Why "Go With the Flow" Homeschooling is Failing Our Kids With Ashley Buffa

And so we just have to wake up and understand that just homeschooling, just saying that you're homeschooling is not enough to actually produce good results. You have to do the work. You have to, you have to be a teacher. You have to require things of your children and you have to require things of yourself too. Welcome to Our Life Homeschooling. My name is Sherry, Christian wife to my high school, sweetheart Nelson and thankful mom to 10 incredible kids. I'm the author of the blog and YouTube channel Our Life Homeschooling where I share homeschooling encouragement for everyday moms. I believe that motherhood is ministry and homeschooling is simply an extension of parenting. My passion is to cheer on other moms who are at home doing the most important work of all, raising the next generation for the glory of God. Hi and welcome to the Our Life Homeschooling podcast. Today's guest is Ashley Bufa. She's a homeschooling mom that has been homeschooling for a long time. She's a mom of 11 kids and she has so much wisdom to share. I love how she challenges moms to homeschool excellently. In our conversation today, we're going to be talking about why Go With The Flow homeschooling is failing our kids and what disciplined families are doing differently. It was so much fun to talk with Ashley. I feel like we have a lot of things in common and I just know you're going to love this interview. So let's jump right in. Hi Ashley. Thank you for joining me. Thank you so much for having me, Sherry. It's so nice to be here. Yeah, I've been excited to meet you. I've seen you on your YouTube channel and um, I think you're a really unique voice in the homeschooling world and so I, I thought it would be great to have you on and we're going to be talking about why Go With The Flow homeschooling is failing our kids and what disciplined families do differently. So I think this is going to be a really interesting topic and I wanted to just go ahead and start, let's start with introductions. If you could just introduce yourself, let us know about your family and about your YouTube channel and then just tell everyone what led you into homeschooling. Okay, great. So I'm Ashley Bufa and I'm the mother of 11 children. Um, my oldest will be 23 on Monday. Um, I, we, I don't know about you, but our, our kids, like we have birthday seasons. So whenever we're in the middle of a birthday season, I have to think really hard. Like how old is this person right now? So almost 23 down to eight months, 18 months old. Um, and let's see here. This is my 19th year homeschooling and um, I have made, I'm pretty sure just about every single homeschool mistake a person can possibly make. There might be one or two that I've missed, um, accidentally, but I've, you know, I feel like the farmer's insurance commercial, you know, I know a thing or two because I've seen a thing or two. Um, so, so my YouTube channel is all about basically sharing all of my failures so that other moms don't have to fail. Unfortunately, I have a personality that, um, I have to learn things the hard way. So, um, even if my channel had been around when I was just starting out, I probably still would have made all of these mistakes. Um, but that doesn't mean that, you know, everyone has to go through what I have, but I feel like I finally in the last probably four or five years really hit my stride and finally just decided to figure this whole thing out and do it really, really well. Um, and I'm not saying that in a, you know, puffed up way just a, I have figured out what works really well for my family and we strive for excellence every day. We do not always hit the mark, but we are always pushing towards it and trying, you know, trying to hit that mark. So that's me. And, um, did you, were you homeschooled yourself or, um, what, what made you come to this decision? Um, it was a series of events as a teenager. Um, I was brought up in a Christian home and I went to public school and once I hit early, like late middle school, early high school years, um, I realized that public school and this, I mean like I'm 44 years old, this was a long time ago. I realized that public school was really no place for a Christian, um, a Christian child to be. And so I, I begged my parents, please take me out of school, homeschool me or put me in Christian school. I don't, I don't want to be here anymore. This is not a good, this is not a good environment. And again, that was like forever ago. And it's gotten only worse since then. Um, and for whatever reason they chose to just keep me in public school. But when I was, um, 15 years old, I started babysitting for a family that homeschooled. They had four boys and she ran a tight ship. You know what I mean? She really, those children, they were the best children. They were so well behaved. They were so smart. She kept her home really clean and organized. Like it was really, it was, it was aspirational for me. And so I decided I'm going to homeschool. This is how I'm, this is how I want to run things. Um, and so I decided when I was 15 years old that I was going to homeschool my own children. Um, and you know, before I married my husband, like I made sure he understood like this is, this is what you're signing up for. And I, you know, if you're not okay with it, then you know, that's a deal breaker for me. Um, so that was what led me into homeschooling. Like I knew from the very beginning and it was, I am very thankful for that because because of what I saw and experienced in their home, um, it was never an option for me. Like this was never a, we'll see how it works. We will give this a try. We'll hope for the best. We'll, we'll try really hard to make this work. This was a, no, this is what I'm going to do. And that's just, I'm going to have to figure it out because there is no other option. Um, so that's what we decided. And you know, thank goodness it's, it's worked, you know, very well, even through all of the mistakes that I've made. Um, you know, I'm still tremendously happy that it's the decision that we did make. Yeah. Our approach has been very similar as far as we decided that we're taking this route. This is what our family is going to do. And I know some people have talked about thinking about it and reevaluating every year. And that was just not how it was for us. I had charted my course. This is what we were doing. And when we hit bumps in the road, we're just going to figure it out. And yeah, my husband and I, we did not start out thinking, I did not start out thinking I was going to homeschool as soon as we got married. But as soon as we had our first, I had some public school experience and just from teaching in the public school, I, it really was the motivation for me that I really felt like education could be so much better. And exactly what you said. Um, we should be giving our children a Christian education and that's just so important. And one thing I really love about your style is that you are challenging homeschool moms to do the work God's called them to do with excellence. And, um, so why do you think so many moms have bought into the on the fly mindset in homeschooling? Well, so I haven't been to a homeschool convention in over a decade. Okay. So let me just preface this by saying that, but I have looked at the websites. I have seen the talks that are being given. And one of the main benefits of homeschooling that is being sold to, you know, new homeschool moms and to, you know, prospective homeschool moms is flexibility. And it's this, this whole, you know, Oh, well, you know, you can, you can do this anywhere and you can, you know, it barely takes any time at all. And it's going to be like a vacation all the time. And it's just this, not quite. No, it's not at all. Like when you're, when you're actually doing this right, it's actually really, really hard. Um, and so I think that it's this, it's this idea that's being sold. I still remember during COVID, you know, a lot of, um, a lot of families started homeschooling during COVID because, you know, the, the, um, what was happening with the online classes, you know, from the school, like the school was great. Like everybody was scrambling. You really can't blame the schools for, you know, I mean, they didn't, they didn't plan for that. Um, and so, but I remember hearing over and over all of these veteran homeschool moms, you know, had been homeschooling for at least two years. We'll say, say, you know, well, they think that, you know, we're talking about the homeschool families or not homeschool families, but public school families that are doing school, you know, watching the videos or whatever from their public school. They think that what they're doing is homeschooling and it's not working very well, but they don't realize that what they're doing isn't homeschooling. And I just remember thinking to myself like, no, that's really not true. Like, you know, if it's on the fly and it's not planned out, so it's not working super well, but what all of these other families are doing is really not homeschooling either because there's no schooling going on. Nobody's really learning anything other than how to get out of doing work, you know? So it's, it's just this whole attitude that I feel like is so pervasive now, um, in the homeschool community of, you know, if you're actually doing hard work, if you're requiring standards of your children and you, you know, God forbid you have a schedule in the home, that's not real homeschooling. You know, real homeschooling is, you know, all about fun and pajamas and I don't know, snacks. I don't know. I don't even know what it is anymore because I'm just so, you know, but it just, it does not produce actually good results. And I think that that is what everyone is not really looking very closely at is it's not producing good fruit. The fruit of that type of a homeschool is really, you know, it's remedial math and English classes at the community college. You know, that's nobody should be proud of graduating a student who needs remedial math in English. Now, if you do, if you have graduated a student that needs that, then that's your opportunity to say, okay, what do I need to do differently? You know, what do I need to do differently to make sure that my students prepared? So, you know, I'm not, you know, I'm not bashing on people who have done that, but you do need to say, okay, well what I did didn't produce good enough results. So we need to go back to the drawing board here and figure this out so that we can do better for the next one. And right. Yeah. Yeah. So then what do you think are the, what are the longterm consequences of this hands off approach, both morally and academically? Well, let's, let's tackle the moral issues first. Okay. Um, you know, morally it's, well basically, okay, let's think about first what we are modeling for our children. If we are just doing this homeschool loosey goosey, you know, nobody is trying to wake up at a certain time. Nobody has a checklist. Nobody really knows what they're trying to accomplish. You know, you're basically just floating through your day. You know, what happens, right? Um, that is not modeling very good executive function skills. You know, that's, that's a buzzword right now. That's not modeling good leadership skills to your children. Okay. It is not modeling for them a good work ethic. It is not modeling for them what the Bible says about do everything as unto the Lord. You know, like what kind of role model are we being for our kids when this is the message that we're sending them when this is the message that you're sending them, you have no standards for yourself. So of course, you know, your, your children aren't going to, you know, feel like they need to strive towards anything. And our whole life really as Christians should be striving. You know, it's all about sanctification and, you know, doing our best as unto the Lord. So if, if we do, if we're just floating through life, if we're floating through homeschool, just, you know, Oh, well, you know, I don't think we've done spelling in three weeks, so maybe we should pull that out. And you know what I mean? That's not teaching our children. Our children are not, they're, they're not learning how to operate in the real world because that's, that's not the real world. That's not, you know, our kids can't go into a job and function in that way and still have a job. That's not the real world. And expect that they can just do their work whenever they feel like doing it. Right. And it, it used to be true that businesses love to hire homeschoolers because they were really good at time management and they were really good at independent thinking and all of these things. And I just see that sliding further and further from the truth. And that's really, you know, you know what homeschoolers are really good at now. They're really good at figuring how to get out of doing work. You know, because you know, when mom does wake up, you know, and say, Oh, well, you know, Oh gosh, um, nobody's done math in the last few weeks. You know, we, and she pulls like a, a week of, you know, really let's do this kids. You know, the kids are like, um, we don't want to, are you serious? Yeah. Like I don't think so. And so, you know, they, you know, they'll, they'll write some things on their paper to make it look like they're doing math, but they know their mother isn't going to check it. So you know what I mean? Like they're really good at getting around rules and all of these things and you know, manners and homeschoolers are really getting a bad reputation at this point. You know, it used to be that the homeschool kids were the ones with the really good manners. They were dressed nicely and neatly and they were a couple of grade levels ahead of their peers. And that used to be the standard, you know, 20 years ago. And I know somebody is going to comment probably that this is regional and that wasn't how it was for them growing up. And I, I get that. But the, I mean, okay, so I think he's actually taking this down, but you know, Tim Hawkins, the comedian, Christian comedian, he used to have a song about homeschool kids and it was all of those things, you know? And so you don't, you don't get a stereotype if that wasn't what the majority of the homeschoolers were like, it is no longer like that anymore. So, um, you know, we have to, we have to do better for our children. It's, it's one of those things, you know, where if, if you're a homeschool, if you're a homeschool parent, you pretty much probably think that the public schools are doing a terrible job and you know, you can definitely do better than that. But you know what the public schools do have? They have a schedule and you have to be there on time and you have to have clothes on and you know, lunches at the same time every day and you leave at the same time. And when you've left, you have accomplished a certain amount of work. And you know, we can all of course say, well, the way in which they do that work is not good and there's no God in the school. Okay. There's no God in the school. Is there God in your house? Are you doing daily Bible work? You know, all of those things that's like homeschoolers love to bash on the public schools. But when you do an apples to apples comparison of how the homeschool is doing as opposed to how the public school is doing from where I'm sitting, I'm seeing the public school is actually still doing much better. Even, even without you know, Bible in the school and all of those things, they're still doing a better job than a lot of these homeschool moms. And so we just have to wake up and understand that just homeschooling, just saying that your homeschooling is not enough to actually produce good results. You have to do the work. You have to, you have to be a teacher. You have to require things of your children and you have to require things of yourself too. Yeah. Is there a standard of excellence in your home? Is there a standard at all? Yeah. I mean, forget, forget excellence. Let's just talk about a standard in general. You know, let's have a, let's have, you know, just a baseline standard first. And once we're meeting that, then we can start working towards excellence, you know, at this point, you know, there's not even a baseline in so many of these homes. And then they're wondering why it's chaos, you know, when you don't have any structure and no standards, it is going to be chaos. And that actually is harder living in chaos and no structure that actually is harder than it is to have a schedule and to maintain a schedule. Right. And that could be the reason that you're floundering is because you don't have something set in place. Yeah. Once you have an expectation in your home of how it's going to be. And like you said, what time the kids are getting up, what is happening next, then it can flow much more easily. Rather than if there are, if you're inconsistent and they don't have the same expectation from one day to the next, right. Nobody knows what's going on. And you know, I've brought this up before, you know, if, if you know, anxiety is something that, you know, a lot of parents are dealing with with their children, you know, children with anxiety. And one of the biggest things that can cause anxiety is not knowing what to expect or not knowing what comes next. You know, I have, I have one child who just really always wants to know what's next, what's next, what's next. Yeah. He doesn't like not knowing, like if we're going to do something new, he's like, um, can you tell me, you know, walk me through this, like help me understand what's going to happen because he just likes to know. And so he is so comfortable in our daily schedule because he knows exactly what comes next and what comes next. And so he's not always like, you know, freaking out about it because he knows. And I think, you know, you know, this fly by the seat of your pants, homeschool stuff. If you have a child that, you know, has some anxious inclinations, just having that schedule is so reassuring and comforting and helpful. And then he can use his energy towards learning instead of like, you know, what's going to happen next. Yeah. So how can moms reclaim leadership in their homes, in their homeschools without being rigid and joyless? How can they bring that back into their home so that they can have smoother days so that their kids know what to expect next? Well, I think the, this, the first thing we have to do is just decide, okay, we're not going to do it that way anymore. That was crazy and we've learned our lesson. So, you know, first just make that decision. And then secondly, you have to set up, you know, a basic standard for how your day is going to go. So you decide what time do I want my kids to be out of bed and dressed? You write it down. What time do I want to sitting down at the breakfast table? And you write it down and you have to make it reasonable to, you know, you can't be like, my kids are going to get up at 6am. They're going to be at the breakfast table at 630 like, you know, and something that's out of reach that, you know, you're never going to be able to realistically do when you have, when you're at grandma's house the night before. Right. Yeah. Right. It has to be something that will actually fit your life because you know, life does happen. So, you know, you, but you write down those times. Okay. And then after breakfast, what time are we going to start and what subjects are we going to start? And you just do it in the same order every day. And you know, we have in our homeschool, we have a lot of individual subjects, but some of those things only take, you know, like I have a checklist for each child and it's like this long, right? Yeah. There are many, many things, but I've designed it that way on purpose because each, each child has their own, it's on a clipboard and they get to check it off after they've shown me the work and everything. So there's some accountability there. But some of those tasks take three minutes and they get to check it off. And that is so fun, you know, but it's there as a visual for them to know, to expect, this is going to happen every day at this, in this order, in this order. And we're going to check it off and we're going to do this and we're going to do this and we're going to do this. And then at the end of the day they bring me their checklist and we make sure, cause I mean it's a lot to keep track of when you've got a bazillion kids, as you know, you know, you can't keep that all in your brain. So I'm looking at it, making sure we haven't missed anything. And then I put a sticker at the bottom for the day so that they know they love getting, my kids love getting stickers. I try to get my kids stickers as often as possible because it's just, you know, it is, it is the little things. And you know, as adults, the only time we get a sticker is when we vote, you know, we don't get it for anything else. So I like to get my sticker, my kids stickers. So they get a sticker. I make sure visually I have not missed anything. And it just, it's, it's just a fantastic, easy way to keep yourself on track. Make sure you're hitting everything. And then, you know, at the end of the week I have to look at the checklist and say, okay, is there anything on here that needs to, that needs more time? You know, like, um, for one of my children, they're learning their addition facts for the first time. So I have flashcards, I have, you know, five minutes of flashcards on there every day. Is this child struggling? Do I need to make that 10 minutes of flashcards each day? You know, so I kind of go over reassessing and I do that every single week because that's the thing about homeschool. It's not a set and forget. You have to, you know, it's, it's almost like it's a living, breathing organism. You have to take care of changing. It's always, your kids needs are changing and you're, yeah. And so you have to be really tuned in to what is happening. And I have just found for me, which I'm a little bit scattered, I am not a naturally organized person. I just am not. It was not given to me at birth. I've had to develop every organizational skill that I have. But for me the checklist is just so helpful and it's so simple. You know, it's not an app. It is, I didn't even, I didn't even make it myself. My husband helped me make it in Excel and we printed it off. And you know, so it's just, it's a low tech, easy way. The kids get excited because they know if they have five stickers at the end of the week that I will take them to get a frosty. I, you know, and they work hard for that. Like they are like, mom, we haven't done our read aloud yet. Here's the book. Can we sit down and do this so we can check it out? You know, so that is good too because then all of the motivation is not contingent on me. You know, the kids, they want their frosty, they want their stickers so that they can, you know, so they're like, mom, please come on before dinner can be a little bit late. We've got to get this done. It's really good too. You know, so building in those ways to kind of, you know, it's, it's accountability for me when my kids are like, Hey mom, you know, I need you to help me finish this thing. And it's like, okay, okay, yeah, we can do that. Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. So just building in those little ways, you know, but having that start time, having the subjects listed out that you want to accomplish and which days you want to accomplish them on getting your kids to buy into the system to, you know, through stickers and you know, you don't have to do ice cream obviously, but you know, whatever it is that they, you know, if they want to go to the park or you know, whatever, um, you know, just stacking the odds in your favor I think is the, is the big, the big takeaway here, whatever you can do to stack the odds that you're going to get everything done and that your kids are going to get everything done, that you're going to work together. Cause I mean, it very much is a teamwork thing because you know, when you're teaching multiple children, you are being pulled in a bunch of different directions and there's something you can do about that. But if you're, if your children are as motivated to get it all done as you're motivated for them to get it done, it does, it just works so much better. Yeah. Yeah. I agree. We've done something very similar. Our kids have checklists and it's interesting to me to hear you say that, you have a lot on there because I feel like I have a lot of my kids checklist too. And then, um, but then when I'm showing it to someone, I'm like, but this like some of these things only take like 10 minutes and they do it. It's just, they need that repetition. And, um, we haven't done this recently, but you mentioned about stickers. I used to have a big treat box and when they finished their checklist, then they got their treat. And that was a way of checking in. And I agree with you. In fact, this is an area for myself that I have to constantly be reminding myself that I have to be checking their work. If I am not checking their work and sitting down with them and going through things, going over, having them correct things, then that's when things start to slide. And that's when we run into problems. Um, that's when there are tears over double digit multiplication or long division, you know, because I'm not taking the time to check it. And it's really easy to let it happen because kids are like, Oh yeah, I did my work. Oh, it's done. Like here, see, I did it. And it's like, um, if you're not taking that time, things will slide by and um, you'll get behind, your kids will get behind. And when I say behind, I mean behind their progress, behind where they should be. They're not making adequate progress. Um, so what, what would you say, what daily habits are separating families who are thriving from those who are barely hanging on? Okay. So this is funny that I'm going to say this. I, I, I get tickled every time I think about this because if you had asked me nine months ago, my answer would be completely different and it wouldn't have been as good of an answer. I used to be, um, not a warning person at all. And I used to say, you know what? It not everybody is a morning person and that is okay. But I realized this year, um, I took on too much, which is also another trait of my personality. I love taking on too many things and then like, Oh shoot, how am I gonna do this? But I signed up to moderate three online homeschool classes. Um, and I'd never done this before. Instead of just doing one like a normal sane person, I'm like, no, I'll do three. Um, and so it requires a lot of reading, a lot of reading. And I have to prepare for these classes and, um, make these review games, which I don't have to do that, but I want to do that. Cause I kind of, I like doing it with the kids and it's, it's a good way for them to review. And I just want to do it. So, um, I have a lot of time invested there. And I also am taking some online college classes. And so like it's just way too much really. And so I realized if I'm going to accomplish all of these things, which I, I am, I'm going to accomplish all these things. I I've I'm going to have to become someone that I'm not already. I need to become a morning person. And so I slowly, cause I was getting up at like seven, seven, seven 30, really seven, seven o'clock. That was my wake up time. And it's just too late. If you've got too many things going on. And so first I was like, okay, I'm going to be a big girl. I'm going to get up at six and it's going to be great. It's going to be amazing. So I did, I started getting up at six. And then after about two weeks, I was like, I bet I could get up at five 45 and get like 15 more minutes of reading time. Like that would be amazing. So I did. And then about two weeks later, I was like, I think I could do five 30. And I am now getting up at 5am every day. And I've been doing that for three or four weeks now. Not every day, Saturday and Sunday is not, I sleep a little bit later on Saturday and Sunday, but every weekday I get up. And at first I was like, I was just like, woohoo, this is amazing. But I didn't have my time scheduled. So I was getting up and sometimes I would waste it. You know, I would just get on my phone and scroll on Instagram. And I was like, Oh shoot, I just got up early so that I could like be on my phone. Like that is such a loser behavior. Like I cannot be doing this. So I realized that, okay, I need to actually schedule my time out. And so now I have this whole routine and I get up and for the first hour I read and then I go fold laundry from the day before. So I usually have like two to four baskets of laundry to fold. And then I bundle up and I put on an audio book and I go for a 45 minute walk and I come home and I slap on some makeup real quick and I'm ready for my day. And I've accomplished so much more than I ever would have before. So that is my long way of saying, um, figure out how to become a morning person because it really sets you up so much better for the day. And I honestly, I still laugh at myself that I'm saying this because I like for so many years I was like, Nope, that's not me. That's not me. But it's, it is so, so helpful, especially if you use that time. Well, so I would say become a morning person. Um, become a person who if you write something down on your checklist, you get it done. So also become a person who doesn't put something on your checklist that you're not going to be able to get them. Um, you know, like it's kind of like a, a small way of keeping your word to yourself. Um, and you know, that kind of trains your brain. Like if I write this down, it's half, this is happening. Like I am going to do this. And that is so helpful for our children to see too. It's, I feel like it is so helpful for my children to have watched the evolution of Ashley Bupa, you know, because you know, they have seen me, they have seen me wrestle and struggle and strive and overcome and then start the whole process over because you know, once it gets too easy, it's, you know, I get bored. So it's like, okay, well what can I tackle now? And I think it's so important for our children to see us doing that. It's so important for when we are, when we realize we've been doing something wrong to admit that to our children and say, you know what? Cause I had to do this five years ago with our kids, with my homeschool. I was like, you know what? I am not doing this homeschool justice. I have failed you kids and I am going to have to figure out how to do better. And I told them that and I apologized and I said, I'm going to do better. Watch how this is going to go. And it's going to get a lot harder for everybody. Like, so sorry about that. But also one day you'll appreciate it because your children will never like in the moment they will love, you know, staying in pajamas all day and never having to do anything. But when they're an adult, they are not going to appreciate that. You know, they won't appreciate that, but they'll appreciate the changes and seeing the difference. They will. And you will have provided that example to them of, you know what? My life, I was not using it the way that I should have been. I need to revamp this whole thing. And what, you know, getting to see somebody go through that, like that's really powerful. And you know, these days you don't really see that, you know, what you see is what you get. Nobody ever really gets that much better. And so if you are like embodying that for your children, I think that that's just such a valuable lesson for them. So, you know, developing the other habit that I would say is developing the habit of radical self-assessment, you know, being able to look at yourself and say, is this who I really want to be? Is this all I'm capable of becoming? Like what can I do better? You know, and making little changes. Cause you know, nobody can really do a total overhaul, you know, but say, yeah, it has to be slow. It has to be slow. Just like you were saying with like setting the time back a little bit every day. It's just those incremental things that slowly you can handle more. Yes. You can handle more. You become stronger. You know, I say in my videos often, you know, homeschooling is not easy and it's never going to get easier, but we get stronger. Yeah. That's, and that's what we have to constantly be striving to become stronger and become a little bit better and a little bit better and a little bit better. You know, I keep saying, you know, my daughter is 18 months old and by the time I graduate her, like I am going to really know what I'm doing. Like I'm going to be really good at it by then. Yeah, I'm going to be excellent. And then I'll be ready to help my kids with their grandkids or with my grandkids. You know, like this is, you know, I'm in this for the long haul. I used to always say to, I don't like to homeschool. I'm just here for the results. But that kind of attitude does not actually yield good results come to find out. So I am, I am on a mission to love homeschooling. I'm on a mission to become a better teacher. I'm on a mission to become a better mom and you know, just a better student in general, you know, like learning all these things and reading all of these things. And you know, learning how to change myself, like it's so important and you know, not just for us, but for our children to see that as well. Yeah. And when your kids see you self-assessing and changing, that is so powerful because that will help them to just also reassess, but to see that you're never, you never make mistakes that are so bad that you can't just change. You can change. Start today and completely make a new habit. Start small. But it's not like once you've done something the wrong way, then it's just over for you and there's no hope. Right. And it's such a good picture of God's grace too. You know, because I mean, obviously we can't accomplish any of this without the Holy spirit, but also, you know, he's not going to drag us kicking and screaming. We have to be ready and we have to be willing and, you know, open to that change or else, you know, you're, you're basically wasting your life if you're just like, you know what? Nope. I, I'm just a yeller. My mom was a yeller. My dad was a yeller. So I'm going to also be, I'm just a yeller. It's just part of who I am. Well, no, like it's an behavior that we can change. And I just feel that way about everything. Like all of this is changeable. We just have to be like willing and open and ready to do the hard stuff to actually make the change. And that's what I love about your message is not letting moms take, make excuses for themselves. We are the ones that are in charge. This is our home. And I think, um, you know, we don't have a boss looking over us. We don't have a principal that we answer to. We are kind of our own boss. So there can be this tendency to fall off one side of the horse or the other and to, um, just stop making excuses for yourself and do the best job for your home, for your family. And I just love that. So what does it look like to run a homeschool that is both disciplined and peaceful? So in order to run a homeschool that is both disciplined and peaceful, it means that mom is in control of herself because we can't be in control of other people until we are in control of ourselves. You know, so it does, it means it, it basically, I love the word clockwork. It runs like clockwork, you know, um, the, the kids know what to expect. They know that when they come downstairs and they still have their pajamas on, mom sends them back up to get their clothes on, like, let's go. You know, they know what to expect because you've been doing it day in, day out. It takes time. I think that that's the big lesson here. It does take time because you do have to make these incremental changes. There are some things that you can across the board just be like, we're not doing this anymore. You know, like you don't have to incrementally stop letting your kids watch five hours of TV a day. You know, you just stop. Yeah. You know, there's stuff like that of course. But, um, you know, it, it just looks like mom knows what she's doing because she's been doing it. She has learned, she has iterated, she's assessing every Friday afternoon at the end of the homeschool day. And she's, you know, there is a little bit of constant change because like we said, this is a living breathing organism that we're attempting to, to juggle here. But it's, it's mom never panicked. It all comes down to mom. Like the kids, you know, like not that the kids aren't important because like they're the whole reason. Right. But their behavior also, that's, that's on you. Like if they are misbehaving, it's because you're not doing your job. Yeah. If they are constantly sneaking out, it's because you're not watching them closely enough or they get away with it or you're on your phone, put your phone down, you know? So all of this stuff, it all comes down to moms. So if you have a peaceful, well-run homeschool that is excellent, it is because you have a mom who knows what she is about and has figured out through iteration and self-assessment and constantly working to get better and better every single week. It's because you have her at the helm. Even if you're not to that point yet where your homeschool actually is excellent, you are headed in that direction and you're going to get there and it's going to be amazing. And the journey is amazing too. Cause you know, when I was going through my, my early person, early morning person journey, I was like, Oh my gosh, I can't believe I've gotten up at 5 45 for this last week. And I was so proud of myself. And you know, this is like last three months that I've been working on this. And now I'm like 5 a.m. I'm so proud of myself, you know? So it's like when you start doing things that you never thought that you'd be able to do before. And I know that there are some women that are watching this right now that have been getting up at 4 a.m. for like decades. And they're like, Oh my gosh, this lady's so funny. But I honestly believed that I could not get better and then I did it. And so what an example to your kids. Yes. And it, it's, it spurs on more change. You know, if you accomplish the thing that you never thought that you'd be able to do, it gives you the confidence to tackle the next thing and the next thing. And so it's, it's just, you know, it is a constantly changing and evolving situation. So it's never going to be a static. This is my excellent homeschool. You know, it's always, that's one lesson I had to learn. I always thought there was this point of arrival and in some ways it is so much easier now. Our homeschool is well run because we've been doing it for so long. And there are, um, our routines are all established. So like you said, people know what to expect. So in some ways it's easier, but there are always circumstances, things that are completely out of my control that happen in the middle of the day. There's no point of arrival. Like I used to always think, Oh, well, once, um, once I don't have babies and toddlers anymore, then we'll have, we'll be at this perfect spot. Well, for us, we always had babies and toddlers or once we're done with this remodeling project, then we'll finally hit this sweet spot. But the thing is that's part of life. There are always things that are happening. And so, yeah, just staying the course and there's, there's no magic place, but you can find that consistent routine that everyone knows what to expect. And I think that is so important. Yes. Can you just tell us again, Ashley, thank you so much. Can you tell us again where people can find you? Yes. So I'm on YouTube. I do two videos a week, most weeks. Um, you can just search my name, Ashley Bufa. Um, and I also have a website, vocational homeschooling.com. Um, and YouTube is really the only social media that I'm doing right now because, you know, I have 11 children and you know, I sign up for way too many things. So, um, you know, maybe one day I'll have something somewhere else, but right now you have to find me on YouTube. Okay. Well, thank you so much. I have really enjoyed this. I love how you're calling moms to excellence. So thank you. Thank you for having me. It was so fun. Thank you for listening today. I hope you were encouraged as I was the gentle reminder to continue to self-assess and look at the way we're doing things, making sure that we're putting daily habits in place, challenging ourselves, being that role model for our children that they can look up to and that challenges them to live with excellence. If you want to hear more from Ashley, head over to her channel and check her out. She has so many great resources for you over there. If this content is encouraging to you, I hope you'll like, and subscribe. I do one video a week on homeschooling encouragement for everyday moms. I'll see you next week.