Why your kid doesn't need a best friend | Dr. Becky and Adam Grant
Every parent asks their kid some version of the same question: “Who’s your best friend?” Adam Grant thinks that’s the wrong thing to be asking, at any age.
Dr. Becky sits down with organizational psychologist Adam Grant to talk about his new book, Vibe, which breaks friendship into four types: associates, allies, pals, and companions. Most of us assume we need one person who’s all of them. Grant’s research says that’s a setup for disappointment, and that kids who are well-liked at school still feel excluded and isolated if they don’t have one “bestie.”
They also get into why it takes about 50 hours, on average, to make a friend (and up to 200 to make a close one), why emotionally intense experiences bond people faster than easy ones, how one awkward conversation about a missed party invite brought a friendship back, and why the person who reacts the biggest in your house usually ends up running it.
Chapters
0:00 – Intro: why best friends are overrated
3:51 – The four types of friends: associates, allies, pals, companions
7:21 – When a friend lets you down
13:21 – Helping kids value a constellation of friends
15:38 – Adam’s story: losing his friend group in middle school
21:23 – How long it takes to make a friend
27:21 – How hard conversations can bring you closer
33:18 – “It’s not you, it’s not me, it’s us”
37:05 – Why hard things build friendships
43:04 – Adam’s biggest takeaway and today’s takeaways
Want more support navigating the moments that test you as a parent? Good Inside gives you the tools and community for that: https://www.goodinside.com/?utm_source=youtube&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=traffic_evergreen&utm_content=description_20261013
Adam Grant is the author of Vibe: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0GPHPNZ14?lv=shuf&channelId=500&plpRedirect=mhFallback
Thank you to Yoto for making this episode possible. Get 15% off your order with the code DRBECKY15 at YotoPlay.com. New customers only, ends October 31, offer valid on select products only. Terms apply.
#goodinside #drbecky #adamgrant #friendship #kidsfriendships #parenting