"I Think You Know The Answer To That"

Brought to you by CHM, a budget-friendly, faith-based alternative to health insurance. chministries.org slash budget. I was calling because I wanted an unbiased opinion. Um, I wanted to know, should my husband and I be responsible for my father-in-law's property taxes? Uh, I think, you know, the answer to that. What do you think? I, I, I do. I think I do too. Um, but I can't seem. Why does anyone think you are? I, I can't seem to convince my husband. Why does anyone think you are responsible for someone else's taxes? Um, so my father-in-law doesn't work. Um, he, I think he has a disability. Um, but I think he can work, um, a little bit to cover his expenses. And how does he eat? I, I don't know how he gets all his money. And like, I think he gets some disability. It's not clear to me. I've asked questions. I don't really get a whole lot of answers. How long has this been going on? How long has your husband insisted on paying these taxes for him? So, um, backstory. Um, his, so his dad's brother used to pay them and, um, he died a couple of years ago. So after he died, um, he started asking my husband to do it. And it was the only, I'm sorry, they, they meaning, um, I'm sorry, his dad, okay, he started asking his son to pay his brother. So he's been doing this. How old is, how old is your father-in-law? He's 60. What's the nature of his disability? Um, diabetes and DOPD. Okay. And, um, and he gets, so he gets a disability check from who do you know? I don't know. I've asked, I've asked the questions. I haven't, how long have you been married? Um, we've been married three years now. Okay. All right. So this started happening after you got married, but for some reason, your husband doesn't think it's any of your business. That's weird. He, he just doesn't like to have these uncomfortable conversations. Yeah. He doesn't like to have a conversation that involves him explaining to his wife, why he's doing something stupid. Yeah. I have that problem too. I don't like explaining to Sharon why I'm doing something stupid. It never comes out. How much is, how much are the property taxes? I mean, they're not crazy. They're, um, about 2,100 a year. And are you guys in debt? We have a car loan. Um, and we have, I can kind of consider it as daycare because it's just so expensive. Um, so we have daycare, what's your, what's your household income? Um, it's about 8,900 a month. And you guys are what? 25 or 26. No, we're 33 and 35. Oh, I missed that one. Um, okay. Um, is your husband the sole heir? No. So, okay. The property is in the deceased. Um, uncle's name and his dad's name. It's like 50 50. Um, but his dad, yes. The he's the only child of his dad. And who's the only child of the uncle? He has, he has a couple of kids. Okay. Um, and his wife is the wife, his widow. Oh, okay. All right. So at this stage of the game, uh, your best, uh, way this turns out is you guys end up owning half of the property, right? So what does your husband do for a living? He is, um, field service technician. Um, he just got a different job in, um, coordinating the field service folks. All right. I have a 10% problem with him spending $2,100 to pay his dad's property taxes in an undefined situation. I have a 90% problem with how he's treating you. Agree. This is disrespectful to you. And don't give me the cop out that he's such a wuss. He can't have a difficult conversation with his own wife. We grow a backbone. Well, yeah, because marriage, there's a lot more difficult conversations than this. So if he can't handle this, then good luck to you. Yeah. Well, um, what I meant was, well, yes, no, that's exactly it. Like it's exactly it. He refuses to talk about it because he's, he knows he's going to lose the argument because he knows he's wrong. And he can't figure out how to weasel his way out of this. And he's more concerned about his daddy's opinion than he is his wife's opinion. This is a bad marriage situation for you. Really, really bad. This makes some really negative comments about the quality of your relationship with your husband and his ability to navigate basic relational. Bear traps. He doesn't know how to work, walk around them. It's either that, or he you've said your piece and he wants to do what he wants to do and he's going to do it. Well, that's also a bad idea. Either way, either way. It's not good. Yeah. The problem is not the $2,100 with what you guys make sure you have a car loan. You can pay that off, but this is really a very small part of your world on a month to month basis. So it's truly not the money on this. It's the relationship. Yeah. It's it's he, you know, you guys can't sit down and talk about this and make a decision. He doesn't even want to look at himself in the mirror on this. Cause it's a really dumb idea. He's paying a hundred percent of the property taxes to get 50% of the property. Hello, maybe if it all goes right and his crazy cousins, don't take him to court and try to get the whole thing later. Because none of these people did a will either. I was going to say sniff that out. This is so screwed up. So now let's say it was all perfect and it was a will and everything else. I'd still tell you to change it. The only way I'm proper paying property taxes on it is I want it in my name. Go ahead and beat it to me. I pay property taxes on property that I own. That's all Jade. I'm not paying your property taxes. I would never ask Dave James. I'm definitely not paying your property taxes, Joe. I might think about it. I'm sick. I'm serious. Come on guys. I know it's just cray cray. So yeah, the big problem though, in this discussion, Penelope is the way he, your husband is treating you and the way you're allowing yourself to be treated. And so you guys got to get down to the bottom of that. And that's the point, right? He's afraid of, if he doesn't pay him, nobody's going to pay him and then they'll lose property. And so that is the solution to this bunch. Figures it out. Exactly. Like you want me to pay them? Deed the whole thing to me. Yeah. And then we had otherwise, otherwise cousin Eddie fess up your hat. Just roll up here in your RV with your part of the 2100 buddy. Cause he got two cousins over there that are getting ready to pick it up. Cause the widow, widow, widow, widow, aunt's not picking up nothing. She's used to the free ride. Oh, free ride is the family script. Oh, and you never questioned the family script in a dysfunctional family, because that might be saying the emperor has no clothes. Oh, we're all crazy. And now we have to talk about it. Oh God, that's what's going on. I know once there's a family dysfunctional family script in place and no one's allowed to argue with the lines. You just say your lines and you stay in your lane. You'd play your part. Even if your part is screwed up and then comes along Penelope. Right. Who comes along worse than that? She called us. There you go. So yeah, guys, uh, these types of confrontational. They don't have to be confrontational. These types of conflicts they have at their core confrontation, discussing uncomfortable subjects is the ability to do that and still remain likable and still remain loving and still remain kind, um, is the sign of a functional family, and it's also a signal of whether you're going to end up with wealth or not, because if you cannot handle and navigate these kinds of things, you're going to be broke all your life, right? And checks for crap that ain't yours. Hello. That's how this works. It works in every family that way, but the families that can figure out a way and the ones that I've observed that can break the old family script and shift and change, it usually has to do with a faith awakening of a key member of the family and they inject Christ into the discussion and they go, we're going to talk about this out loud. We're not going to duck and cover. We're going to be bold and kind and loving, and we're going to be proper and caring, but we're also not going to be a bunch of enablers and act like we can't talk about it. Oh, that one's off limits. Off limits my butt. You're my husband. Christian Healthcare Ministries can save your family hundreds of dollars on healthcare every month. Learn more at chministries.org slash budget.