. >> My husband and I are getting a late start. We don't have any retirement. We don't have a house. I'm 45. He's 51. We have debt. We want to know like what we can do to catch up. He's not as gung-ho as I am, but he's getting there. He kind of kept the debt from me and we're trying to live correct right now in every area possible. Um, we have counseling we're paying for because of trauma we've been through. I'm working three jobs, he's working two. Um, so it's just kind of a lot right now. >> Okay. So, it sounds like we're getting very busy. Sounds like you guys are trying to make more money and come after this. Correct. >> Yes, we've been trying for the last few months. Um, he kind of was doing it on his own and when I kind of found out more about it, he um, like we got kind of more aggressive about it. What was the debt? What was the debt that he kept from you? >> Um, we have about like 30,000 debt plus a car, so 50. Um, and I knew we had like a little bit, but I never knew how much. He just always told me he was taking care of it. And >> yes, but what I'm asking what was the debt? Obviously, the cars you probably knew about, but what was the other debt that you didn't know anything about? Mhm. >> We have a debt consolidation loan and there was some credit cards. Um, my insurance isn't good, so we've had some medical debt. >> Um, we have IRS that we have to pay. >> So, it wasn't uh I'm just trying to get a a read on this. It wasn't um what we call financial infidelity where he was hiding all kinds of expenditures. You just weren't paying attention and you guys kind of got behind the eight-ball and then he tried to consolidate. I'm just trying to get an understanding of when you say I didn't know about it. Where are you guys emotionally on this deal? Where where does it stand? >> Yeah. It wasn't like he was out spending stuff per se, but like a lot of restaurants and stores and nothing like major, but things like that. And I just um felt like I was supposed to be the submissive wife and not really involved in the money and I had like the wrong mindset. And now that I do, we're trying to do it right, but it's really hard to break the habit like >> Got it. >> You know, to not go to restaurants and things like that. >> Okay. And so, one other question here and because Jade's going to jump in, but I'm just kind of gathering some facts. >> Sure. >> So, you guys have tried. He's tried on his own. Now, he makes you aware of it. Now, you're going, "Okay, gosh, we don't like the way this feels. We're going after this." But you started the call by saying, "I'm ready to go all in. I'm calling the Ramsay Show today." He's sort of kind of not there. What is he not on board? I I just that'll help us. Where is he not on board with where you are? >> I mean, he is mostly, but like I'm trying to live for the Lord. I mean, we're both trying to live for the Lord in every way possible. And just money is kind of not his focus right now. He's trying to get like healed in other ways. And >> Got it. >> Is this a priority right now? Let me You're You're kind of talking a little bit in riddles. And I think it's because you're you're trying to protect like delicate information it seems like. But I want to ask you, is money the most important thing you need to be like is is walking the baby steps the most important thing you need to be worried about right now or are there other fires that are more important that need to be put out? >> I mean, I guess I kind of want to do both. Like, we're trying to get our money right, but we're trying to get everything else right in our life at the same time. And like I know counseling is a huge priority for us that I don't want to give up. >> Right. >> All right. So, how much are we spending on that a month? >> Like $1,000 because it's for me and my husband and my daughter. >> Okay, good. >> Okay, great. But that gives us something to work with. So, we've got $1,000 a month, Jade, that we want to protect at all costs. And I love >> Keep it on there. Keep it on there. >> Okay. >> Um I I asked that question because it money is important. Like Ken, you already know. Uh it touches everything, Jenny. And you can see this. It touches your relationships, your job, your spirituality, all of it, right? It's all-encompassing. Um, that being said, sometimes, >> uh, in an attempt to not focus on other things, we focus on the baby steps, being intense about that. This is the thing I'm going to focus on when really your marriage is falling apart, right? And so, what I don't want you to do is focus on the wrong thing. Um, >> if what you're telling me is, Jade, we want to do it. We just I just simply want to know, is it okay for me to keep $1,000 aside for counseling? Yeah, the answer is yes. You have to be a well person. That's like me telling you uh that walking the baby steps is not an excuse to eat ramen noodles. Like you need to be healthy. You need to do this the right way. So um >> I don't know why you had to single out ramen noodles, but we'll talk about that later. >> Sodium alone, Ken. So >> yeah, let's walk through the numbers then. >> $1,000 on counseling. I'm fine with that. Tell me what you guys bring in a month. Um and then we can talk about what's going to feel realistic for you in this season when you're so heavily uh getting the mental help that you guys all need. Thank you. Um, we bring in about 7,500 a month. >> Okay. 7,500 a month. How much of that is rent? >> 1,900. >> Okay, great. Okay, so uh biggest expenses, $1,900 on rent, $1,000 on counseling, uh any daycare or anything like that I need to know about like high dollar stuff? >> Yeah, my daughter's tuition is $300. I'm on a medicine that's $550, but I don't plasma, so I mainly pay for that out of that money. >> Okay. So, that's kind of a wash on the on the on the 550. Okay. So, I'm looking at this and I'm going, okay, I'm seeing uh I'm seeing $3,200 that's going away and musthaves. What's happening to the other 37? um paying off debt, groceries, you know, just different bills like that. I feel like >> And when you put all that in your budget, how much how much are you putting extra on the debt? Not minimum payments, but above and beyond a minimum payment. How much are you putting extra? >> I mean, we're trying to, but we don't have like a set number. It's just kind of like whatever we have left over, we do. >> Okay. So, that's what we'll fix. That's what we'll fix today. Because if you guys are on fixed, you know, you get basically paid the same amount every two weeks or every month, whatever, what have you, then this should be like clockwork. So, what I need is for you guys to get on an every dollar budget. And if you don't have one, do you have one? >> Yeah, I do have the Every Dollar. >> Okay. So when you open up every dollar, it should be really cut and dry for you, Jenny, to be able to see, okay, we make 7500, 1,900 goes to run, 1,000 to counseling, 300 school, uh because of my plasma, we only pay $100 for the medication, right? All of that's in the budget. And then it's going to show you after all the things that must be done, gas, groceries, insurance, there's going to be a number up there. In your case, it should be in the green of extra money that is now, okay, what do we want to do with this money? And here's the thing, Jenny. The choices are we can put this extra money towards Door Dash. We can put this extra money towards a vacation that we want to go on. We can put this extra money towards a slush fund that just gets eaten away with uh by going to the gas station and gets eaten away with by running to Sonic, right? Or we can say at the end of every month we have $1,300 and that is going on the smallest debt every month no matter what like clockwork. Do you see what I'm saying? >> Yeah. And that's I think that's what you were talking to Ken about earlier about the kind of we just need to start doing it part right >> and that's what I'm trying to do. It's just you know getting there I guess is hard. >> And you tell me tell me tell me the emotionals the emotion that you feel when you know the money is there but you do something else. Is it I work really hard. I I just deserve this. Is it I'm just so tired? Is it I'm frustrated? Tell me what you're feeling that's causing you not to do the thing. >> I guess frustrated. I know restaurants is really like our weakness and like we say we're not going to go and then we go and just you know changing and living that new lifestyle is pretty hard. And >> I think it's >> getting to that point. >> You want to know I I think it is just listening to you. >> I think you're scared. I think you're afraid. I think you've seen life one way and the idea of it looking different scares you. >> Well, I agree with that. And I I also would say that um now hearing what we know, I think it's hard enough going through therapy, trying to change our life, deal with the trauma, whatever hurt is attached to all this, can we reset our family? And that on its own is exhausting. >> Yeah, it's >> and I think it's hard to go, come on, babe. you need to join me on this debt-free journey, too. >> You're right, Ken. >> Uh, so I do think it is fear of the confrontation and how exhausting that is. But I do think that I would take this to the therapist and go, "Hey, did a phone call. We're trying to do this money thing. Can you coach us in this therapy about how important is that we get on the same page there?" I would take it to the professional help. Love that you're spending $1,000 a month. Yep. >> But you guys have got to lean in on every issue. Take take that and use that $1,000 and it's going to benefit. >> Xander is the best place to find term life insurance to protect your family. Visit xander.com for quotes