How to Face Discomfort in the Body

I'd like to talk a little bit about my experience this morning. And it has to do with trying and wanting. So when we were starting with the tingling sensation in the face, I pretty much very quickly was almost overwhelmed by a very strong sensation in the back of my heart area, which I know from previous experiences. Well, it's basically the sensation of the separate self that has its hooks in my body. And in situations like this, for obvious reasons, it gets really strong. So there was like at some point almost like a wall of pain in the back of my head. And then I followed the exploration that we were doing with that rather than the tingling, because it was just absolutely right. And so when I follow this and as much as I can, I let it happen, let it be there. And eventually I come to a point when I can feel the separate self, like I said, trying to do something, trying to get there. It's like this overwhelming longing or yearning for freedom from identification with the separate self, I guess, is what it is. But it's the very thing that keeps me from letting go, eventually. So it's... And then at some point I can, when I'm in this exploration, when I felt into it and I can feel that spot that's this subtle wanting and trying, then my body does something like this. And I've had that for years. And then for a few seconds, I feel like I'm outside of it. I can... I stepped outside of it. But then it pulls me back in. So, and that's been going back and forth. And then when we were relaxing this sensation into the knowing, it was a beautiful feeling, but still there was always this remnant of... And then it makes me think about, it made me think about my mind came in and it was like, well, you know, obviously, you know, I'm here because I'm trying to do something, however subtle it may be. It's almost like in any meditation, in any exploration, it's like there's a little part of me that's trying to do something, that's trying to change the status quo in one way or another because that's why I'm here. You could comment on that. It's very good that this sensation that you describe in the back of the heart area is being provoked by this contemplation. And you're absolutely right to use that sensation rather than the sensation of the face or whatever. But what I feel from what you've described is that you're... You immediately judge this sensation as being... Name this sensation as being an expression of the separate self and you want to get rid of it. That's the problem. That's the only problem, actually. It's that you've made an enemy of the sensation. And everything you do from then on is going to make it worse. So you find yourself in this kind of double bind where you want to get rid of it, but everything you do to get rid of it just makes it worse. Yes, that's exactly what's happening. Yes. So it's very simple. Befriend the sensation. Instead of the habitual response, this is uncomfortable, this is bad, this needs to be got rid of. Take the opposite approach. Be happy that this residue of the separate me has been flushed out of one of its favourite hiding places, that heart area, and has been exposed and totally allow it, invite it to come even closer. Turn around, face it. Instead of saying, you're my enemy, I want to get rid of you. Say to it, you've been there, buried in my heart most of my life. I don't even really know you. I've been so busy trying to get rid of you, or at least trying to suppress or avoid you, that I don't really know what you are. So totally open the door. Let it come, be interested in it. Befriend it. Yes, thank you. And to maybe go along with a little further, that's what I've been doing, and sometimes successfully. Hang on, hang on. When you say successfully, this little desire to get rid of it has crept in again. Yes, I was just going to talk about that a little more. Because as much as I consciously can, what I'm trying to say is, I try to face it, I try to do that, but it's like there's a part that is not in my control. And then you try to welcome it and befriend it in order to get rid of it. Yes, exactly. And you know what I'm talking about, obviously, so... There's a very simple test. And that is to test whether or not you're really allowing the sensation, or whether you're allowing it with a secret agenda to kill it as soon as, to get rid of it. And the test is this, you ask yourself, could I live with the sensation for the rest of my life? And the answer must be yes. The answer is no. And somebody else asked the exact same question before. Perfect, perfect. That's good that you see the answer is no, because the question exposes your agenda with the sensation. That's good, you're honest. You say, no, to be honest, I don't want this sensation. So then turn around and face the sensation again. And go on facing it, go on with this process of facing it, allowing it, asking yourself the question, could I really, am I totally at peace with it? Until you get a genuine yes, and it's not just as you've discovered, it's not just, oh, yes, okay, now I'm going to welcome the sensation. Okay, I can live with it for the rest of my life. It's not like that. It takes time. There are layers. First of all, there'll be a no, I can't. And then the no will get softer. And you keep doing it. It's a process. It takes time. And it's good that you don't too readily say, oh, yes, I can live with this for the rest of my life, because it takes some time. There is such a habit in us, such a deeply ingrained habit in us of rejecting, suppressing, avoiding these uncomfortable sensations that that habit is not just got rid of through understanding, oh, yes, I just have to welcome my experience. In practice, it takes time. Go there again and again and again. And the no, the no, I don't want this, will get thinner and thinner. It will dissolve gradually. Thank you.