Our Son Makes $100,000 And Still Lives With Us

[music] Brought to you by Chom, a budget-friendly, faith-based alternative to health insurance. ch ministries.org/budget. I'm calling for some advice on how to handle my 29-year-old son who's moved back home to follow the Baby Steps Millionaire program. He wants to pay off all of his private student loan debt. So, he's moved back home. We're glad to have him. Um, I'm nearing retirement age. My husband's been retired a long time. We're in decent shape financially, no debt at all. >> But expenses are hard, you know. Um, the cost of maintaining a home has increased, the cost of utilities, the cost of food, property taxes. So, our budget gets stressed a little bit from time to time, especially, you know, times of the year like this when the heat's on. And so, um, >> does it cost more to heat the house with him in it? >> Well, not necessarily, but the cost of food goes up and, you know, just him keeping the lights on where that part of the house might have normally been dark. >> Sure. The water, the utilities will bump up a bit. He'll be eating your food, so your food bill is going to go up. >> Why don't you tell him he needs to contribute a little something something? >> I did. So, his response was, well, I I asked him if he would take on one bill. I said, "Just one bill. You can pick uh whatever one you want." So, I showed him my um we have we have your budget app. So, I showed him my every dollar budget and I said, "Pick one." >> And his response was, "Well, let me look at all of your bills so that I can see how you can cut costs so I don't have to do this." >> Let me tell you something. >> Wow, that is maniacal. >> How about this? You say, "You know what? Forget that plan. You're going to pay us $300 a month if you want to live here." Or you can just go live somewhere else. >> That sounds good to me, >> man. But >> is he working full-time? >> Oh, he has a very good job with um he's a government employee with a GS13 level job. >> Oh my god. >> What does he make? >> Oh, well over $100,000 a year. And right now he's in the military. He's a high ranking officer. And he's making all of his money tax-free because it's an active duty deployment. And he won't pay one bill. >> Well, how much private How much debt does he have? >> He doesn't want to. >> I'm sorry. >> How much debt does he have? >> He has no debt other than the student loan. >> Okay. He just wanted to invest. >> No, no, he has debt. You said he has no debt except for all these studentans. Yeah, that is that's debt. Student loan. >> If it ends with loan, it's debt. So, how much debt? >> So, I think he's got he had well over 100,000. He's down to about 35,000. >> Okay. He moved back in to pay off 35 grand making over a hundred. This feels crazy. >> This is my son. >> What was he doing? >> Say yes to this. >> Was he renting before on his own or what? >> He was renting before on his own. Prior to that, he was he was engaged to a wonderful woman >> and he was living with her. They were supposed to get married in a couple of months and she just got so you she got so frustrated with him being so cheap that she broke off the engagement and threw him out. >> Okay, there you have it. Good. And there you have it. So, this is a this is a character trait of he was cheap with the girlfriend. Possibly one of the reasons they were living together was so he could lower his expenses cuz then right after that he turns around and moves in with you. Do you know what I would do if I were in your shoes? >> I'd love to know. I would say he can't live here. I'd say, "I love you, but you can't live here. You don't need to live with me to pay off $35,000 of debt. You've got plenty of income in order to do that. And I see this as a pattern. Sir, son, you need to move out and you need to learn to open up the purse strings. He is not struggling financially." Now, if this guy had just gone through a really tough time, like obvious like a divorce, was on his, you know, had nowhere to go and he was really struggling financially, I'd say, "Hey, let's let's give him a like a little a bit of a hammock for 6 months to get him on his feet." This man doesn't need that. >> I agree. And so, have you had that conversation? >> Your health? >> Um, no. We haven't had any kind of a hard conversation like that because he has just recently moved in. We're talking just a couple of weeks. Oh, okay. What's your husband say? >> Set the ground. >> Um, my husband is elderly. He's 25 years my senior and at his age, he's just glad to have him back in the house. >> I see. I see. I would give a time. He's already in the house. So, I would just create a timeline and say, "Listen, I know how much you make. I know you can put this much toward the debt. So, if you do it this way, here's the rules. And if you can pay this off in, I don't know, 6 months, let's say. Is that possible?" >> Probably. Yes. That's 5,800 a month. Could he do that living at home with no expenses? >> Absolutely he can. >> See, George is >> I'm just throwing napkin math out there. And she said absolutely he can. Cuz she knows how much he makes. >> Yes. But I'm like the boy must go. [laughter] >> Yeah, I know. I agree. But you've He's literally made his bed and they're laying they're laying in it. And so >> Well, I would do that if my husband wasn't so thrilled to have him home. >> Here's what I think is gonna happen. >> He can come over every night for dinner. You know what I'm saying? >> This is true. >> You know, this is we don't I because what I what I see happening because he he loves saving money. He wants to save a buck. And what I see happening is he pays off the debt, then the next goal comes, well, I want to save up x amount of dollars. >> Wait till I have enough for a down payment. >> Yep. And it's going to the the goalpost is going to keep moving. And truly, >> that's why I say as soon as you have this debt paid off, you're gone. And that's going to be 6 months from now. >> And we're going to have a meeting every month. You're going to show us the debt balance if you're going to be living here. >> Do you think he'd do that? >> He would. And and I so appreciate this advice because I know he's listening to hear from you. >> Let me let me send him a message. Let me send him a message. >> Um sir, if you're listening, I think that you need to move out. I think that you need to learn how to handle your expenses. It's okay. It costs money to live. As an adult, it costs money to adult. That's rent. That's a mortgage. That's paying for your own life. And at the very least, if you are going to live in your mama's house, you need to pay for the electricity that you use and the food that you eat at 29 years old. All right, mom. I said it for you. >> Mom's going to apply for him to be on extreme cheap skates. [laughter] Just going to follow him around the house with the camera watching him mooch off of you guys [laughter] and his elderly dad to save a buck while he makes six figures as a high ranking official in the military. And also, thank him for his service. >> Yes, thank you for your service. All jokes aside, he sounds like a great young man, but he's just too cheap for his own good. >> He can't help it. He can't help it. >> He already lost a great woman over this. You know, >> that's true. >> You could have had a really sweet relationship with this woman if it all panned out. >> Well, if he moves out, maybe he can get her back. >> Now, that would be a love story for the ages. >> Story. >> One never knows. >> He's going to go to those 25 cent rings to try to propose. That's probably She saw that >> writing on the wall and said, "No, thank you. That's not good. >> Goodness gracious. What an interesting conundrum. I'm trying to really put myself in her shoes. >> I couldn't. >> Now, here's the thing. This is where I'm a softy. If it was my daughter, I think I' i'd treat it differently >> at 29. But here's what got me. When she said, "Pick a bill to pay." And he's like, "Lo, instead of me paying the bill, let me lower your expenses and crunch your budget and make you like that." That that got me. >> Yeah. [laughter] The other thing that I've seen that can work decently is if you say, "Hey, you're going to pay 500 bucks a month to live here. Mom and dad, set that money aside in a savings account and give it back to him when he moves out as a surprise." That's a nice gesture if you don't need the money. But truthfully, they were saying it's already a little bit tight. >> Yeah. >> And so they could use the extra money if he's, you know, mooching off the house and paying rank racking up the utility bills. I think that's fair. >> It's a failure to launch for me. It's a failure to launch. He has the money >> and he has the discipline. >> He does. >> I mean, if you're a highranking official, you don't get there by being lacadasical. So, man, that's a tough one. But what a sweet woman. I get it. She's She's just too sweet for her own good and he's too cheap for his own good. >> Christian Healthcare Ministries can save your family hundreds of dollars on healthcare every month. Learn more at chmin ministries.org/budget. /budget.