How to overcome anxiety and overthinking in relationships

Hi, Juliana here. Welcome to a new episode in the Energetics of Happy Relationships podcast. And I feel excited to have you here. Today, we will talk about how to overcome anxiety and overthinking in dating and relationships. And I know this is something a lot of you are aware of, how you are overthinking and how that may even cause potentially a disconnect with your partner. But there are also a lot of you who do not know that you're overthinking and maybe do not even know that you are actually experiencing anxiety and how anxiety impacts you in the way you show up or the person you are with. So in this episode, we will dive into both for those of you who will discover the topic first time, and also for those of you who have been researching and learning and working towards overcoming their dating anxiety and overthinking. And the way we'll approach it is from an energetic perspective, like everything else we do here. If you don't know me that well, my name is Juliana Joy. I'm a dating and relationship coach and an energy healer with a decade of experience. And I had the luck to touch the lives of thousands of women so far and teach them how to shift their energy. And yes, overthinking, anxiety have a massive impact on your energy, and they have a massive impact on the energy you send towards your partner. And that impacts the ability to connect and to build a relationship. So it's that quick and easy to explain the chain of reactions, but we will dive into greater detail today and we will deconstruct all of that. Literally a few hours before I'm recording this episode, I finished a coaching session of my own where I was the client. Like most people who are helping others, we are also getting help and we are non-stop working on ourselves and deepening our own reflections and understanding so that we can lead people and take them places in terms of their own emotions. And I got a few realizations after that session that I actually want to share with you today, and especially I would like to show you how your healthy feminine works with your healthy masculine, how they together eliminate the uncertainty and anxiety, and how out of that balance you expand in terms of what your soul wants and in terms of what you desire, which in our context is how you build a relationship. And if we think of what is the actual problem we have, and this is, for example, you are with somebody and you're not exactly sure where you're standing with him. Maybe you don't have the title, maybe he is just not seeing you as often as you would like to, maybe he just literally told you he's not sure or he wants to take things slow. And if you are in that situation where you just do not feel like everything is perfect in your relationship, and if you're looking to what do you do in the situation, you're probably doing one of those few things. Number one, you may be looking for answers and solutions in the internet, in a podcast, with your therapist, or with another program. And actually this is amazing because you want to expand, you want to learn, and you want to find a way that works for you. However, when you focus too much into learning, which as such is great, but when you do that in order to feel better because you're not sure what's going on, what you're actually practicing is hiding. You are actually shutting down your ability to notice what's going on for you. And this is a mistake a lot of the insightful seekers tend to do. And I know in the community here we have a lot of insightful seekers. If you don't know, if you are, you can take the quiz which is in the show notes under that video and then learn what's your archetype and how to attract a man. But this is something a lot of insightful seekers are doing. Another thing we usually do is we start thinking through all possible outcomes. For example, okay, he told me let's take things slow, right? And yes, he said, I like you, but I want to take things slow. And in this case, your mind goes, okay, is there another woman? What slow means? I don't want to wait for five years. Is he actually trying to reject me? Am I investing myself without receiving anything in return? Am I on the right place? Should I move on? You know, all of those questions and those alternative pathways from that situation start spinning in your mind and you start exploring all of those options as a potential outcome and weighing them, comparing them, making it about you like what would I do if that would happen and so on. And this is so quick way you jump into the actual overthinking. And again, when you do the overthinking, what actually you're practicing is you're moving away from the real deal, which is, hey, he just told me I like you, but let's take things slow. How do I relate to that actual message? We're completely jumping over the actual question and going into all the versions and the possibilities into thinking through that. Another way we can deal with that, or some of us are dealing with this, is by trying to convince him, trying to tell him, okay, I understand you're not sure, I understand you want to take things slow, but I'm 40 and I'm ready and you will never find an amazing woman like me again. And we start explaining them why actually they're taking a mistake. And I certainly am guilty of that in the past. And this comes from a place where we just see the potential of the relationship. We see how amazing fit we are. And we also see that this man is maybe a little bit overwhelmed with life or a little wounded and afraid. And we just want to help him bridge the gap for himself by giving him a great logical argument why we actually should be together and not taking things slow. And when we practice those things, we are actually not being in a good energy because this is not an action that is aligned with us. And what I experienced in that coaching session earlier today was I could literally feel into what was going on for me. And I could feel my worry, which I would label as anxiety, was taking over so much of my attention, of my energy, and of my thinking process that I literally was not able to feel the energy of expansion, which was also in me and would not have noticed that if I would not show up for that coaching session and had somebody hold my hand and guide me through the steps so that I can really see what's going on with myself. I would probably have just continued operating in that mode, which is more or less a constant state of being worried and anxious. And of course, I know that a lot of women are living for years in that mode, which is not a healthy normal. This causes all kinds of health topics like stomach issues, eating disorders, hormonal issues, female health issues. If we stay in that state, like a regular unconsciously driven state for years, this literally will ruin both your emotional and physical health. And of course, not all of us stay in that state for very long. Sometimes we just have periods. Sometimes we have life events, and sometimes we have just a man or a relationship that puts us into that state. And in my case, it's just overall life, the way it has been developing in the last months. But what I noticed there was when I focus on my body and when I stop everything and listen to what's going on for me, I was able to notice how the energy of expansion, which is such a beautiful, nice, high vibration energy, was not being activated because of this huge energy of worry in my stomach and belly area. And now the interesting thing is, once I was able to process that stuck anxiety, which has been stuck over a few months now, what happened next is I was able to literally unlock visually that energy of expansion, and the vibration of that energy is really high. So if we just translate that, what would that mean to you in the context of dating a man is when you practice thinking through or being worried, which is anxious, or trying to convince him, what actually you're practicing is you're literally not listening to yourself, you're not listening to your heart, not listening to your soul and to your body. Earlier this week, I recorded for the women in the Bring Him Closer experience a nice 10-minute guided journey to put a direct link between your heart and your mind so that your mind can start hearing to your heart. And this is exactly how we want to start practicing in order to notice what's going on for us. Because if you don't notice, you cannot take action. Once you know it, it's easy to specifically look for solutions, get a coach, get a program, do some meditations. There are tons of options what you can do once you know it. But if you do not know it, you have no chance by fixing it. And if there is nobody in your surroundings who can call you out, then you can operate in that for a very, very long time. So this is what happened for me. And from there, this is really the interesting thing. I was able to unlock that energy. As I said, it's a high vibrational energy, which I'll come in a second, it's a masculine energy. And then after I let it flow, of course, I felt better. I felt calmer. I felt way more optimistic. But what I also started noticing is there was a heaviness and sadness that started creeping in, which was not to be expected, right? We expect, oh, I will process that thing and now I will flow and I will be perfect and everything will be great. Which is, however, the way our bodies are connected with our souls and with our energy is a very multi-layer connection. So usually when you open one door, then you see there is a next door to open. And this is exactly what happened for me. So I could notice a really deep sadness somehow is overwhelming me. And this is, again, a challenge for so many women to allow the unpleasant feelings to be. The easiest thing is to not feel them, to do a meditation so that I can feel better, or I will journal now and after I journal, I'll feel better. Yes, you may, but you have to actually do the work in terms of how you feel. So what I did is sat with that sadness and allow the sadness to be for a while. And from there, the sadness started transforming into grounding. And my personal aha moment was how through the sadness, I was able to ground myself in a way that a regular grounding exercise or meditation or yoga will never do. And this grounding comes with a very heavy grounding energy. It's not the emotionally heavy energy. And this heaviness brings certain stability because it flows slower than the expansion energy, which is the higher ride. When it flows slower, it really holds you to the ground. It slows your perception of time. And when that happens is you really have the opportunity to step aside and look at your situation, which would be your relationship. And my realization in that moment was that actually this is a form of our true feminine energy. Because if we speak about the more perception of masculine and feminine energy, the masculine is the universal or the God energy, which comes from above. The feminine is the energy from the earth, from Gaia, which is way more grounded and way more thick and heavy. The good heavy, not the bad heavy. And when they connect, they have this beautiful interplay together. And I believe in that. I come from energy work. I have seen that. I have felt, I absolutely believe this is true. And what I realized is this energy of expansion is a masculine type of energy. And this energy of sadness, which gave me this beautiful sense of being grounded and feeling safe with myself, came from beneath. It was the earthy energy, which is this very deep feminine energy. And the thing is, and I think this is, for example, the radiant feminines, they completely misunderstand that. When we talk about, oh, feminine energy, polarity, and I want to be more feminine, we forget that actually we need the universal energy from above. We need the masculine energy in our lives. And you need to have it in a balance, of course, but it needs to be present in you, in your body, in your mind, in your everyday life, so that you can really achieve things. Because energy of expansion, at the end of the day, is energy that gets things done. So if you want to have a promotion, this is your energy. If you want to move houses, this is your energy. If you want to conceive, you need the energy of expansion. And just striving towards being more feminine and being only in my feminine energy will literally cut away from you all those opportunities you need in your life in order to feel balanced and happy and safe. And you need to feel balanced and happy and safe in order to be in a happy relationship. Do you agree with me? So this is where we want to have those two beautiful energies, which is the groundedness, the safety, the steadiness within me, plus my healthy masculine. Because if you think of a dating app, you have to open that dating app. You have to make a compelling profile. You have to put a description about you. Doing that. Do you hear the doing words and the doing verbs here? You have to do this. You have to put it. You have to open it up. All of that is masculine energy. So darling, if you are a radiant feminine, my message to you is to not make the mistake to try to reject the masculine. Masculine is good. And if you're not sure if you're radiant feminine or insightful seeker or natural leader, you better take the quiz so you know it's in the show notes. And another idea which I really, really want to share with you from that experience is how I was able to access this true, beautiful, grounding feminine energy through my sadness. How interesting, isn't it? And if you think of our body, soul and mind connection, mind for me is our spirit or God or the universe, whatever you believe in. If you think of that connection, our soul is the ultimate love. Our soul vibrates here just to come and connect with our souls and have fun and get our experience and comes from a place of love. Our spirit has a bigger plan for us. And our body is the one that holds the ego mind. Our body is the one that holds the pain, the physical and the emotional and also experiences all the yucky feelings we have and we don't want to have like anger, shame, fear, sadness and anxiety is the overall term for all of them. And how interesting I was able to access this feminine energy through my body, through the yucky feelings. And this is something which in so many teachings I literally miss, especially in the context of how to have a happy relationship, how to date successfully, how to call in your soulmate. All of that is so great and important and we need the practical side of it, which is make a compelling dating profile, know how to text with a man, know what to say, know your boundaries, practice boundaries, all of that highly practical level. We need it. But what we also need is this deeper level of ability to be in the right energy space. And very often getting into the right energy space goes through unblocking stuck emotions. And most of the cases, the stuck emotions are not the happy ones, the yucky ones. And this is what we do inside the Bring Him Closer experience, intensively, because you have to have the practical level in order, in check, but you also have to have this deeper level in order to be in that beautiful, compelling energy that will attract a really, really good man. But for now, what I want you to understand is that you really have to attend that layer. It's pretty important. And if you think of the man you date or a different man you're dating, or if you have just one partner, you may notice that either your partner started improving in time, or the man you attract on a dating app started being a better quality man, quote unquote. And this is, at the end, just a reflection of where are you in terms of your vibration, in terms of your energy. And as you listen to that episode today, you clearly understand that the practical level impacts our energy, but also this deeper level impacts our energy too. And men are feeling that. They feel it through your pictures on a dating profile. If it's your partner, if you're living together, oh my god, he feels that, even if you're in another room. Even if you broke up with your partner and you're in a long-distance after-breakup situation where you're not seeing each other, they still feel your vibration, because on a soul level, we're all connected. So for them, just because they knew you, because you had a connection, they really can tune into you and feel you. And that's why very often somebody asks, well, if we're not speaking to each other, how can I attract him with my energy? Well, this is the way. You know, when you work with your energy, they feel it even without contact and even in distance. And this is something where I just want you to be aware that if there is one thing you want to be working on, this is actually your energy and all the different variables that are impacting your energy. So I hope this is a great takeaway for you. I would love to hear what resonates with you. In the show notes, you will see the link to my Instagram. The handle is JulianaJCoach. DM me and I really, really want to know what are your takeaways, what resonates with you, and I will see you in the next episode. Bye-bye.