STOP FORCING IT! IF THE EFFORT IS ONE-SIDED, LET THE SHIP SINK!

I propose a New Year's resolution, or at least add it to the one that you got. This year, we ain't enforcing nothing. We're not begging when somebody don't want to do they part. We letting the ship sink if they don't want to do they part. We not trying to be one-sided in our efforts. This year, if it ain't working because two people are not putting in work, we walking away. If you in agreement, put amen. This year, we not forcing nothing. People that want to walk away, we letting them walk away. People that want to give up, we letting them give up. People that don't care enough to try, we be cool. People that want to go ghost, we leaving them in the afterlife. People that don't want to put forth effort, let them be lazy somewhere else. Put amen down in the chat if you with me with that. Some people so afraid to set a New Year's resolution. This is about a new life. New year, new life. New year, best life. We not forcing nothing no more. We not on that no more. That's over with. I can tell you as a man, especially if he wanted to, he would. If he wanted to, he would. This is why you see a lot of men that go from one relationship, and they were so dumb, and they were so mentally unstable, and they were so traumatic or childhood traumatized. They were so busy. They were so trying to get money, but then they get in the next relationship, and they got all the capacity, romantic creativity. They got all the maturity. They got all of the pride in showing a woman off. Come on, we not doing that no more, sisters. We not doing that no more. Yes, if you just saw me post, I'm doing a live master class on Saturday at noon. That's noon central, 1 p.m. eastern time. Matter of fact, let me make sure I make that time correct. But yeah, we not forcing nothing no more. We good on that. Oh, it says two. I'm about to change this, because whenever you are sitting there asking a man to do this and do that, I'm going to tell you right now, you're not going to get his best effort. If you have to tell a man to do every little thing for you, you're not going to get anything other than the bare minimum. You're not going to get anything other than the bare minimum. If you sitting there saying to this man, I want you to plan dates, I want you to be romantic, I want you to consider me sexually, don't just consider yourself, consider me sexually. If you have to tell that man to do all of that stuff, I guarantee you he's going to do just enough so that you stop asking him. He's never going to do enough where you're actually satisfied. That make sense to anybody? Tell me if you've ever been in that situation. You ask a man to clean the house or wash the dishes or whatever, and what, are you really satisfied with the quality of work that he put in? You ask a man to talk, communicate, start the conversation sometimes, don't leave it up to you to ask about his day all the time. He's going to do what? The bare minimum, and then he's going to pull back. It's only going to last a high second. We not forcing nothing this year. A lot of y'all are burnt out now because you've been trying to force something that should have been done a long time ago. A lot of y'all sitting here wondering if you worth a person's best effort because you've gotten so used to and you've allowed a new normal to be created with somebody who made it seem like he just didn't understand. You were forcing it. A lot of y'all get quote unquote mistreated, and it is mistreatment, don't get me wrong. You feel neglected. You feel taken for granted because you are, because you're trying to force somebody to act right. You can't teach a man what's not in him. Happy New Year's by the way, but let me tell you something, this ain't going to be no happy new year if you still stuck in the same old pattern. If you're afraid to get rid of that person that's giving you bare minimum. I don't care if it's sexual, I don't care if it's financial, I don't care what it is. If you notice that this man can find capacity and he can find priority for everything else in his life to give the best of himself, but whenever you ask for it, you're the problem or he's late or he continues to procrastinate or he continues to act like it's just the worst thing in the world to have to see to your needs and make it clear to you through his actions that he wants to take care of you. I'm telling you right now, you're forcing it. I don't care what it is, I don't care what it is. You asking him to plan dates and all of a sudden he's bad at planning. Why he ain't so bad at planning when his car need maintenance? Why he ain't so bad at planning when the game going to come on? You ever notice that the man be so bad at planning until it's time to watch his game and what time it come on and then he going to be there early? He going to be at the bar on time? He going to be there an hour or two hours early? He ain't bad at planning when it's something he want to do. You know what I'm saying? Like, I'm so bad at planning. I'm just that plan. I wish you would just plan. Why can't you just plan? I just pay for it. No. He can plan his haircut. He could be there when the new Jays drop. Don't just want to put it in perspective. For those of y'all who been buying those excuses about man being bad at planning, men ain't never good at planning. We just like to pay for stuff. He plan everything else. So if he ain't investing that same strategic energy into you, take it for what it is. Bad at planning. You could be bad at planning by how he's so good at planning in other areas of his life. I'm not saying he can't be bad at planning. If I'm bad at planning, he bad at planning, it don't matter. If you notice that in other areas of his life, he planned just fine. No, you know, I got my boys said they hanging out this weekend. Hold on. Wait, you might have planned out. You didn't plan. You plan it quite effectively to make sure you got time and energy and space on your calendar to go hang out with the boys. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? The club going to be packed or the club going to be XYZ this weekend. That's some planning that takes to be ready for that. I got to go get gas. I got to go make sure I had planned this weekend. I was going to make sure so I got to keep that little money in my account. That's planning, sir. But when it comes to a date with you, when it comes to money, he could set aside to get you something nice. All of a sudden, he's so bad at planning. Y'all ever noticed that? B.S. Exactly. We not forcing nothing no more. Please understand. He got phone anxiety when it comes to responding to your messages, responding to your DM's, calling you back, making reservations or whatever it is. He got phoning. He don't be by his phone. He don't do. He don't do this, that and the other. Well, how he follow all those girls on his Instagram. How he follow 2,000 Instagram models. 1,500 Instagram models. How he follow all of these girls if he hate using his phone. He never be by his phone. He really don't be tripping on his phone like that. You asking that man to hit you back, contact you back in a reasonable time, text you back, call you back in a reasonable hour. All of a sudden, he don't use his phone. But he being every girl likes. Good thing you can't see the story likes and the story views. He being all of that. He use his phone then. I left it in the truck, Tammy says. I did. I left it. I did. No, you didn't. He might forget to brush his teeth. He ain't going to forget that phone. Just keeping it real. And anything you do to go against it, like, yo, I'm not saying a man supposed to just guess your love language or know what's wrong with you. Like there are times where you need to communicate to that man. Let him know what's on your mind. No doubt about it. But stop trying to teach these men the bare minimum basics. That's you forcing it. If he wouldn't do it. Without you raising it as a big issue or without you complaining, begging, nagging, etc. He don't want to do it. You want to tell him one time and make it clear to him how important it is. Fine. After that, you beg him. Asking for something more than once is very close to begging. And I ain't saying have so much pride, you're not willing to communicate what you want and need. Again, there's a difference, but it's the bare minimum. All you're going to get is the bare minimum. He's going to do just enough to say that he did it. He ain't good with dates, special occasions. He ain't good with that. He can't remember every single date. I used to be one of them. Oh, I don't remember dates. I'm like, dang, how do I remember the lyrics to my favorite songs so much? How do I remember steps of the last basketball game? I had to check myself. And the dude you're dealing with ain't no different. He don't remember every little thing that you say. He don't remember every little thing. Because he don't care. If he wanted to, he would. And I'm not saying that you... Look, have some grace. If that man is showing up great in all of the areas of life and relationship, yeah, he may have an area where he tripping, he slipping or whatever. As long as he's accountable, have grace with him. I'm talking about those who have made it a broken record to assuage and pacify you with all of these excuses as to why they won't do something that you made it clear you want done. There you go, Takora. They're making all these excuses, I'm telling you now. At that point, when you start accepting excuses and try to overcompensate with your effort to overcome the free will, he will not engage to do what you're asking him to do or make any type of progress, you're forcing it. This year, we're not forcing nothing else. We're not doing that this year. It can only be a new year, a truly new year, if you do something different to get something different. You accepting the same old excuses is just going to be a repeat year. Ain't no new year. 2025, just repeat 2022, 2023, 2024, etc. Jackie said he's an angry black. She said he says you're an angry black woman. Oh, yeah, that's just dismissiveness. That's just dismissiveness. Oh, he don't know how he grew up. His daddy didn't express a lot of affection, so he don't know how to say that he love you and tell you how he feel about you. He don't know how to express, brother. You express when you horny. He expressed that. Correct me if I'm wrong. When that man wants something, don't he express it? He'll speak every body language, every language he got. He'll find it. He'll find some words or nonverbal communication. He'll figure out a way to say what he want when he want it. Welcome back, Chelsea. He'll figure out a way. Oh, I just don't express. I just don't say it like that. You know, you supposed to just know I love you from this. No, brothers. You got to speak to the queen of your woman every day. You got to speak. You got to speak how you feel every day. The love that you told her you got for her or the love that you told her you felt for her or the appreciation that you told her you had for her last month. That don't count. You got to get up every day and earn her. I know it sounds like, oh, that's so much. No, it ain't because how often do you want that woman to show up for you? Well, showing up for you what is she going to pour if you leaving her empty? Riddle me that. What is she going to pour into you if you are leaving her empty? And she supposed to just keep on surviving off of last month's deposits. And, you know, when y'all first got together's deposits. You can craft your favorite rhyme and rap and you can craft all of these excuses. You get caught in some nonsense. You get the most creative liar ever. You just don't know how to express affection and you just lost for words. She supposed to just know that you feel it. No, she's supposed to have undeniable, consistent proof and evidence of how you feel. Y'all correct me if I'm wrong. If I'm speaking facts, tell me I'm speaking facts. Some men have a hard time being vulnerable. As a man, I'm going to tell you he's vulnerable. I do understand. I also understand if as a woman, you've done something to make that very unsafe and scary for him. Absolutely. However, when it consistently shows up as far as his scared of vulnerability, fear of vulnerability. If it consistently presents itself when there's nothing in it for him versus when he wants something from you, he's vulnerable. When he's horny, he's vulnerable. When he wants to get out of something he did wrong, he's very vulnerable by all the excuses and ways he was raised wrong and things that he felt that you never cared about and you never stopped him from doing the nonsense that he did when it's to get out of something or when it's to get into your pants or when it's to whatever the case, he's very vulnerable. If that's the case, you got to be real with yourself. Don't let a man mental health and emotional safe space his way out of accountability. He'll do it. Yeah, we're going to talk about that this Saturday too. Noon. 12 Central 1 PM Eastern Standard Time. We're going to talk about it. How to steer clear of commitment foes. This is only a tip of the iceberg for men who are truly just commitment foes. Even if they get in a relationship and call it a relationship, they'll lack commitment within the relationship in terms of how they show up just like this. Oh, he's so busy. He's so busy. But he on top of all the new episodes of his favorite show, he's so busy but he find a way to get that new video game. He's so busy. So tied up. But he work out all the time. 24 hours in a day. Everybody got the same 24. I promise you we make time for what's important to us. Jennifer Justice says, is it fair to ask your man to see his phone call log or messages if he has not been honest? First off, he already ain't been honest. So I'm guessing if you caught him not being honest, he probably did something else dishonest to cover up what you might see. Now, I say yes, you should be able to ask and pay attention to how he responds. Because any man, I'm not saying any man that's innocent is just going to be cool with getting stopped and frisked. But again, if you're dealing with a man and your security is his priority, especially if he's done something, any kind of lie, to threaten that security that you might feel, he's not going to have a problem with you seeing his phone if he's not doing nothing. Here you go. The fact that you even told me is good. We straight. As long as you tell me, we cool. Because you ain't doing nothing sneaky. All I ask is that you don't go on me and my mama's messages or me and the person's messages that they don't know you and they shared something. But other than that, you can ask questions or whatever. If that man is truly honest and faithful, he'll have no problem. If he's hiding something, no, you shouldn't have to go through my phone. What you going to go through my phone for? You don't trust me? Well, you might as well just go ahead and leave. I ain't worried about you going through my phone. You just got to be prepared to accept the truth of whatever comes from that situation. But yes, you should be able to ask to go through his phone especially if it's already been confirmed he's lied about something. Yeah, don't go for no other excuse. If he already caught in a lie, if he really cares about you, he's going to look for opportunities to re-secure you in a relationship. That being one of them. If he's truly honest. If he's truly honest. If not, you're going to hear it. Honestly, it's not that that man doesn't know what he wants or he's in between his last relationship and he's just trying to make sure he takes it slow or whatever else. And so, that's why he's just so slow to do things and that's why he's taking his time to do things. If he wanted to, he would. At the end of the day, if he wanted to, he would. He knows exactly what he wants. And if it's not you, then he'll give you indecision on his end to keep you from making the decision to leave. You see, I'm going to talk about this on this live class on Saturday at noon. But when a man wants to be on the market for whoever while keeping you off the market, he'll do so with indecision. And indecision can look a few different ways. It can look like, I don't know, I'm just trying to figure it out right now. It can look like, I'm just overwhelmed, I definitely want you and I want to, to do everything that you ask him, but life is life. It can also look like, well, I'm just trying to get this money up, so then I'm going to do this, and I just want to do it in the right order, so that way, when it happens, it's right. Whether there's a commitment, whether it's a thing that you need from him, whether it's a certain amount of capacity that you need. The same still applies. If he wanted to, he would. Would it be immediately? but you would be able to see tangible progress towards that goal, if whatever it is he could have with you was truly important enough. Please don't use this to manipulate a strong-armed man into doing anything, but if you notice that you're consistently putting forth a certain level of effort and making him a certain level of priority in your day, in your life, to make those sacrifices in this one-sided because he's not, that's a problem. That's a problem. And like I said, that also tells me he's likely a commitment phobe. Commitment phobes are one of the biggest time-wasters in the world. In 2025, y'all need to realize there's a group of men who love not committing to anybody while getting everything they want from you. I want to keep it real with y'all. We're going to talk about that. That's for the deep dive, okay? So if you want to get on that conversation, it's a free live masterclass this Saturday, one-time live event. Register down at the link I pinned it down in the comments section. The commitment phobe. Not commitment phobe. Phobe. That means he's afraid of true commitment. He's afraid of the version of himself he has to become in order to commit. He's afraid of being accountable to commitment. He's afraid of admitting he wants to fruits, he wants to milk without buying a cow. He's afraid of losing his options so he never wants to make a choice. Those men will waste the best years of your life if you don't know the red flags I'm going to show on this live masterclass. Saturday at noon. I'll put the link down in the comments. Make sure you register. It's only going to be one-time and one-time only live event. Moral of the story is this, my sisters, a man will move mountains for what matters to him. A man will move mountains for what matters to him. So if he won't do nothing for you, if you constantly getting mole hills, I hope that this conversation has made all of that confusion turn right into the clarity you need to choose you. Finally, because the man who's wasting your time, he's definitely choosing him. If you agree with anything that I just said, hit the share button so we can spread this truth to more people. Can't do it without you. And if you want more, excuse me, if you want more like this, if you want a deep dive into the topic of how to steer clear of commitment folds all 2025, I'm going to expose every red flag in secret strategy, commitment folds used to waste the time of good women on the live masterclass this Saturday, this Saturday. I don't know what the date is. Y'all tell me the date, January 4th, this Saturday, 12 p.m. Central, 1 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. I'll put the link down in the comment section. I pinned it right here at the bottom. It's also in a caption. You back out.