My Husband Is Threatening To Remove Me From All Of Our Accounts

[music] brought to you by the Every Dollar app. Start budgeting for free today. >> I'm in a situation where uh my husband is threatening to remove me from all the accounts, the credit cards, and threatened to leave me with zero. Um he's been pretty verbally, emotionally, and financially abusive and then last night crossed over into physical abuse and he was arrested. Um but I'm wondering, my question is how to protect myself. uh his he's he's a finance guy and he's really interested in laughing his way of knowledge uh against my ignorance and taking uh full advantage and um putting me in a place of when he says I I'll need to go prostitute myself in order to have money which is terribly sick. So >> um I'm just wondering what to do from here. I >> Oh my gosh. Okay. So are you safe right now? >> I am safe right now. Um he just walked in uh from jail, so I'm sitting in my car. Um but he is the sole bread winner right now. We our our kids are now in college. I'm going to be heading back to work, but right now he's a soul bread winner. >> Okay. And you'll be loggering up. I'm assuming I mean divorce is happening. >> I I this I know it sounds terribly foolish, but I don't I told him I don't want a broken home. I don't want broken hearts. I don't want a separate house splitting belongings. I don't want to miss any time with my kids. >> But Jackie, he he has opted out of this marriage in every way, shape, and form. >> Jackie, you're not Yeah. This is This is not a marriage anymore. >> Correct. Correct. Agreed. >> Okay. And your kids are they're they are in college >> and their mom >> is going to make a really brave, hard decision, >> but she's going to make a decision that is best for her. I mean, Jackie, this is horrible. >> It's terrible. Yeah. >> Yeah. If you lose love, respect, communication, trust, you don't have a marriage. Safety. >> Safety. Jackie. >> Provision and protection. I don't even know you. He just walked in from jail into the house that you both still live in. >> The literally when you guys picked up to take my call, he walked in and I had to run outside. >> Can you drive away? Like I wouldn't be in the same vicinity as this guy. I would go to a friend's house, a family member. >> Do you have good friends and family around? >> No. No. That's another thing. I he I think he's shooken up because I've never taken action before, but when he shoved me last night into a door. Um I I had no I that was the time the first time that he took it to physical and I I can't live with myself. Um if I knew if I my kids were ever in that situation, I I had to do it. I could not live with myself. If >> there's one thing we know about abusers, they don't have a change of heart. They're just going to continue it if you let it happen. And so the fact that you're still there really scares me right now. Well, I had I it was my choice to say he he can come out and work because he's the only one uh with a job. So, he he's under, you know, he has rules to not harass and things like that. So, >> well, the rules don't matter if he controls all the purse strings and you get zero dollars. >> Yeah, Jackie, >> that's what I'm worried about. That's what I'm worried about. >> Is your name on the accounts? >> My name is on the accounts. So for the credit card, it's I I'm an authorized user, but he's the full >> Okay. Your checking account where his income comes in. Are you on that account? >> Is joint. Correct. >> Perfect. Okay. If I if I were in your shoes, Jackie, I would take I would be in that car and when you get off the phone with us, I would drive to the bank and I would create a new checking account and I would take half of the money that is in that joint checking account and I would put it over to your to your own checking account that he has zero access to and I would have it I would have an amount of money and then I would drive to a hotel and I would get a room for the night and until, you know, I can get with friends and family. I mean, I I I don't see how it's never going to go back to normal. And so, what you've been living in is sadly, I feel like, is what we hear from a lot of victims of domestic violence is that you become almost used to it. And when you're sitting here telling us two strangers, I mean, George and I, our mouths were just dropped open um because of just the insane situation that you're in. And I don't feel like you I don't feel like you see it. And you deserve better than this, Jackie. >> Oh, I know that. It's It's It's I just don't want to break my kids hearts. >> Jackie, staying with a dangerous man is breaking their hearts. >> And they don't know any of it. So, >> yeah. Jackie, >> would you want this for your daughter? What would you tell your daughter right now? >> Never. >> Okay. >> That was my question that set them off. Yeah. >> Okay. So, Jackie, answer your own question. >> I think they're sharper than you think. I think they're catching a lot of what's going on and they're taking a lot of cues. And right now, you have an opportunity to show them the kind of person you are. >> And we do not promote divorce. That is something that I mean I it has to be to a point where there is there is of no return. And everything you've just said in this call is that for me 100%. 100%. >> Would you be okay if your daughter was staying in a relationship this abusive? Would you tell her to? >> Well, that's why I was saying yes. So, yes. So, you wouldn't do that. You wouldn't want this for your daughter. I don't want you to I don't want you to want this for yourself. >> Correct. >> But you're right. The financials, this is where we always say that we always are about combining finances, but the red flag goes up with a couple of different things. If there's abuse, which check that off for your list, um, you know, if there's if there's addiction that's not being addressed, if there's things that you need to protect yourself, you need a separate account. >> Financial infidelity. You can't control his spending. What if he racks up a bunch of debt and your name is tied to that credit card? >> Well, this is my second question is he opened a separate bank account last year because his mother sends him thousands of dollars that he can gamble and buy, you know, alcohol, drugs, and all that and he plays with that money and I can't access that. He could easily move the money. That's what I'm saying. Jackie, >> you need to create your own financial >> get off the phone. Get off the phone with us and you need to drive to the bank. remove your name from any account that you're on that's tied to him. Freeze all of your credit with all three credit bureaus. You can call them up and have them freeze her. Go online and do it. And then create your own checking and savings accounts that you have full control over. >> Okay? >> And I would honestly I would pack up my stuff and I would not be back in that house and I would be contacting an attorney for next steps. >> That's another thing I I don't even know where to begin. and he thinks it's the funniest thing that he's just gonna he's just going to ruin me. And he thinks it's funny because he's in finance >> and I >> he thinks it's funny because he's an absolute >> and he knows that you're you're going to be a doormat and he knows you're going to come back and you're going to say, "Well, I don't want a broken home." He knows that he's holding all the cards and so you need to show him that you mean business like you did yesterday when he went to jail for the night, >> right? >> And I think when he realizes, oh, she's not coming back. Oh, she created her own accounts. Oh, she took half the money. This is more serious than I thought. I don't think he's going to be laughing then when the courts demand that he pay alimony or child support, whatever it may be. >> Well, yeah, our kids are adults, though. Well, I guess it would be alimony. I don't know. >> Yeah. >> No idea. Yeah, >> there's laws that protect you here. >> Yes, absolutely. >> And you're not a bad person for taking advantage of >> side and especially because there's a police report that's been filed. Um, I mean there you have a lot of weight right now for you to use in your favor, Jackie. And we we implore you to do that. I mean, for for your own safety, Jackie, please. Um, >> I'd have a restraining order against this guy, let alone letting him walk back into my house after. >> He's a manipulator, an abuser. It's every it's every red flag you could imagine, Jackie. And so, just hear that from two strangers that this is it's so clear to us. And my fear is that [music] it's not clear to you. If you can, if wherever you are, Jackie, >> join a local church. Get a community around you who's willing to support you. You need people in your corner right now. >> I'm so sorry. >> Create your free every dollar budget today. The simplest way to budget for your